Borrowed Heart

by Andrew Grey

  Not that he was sexist or anything. He didn’t want to see naked old man either.

  Robin shrugged on the skintight swim shirt and turned to Johan, who wore a small square-cut suit that hugged his hips. Damn, he was stunning, and Robin wanted nothing more than to feast his eyes for a few minutes.

  “You ready?”

  “Are you sure they’ll allow me to wear the shirt?”

  “Yes. As long as it is a water shirt, they said it was okay.” Johan closed his locker, and Robin did the same. Then he guided Robin into a huge pool room that echoed with cries of delight. “Come.” Johan pointed upward. “Let’s slide.” He led the way to the ladder, and Robin followed.

  “It’s been a long time since I went swimming,” Robin admitted.

  “You not like the water?” Johan asked, pausing at the base of the steps, leaving room for others to pass.

  “I do. It’s….” Robin never liked how people stared at him, so he didn’t go to the beach or public pools. Basically, for the last ten years or so, he’d avoided situations where he had to take his shirt off in public. “I didn’t want to be seen, and my last boyfriend, well, I think he was more than happy not to have to see me… if you understand.”

  Johan narrowed his gaze, scowling. “Why were you with a man like that?” He started up the stairs, and as Robin pondered his question, he couldn’t come up with a good answer. At least not one that didn’t make him seem completely desperate and without any self-esteem at all.

  At the top of the slide, Johan climbed on and slid through. Robin waited, and a group of kids went one after the other, laughing like crazy. Apparently there weren’t a bunch of rules about waiting like in the US, so Robin took his turn, twisting and turning as he slid down and landed in a pool outdoors.

  He popped up to a spray of water from the kids and Johan, who seemed to have put them up to it. Robin splashed back, and a water fight erupted that drenched all of them. God, it felt good to just let go, and when Johan lifted him off his feet, Robin sputtered as Johan tossed him into the water.

  “That was mean,” Robin challenged, doing his best to keep the grin off his face and failing miserably.

  “Come on. Let’s go again.” They raced back inside and up the ladder, then went down again and again until Johan announced that the wave pool was starting. They hurried over and got in, riding the artificial waves and having an amazing time along with everyone else.

  “Slide again?” Johan asked when the waves subsided, and they scurried over to climb the ladder again.

  Robin completely lost track of time, though his belly eventually told him he needed to eat. He and Johan swam up to the snack bar area and got some food, then sat drip-drying on high stools.

  “I love German fast food.” Sausage and pommes out of a paper container, with curry ketchup. The stuff was to die for. “It beats a hot dog or McDonald’s.”

  Johan nodded as he ate. “I love wurst and miss it when I travel. No one does sausage like us.” He grinned and took a huge bite, setting down the rest of his sausage. After a few minutes, his gaze zeroed in on Robin with laser precision. “Were you in a car wreck?”

  It took Robin a second to process what he was really being asked. “No. I was born with a bad heart. It didn’t beat right. They did surgery when I was a baby to fix it. My heart was okay until I was a teenager, and then I had a heart attack and they had to take mine out and give me another. Then they found something wrong with one of my lungs, so I got a new one of those too, but not before they tried to fix mine.” He figured he might as well explain everything. “I take pills every day to keep my body from rejecting the transplants, and so far it’s working. But it means that my immune system is suppressed, so I have to be careful.” Robin sighed. One reason he normally kept his scars hidden was so he didn’t have to explain things like this to lots of people.

  “You have many years of pain and recovery,” Johan said with a slow nod of his head. “Why you do this? Guide tours. You could do lots of other things. You could stay home and be safer. Yes?”

  “I like it, and I get to spend some time in Europe seeing things and being on my own.” Robin finished his sausage and ate a fry dipped in curry ketchup. “I want more out of life than to sit home and be safe.”

  Johan continued nodding. “Then if you are here and like what you do, why are you not happy?”

  That was the million-dollar question. “I guess because I was supposed to be here, leading tours with my boyfriend, and he dumped me for a man who was beautiful and perfect and… well, not me.” The truth was, he felt like some unlovable creature, and Mason hadn’t helped with that at all.

  “He sounds like a big jerk,” Johan said, and Robin had to agree.

  “Mason and I never had sex with the lights on. Not once.” Why in the hell he’d just said that was beyond him, least of all to Johan, but the words slipped past his lips before he could stop them. “Never. He told me when we broke up that he didn’t want to see me, in case….” Robin held up a finger and then let it dangle limply. “I thought he loved me and wanted to be with me. Instead, I was some guy he took pity on. Turned out he’d been cheating on me for months before he broke up with me. The asshole,” he added in a whisper.

  “You are better off without him.” Johan smiled as though he’d made some pronouncement of truth that was beyond dispute.

  “I bent over backward for the jerk, and he….” For a long time, Robin had wondered what he’d done wrong and how he’d not made Mason happy. Robin hated how easily he could see now what Mason had been doing and how he’d taken advantage. It was so clear. The problem was, he was still in love with the asshole and wasn’t sure how to get over him. That’s what bothered Robin so damn much. It had been months—he should be able to let him go. “It isn’t worth talking about.” He ate his last bite, and Johan took care of the trash, then sat back down.

  “There are saunas and a steam room if you want to do that,” Johan offered.

  Robin wasn’t sure he was ready to be seen naked, so he hesitated.

  “You do realize that we’re going to the Friedrichsbad in Baden-Baden and you’re going to have to get naked there.”

  Robin shook his head. “I see my tour groups to the door and then let them take the waters while I check on the rest of the itinerary and make phone calls.” There, he had an answer that didn’t sound like a complete cop-out.

  Johan cocked his eyebrows and didn’t say anything. Robin wondered if he was in for the guilting of a lifetime from him. “Then let’s go and slide some more. I promised you a fun day, and if the sauna and steam rooms make you uncomfortable, then we can’t have that.” He stood and headed back toward the pools.

  Robin couldn’t help watching that butt of his swish slightly in that suit. Like the Pied Piper, he let Johan lead wherever he wanted them to go.

  “THAT WAS an amazing time,” Robin said as he and Johan got back on the tram toward the hotel around midafternoon. Robin figured the others should be finishing their tour of the Residence and he and Johan would be back in plenty of time.

  “I got a message that we indeed have one more person joining the tour. He should be with us for dinner.”

  “Is that good?” Johan asked.

  Robin shrugged. “Just another person, and it means maybe Albert won’t be so cheap about some of the arrangements going forward.” Robin continued staring at his phone as if he expected Albert to message him again at any second. He put the phone back in his pocket just as it buzzed. Robin rolled his eyes.

  I emailed you the info.

  Ok, Robin sent and put his phone away.

  “See, you’re smiling.” Johan crowed a little, clearly satisfied with himself.

  “Yes. I had a great time, and you made me happy. Does that make you feel better, oh wise one?” he teased, and Johan bumped his shoulder.

  “Actually, it does.” He sat back, smug as all hell for the rest of the ride on the beautifully sunny afternoon.

  When they arrived at the hot
el, the tour hadn’t come back yet, so Johan took his bag up to the room and then they went to the café for a snack and something to drink. Within half an hour, the tourists straggled in, tired but with excited looks in their eyes.

  “I had no idea something could be that beautiful,” Kyle said as he sat next to Johan, with Billy sitting next to him.

  “It’s really stunning and very special for this part of the world,” Grant said. “It’s amazing the amount of work he produced and the amount of traveling he did.” He took the seat next to Robin. “I saw some of his work in DC and it was stunning.” In his excitement, he spoke faster by the second.

  “Sweetheart,” Billy said with a wave of his hand. “You don’t have to know everything about everything.” He turned to Kyle, and the two of them talked quietly.

  Grant grew quiet as well, and Robin sighed. Yeah, Grant tended to be a bit of a know-it-all so far, but everyone needed a chance to become comfortable in the group.

  “You all enjoyed the tour?” Robin asked a little loudly, cutting through the drama and trying to draw the rest of the tour group in.

  “It was great,” Lily said with what sounded like unforced excitement. The others echoed her sentiment, and Billy and Kyle melded into one of the ongoing conversations, while Grant seemed to do the same.

  “Do you want coffee?” Johan asked him and Robin shook his head.

  “Juice or water. I stay away from caffeine if at all possible,” he explained, hoping Johan would understand.

  “Apfelschorle,” Johan said to the server, and Robin nodded. He loved the German concoction of fruit juice and seltzer. They often came in many fruit flavors and were refreshing and light, though the bottled ones were awful. Thankfully, they made their own here.

  The server brought his drink, and Robin sipped it and sat still. He needed some time to rest a little. The pools had been so much fun, but it had required that he expend a lot of energy, and now his batteries were a little empty.

  “Is it true that someone else is joining the tour?” Margaret asked from the next table.

  “Yes. He’ll be at dinner with us and can introduce himself.” Robin sighed, and Johan leaned a little closer.

  “Are you okay? You’re really red….”

  Robin nodded. “I just overdid it a little.” He smiled because he didn’t want Johan to feel bad. Today Robin had pushed the limits of what he could do. It was likely that after dinner, he’d go to bed and hopefully sleep the entire night… on that rickety damned cot. He finished his drink, which provided him with some energy, then paid the server and left the café, walking slowly back to the hotel.

  One of the cobbles must have been loose. Robin didn’t see it, but his foot went out from under him and he tumbled to the street. Thankful he hadn’t hit his head and hopefully wasn’t bleeding, he got to his knees.

  “I have you,” Johan said and gently helped him to his feet, then held his arm as he walked with him to the hotel.

  “I’m okay.” Robin kept taking inventory to make sure nothing was broken. The only thing injured was his pride, but he let Johan guide him inside and then up to their room, where Johan unlocked the door.

  “Lie down, and I will get you a cloth.”

  Robin nodded and made his way around the bed to that damned cot.

  “No.” Johan hurried over, indicating the bed.

  Robin sighed as he lay on the firm mattress, without a squeak to be heard. Johan placed a cool cloth on his forehead, and Robin closed his eyes. “I can’t stay here. I have things I have to do.” Robin tried sitting up after a few minutes, but Johan pressed him back down.

  “I’ll see to the group. You rest a little while.” Johan pulled the curtains, and the room darkened. Then Robin heard him leave, closing the door softly behind him.

  Robin kept his eyes closed and figured a little rest was what he needed. He’d taken his medications and all he needed was some sleep. He had overdone it a little, but didn’t regret it. He’d had a ball, and every time they climbed to the platform with the slide, he’d gotten a view of Johan’s backside that, well…. Robin knew what paradise looked like in a deep blue square-cut bathing suit. He smiled at the memory, and his headache spiked. He evened out his breathing, and the pain subsided. He really should take something, but he had to be careful with the other medications he was on. The best thing was to remain still and quiet, and the tension would pass. Taking off the cool cloth, he set it aside and soon drifted into a light sleep.

  He woke with his headache gone and felt much better. The fatigue was a thing of the past… at least for now. Slowly he sat up and assessed his situation. There was no pain, his heart didn’t seem to be racing, he wasn’t warm any longer, and his head felt normal. Robin checked the clock. It was nearly time for dinner and to meet his addition to the tour group. He got to his feet, drank a cool glass of water, then headed downstairs.

  The group hadn’t returned yet, but he was sure they would once dinnertime approached. Robin wished he’d brought his laptop down with him. He needed to check the information on the person joining them, but he didn’t want to go back up, so he went through the process of logging into the proprietary system through his phone. It was always a pain, but he was able to find the email.

  “Hello, Robin.”

  A zing went up his spine, and he raised his gaze from his phone. He blinked, pushing away the momentary warmth that threatened to engulf him. “Mason, what are you doing here?” He glanced back at his phone and his heart sank. Mason was joining his group. Robin’s stomach leapt as part of him wondered if Mason was here because he’d realized he wanted him back or if this was just a coincidence. Somehow he didn’t think it was.

  “I heard you were giving this tour, and I always wanted to visit this area… so I figured I’d see what you were up to.” Mason smiled that completely disarmingly warm smile that Robin had fallen in love with years ago.

  “You actually took this tour because I was leading it?” Robin asked, tamping down the touch of excitement. He reminded himself that Mason had left him, trampling his self-confidence under his feet as he did. “Do you really think that was a good idea?”

  “We’re friends, aren’t we?” Mason asked, and Robin blinked, trying to figure out exactly what he was getting at.

  “Is that what we are?” Robin asked. “After five years and plans to spend the rest of our lives together… now we’re just friends?” He kept his voice even.

  “Well, yeah. We were together for five years, but things didn’t work out.” Mason shrugged as though it were nothing. “It isn’t a big deal… is it, Robin?” Mason leaned slightly closer.

  Robin hated that smug, I-know-what’s-best attitude. “You know what? It isn’t a big deal, because you certainly aren’t one,” he retorted. “If you want to join the tour, go ahead. Have fun.” Now it was Robin’s turn to smile. “But if you cause any trouble, I have the right to leave you. Check the contract. And you’ll see that I’m the one to determine if you’re causing trouble.” Robin stood. He needed some fresh air. “So be good.”

  “Is this really how it’s going to be? It’s been months since I’ve seen you, and I had some time off work, so I came over and thought I’d check on how you were doing.” Mason sounded sincere, but Robin had his doubts.

  “If you were so damn concerned about me, then you could have called and saved yourself all the expense and effort.” He felt his backbone hardening. Still, Mason’s eyes and the way his upper lip pressed outward just a touch were so familiar and comforting. He understood them.

  “Robin, are you feeling better?” Johan asked as he came in. He took in Mason. “Are you the addition to the group?”

  Mason visibly tensed. Not often was Mason second best in the looks department, but he certainly was to Johan, who was slightly taller, broader, and his features a little more chiseled than Mason’s.

  “Yes. Thank you. I am, Robin answered before turning slightly. “This is Mason. He’s going to be joining us for the rest of the trip.”


  Johan looked at the two of them alternately as though trying to assess the tension. “Everyone is gathering for dinner.” Johan motioned Mason forward. “The group is just through there.”

  Mason didn’t argue, and Robin released the breath he’d been holding.

  “That’s my ex,” Robin confessed, and Johan watched as Mason turned to join the others.

  “We are ready for dinner,” the young lady who had checked them in said, and Robin went on through, gathering the troops and getting them moving in the right direction.

  “I need to check on the bus. I haven’t done it today. I will be back in a few minutes.” Johan flashed a quick smile and hurried off.

  “Here is the extra key,” the young lady said, handing Robin the key to Mason’s room.

  Robin slipped it in his pocket and went to dinner.

  Robin liked the dining room. It had an old-fashioned, heavy, dark Germanic feel to it, as though it had been there for hundreds of years. It probably had been, for all he knew. Often buildings started out life with one purpose, were added on to, renovated, changed, and came through to modern times with a whole new lease on life. This could very well be one of those places. Robin took a seat at one of the empty tables, leaving a chair for Johan. The rest of the tour had turned quiet and seemed a little tired.

  When most of the group was seated, Robin stood. “We have a new member to our group.” He looked for Mason, surprised he wasn’t already in the room. Mason came in, shaking his hands, and Robin realized he’d gone to wash up. “Everyone, this is Mason.”

  Everyone said hello, and Billy and Kyle, who came in right behind Mason, walked to where Robin was sitting and took the seats across from him.