We Were Once

by Scott, S. L.

  Ruby rests back, and continues, “She’s smart and sexy, yada yada. Back to me. I have a ten-thousand-word essay due before the middle of next month. I can barely keep up with my other classes this early into the semester, and then the prof throws this into the mix.” Her eyes fix on Joshua. “Are your professors all assholes, too?”

  I’m interested to hear about his school as well. “How are your classes going?”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary to report. School. Work. Chloe. It’s not been so bad this year.”

  Bumping into his arm, I just coo because I have nothing smart aleck to say about that. “Todd once said that school was always easy for you, and that you never had to study, even back then.”

  He side-eyes me. Not upset, but entertained. “Todd doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

  Intrigued, Ruby rests her arms on the table, and asks, “So he’s wrong?”

  I rub the soft, worn-in material shrouding his arm and the hard muscle underneath. “He’s not wrong, but it doesn’t come as easy as he thinks. I study when I have to. Finance isn’t my dream, but I want a good job, so I follow the money. It helps that I have a good memory because it doesn’t interest me.”

  Ruby rests her chin on her hand. “You’re lucky. I have the worst.”

  Testing the waters, I throw out, “You’d make a great chef.” That seems to be the dream he never admits.

  “There’s no money in the restaurant business unless you find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It’s rare.”

  “Speaking of no money, I’m hoping to get out and take pictures later.”

  “Ruby is an amazing photographer.” When she waves me off for the compliment and then signals me to continue, I giggle.

  Joshua asks, “Do you want to do that professionally?”

  “I struck a deal with my parents. I’ll get a degree, but then I get one year off after to pursue photography. If it doesn’t work out, I have my backup plan.”

  It’s moments like these that I don’t understand why my dad insists on my being just like him. Working the emergency room is still being a doctor.

  Joshua asks, “Which is?”

  “Marketing. I never did change it.”

  Placing his crumpled napkin back in the bag, he nods. “I made a similar deal, but mine doesn’t allow a backup plan. There’s only one plan. Me working in finance after graduation.” He smiles, but it’s not the one I usually see, the one that has happiness built inside. “Sometimes we do what we have to do to survive,” he adds as if he has to justify the previous comment.

  “What about your happiness?” I ask.

  His gaze is soft when it lands on me, his hand firm when he holds my hand under the table. “Does that matter if what you’re doing gives another person happiness?”

  “Yes. You can’t sacrifice everything that matters to you to make someone else happy. That’s a temporary fix—”

  “Take your own advice, Clo.” Ruby’s impatient fingers tap up and down as she slings the words in my direction.

  Shooting her a hard look, I grit, “Point taken.”

  She stands. “I’m going to get another coffee, but know that I said what I did because I care. We all have sacrifices to make, but we also only get one life. We need to live the one that makes us happy.”

  I know she means well, but she’s also well aware of the pressure my father puts on me. I don’t need any extra, though I appreciate that she’s willing to defend my dreams. “We do,” I start. “We’re going to take off. I’m already ready for a nap.”

  Out on the sidewalk, Joshua says, “It’s good to have friends who support you no matter what.”

  “It is.” We cross the street, but I can’t let something go, so I pull him into the doorway of a bank that’s closed.

  With his back pressed to the window, the urge to kiss him is too strong to be appropriate. “What are we doing, Chloe?”

  “I, uh . . .”

  A playful grin sets itself right on his handsome face. Taking me by the hips, he slips his hands around to my backside, holding me right where I want him. My heart races as I stare into his eyes, my breathing shallow and my hands . . . well, I want to touch him, feel him, grab him, and kiss him.

  So I do.

  I kiss him, and when I pull back, I add, “Your happiness matters, Joshua. It may not matter to your dad, but it does to so many other people. You’re not less than anyone, so you need to get that out of your head.”

  “You’re very convincing, Miss Fox.” Appearing impressed, he looms back with a wry smile. “It’s not too late to go into law.”

  “Not interested in law. Only interested in you.” Squeezing my arms around him, I savor this moment that feels stolen on a busy street. “I hope it will be like this forever.”

  “It will.” His response comes quick and firm as if he already sees our future together.

  I hold onto the same faith. “Nothing can touch us.”

  “Not ever.”

  21

  Chloe

  We slip deeper into October and like the weather, the change in Joshua and me, as a couple, is evident. Our lives are lived in a bubble of our own making.

  I didn’t realize how tenuous that bubble could be until I received a text last night.

  “I’m the one who should be stressing, so why are you worried?” Joshua asks, running his hand through his hair for like the tenth time since he parked around the corner.

  “I’ve never introduced someone I love to my mom before.” I halt on the sidewalk and turn to him. “How do I look?”

  “Beautiful. Be honest, Chloe.” He fidgets with the hem of my sweater. “How is she going to feel about meeting me? I’m not some fancy Newport . . .” His hand waves aimlessly between us. “Whatever fancy people are in Newport. I’m from the wrong side of New Haven, and it’s going to show.”

  Lifting up, I cup his face, my anxiety turning into excitement. “You earned your spot at Yale, so you don’t owe any explanations. As for my mom, she’s going to love what makes you different.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your thoughtfulness and most importantly to her, how well you treat me.”

  When he kisses me, it feels like more than Sunday brunch is on his mind. Unlike the weather, we get steamier the more time that passes. And I’m here for it, kissing him right back and deepening it.

  A clearing of the throat draws our attention. When I see my mom standing not ten feet away, clutching her black YSL purse, I clear my own throat in response, take two steps back, and nervously tuck my hair behind my ear. “Mom,” I say, internally beating myself up for sounding like a ten-year-old who got caught playing dress up in her jewels.

  “Hi.” The twinkle in her eyes reveal she absolutely caught everything. Coming forward with her hand out, she says, “You must be Joshua?”

  “I am, ma’am,” he replies. A crack in his tone has me restraining a laugh. Poor guy. I’ve never seen him nervous before this morning. I take his free hand, not afraid to show support for him in front of my mom. “It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. Fox.”

  “It’s Ms. Since the divorce, but you can call me Cat.”

  I’m quick to add, “She insists on ‘Cat Fox’ these days.”

  Shrugging unapologetically, she says, “I was Catherine Fox for more than twenty years of marriage back in Rhode Island. Now that I’m in Manhattan, I feel more like Cat.”

  I think we got the point without the claws. “She’s gotten very sassy since she moved to the city.” The fact she hasn’t ventured far from her St. John’s wardrobe still makes me giggle, though. Always a classic despite the change in name and location.

  “It’s not sass.” She caresses my cheek. I have a feeling she’s admiring her work—me. “It’s freedom, darling, and it tastes divine.”

  Joshua tries to suppress his laughter, failing miserably while I embrace her. “It’s good to see you, Mom.”

  “You, too.” Then she whispers, “He’s cute,” but I have an ink
ling not low enough when I see him smugly smiling as he brushes his nails across his shirt.

  Cocky.

  Sexy.

  Swoony.

  Now it’s me struggling not to laugh. “Forgive my mom. The single life agrees with her.”

  “No apologies necessary. We only have one life. We should live the best one we can,” he says.

  “Oh, I like him, Chloe.” My mom thumbs toward him before looping her arm with his. As they walk toward the café, she asks, “Isn’t my daughter beautiful? And so smart.”

  “She is.”

  They seem to forget I’m here, but that’s okay because it appears, she approves. When he holds the door open, I poke his hard abs as I dash into the restaurant. I feel guilty for not eating at Patty’s, but Joshua didn’t want that either. He said his mom would probably run home to grab the baby photos if we let her.

  Out on the patio, time flows into another hour, and we’ve put a good dent into a second pitcher of mimosas without my mom saying a word about me drinking the champagne cocktail. Laughing over shared stories of Joshua’s and my childhoods, and her adventures in New York. I could have done without the mention of my “awkward stage” junior year in high school, though. “In my defense—” I start.

  “Catherine? Chloe?”

  I know the voice before visually confirming it. Reflexively, I take hold of Joshua’s hand before looking over my shoulder.

  Surprise angles my mom’s face. “Trevor, what are you doing here?” Mom has never liked him.

  “Brunch with friends.”

  She replies, “I forgot you attended Yale.”

  “I do. I didn’t expect to see the lovely little Foxes—”

  He reaches down to hug her and then turns to me. “Good to see you, Chloe.”

  “You too,” I reply automatically. Twenty years of programming is hard to fix.

  The table goes quiet as Trevor seemingly just notices Joshua. “Trevor League.”

  “Josh Evans,” my guy replies.

  Remaining tableside, Trevor continues staring. “You look familiar. Have we met?” Recognition colors his expression, and he snaps his fingers and points. “Wait. Aren’t you the waiter at that diner downtown?”

  “I cook and deliver, too.” I hear a note of pride despite Joshua’s temperament hardening.

  “He’s also a student.” I’m quick to add.

  Putting his hands in his pockets, Trevor makes himself too comfortable for my liking as he asks, “Oh, yeah. Where?”

  My mom replies, “Yale.”

  Before Trevor can right his surprise, I bump into Joshua. “He’s an economics major, like you.” The pride I feel for him courses through me as well. “And legacy, like me.”

  Trevor’s demeanor shifts like he walked into a secret society with a golden invitation. “Legacy, huh? Why are you working down at that dump if you’re legacy, man?” I cringe, feeling sick for Joshua, as Trevor reaches to shake hands as if somehow being legacy earned Joshua the respect he should have been given from the beginning.

  Joshua stands still holding my hand. “That dump is my mother’s restaurant. It’s a landmark in this town that she’s busted her ass to run for the past ten years. I’m a student, like you, but I’m also a proud townie. So tell me again how you really feel.”

  I stand. “Joshua—”

  “Joshua,” Trevor mimics as if he’s memorizing everything about him down to our bonded hands. “You and Chloe are dating?”

  “We’re in love,” I blurt before remembering my mom is sitting across from us.

  Trevor’s jaw hardens, and then he turns away. “I have friends waiting inside. It was good seeing you again, Catherine.”

  “Ms. Fox.”

  And that is why my mom is my she-ro.

  With a scowl, he glances at Joshua once more, and then me. “Have a good lunch.” He’s quick to disappear. Good.

  Palms smack down on the table, rattling the silverware. “Well, that was a bunch of hooey.” Nailing the levity, my mom starts topping off my glass. “He’s an asshole. No wonder you didn’t date for very long.”

  “I’m surprised you would date him at all.” Joshua chuckles, but detecting the lack of lightness to his tone, I know it’s for my mom’s benefit. “So, he was . . . typical?” Joshua asks.

  I reply, “Yes, for Newport, but he’s not my type.”

  My mom adds, “He’s just like his father when we were Chloe’s age. Arrogant snobs, so full of themselves. Only thing that’s changed is the first name, which reminds me why I left that life behind. I’m even more happy that Chloe has.”

  She’s not wrong, but I’m not sure I’d realized how right she is. That’s not who I am anymore, or ever was. And I can see why it’s a good thing I’m leaving. Joshua’s hand is still wrapped around mine when he glances over. “I’m glad she has as well.” Shifting, he says, “I need to head to work. I’ll see you later?”

  “Yes. Definitely.” I don’t want him to go. I wish he didn’t have to, especially so soon after Trevor’s departure.

  My mom gives Joshua a big hug. Then he kisses me before getting up. “Love you,” he whispers.

  He remains bent down as I hold him to me. “I know you’re not asking, but I want you to know. It was two dates, and then we were done.”

  His smile warms me over. “Good to know.”

  “Love you. Say hi to your mom.”

  “I will.” When he smiles, my lungs feel lighter, and I breathe easier. God, I love this man.

  My mom and I return to my apartment, though I’m trying to recall the state I left it in. I grab Joshua’s cap from the couch where it had fallen off when we kissed for hours last night. My underwear is scooped from the floor where they came off shortly after. At least the towel is gathered to the side, giving us natural light.

  She sets her bag on the coffee table and looks around while I sneak into the bedroom to hide the evidence in the hamper. When I return, she’s looking out the window, but she hears me, and her eyes connect with mine. “Maybe I’m late to figuring this out, but seeing you together and kissing on the sidewalk is not the same impression I had of the relationship. You’re in love with him.” There’s no accusation, only curiosity in her expression. “How long have you been dating?”

  “A while.”

  “You mentioned seeing someone, but what I saw today has grown beyond that.”

  I lean against the arm of the couch. “It’s become serious.”

  She moves to the couch and sits, adjusting the cushion behind her. “I can see how much he cares for you. It was hard for him to keep his eyes off you. You know I’m happy you’re finding balance in your life, but how does this relationship work into your plans?”

  “I’m confused. You wanted me to date, and then when I do, you want me to study?” Pointing at Frankie, I say, “I’m nurturing the plant. Is that not enough?”

  “It’s enough. You’re doing a great job with the plant and your life. What I’m trying to say is that I know school is handled. I also know that you are a driving force when it comes to your goals. Is he coming to New York with you?”

  “We have time to figure it out. If I get accepted, I don’t have to be there until August.”

  “You’re not concerned about such a loose plan for the future?”

  I get two bottles of water from the cabinet. “You’re sounding a lot like Dad.”

  “Your dad . . .” She stops, seeming to bite her tongue. When I look back at her, concern has her reached the corner of her downcast eyes, weaving worries into the soft lines of her forehead.

  “Mom?” I sit next to her, putting the bottles on the table. “What is it?”

  When her eyes return to mine, she says, “Your dad came to see me in the city last weekend.”

  “He did?” I fidget with my shirt. “He hates New York.”

  “I didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t tell him much, Chloe. He knows you’re seeing someone, but I kept it light, which was all I knew at the time.”


  “He wanted dirt on me?”

  “No,” she replies, shaking her head. “He’s concerned.”

  Frustrated, I cross my arms and sink back. “Why? I’ve given him no reason.”

  “You know he wants you focused on school.”

  “He’d be happier if I were a nun. Or sticking to his plan. Any deviation comes with repercussions.”

  That makes her laugh humorlessly. “Maybe not a nun, but he’d be thrilled if you didn’t date until you were thirty.”

  “It took twenty years, but I finally managed to disappoint him.” I’ve never been able to disappoint either one of them without guilt swiftly kicking me back in line. What about this time? Joshua? New York? The ER? Tugging my bottom lip under my teeth, I begin to worry.

  Reaching over, she pats my leg. “He’s not disappointed. I think he’s more curious if this will stop the big plan he has for you.”

  “That’s just it. It’s my plan now, and Joshua’s a part of it.”

  Her hair briefly covers her eyes when she looks down as if the realization just hit her. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she sighs, a grin returning as she rests back again. “I can’t stay much longer, so I’d love to hear about you and Joshua concerning that plan.”

  My heart beats to life from the mere mention of him, a memory of being with him at the lake and the way he looked at me that night racing back. I smile, not hiding it, but letting it match the afternoon sunshine streaming through the window.

  Instead of playing down how important this relationship is to me, I free my heart to confess all the secrets I’ve kept to myself. “I’ve never met anyone like him.” Although I feel as transparent as cellophane, the urge to put words to these feelings overwhelm me. “We . . .” Doubt creeps back in, thickening my throat, hoping this doesn’t sour our conversation.

  She embraces my hands and says, “You can tell me anything, sweetheart.”

  “I had, have sex with him. We make love, and I feel it. I feel how much he loves me deep inside.”

  The smile never wavers, but the corners of her eyes soften, like her tone. “I think you’re confusing sex and love, honey. Both can be very overwhelm—”