Too Much to Lose

by Holt, Samantha

  I lift his T-shirt to his armpits and he tries to raise his arm but his face contorts with pain and I drop it.

  “Damn.” He hisses.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. I guess the painkillers have worn off.”

  “You’re not due anymore for another hour.”

  “Rip it.”

  “What?”

  “Rip it off.” He chuckles when I blink at him. “The T-shirt?”

  “Oh. You sure?”

  “Yeah, it’s just a T-shirt.”

  I reach for the hem again and tug, letting loose a sound of frustration when it doesn’t give. I try again and Hunter laughs.

  “Don’t laugh. It’s not easy.”

  With one hand, he directs mine to hold the bottom tight and he pulls hard. The top rips at the side seam and I can tear it apart.

  “Show off.” I stick out my tongue as I yank at the sleeve and it tears there too. I fling the tattered fabric aside.

  “Under any other circumstances, I’d really be enjoying this.”

  “Oh really?” Finding the snap of his jeans, I pop it open and pull down the zipper. His arousal juts against his briefs. “Looks to me like you’re enjoying it already.”

  “You can’t blame me. You just need to touch me and I’m hard and here you are stripping me.”

  “I don’t blame you, Hunter.” I say softly, unable to resist skimming my fingers down his stomach. “Just touching you turns me on too.”

  He groans. “You’re not making this any easier.”

  “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  I don’t argue. He’s right. I can’t help enjoying this little bit of power. The man has so much over me, it’s nice to redress the balance.

  Pulling down his jeans, I admire his strong legs as I tug the denim off. Then I stand and swallow, my hands coming to the waistband of his black underwear. Breath held, I remind myself I intended to take care of him, not lust over him. He’s spent so much time and energy looking after me, I need to repay him. My way of apologizing perhaps.

  Gaze locked onto his, I pull his briefs away and down. Thankfully his hypnotic eyes capture me and prevent me from gawping as I push them down. He steps out of them, never looking away. My hands shake when I splay them across his chest, unable to resist. I need the warmth and vitality of him. I thought I’d lost that. His heart beating against my palm sends soothing spirals of heat through me.

  “Get in.” My voice is hoarse from want but I’m determined to show him how much he means to me.

  He dips his head in acquiescence. The old-fashioned gesture makes my heart squeeze. Hunter climbs into the bath and I can’t resist staring at his rear. The ridiculous notion of wanting to bite into it strikes. I skim my gaze up and watch the muscles across his back flex and pull. Tingles spread through me, straight to my sex, and I bite my lip.

  He sinks into the bubbles and waits. I can’t tell if he’s teasing me or what but he seems to like me bossing him around.

  “Lie back then,” I say, exasperation tingeing my voice. He’s not making it any easier and he knows it.

  I grab a wash cloth and rub down his arms and across his chest. He gingerly lifts his sprained arm to allow me to clean the smell of hospital from him.

  “Are you going to do my back?” he asks as I finish wiping down his chest.

  “Yes.”

  “It would be a lot easier if you were in here with me.”

  “I—”

  He’s right but there’s no way I’ll be able to control myself if I get in. And Hunter does not need me jumping all over him. He needs rest. Also I have to somehow prove to him how much I care. As great as the sex is, I can’t keep my head straight. How am I meant to show him I’m better than that when all I want to do is ride him? Sex is easy. Feelings aren’t. But Hunter’s always been honest and accepting—with the exception of hiding his job, of course.

  Now I’m over the sting of it, how can I hold a grudge? I kept far more from him—far more of myself from him—while he took it all. My sordid past, my need to keep myself closed off from others. He took it in his stride and responded with utter sincerity.

  Which is more than can be said for me.

  “Get in,” he says softly, snapping me from my thoughts.

  “Hunter, you need to rest.”

  “I can rest later. My back needs washing. Get in.”

  “Listen…”

  He snatches my arm, his wet fingers dampening my top. “What is there that you can’t tell me in the bath?”

  I shake my head. “Lots. You and I both know as soon as I get in the bath, we won’t be talking.”

  “I’m not an animal. I can restrain myself.”

  “Yes, but I can’t.”

  Hunter chuckles and swipes a wet finger across my nose. “Princess, you know what? You’re good for a man’s ego.” He sits up and pulls the hem of my top out of my trousers. “Now quit wasting time and get naked.”

  With a sigh, I stand, resigned. Hair slightly damp, skin sheening, bubbles sticking to his legs, he’s impossible to resist. And when he looks at me with such passion, I’m powerless.

  I peel my top over my head and get rid of my bra quickly. I don’t meet his gaze but I feel him tracking my every movement. Once my trousers and socks are off, I take my time skimming my panties down as I try to give myself a moment to gather my thoughts and plan ahead. How am I going to get Hunter to understand how strongly I feel for him without making a fool of myself and without succumbing to his seductions?

  “Move over,” I tell him and he slides forward, water sloshing over the edge.

  I climb in behind him and sink into the warm water. It eases my racing heart and I release a long breath. I hadn’t realized how tense I was but it has been a long couple of days. With my legs on either side of him, Hunter nestled between them, I smooth my hands over his back and he groans.

  “Jessie, I think your idea of taking care of me is my idea of torture. I need to touch you.”

  I wiggle my toes near his thigh. “Touch me then.”

  His sounds of agony makes me laugh. He has no idea how hard it is for me not to climb on top of him and sink him deep into me. But I’m determined to do this. I knead my fingers into his back, massage the tense muscles there and work loose the knots. By the time I’m done with him, I’m burning with need but I have my thoughts a little more on track and he is definitely relaxed. His head lolls back when I push my thumbs against the top of his spine and his sounds of appreciation send warmth into my belly.

  Snatching some shampoo from the side, I pour some into my palm and begin to rub it through his hair. I winnow my fingers through his dark locks and rub briskly at his scalp.

  “Christ, that feels amazing.”

  “Good.” I shuffle a little closer until my breasts are pressed to his back.

  “That feels even better.”

  “I want you to feel good, Hunter. You make me feel so good, I need to do the same for you.” I begin rinsing the shampoo with handfuls of water.

  “Jess—” He tries to turn but I put my hands to his shoulders and start working on his muscles again.

  “Shhh, I need to get this out and I can’t have you distracting me.” His shoulders soften as he acquiesces. “You make me feel better than… than I can ever remember. You also made me feel really, really bad.”

  “Princess, you know I—”

  “But that’s because… because well I love you so much.” Silence. I swallow. “I nearly lost you, Hunter, and I don’t want to lose you again. You did something out of desperation and I understand that now. Me, more than anyone, can understand that. And while you were accepting of my bad decisions, I wasn’t accepting of yours. I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”

  He turns then, sending water everywhere. My tongue dries, my resolve melts, like ice on a hot day. Hunter is so insanely beautiful with his hair all spiky and damp and falling in curls across his forehead. I put my hands to his shou
lders—to hold him back or pull him forward, I don’t know, but he makes the decision for me. One arm wraps around my waist and lifts me easily onto his lap. I straddle him and feel the hard heat waiting for me.

  Using both hands, he smoothes back my hair and holds my face so he can stare down at me. “We’ve both made bad decisions and I didn’t deal with your actions any better than you did with mine. It took me over a week to figure it out and to get over my ego.” He presses the lightest of kisses to the corner of my mouth before pulling back and looking at me once more. “We’re the same you see, Jess, you and me. That’s why I love you so damn much.”

  I don’t know what to say. I’m still not sure I deserve him. But he’s right. We’re the same. Both determined to follow our own paths, yet somehow they connected and there’s no going back. I can’t imagine life without Hunter now.

  “I love you too,” I finally spill out, the words fractured and fragile.

  “I love you.” He kisses me full on the mouth this time, hold still strong on my face, making me feel protected and desired all at the same time. “I love you,” he mutters against my lips.

  “I love you,” I respond. His mouth moves roughly across my face and his bristles drag against my skin in the most erotic way, sensitizing me. “Love you… love you…” I repeat and he echoes this between peppering kisses down the side of my neck and up to my ear.

  “Love you always. Love you forever. To the moon and back. More than that.”

  I’d giggle if the words didn’t sound so urgent and sincere—if they didn’t mirror everything I’m feeling. Finally, he finds my mouth again but he pulls back before I can take the kiss deeper.

  “No one will ever understand how much I love you.”

  “I know. I feel the same way.”

  With that, he takes my mouth with a deep, soul-pervading kiss. It’s the best kiss of my life. It doesn’t hold the excitement or the thrill of our first kiss but it’s like he’s pouring his love into me. My chest expands, my heart swells. My mind drifts to some unknown dimension where I’m frightened of nothing and excited by everything. The world holds so much promise again and it’s all because of Hunter.

  Hunter’s tongue presses forcefully against mine, searching deeper, and I grip his hair to hold him close. Our wet bodies slide together and the water swirls around us. His hardness teases me and I rock against it, creating a tidal wave of water building around us while the pleasure inside me does the same, growing until my breath comes in pants and I can’t keep up with his kisses anymore. All I can do is let him take it all as I move mindlessly against him.

  He rips his mouth away. “Need protection,” he mutters, panting for breath.

  I reach back and as my back arches, lifting my breasts, he secures his mouth around one tight nipple while hooking an arm around my back. I shudder and fumble around until I find the condoms I bought earlier.

  “I can’t wait, princess. Is that okay? I need you too much.”

  “Yes. Yes, please.” I’m buzzing with lust by now. I just want him inside me, as close as two people can be.

  He lifts his hips and we sheath him. Using his good arm, he manoeuvres me back onto his lap and with barely a moment’s hesitation, he impales me. We freeze and shock burns through my system at the intensity of it. He buries his face in my neck and I spread my hands across the tense muscles in his back. It gratifies me to note our lovemaking has the same effect on him as it does me.

  I stroke the back of his head and register his hard legs beneath me, his firm chest against mine and his powerful arms enclosing me. If I didn’t want him so bad, I’d happily stay like this forever. But I can’t. I need him deeper inside me right now. I move the tiniest fraction and that sparks a chain reaction. Now there’s no holding back.

  He lifts me and I drop down and he’s in me, harder and deeper than before. We move together, seamlessly but desperately, like old lovers who have been apart for years. I splinter quickly as he pounds up into me. Shaking and gasping his name, I kiss him unsteadily and the orgasm blows through me. With a few short thrusts, he utters a guttural curse and follows me. We collapse together—sated. Only our heavy breaths and the drip of a tap resonates through the room.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Hunter

  I study the woman next to me, curled up into my side. Her nose is buried against my ribs. I don’t know how she’s even able to breathe like that. It always tugs at my heart seeing her all tucked up in a little ball. The love I feel for this woman blows my mind. Three days of doing nothing but recuperating—well, and a little loving—in a hotel room with her and I’m still craving more.

  I came too close to losing her though. She’s returning to work tomorrow now her sick leave has run out and she’ll be back out in the world.

  Exposed to danger.

  I slide off the bed and sneak into the bathroom, snatching my mobile as I go. Jess sleeps on, exhausted from last night probably. The vixen sure knows how to keep a man on edge. With the bathroom door closed, I flick on the shower over the bath and find Mitch on my mobile.

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s me.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Bathroom. Look did you get the info?”

  “Yeah, I even rang it.”

  “Is it him?”

  “I believe so. Connor and I followed him when we made the call.”

  “Good.” While I’d been recovering, Mitch and Connor had been doing my dirty work and it seems both of them were better detectives than I thought. After digging up Lucas’s mobile number, they were able to track him using his GPS thanks to the IT guy Mitch keeps on contract.

  “What are you going to do, Hunter?”

  “I’m going to get rid of this guy once and for all.” I curl my hand over the edge of the sink and imagine its Lucas’s windpipe instead.

  “Tell me you’re not going to kill him,” Mitch pleads.

  “I’m just going to scare him. Hurt him a little. You know full well the cops can’t prove anything. The bike was clean of fingerprints. The only way to ensure Jess’s safety is to go around the law. Hell, it’s not like he’ll go running to the cops after everything he’s done.”

  “Hunter—”

  “I’ll throw around a few threats, add in a few punches and I’ll send the guy packing. He’s not a big guy, is he?”

  “Nah, late forties, in decent shape but nothing on you. We followed him around, kept an eye on him like you asked, but listen… there’s been a murder over that way. I didn’t want to say anything when we dropped your stuff off, but—get this—it’s an ex porn star.”

  “Shit. You think it was him?” I scrub a hand over my face.

  Mitch lets out a long exhale. “What do you think? Bit of a coincidence.”

  “The cops have any leads?”

  “You know how it is… they’re making enquiries. Who knows if they’ll pin it on him. You need to be careful. Let us go with you.”

  “No. I need you with Jess. I can deal with this, don’t worry. This guy spent years hiding behind his position. I’m telling you, Mitch, I know people like this. They can’t handle confrontation. I’ll scare him easily enough.”

  “If you need to pay him off…”

  “I know, I appreciate it. I owe you big time for everything you’ve done already, but money isn’t going to cut it with him. I need to scare the shit out of him.” Over the noise of the shower, I hear the bed creaking. “I’ve gotta go. Text me Lucas’s number.”

  “How are you going to get him to meet you?”

  “I’m going to offer him the one thing he can’t refuse.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Jess.”

  The door handle rattles and I slam shut my phone as Jess creeps in. She greets me with a sleepy grin. “You’re up early.”

  “Yeah, couldn’t sleep. Been spending too much time in bed.”

  Jess sidles up to me and presses herself flat against my chest. Coming to tip toes, she sweeps her lips over min
e.

  “Haven’t brushed,” I protest but my body doesn’t care. The feel of her curves and the silky skin of her thighs brushing my bare legs is enough to send me into overdrive. I finger the expensive silk thing she’s wearing, thoughtfully provided by Mitch. I scowl. He better not have pictured her in it.

  “Don’t care,” she murmurs and snakes her arms around my neck. “Were you going to take a shower?”

  I glance at the running water. “Yeah. Care to join me?”

  Jess nods, lip tucked under her top teeth. I push off one flimsy strap, then the other. The material hangs for a moment on her breasts before pooling at her feet.

  “Oops.” She giggles.

  “Goddamn.” I take the sight of all the golden skin and the delicate paler bits. In the bright light of the bathroom, I see everything. There’s no hiding anything and every inch of her is perfect to me. “Get in the shower,” I order.

  She hurries under the water, giving me a good view of that lush ass that’s driven me mad for so long as I slip off my boxers.

  “I could lick you all over,” I tell her and climb in next to her.

  With sparkling eyes, she gazes up at me. “You already did.”

  “Oh yeah.” I recall last night and how I had her writhing and begging for mercy beneath me. “Well, I could do it again.” Another big smile. I sweep aside a wet strand of hair from her face. “I love you like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “Make-upless and happy. Confident, I guess.”

  “I like me like this too. It’s only for you.”

  “I get that. I don’t mind the make-up and everything but I’m damned glad you don’t feel you have to use it around me anymore.”

  “I don’t think I could hide anything from you anyway. I always felt like you stripped me bare.”

  I grab her rear and slot her against me. My arousal rubs against her and I groan. “Damn right.”

  The thought that I nearly lost this drives me forward, pressing her hard against the wall. Water beats my back. I take her mouth and claim her body with rough squeezes. She gasps but quickly catches on, skimming her hands over my shoulder blades and ass. I shudder in spite of the warmth of the shower.