by Radclyffe
would demand far too much confession. She couldn’t explain about Dev and
Mike. She couldn’t say she’d needed to be somewhere else, be someone else.
That she’d needed to leave behind the person she couldn’t look at in the mirror,
to reinvent herself.
She’d done a good job of it. She was successful. She was respected by her
colleagues. She had a lover who was beautiful and smart. And yet here she was.
Leslie wondered why.
What came to mind was the way the lake gleamed in the dawn light, and the
crisp pine-scented air that blew through the windows of her cabin at night, and
the way Dev had gazed at her that morning—
as if she’d really seen her. She remembered asking Dev why she was being so
kind.
• 109 •
RADCLY fFE
Because I used to be in love with you.
Leslie shook her head. Past tense. Past dreams. Past mistakes. All behind her
now. And that was where she was determined it all would stay.
“I’m going down the street to the Starbucks for coffee. Want one?”
“Tea, I think. Thanks.”
“Be right back.” As soon as Leslie exited the hospital, she pressed Rachel’s cell
number on the speed dial. To her surprise, Rachel answered. “Hi, Rach, it’s
me.”
“Hello, darling. I’ve just got a minute, but I saw it was you and I was going to
call you anyhow. Can you get down to the city this weekend? There’s a
fundraiser Saturday night we should go to.”
“I can’t. My father’s had an accident—a broken leg. He’s in surgery right now.”
“Damn. I really need to put in an appearance at this thing.” There was silence for
a few seconds. “Maybe I can come up for a few hours on Sunday.”
“Thanks, but you don’t need to. I just can’t get away right now.”
“I’m so sorry, darling. Are you sure?”
“Yes. Really. There’s nothing to be done, but I can’t leave my mother with
everything at the lodge right now.”
Rachel’s tone was cautious. “I suppose that means you’ll be staying a bit
longer?”
“At least another week or so.” Leslie hesitated. “Maybe you can come up over
the Fourth of July recess.”
“I suppose that’s a possibility. Look, we’ll talk more later.”
“All right. Call me.”
“I will. Love you, darling. Bye.”
“Goodbye,” Leslie said, and slipped her BlackBerry into her purse. As she
stepped into line at the coffee counter, she tried to bring Rachel’s face into
focus. When she couldn’t, she told herself that was completely normal and
meant nothing. Then, for just a second, she had a crystal-clear image of Dev,
and the intensity in Dev’s eyes was so sharp she gasped.
“Help you, ma’am?”
Leslie jerked and stared at the young man behind the counter, thankful for the
diversion. “Yes. Large coffee. And a tea.”
• 110 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Sure. Anything else?”
A little dose of reality would be good, Leslie thought. She smiled faintly. “No.
Thanks. I’m Þ ne.”
She seemed to be saying that a lot lately, but she was starting to wonder. She
glanced at her watch. Unfortunately, she’d still have time for the tests she’d
scheduled. At least if she had them, she’d be one step closer to getting back to
Manhattan and getting her life back. That was reason enough to keep the
appointment.
• 111 •
• 112 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dr. Weber?”
Dev glanced up from the microscope toward the young redhead who stood in
the doorway of her lab. “Hi, Susan. What’s up?”
“There’s a visitor downstairs for you. A Ms. Evans. Do you want me to bring
her up?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll go down. Thanks.”
Dev stored the specimens she’d been examining in the refrigerator, tossed her
lab coat over a swivel chair behind her desk, and walked down the wide,
brightly lit hallway to the stairwell. Her summer ofÞ ce at the Marine Life
Institute was on the fourth ß oor, and it only took her a moment to reach the
atrium lobby. Floor-to-ceiling windows offered a picturesque view of the lake.
Natalie, looking fresh and relaxed in civilian clothes, stood gazing out. Her pale
yellow blouse and coffee-colored shorts complemented her subtle tan. She
turned and smiled at Dev’s approach.
“Am I interrupting?” Natalie asked.
“Nothing that won’t keep. Day off?”
Natalie nodded. “With the Fourth coming up in a little over a week, the holiday
visitors will arrive in force starting tomorrow. I can’t count on time off again for
a while. Besides, I wanted to see you before you head out to the islands.”
“I have to postpone that for a couple of days,” Dev said. “How about we grab
lunch and I’ll explain.”
“How about we pick up sandwiches and take my boat out for a few hours. I
keep it moored at the station. One of the perks of the job.”
Dev checked her watch. “I have to be back in by six.”
• 113 •
RADCLY fFE
Natalie threaded her arm through Dev’s. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you home by
curfew.”
Laughing, Dev let Natalie lead her from the building into the bright sunshine. On
the way to the ranger station, she explained about Paul Harris.
“So you’re Þ lling in at the lodge?” Natalie asked, eyeing Dev curiously. She
pulled into the station lot and parked close to the boat docks.
“A bit.”
“Nice of you.” Natalie climbed out and pointed to a cooler on the backseat of
her car. “Can you grab that?”
“Sure.”
Dev wondered at Natalie’s sudden silence while they checked gear and cast off,
but once they were underway, Natalie seemed herself again—chatting casually
about events at the station and pointing out her favorite spots on the lake.
Twenty minutes later, they dropped anchor in a small cove on the far side of a
smaller island in the Glen Island Group. Other than boats passing by within sight
—but not shouting distance—they were alone.
“This is some boat,” Dev said. Natalie’s twenty-three-foot Þ berglass SeaCraft
had a cuddy cabin, an enclosed area in the front of the boat with sleeping and
lavatory facilities, and a spacious rear deck for Þ shing or recreational activities.
“Do you sleep out on her much?”
“Now and then.” Natalie grinned. “It comes in handy for impromptu getaways.”
“I’ll bet.” Dev spread her arms out along the back of the built-in bench and tilted
her face up to the sky. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d actually
relaxed.
“You’re going to roast in jeans and a T-shirt out here. I can probably Þ nd a suit
for you in the locker,” Natalie said as she pulled two St. Pauli Girls from the
cooler. “Beer?”
Dev turned her head and smiled lazily. “Sure. Do you have any objection to
underwear?”
Natalie froze with her arm extended, the beer in her hand. “I guess it depends.
Are we talking on or off? And just what ki
nd of underwear?”
“The utilitarian kind, I’m afraid.” Dev stood, unzipped her jeans, and pushed
them down. She wore navy stretch boxers underneath that
• 114 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
reached to mid-thigh. She unlaced her boots, shucked her pants, and stripped
off her T-shirt to reveal a black sports bra.
“I guess you meant on,” Natalie said, swallowing hard. Dev’s body looked
exactly as she’d anticipated from the glimpse she’d had in Dev’s cabin a few
days before. Her shoulders and chest were nicely muscled, her breasts neither
small nor large, her abdomen smooth and strong looking. The scars on her leg
were more prominent in the sunlight. She handed Dev her beer and sat down
next to her, their thighs separated by a few inches of air that seemed to undulate
with heat. “Good thing you’re keeping your assets covered.”
Dev raised a brow.
“Too much water trafÞ c to risk going au naturel.”
“It’s great out here,” Dev said as she took the beer. “Thanks.”
“Believe me, it’s my pleasure.”
Dev grinned. When she noticed Natalie glance at her leg for the second time,
she said, “Motorcycle accident. Youthful misadventure.”
Natalie regarded her seriously. “It must have been a hell of an accident. I’m
sorry if it’s a sensitive topic.”
“That’s okay.” Dev rested the beer bottle on her hip and regarded the scars
pensively. Sunlight Þ ltered through the green glass and created slashes of color
across her thigh. Until the last week, she’d rarely thought about those times.
Now she seemed to be practically immersed in the memories. “I learned several
very important lessons and fortunately lived to appreciate them.”
“How old were you?”
“Seventeen.”
Natalie caught her breath. “God, that’s tough when you’re that age.”
“I was lucky. I shattered my femur and had a pretty serious concussion, but I
didn’t break my neck or my back. I didn’t lose my leg.” Dev shrugged and
pulled on her beer. “Christ, it could’ve been a mess. I got off easy.”
Somehow, Natalie didn’t think so, but she wasn’t sure how deeply to probe.
She stroked Dev’s forearm, feeling as if her comfort was woefully inadequate.
“You make it sound like you were being punished.”
“Do I? I guess so. I guess I was—being punished in a way. I was drinking.”
• 115 •
RADCLY fFE
“Ah, God. That’s hard.”
“I was a hothead and a bit of a fuck-off,” Dev said, smiling ruefully.
“Fortunately, I wasn’t so thickheaded not to appreciate the fact that I didn’t
wake up in a wheelchair. Or worse.”
“Sometimes I wonder how any of us survived adolescence.”
“You too?” Dev asked.
Natalie shrugged. “I went through a period where I tried really hard to Þ t in,
even though I knew I didn’t. I slept my way through my senior year in high
school and part of my Þ rst year in college with any guy that came along. Then I
got pregnant. And I had an abortion. Then I decided it was time to stop lying to
myself about how I felt about girls.”
“Did that solve your problems?”
“Most of them.” Natalie laughed. “Of course, then I had to deal with getting my
heart broken by the Þ rst few girls I fell for.”
Dev turned her palm up and Natalie slipped hers into it. “I wonder if it would
have been any easier if someone had told us it was okay to be gay? It’s always
hard to be different.”
“Well,” Natalie said, sliding closer to Dev until she was nestled against her side,
“I think if you’d been around in high school I might have risked it.”
“Don’t be so sure. I was so far outside the popular circle, just being seen with
me invited talk.”
Natalie rested her cheek against Dev’s arm and drew her legs up onto the seat.
“No friends?”
“Just Leslie,” Dev said quietly, wondering now what it had cost Leslie to
befriend her.
“Leslie Harris?” Natalie said, stiffening slightly.
Dev looked down into Natalie’s eyes. “Yes.”
“Were you an item?”
“Christ, no,” Dev said, laughing with a tinge of bitterness. “Leslie was so
different than me. Probably a lot like you—pretty, popular, the girl every other
girl wanted to be best friends with, and the one every boy wanted to date.”
“But not you.” Natalie spoke gently, understanding.
“Not me what?”
“You didn’t want to be best friends with her.”
“No,” Dev said roughly. “That’s not what I wanted.”
• 116 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“Is it hard, seeing her now?”
“Not really.” Dev sighed. “Not when I remind myself that we’re adults now.
Different people.”
“I wonder how much any of us really changes,” Natalie mused.
“I’m not the crazy, mixed-up kid I was ten years ago, but I don’t know how
different I really am either.”
“If you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve said I’d changed a lot.” Dev
drained her beer. “Now, I’m not so sure.”
Natalie shifted until she straddled Dev’s lap, her hands on Dev’s shoulders and
their foreheads nearly touching. “Oh yeah? You don’t look like such a bad girl
now,” she whispered. “But I bet you could be, under the right circumstances.
Wanna Þ nd out?”
Dev rested her hands lightly on Natalie’s waist. Natalie looked good. She
smelled good. She felt even better. Dev’s body tightened and throbbed. Her
breathing ratcheted up. “If we’d just met, I’d be all over you right now.”
Natalie’s eyes widened. “I wouldn’t stop you. I’m not stopping you. God, Dev,
I’m so crazy hot for you.”
“Ditto,” Dev gasped, willing her hips to stay nailed to the seat.
What she wanted to do was pull Natalie down and grind against her.
She wanted to press her face between Natalie’s breasts and lick the sweat from
every inch of her skin. She wanted to fuck her. And that was the problem.
Gently, she guided Natalie off her lap and back to the bench. “Somehow things
sort of slipped past the point where I can have a casual fuck with you, Nat. I’m
sorry.”
“You bastard,” Natalie said, half angry, half laughing. “How am I supposed to
complain when you say something like that?” She groaned and ran her hands
through her hair. “What if I told you I just wanted a nice friendly affair?”
“I’d say I had to think about it.” Dev got up and pulled two more beers from the
cooler. She popped the caps and handed one to Natalie.
“When you weren’t sitting in my lap and I wasn’t turned on so bad I couldn’t
put two sentences together.”
“You really are a pain in the ass, Dev,” Natalie chided, sipping her beer.
“So I’ve been told.”
Natalie patted the bench. “Sit down. I’m not mad, just horny.”
“Sorry.” Dev sat.
• 117 •
RADCLY fFE
With a sigh, Natalie turned on the seat so her back was against Dev’s shoulder
and her legs stretched out in front of
her. “Do me a favor, okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m a big girl, and I know what I’m doing. So just think about it.”
“Okay,” Dev said softly. “I can do that.”
v
Dev pulled into the Lakeview parking lot right behind a big, shiny black Jeep
Cherokee. When she saw Leslie get out, she walked over to her.
“Nice ride.”
Leslie grinned. “Wait’ll my father sees it.”
“How is he?”
“So far, things look really promising. They Þ nished just after eleven this morning
and the orthopedic surgeon thought the nerves were just traumatized—not
permanently damaged.”
“That’s terriÞ c.”
“Yes. We’ll know more in a few days.” Leslie locked the truck and started
toward the lodge with Dev. “I called you once he was in recovery, but I got
voicemail. Did you get the message?”
“Sorry, I was out on the lake when you called and didn’t get in until just a few
minutes ago.”
Leslie cocked her head. “You look like you got some sun.
Working?”
Dev shook her head. “No. Natalie came by the lab and we took her boat out
for a couple of hours.”
“Oh,” Leslie said. “That’s nice.” She stopped on the porch. “I can handle things
here tonight, Dev. You’ve done enough already. Thank you.” She turned her
back and opened the door.
Dev caught the edge of the door with her hand and followed her inside. “I
checked in four more guests this morning before I went to the lab. There’s a
pretty full house tonight.”
“My mother has always been able to handle it. I should be able to.”
Leslie pushed through the swinging door into the kitchen and turned,
exasperated, when Dev followed. “Let me see if I can be clearer. Go away.”
• 118 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I won’t help. I’ll just watch.” Dev folded her arms and leaned against the wall.
Leslie stared at her, resisting the urge to grind her teeth. Then she stalked to the
refrigerator and pulled down the menu marked for that day. She groaned. She
hated making salad. “Fine.” She wrenched open the refrigerator door and
reached inside. “Here.”
Dev caught the Þ rst head of lettuce effortlessly. The second was a bit more of a
challenge with one hand already full. The third and fourth left bits of green
hanging from the collar of her shirt as she scooped them against her chest. “No,”
