Fallen Angel (Gabriel and Kadie Book 1)

by Tamsin Baker

  I stepped up closer to Kadie’s face, staring into her eyes and squeezing her hands. Willing my strength into her. I knew she was right. I knew she was strong. But even the strongest could be taken down. It was all within the power of God. Please, God, help her. Please. I beg of you. I will do whatever you ask of me, if only Kadie and my child would survive.

  “Please don’t die on me,” I couldn’t help saying aloud. I pressed my lips together, wishing I could take the words back. I wanted to be strong for Kadie, but it would seem as though I was the weaker of us. I should not have been surprised by this. Kadie was much stronger than I was and always had been.

  Kadie managed a strained laugh, her red face dotted with sweat, blood rushing to her face and making her look red and winded. Her lips pulled up into a strange grimace. “Not planning on it,” she said. “Especially since you went to all the trouble to save me from...from... Gah!”

  She broke off again and began bearing down, pushing and panting. Her face grew darker red and contorted as she willed her body into submission. I wanted to laugh but didn’t. How did she have this power over me? How could she make me laugh when she was going through all of this pain? Who was this wonderful creature? How had I been blessed to walk in the same space as she was? It made no sense to me. Perhaps it wasn’t supposed to.

  I glanced over at Tabitha, who was concentrating on the place between Kadie’s legs. I still felt like I was doing nothing. I could not even say the right things in order to calm her down. Instead, I felt as though she was coddling me, wanting to make sure I was the one who would be okay instead of her. I felt like a fool.

  What can I do? I asked Tabitha. I needed guidance. I had no idea what I was doing. I needed orders. Orders I could follow.

  “Talk to me.” Kadie yelled, her voice gravelly and deep. She was not even looking at me at this point.

  Talk to her? That I could do.

  “You were incredibly brave today, my beautiful girl,” I said. I wasn’t sure where to start but the words fell out of my mouth as though they were fighting amongst each other to get out. “I couldn’t believe you were still alive when I arrived.”

  “I... Ah...” Kadie was past talking and strained to push.

  Keep talking.

  “You are such a wonderful woman.” I began to rub her shoulder, hoping it was helping. From my limited knowledge, some women appreciated the comfort while others did not want to be touched by their partners. She had yet to yell at me about touching her, so I continued. “I can’t believe after all this time alone, I found you. It feels like destiny, like this was meant to happen.”

  Kadie panted and looked up at me. “But what about...about...her?”

  Her? Oh...Teramea.

  I felt a bucket of cold water dumped over me. How could Kadie remember her during this time? And yet, I could not blame her. I shared my past with Kadie, and I was honest about it. I told her how much that person from my past meant to me. She was the reason I was here on earth in the first place. In a strange way, she was the indirect reason I met Kadie. If I had not felt so strongly for her, I never would have met my little Witch.

  I could never hate Teramea for that reason alone. But that did not mean I had any sort of feeling for her any longer. In fact, I had not thought of her in a long, long time.

  “I don’t dream of her anymore,” I said honestly. “She’s in the past, forever gone. Now it’s only you. Please don’t leave me, Kadie.”

  I wasn’t supposed to say the last part out loud. Still, I could not help it. I have better self-control than this. And yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Kadie would die giving birth to this child. I did not know why. It was simply a feeling I had. Sometimes, my feelings were accurate. Other time, they were not. I thought I would die in that castle saving Kadie, and I had not. Even so, I could not shake it. And although I wanted a child very much—more than I had ever thought—it was not worth the cost of my little Witch’s life.

  I let out a breath and closed my eyes. I continued to pray in my head. I did not mean to take anything away from this joyous moment, but prayer was important. It hadn’t been before, but it was now.

  As an Angel, the ability to reproduce was a foreign concept. A human thing. Something I had never acknowledged I was envious of.

  But now...now I would know what being a parent was like. I would know what it’s like to have something so precious, so fragile, that would bring me to my knees. My entire life was altered. My entire goal shifted to protection. I could not help but yearn for this experience.

  “I can see the head,” Tabitha announced.

  From where I stood, I could only see Tabitha’s shoulders hunched over the widespread sheet between Kadie’s legs. However, I felt as though my heart had wings. This was a good sign. Granted, I had never heard of such a fast delivery. I refused to let myself get swept away in the negative possibilities of what this could possibly entail, what it might mean for Kadie, for our child. I would just have to remain steadfast in my faith that this was all meant to be. That this was a work of God, no matter how strange, and that this would work out in a positive light.

  “Bear down a bit more,” she continued. “Breathe, Kadie. Good girl. You’re doing great.”

  Tabitha was saying all the right things and I didn’t know what else to do. I let out a breath, my grip on Kadie tightening. When I realized my fingertips were digging into her skin – something she didn’t even notice because of the pain she was currently enduring – I loosened my grip. I hope I didn’t leave any bruises on her. I did not like to feel such nervousness but it could not be helped.

  I pressed my lips to Kadie’s feverish forehead and sent up a bargaining prayer to the Almighty.

  I’ll do another thousand years of penance, anything you want. Just please, don’t take either of them from me.

  I wanted a simple kiss to be enough. I wanted to convey my pride at her strength and her endurance, I wanted to be able to say all the right things to ensure that she knew how much I admired her for her conviction. Instead, I hoped my touch was enough to do that.

  “Argh!” Kadie collapsed back against the pillows, spent. Sweat licked her forehead and her eyes were barely open. Her face was red from the amount of effort it took to push a living human out of her body. If anything, it looked like she was a marshmallow with no bones, her limbs limp. I looked around for a wash cloth to dab her sweat with, to cool her down, when a thin cry stopped me.

  I turned around and there he was. My heart stopped beating. For the moment, there was nothing else that existed save for me and my son. I did not think this would be me. I did not think it was even possible for me to possess a child bearing my likeness, who could possibly inherit my legacy. And yet, here he was, real and solid and breathing. Glisteningly perfect. Covered in smears of blood and still connected to his mother. His little cries were like songs singing directly to my soul. I longed to reach out, to take him in my arms, but I faltered. I could stare down demons without a problem, but for some strange reason, looking at my son, holding such a fragile creature, scared me more than I ever thought was possible.

  Tabitha snipped, then tied the cord off and wrapped him up in a towel she must have grabbed when Kadie initially went into labor. I must have been so preoccupied with Kadie that I did not notice.

  “Take him,” she said and turned back to Kadie.

  Again, I hesitated. This was what I wanted. Every instinct inside of me wanted to reach out and take him in my arms and hold him tightly against my skin. But I was scared I might unknowingly harm him in some way. I did not know if I was going to be good at being a father. A warrior, I was certain of.

  This?

  I did not know. And I did not want to ruin my son in my ignorance.

  “Oh, for goodness’ sake,” Tabitha snipped. “Take your son, Gabriel. You will not harm him. I must attend to Kadie.”

  I put out my arms, knowing Tabitha was right, and suddenly my child was here.

  He was perfect. Human in appe
arance, I couldn’t see any signs of his paranormal origins. A good thing. He was surprisingly warm and fit perfectly in the crook of my elbows. I felt stilted for a moment as I got used to his weight – so light, almost like he wasn’t there. I wanted to hold him tight but I was afraid I might crush him.

  He stared up at me with big, blue eyes, curious as to who I was. I did not see fear in his eyes, though. He was trying to figure out just who I was and what that meant for him. My lips quirked up at the sight. My son, an observer already.

  “Come on, Kadie.” Tabitha gently attempted coaxing Kadie out of her exhaustion. “Open your eyes. Meet your son.” I could hear the worry in her tone. My heart skipped and I turned to look at my little, brave, strong Witch. I could see the effort there, attempting to open her eyes so she could do just that. I wanted to help in any way I could. I stepped closer to her and held up our son to his mother.

  Kadie’s face was an ashen white and her eyes were closed. Somehow her belly was now as flat as it had been a month ago. I knew that such a thing should not have been possible. Perhaps when it came to Angels, this was normal. But I did not know if it affected humans the same way, or if there was more of a risk. I did not like to think of Kadie risking everything for me so we could have a son together. As much as I was happy and joyous at the reality of the situation, looking at Kadie reminded me that we were not out of danger quite yet.

  Worry curled around my heart like an icy hand. “What’s wrong with her, Tabitha?” I dared to ask.

  “I don’t know,” she answered, then began chanting in a language I did not understand. I brought my son closer to my chest, trying to protect him. From what, I was not sure. I just did I trusted Tabitha but I did not want him harmed or frightened even inadvertently. White light filtered from Tabitha’s fingers and threaded into a glow around Kadie. In that moment, Kadie looked almost angelic, as though a holy white light weaved around her frame and bathed her in light.

  “What are you?” I asked before I could stop myself, not blinking so I didn’t miss a moment of the magic being woven.

  “I am like your son,” Tabitha said, her eyes focused on Tabitha. “My mother was half-human. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Kadie’s.

  My son began to cry and I held him tightly to my chest. I didn’t want him to see this. I was not certain I wanted to see this.

  I backed away from where Kadie was fading before my very eyes.

  “What are you doing to her?” I demanded to know. I didn’t know how to handle a crying baby. However, I began to bounce my knees and rock my arms slowly back and forth. I did not know if this was working, but it was something.

  Tabitha eventually stopped chanting and stepped back. Her shoulders slumped, her face strained with an exhaustion I did not understand. I rocked our babe to soothe him, my heart heavy. I held my breath and waited. I was not sure what I was waiting for but I hoped to see some kind of life flicker in Kadie, perhaps a sign that revealed she was okay.

  Tabitha turned to me. “You’ll need to find a woman to feed him, Gabriel,” she said. “Kadie’s in a trance of some sort. A coma for humans.”

  “But...why?” I didn’t understand any of this. “Will she be all right?”

  “I don’t know, exactly. I recognized a poison in her blood as soon as you brought her back here.” Tabitha turned and began to rinse her hands in a bowl of water. Again, I had not even noticed it before. Trickles of water fell to the floor before she took a clean towel and dried off her hands. “I think that’s what they injected into her. Their plan would have been to kill you, and then she would have slowly died also. And perhaps they would have taken your son? I really don’t know. But the baby came early, thankfully, before the poison could take full effect.” She paused to stare over at Kadie with wonder in her eyes. “And she is far more powerful than they realize.”

  “And now?” I asked.

  “Now?”

  “You said it was a good thing the baby came early,” I said, shifting my weight as I continued to rock my son back and forth. “He came out before the poison could affect him. But Kadie? Has it started affecting her.”

  “I believe so,” Tabitha said, her voice low.

  I swallowed hard and steeled myself against the pain creeping in. “Will she wake up?” My voice cracked and I looked away. I did not like revealing my vulnerability, my worry, but it could not be helped. The thought of Kadie in a limbo without having met our son, the thought of her not waking up at all, was enough to still my soul.

  “I’ve done everything I can,” Tabitha said. The fact that she did not sound certain left me wanting. I looked down at my son, whose crying turned into a light gurgle. It was a brief break in my worry for his mother. A contradiction that was difficult to maneuver around. Going from joy to despair so quickly was not something I was particularly used to. Since it directly involved me and my emotions, it was worse than I could have imagined. “I gave her a potion when she arrived, and sugar to stabilize her. I’ve linked what magic I have with hers, so she has a grounding to come back to. But I don’t know, Gabriel. She is the first of her kind that I’ve ever met. My own mother didn’t survive my birth.”

  I clenched my teeth together. So giving birth to our son was enough to possibly kill her? How was I to know this? If I had known...

  I do not know if I would have done anything differently. I could not regret my son. And yet, I wished that there was a different way for this to have happened. I did not like the feeling that I could not be truly happy. I had to let one thing go in order to possess the other. The thought of losing either Kadie or my son at this point was akin to losing a limb. Worse, even, because I could still fight without an arm or a leg.

  How was I to fight without Kadie? Without our son?

  His crying brought me out of my thoughts and reminded me I had a duty to him. I nodded to my agent. Tabitha had never steered me wrong before and I needed to trust her now. I knew she would do whatever she could for Kadie. I also knew there was nothing I could do in this moment for her. As such, I needed to step back. I needed to give myself a chance to have faith.

  And what has He done for you and your family as of late? A bitter voice in my head pointed out. Nearly killed the both of you? Gotten Kadie tortured. In a coma.

  Yes, I responded. But Kadie is still alive. And that is important. If she is alive, there is always hope.

  The babe needed to be fed, and although there was always human means of feeding him- from a tin. But I was sure I could find a woman who would help me feed him naturally.

  A Target I’d saved last year from the Demons had gotten pregnant with her husband soon after that. I’d go to her first. I did not like to put pressure on those I had saved because I did not want them thinking that saving them was part of any system of reciprocity. I saved them because I was instructed to, because they deserved to be saved, not because I expected anything from them. However, I did not know where else to start. If she could not, perhaps she could lead me in the right direction.

  “I’ll take him to be fed,” I told Tabitha. “Will you stay with Kadie?”

  “Of course.” She gave me one of her curt, no-nonsense nods. “I can’t leave her now. I’ll watch over her until she regains consciousness... or she doesn’t.” A beat. “I do not want to worry you, Gabriel. You have already been through so much. But I will never lie to you. I will always keep you abreast of what is going on, whether you want to hear them or not.”

  I nodded at the woman who was fighting for my Kadie, the gratitude in my heart impossible to express. She was right, of course. As much as Tabitha knew, she was not God. She did not know what was going to happen. But I was grateful that she was here. She never lost her head to emotion, unlike me. I did not know if I would have handled things as well if Tabitha was not here. Actually, I did know. And it was not good. With a last lingering look at my beautiful, powerful and woman on the bed, I flew away.

  My heart ached like it too had battled for its life today. It had. A D
emon battle. The birth of a baby who shouldn’t have been born, not because his existence was wrong but once thought impossible. Now, to know that Tabitha herself was like my son, to know that such things did happen, I needed to know how to fix this. How to make it right, so Kadie was not at risk and my son was always safe.

  But, now, I needed to feed him. I could not think about our future without thinking about taking that first step towards caring for him.

  I held the whimpering baby tightly against my chest and took my son to a home just outside Manhattan. I knocked on the door of a brownstone building and Jasmine opened it for me. She was a Target I had saved last year, spending months coaxing her from the brink of suicide to a stable place.

  “Gabriel!” she exclaimed, her blue eyes light up at seeing me as she juggled a female child on her hip. Her eyes fell on my child nestled in my arms and her eyes picked back up to look in mine. “And who is this baby, Gabriel? He’s beautiful.”

  “I need your help,” I said. I wanted to thank her, to discuss the perplexities of child-rearing, but this was no social visit. “Are you feeding still?”

  I opened my arms to indicate my barely born son, wiggling and mewling like a kitten. Jasmine gasped and nodded, drawing me inside her home. I knew I looked a mess. Still shirtless, covered in blood, but Jasmine didn’t falter.

  She’d seen me in similar states during the many battles I’d had with the Demons hunting her.

  She put her daughter down in a crib of some sort and took my child from me. “Whose baby is this?” she asked as she sat down on her sofa, opened her blouse and put him to her breast. It seemed so easy for her to do, so natural and simple. I was awed by this. I thought it would be more complex. I thought she might resist giving away natural nutrients in her body specifically made for her daughter in order to give them to my babe. But she did not question me. I was grateful for that. I was not sure I could bring myself to explain anything further than what I already had.