We Were Once

by Scott, S. L.

  “I need to.” I don’t blame the anger she’s feeling. It’s born of grief. Her concern is valid and should worry me more. But how can I when I haven’t talked to the one person who can save me, the one who already has once before?

  Searching my eyes, she shakes her head again and then sighs. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

  “No, I’m not going to let Chloe go.”

  “Even at your own expense?” My stubborn silence is the only answer I can give. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  My mom leaves shortly after seeing things my way. Although my phone was crushed in the wreck, I still reach for it out of habit and come up empty. It’s frustrating sitting here with nothing to do but stew in the stress brought on by the thought of my dad being called in like the cavalry. No fucking way will I let him step in like a fucking hero. I’ll fix this before it comes to that.

  The monitor spikes, so I take a deep breath before I cause Dolly to check in on me. As I close my eyes, an image of Chloe lying in my arms back home in New Haven helps me sleep.

  * * *

  “Wake up, Mr. Evans?” A muffled voice drags me kicking and screaming from my dreams.

  The harsh return to reality has me trying to push up, the IV stabbing internally. Motherfuck. “What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice harsher than intended when I see the man beside me. “Is Chloe all right?”

  Norman Fox is in his white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was here to check on me. His tone tells me otherwise. “You put my daughter in a coma, so no, she’s not all right.”

  Putting what my mom told me aside, this man is my link back to Chloe. “Is she stable? How long will she remain in a coma?”

  “Her heartbeat is steady, and her brain function appears to be how it should.”

  I ease back on the bed. “Thank God.”

  “No, thank me. I’ve been overseeing her recovery.” He moves to set a medical file down on the tray and then returns to the end of the bed. “Let me get to the point. You stole her car, forced her to go God knows where, and then tried to kill her.”

  “No, she—”

  “Quiet.” He begins to pace with his hands clasped behind his back as if he intends to stay a while. “There was a struggle by the way the seat belt cut into the skin of her collarbone. Was she fighting to escape?”

  "There was no struggle . . .” A vision of buckling her back in flashes. “I didn’t kidnap her—”

  “She didn’t stand a chance against your recklessness.” As he glares at me, hatred lines his bloodshot eyes, but the words lack emotion and truth. His voice is steady like his hands. Maybe that’s what happens to someone when they gain knowledge but lose their soul.

  “I would never hurt her. You know that.”

  “I don’t know that. I only know the facts that the evidence supports, and there’s enough of that to put you behind bars. So, I’m thinking we can come to an agreement, Mr. Evans.”

  Fuck. I take a breath, keeping it restrained to hide the panic twisted in fury hidden from him. “And that is?”

  “I’m giving you an opportunity, a future to make your mother proud, your father content with his bastard son, and to give yourself a way out of the life you’re living.”

  My spine bristles from the mention of my father, reawakening the pain from surgery.

  “Let me get to the point, Joshua.” Finally. “I won’t risk all we’ve invested, the time and effort my daughter has put into creating her future. She’s inheriting a practice I’ve spent thirty years building. Chloe is brilliant. She’s momentarily sidetracked by you. Yes. I grant you that, but the best thing a parent can do for their child is to get them back on the right path.”

  “The threat doesn’t have to be spoken to be heard.”

  “Chloe said you were clever, and you don’t disappoint.”

  “Don’t fuck with me.”

  “That sounds distinctly like a threat.”

  “It is. You can sugarcoat yours, but I’m not doing this dance.”

  He walks around to the side of the bed, smart enough to keep some distance. “I’ve tried to tell Chloe who you really are, but she’s young and impressionable, blossoming into an outstanding woman. I think we’d agree on that.”

  “She’s also an adult and can make her own decisions. I thought you were getting to the point?”

  “Ah, yes. I should. You’re going to be discharged in the morning and will return to Connecticut.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I ask, “Who says?”

  “I do. In the meantime, my daughter should make a full recovery once we bring her out of the coma.”

  “What do you mean bring her out?”

  Can he not see the pain he’s instilled in me while my heart fights for its life somewhere else in this damn hospital? Or does he not care that I love her with every fiber of my being? As he peeks behind the bent blinds, I’m once again disgusted by the lack of compassion. It’s a real disservice to his patients. He says, “A medically induced coma was the best path to decrease the swelling in her brain.”

  His head tilts down, a long exhale following. When he rubs his temple, it’s the first time I see a break in his steadfast demeanor.

  As much as I hate this man, he’s a brain surgeon, and the best advocate Chloe could have, so I won’t argue with her care. I drop my guard to get as much information as I can from him. “Is she going to be okay?”

  He seems to have found some empathy in the quiet room and tosses me a bone. “It will take time. She won’t be returning to school this semester. That’s what you’ve done. She was so far ahead and now she’ll have this setback to overcome.”

  “I love her,” I say, the words needing to be voiced, for him to hear and to know if he didn’t already. “I would never intentionally hurt her.”

  “But you did, so I had papers drawn up to protect my daughter’s future.” Here it comes. I brace myself, keeping my expression indifferent like she did with him the day I arrived. “Go home. Help your mom run her restaurant, get your degree. Live your life, Josh. Just live it without Chloe.”

  “That’s the offer?” I look down and pull a loose thread just as the folder from the tray lands on my lap. And here I thought that was a medical file. How could I be so naïve? “You’re asking me to move on with life without her?”

  “I’m not asking, Mr. Evans. You lost a kidney, not your heart. Be grateful, but more importantly, be smart.”

  “And if I’m not?”

  “I’ll press charges, the police will take you into custody, and you can spend the next three to five years fighting for your freedom through the court system.”

  There’s no choice for me in these options. Either way, I lose because he knows I could never drag Chloe down with me. But this can’t be what he’s wanting. “I stay by Chloe’s side not bowing to your commands and have my life destroyed, or I leave the woman I love like she doesn’t matter to me . . . and live my life without her? Those are my choices?”

  “Yes.”

  “You make it sound simple.” My body’s exhausted, and my mind is not as quick as I’d like it, making it hard to unpack emotionally.

  “It is simple.” I find relief when he walks toward the door. “You have the papers.”

  “You’re assuming I’ll sign.” Fuck him.

  With the door in hand, he says, “You’re a smart kid, so you clearly understand that dating a woman out of your league isn’t worth losing your freedom, or your mom losing her diner. Anyway, Chloe would eventually see you for the man you are, a pest beneath her feet. Trust me, Mr. Evans, you’ll thank me one day for saving you both the trouble.”

  I throw the first thing I can find, the TV remote shattering as soon as it hits the back of the door. “Fuck you!”

  Threatening me is one thing.

  Threatening my mom’s livelihood, a whole other.

  Smug fucking asshole.

  It took hours for my blood pressure to
go down. Now I’m stuck in the dark listening to my heartbeat. I can’t sleep a wink with the offer trying to suffocate the best part of me—my relationship with Chloe. Fuck him and his scheme. I’ve gone around and back again, wondering if the threat is empty. The problem is, I don’t know unless I choose an option to find out.

  I love her more than anything, but will loving me ruin her life?

  Am I willing to gamble both of our futures on a risk and a prayer?

  Wanting to get it over with, I pull out the deal he’s offering and start reading over the details.

  My mom overheard the charges, and Dr. Fox confirmed his intentions. But how do I walk away from Chloe? She’s as much a part of me as my own soul.

  If it were only me to consider, I’d take the risk of being with Chloe without a second thought. She’s the reward I never deserved. Is that where the truth is found? I never deserved her in the first place?

  My dad is from this world, this level of wealth. Yet he didn’t want me, so why would she?

  Norman Fox has me trapped, and I can’t disappoint my mom. She worked too hard to get me here. I can face the courts, letting the truth come out, and I would walk free at the end of the day, but not without dragging my mom through heartbreak and a financial mess that would have her lose the diner.

  The longer I sit here, staring at this contract, the more my shoulders sag against the mattress. Whether I like it or not, I know what I have to do. I can’t put my mom through this just as I can’t make Chloe choose between me and her family.

  I can’t.

  I won’t.

  I pull the pen from the envelope.

  The only escape from this nightmare is not only breaking my heart but also hurting the woman I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. I can’t imagine a day without her. She’s my other half. My one love. But I also can’t risk that she won’t get everything she’s worked so hard for.

  I’ll do anything for you, Chloe, including this. With a shaky hand, I sign my heart away, giving her the life she deserves instead.

  28

  Joshua

  I glance at the paper my mom handed me the moment I was discharged.

  Third floor.

  Hall B.

  Room 314.

  I’m not exactly stealth, considering the recent surgery to remove my kidney. I was told to take it easy, and I will, but there’s one last thing I have to do before leaving Rhode Island.

  I owe Chloe more than an apology. I have to explain my side of things before her father bends her ear and fills it with lies. She may not be awake, but I know she’ll hear me.

  Discovering the room without staff or her family around is a miracle. I steady my nerves and open the door. The blinds are closed, the lights dim. Chloe’s eyes don’t greet me. Cat’s are—similar in so many ways, but not the balm I need to heal my breaking heart. She stands. “Josh?” Rushing toward me, she asks, “How are you?” keeping her voice low.

  Cat helps me inside the room, and although she’s asked me something, I can’t keep my eyes off Chloe. Serene, making me wish she was in my arms again. It’s hard to tell she’s in a coma, but she doesn’t stir this time, my proximity undetected, which for some reason adds salt to the wound. I’m not crazy to think I can wake her just by being here, but hope had thrived this whole time that I didn’t realize I was setting myself up for failure all along.

  When I finally turn to Cat, I whisper, “I . . . I needed to see her.”

  “Of course.” Red rimmed lids underscore tired eyes that I hadn’t noticed when I walked in. Cat’s features are usually alive with color and animation but not now. Grief has a way of taking hold and sucking the life out of you.

  The signs may not be as visible on me, but I relate inside. “They’re bringing her out of the coma tomorrow, I believe. If you want to be here—”

  “I can’t.”

  With her hand steady on the bed rail, she lets her sadness take over. Her voice trembles matching her hands. “I understand.”

  I glance at her. “You don’t, but . . . I hope you will one day.”

  “You’re leaving?” she asks, offense taking over her tone.

  “Discharged. My mom is driving us back to Connecticut.”

  When she looks at her daughter, the tears are substantial. “I’m sorry to hear that.” Catching herself, she turns back to me. “I didn’t mean—It’s good you’re healthy enough to go home, but she’ll ask about you. What do I say?”

  I run my hand through my hair, not sure how to answer. I do the only thing I can, and lie, “Tell her I’ll see her soon.”

  Coming around the bed, she touches my cheek and then hugs me gently. “Take care of yourself, Josh.” She knows. She knows I’m walking away, leaving Chloe when all I should be doing is staying. Cat’s granting me more compassion than I’m granting her daughter.

  The truth of what I’m doing is destroying me. I want to kiss Chloe, to feel her lips against mine one last time, but it’s wrong when my intentions aren’t pure. “You, too.”

  “Do you want a minute alone with her before you go?” Cat asks.

  Nodding, I wipe away the water that’s gathered in the corners of my eyes.

  She adds, “I need coffee anyway. I’ll be back in five minutes or so?”

  The question is left hanging in the air. I’m starting to think she doesn’t know about the offer from Dr. Fox, considering she’s giving me an opportunity to say goodbye. “Hey, Cat?” When she looks back, I say, “Thank you.”

  Her head lowers as the door closes.

  Moving to the side of the bed, I lean down, wanting to smell her again, to inhale Chloe’s love into my lungs, hoping to survive off that for as long as it takes to get over the loss.

  It’s an impossible task.

  The reality is, I’ll never get over her.

  She came into my life when I thought I didn’t matter to the world. I was a disappointment to my dad, and I’d never be able to live up to my mom’s dreams for me, or outgrow New Haven. I couldn’t change the hand I’d been dealt, but I was still playing like I had a chance to win. Fucking foolish.

  The bruising on her beautiful face can’t be ignored. The deep pink skin screams of the trauma she sustained. I did that. I should have kept my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel. I should have never looked away.

  Not when she was tempting me.

  Not when she kissed me.

  Not for anything.

  Careful not to hurt her now, I touch her neck gently, not wanting to leave a single fingerprint of evidence that I was here. I hold my cheek against hers, my lips a breath away from her ear. “I’m sorry, baby. So sorry.”

  Her floral scent is gone, replaced by the sterility of the room. Tears seep between us just as I kiss the corner of her lips. Hopeful, I look up, expecting to see her pretty greens staring back at me. But that’s not what I get. It’s my tears that trail down her skin. It’s my heat that puts the pink on her cheeks.

  I’m the one to blame for what happened, so I beg for the mercy I’ll never show myself. “Please forgive me. Please.”

  Though she’s not mine to love anymore, I do anyway. I love her in spite of what I’ve been forced to do.

  Staring at her, I memorize every detail. Unable to resist bonding our hands once more, I complete the tattoo that forever anchors us together. “I love you.”

  One breath.

  Two . . .

  I walk away, swinging the door wide open, and leave this place, and her, behind.

  Just outside, I cut the corner of the building and fall against it, needing a moment in the sun to wash away the bitterness before facing my mom. It doesn’t work.

  How can it?

  My hands are dirty with the deed I’ve done when all I wanted was her to cleanse them. Seeing Chloe didn’t do the trick. It made it worse. I break down, letting the anger own me. I fucking hate her dad. I hate this world for giving me a taste of a life never meant for me. I fucking hate everything.

 
; I didn’t sign our relationship away on the dotted line. I made a choice to give up on us when she’s fighting to live. How is that right? How is that fair? I’m returning to my life as if our lives haven’t been changed forever, and I hope she hates me for it. Like I hate myself.

  “Josh Evans?”

  My gaze angles toward the entrance of the hospital to see a cop standing with his hand ready to draw his weapon. Confusion has me pushing off the brick wall. Old habits have me glancing over my shoulder for Todd and Bryant like we’re outrunning Old Man Sanders for trespassing to steal beer from his barn. Do I make a run for it?

  He comes closer. “Don’t make this harder than necessary.”

  I square my shoulders, fighting the need to cower as a blaze of physical pain scores my insides. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re still recovering, so I recommend you go willingly.”

  “Go where?” I could make a run for the vehicle, but then I’ll be involving my mom, and I can’t do that. Where would we go? They know who I am. Where we live. Though I can’t stop my mind from spinning through optional scenarios, I know there’s no way out.

  I’m not sure why sympathy enters his eyes, but I’ll take it. “I have a warrant for your arrest.”

  A warrant? I sour in the words, knowing I’ve been had. “I signed the paperwork. Dr. Fox got what he wanted.”

  He rattles off a series of charges. Although some I already heard when it was a threat, they don’t sit any better now than they did.

  This isn’t New Haven where the Evans last name holds the weight I always complained about back home. Owning an immense amount of property has cemented his place. Here, I have to be strong because I’m not dealing with small town security guards like Dwight. This is Dr. Fox’s doing.

  Fucking backstabber.

  My instincts told me his word was no good, but as Chloe’s father, I trusted him. Being trapped makes you do stupid shit. Signing that contract was the dumbest one yet.

  A fight rages inside my muscles, but this is a no-win. I’d die fighting, and what good to my mom will I be then? “It’s bullshit, and you know it.”