by Radclyffe
she shouted as Leslie drew back to pitch the Þ fth.
Laughing, Leslie stopped in mid-throw. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I’m
throwing lettuce in my mother’s kitchen like I’m Þ fteen.
What is it about this place?”
“Something in the air,” Dev said, understanding perfectly.
“It must be.” Leslie set the lettuce gently on the table, then went to Dev to
relieve her of the others. “I’m sorry. Let me take those.”
“I’ve got them. You go ahead and deal with the rest of dinner. I’ll take care of
these.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah.” As Dev checked the cabinets for a colander, she said, “So tell me
about the truck. When the hell did you have time to do that?”
“It’s amazing how quickly things go when you walk onto the lot knowing what
you want. Once you eliminate the barter, the process is surprisingly simple.”
Leslie shrugged. “When you don’t entertain alternatives, it’s easy to close a
deal.”
Dev recognized the tone of someone who was used to going up against
opponents quite a bit more daunting than car salesmen and winning. “I think I
feel sorry for them.”
“Who?”
“The attorneys who square off against you.”
Leslie laughed. “Most of the time they grossly overestimate the strength of their
cases because they fall for their own rhetoric and believe their own frequently ß
awed statistics. It’s not that difÞ cult to challenge the majority of the regulations
once you move beyond the emotion to facts.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that we’re destroying the planet?”
Leslie slid the Þ rst of three tins of lasagna into the oven. “I think you just made
my point.”
• 119 •
RADCLY fFE
Dev twisted a head of lettuce so hard it shredded in half in her hands. “I’m not
being emotional. I’m a scientist. I can cite the facts.
Better yet, I can take you down to the lake and show you the effects of thermal
alteration and industrial contamination on the Þ sh and ß oral growth.”
“I’m sure you’re an excellent scientist, Dev,” Leslie said calmly. “But there’s a
big leap between documenting changes in Þ sh populations and imposing
sweeping governmental restrictions on the corporate sector. Businesses are run
by people, you know. People who suffer because of these regulations.”
A muscle in Dev’s jaw twitched. She knew it wasn’t the time or place for this
kind of argument. Beyond that, she knew it wouldn’t do any good. She doubted
that Leslie would be doing any job she didn’t believe in, as hard as it was to
fathom that she’d chosen this side of the environmental debate. She tossed the
lettuce into the strainer and reached for another head. “Fish are people too.”
“Now there’s an argument that just might win in court,” Leslie said softly.
When Dev shot her a glance, Leslie smiled and some of the tension drained from
the room. “Let’s try for an easier subject,” Dev said. “Did you get your tests
today?”
Leslie shook her head. “I can see that you’re every bit as hardheaded as you
used to be.”
“You’re stalling.”
“Yes, most of them. The big ones.” Leslie turned her back and pulled two long
loaves of Italian bread from a basket next to the stove.
“Which ones?”
“An echocardiogram and a stress test.”
Dev felt a tightness in her chest just thinking that Leslie needed to have these
kinds of examinations. As casually as she could, she said,
“And?”
“There’s nothing structurally wrong with my heart.”
Dev slammed the lettuce down on the table, crossed to Leslie, and grabbed her
by the shoulders. She pulled her around until they were facing one another.
“Was that supposed to satisfy me?”
“I don’t have to satisfy you. There’s no reason I need to be telling you any of
this,” Leslie snapped, her eyes ß ashing. “And you can take your hands off me
now.”
• 120 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“You’re right.” Dev lifted her hands and stepped back a pace.
“Sorry.”
“Dev—”
But Dev didn’t hear the rest of Leslie’s sentence. She was already out the back
door and halfway down the steps. She hadn’t meant to touch her. Not then. Not
now. Leslie did things to her. Stirred places inside of her that she didn’t even
know were there until they bubbled up and exploded out of her. God, she’d
thought that part of her, that crazy well of temper and helpless wanting, was
gone. Wiped out on the highway with her blood, lost during the many months of
pain while she’d struggled to Þ nd her way back to some kind of life.
It hurt to know she’d been lying to herself all this time.
• 121 •
• 122 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Sitting on one of the stone benches along the shore, Dev watched the sunset,
trying to decide which was more beautiful, the beginning of the day or the
ending. Sunrise always seemed to bring the promise of possibility, and with it, an
undercurrent of joy. Nevertheless, she found this time of day to be her favorite,
even though it always made her a little bit sad for something she couldn’t name.
Tonight, mist rose from the lake, and as the sun dropped behind the mountains,
its last blue and purple rays were strewn across the water like angels cast out of
heaven.
“It’s almost too beautiful to look at, isn’t it?” Leslie said quietly.
Dev continued to stare at the lake. She hadn’t heard Leslie approach.
“Sometimes I wonder why I live anywhere else. I think your parents might have
the most beautiful spot on earth right here.”
“Do you mind if I sit down?”
“No, go ahead.”
After a few moments passed in silence and the colors leached from the sky,
leaving behind a pewter gray that would soon become black, Dev glanced at
Leslie. She’d changed into a V-neck sweater and jeans.
Her hair was loose, and in the hazy light, she could have passed for twenty. Dev
was stunned at an unexpected twist of longing and desire.
“I’m sorry about what happened in the kitchen. I—”
“No,” Leslie said quickly. “I’m sorry. That’s what I came to tell you.”
“How did you know where I was?”
“I didn’t. But your cabin was dark and your truck is still in the lot.”
After the guests were taken care of, she’d gone looking for Dev. At Þ rst
• 123 •
RADCLY fFE
when she’d seen that Dev wasn’t in her cabin, she’d thought Dev had probably
gone somewhere with Natalie. It was pretty clear they were dating, and why
that should bother her, she didn’t know. But it seemed to put her in a foul mood.
All the way home from the hospital, she’d been looking forward to seeing Dev
and then when Dev had mentioned taking the afternoon off to spend with
Natalie out on the lake, she’d felt foolish. The conversation about work and
Dev’s obvious disdain had frayed the last bit of her nerves, and she’d lost her
tem
per. She never lost her temper. She never behaved like this at all. Constantly
examining her every feeling. She didn’t ruminate, she acted.
“You’ve been a great help in the last few days,” Leslie said, determined to get
back on sane footing. “And I want you to know I appreciate it.”
“I didn’t mean to get so personal tonight,” Dev replied. “I shouldn’t have
badgered you about the tests.”
“It’s okay. It was…nice of you…to be concerned.” Leslie meant it, and
couldn’t help but wonder why Rachel hadn’t asked. To be fair, though, she had
downplayed the entire thing with everyone.
Dev couldn’t help herself. “Did everything else turn out okay?
Besides the echocardiogram?”
Leslie sighed. “Not exactly. At the very end of the stress test I had a little bit of
that irregular heartbeat thing happen. Nothing terrible, and I didn’t really have
any symptoms. I was a little short of breath, but I was running uphill at Þ ve
miles an hour.”
“So what did they say?”
“Oh, the usual. I should follow up with my physician. I should take my
medication. I should avoid stimulants and stress—” Leslie snorted. “That should
be simple enough.”
“So you’re going to do all that, right?”
It was almost dark, but Leslie could see Dev’s eyes shining in the moonlight.
Intense and penetrating. She’d know her eyes anywhere.
She’d know her voice anywhere too. Husky and low.
“I suppose,” Leslie said. She’d already decided to take the prescription
medication she’d been provided, at least on a trial basis.
Hopefully that would balance the coffee, because she had no intention of giving
that up . As to the stress, she couldn’t very well change her life.
“That’s good.” Dev’s hand was only an inch away from Leslie’s leg, but she
resisted the urge to touch her. “Any news on your dad?”
• 124 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I talked to my mother right before I came down here. He’s hungry and wants
to come home.” Leslie laughed. “Very positive signs.”
“Great news.”
“Yes. I’m sure he’ll be a lot happier recuperating here than in the hospital.”
“I can guarantee that.”
Leslie caught her breath. Would they ever be able to talk without the past
between them? Compelled by emotions that had lain buried since that night, she
spoke almost without volition. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you in the
hospital.”
“I wouldn’t have known,” Dev said quietly.
“That doesn’t matter. I should have come.” Leslie drew her legs up onto the
bench and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her cheek on her knee,
watching Dev’s face, which was clearer now that the moon had risen. “I don’t
have any excuses, Dev.”
Dev traced her Þ ngertips lightly over the back of Leslie’s hand, then pulled
back. “You don’t need any. You were young. We both were.
It was all pretty confusing.”
“You were my friend and I let Mike hurt you.” Leslie ruthlessly quelled the tears
that threatened to Þ ll her eyes. “I hurt you. I don’t expect you to forgive me,
but I want you to know I regret it—have regretted it ever since that night.”
“Leslie,” Dev said softly. “You couldn’t have stopped Mike. And I…I shouldn’t
have kissed you. It just happened.”
“I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t have any idea…I swear.” Leslie gripped Dev’s
arm. “I didn’t know what I was feeling back then. I didn’t know what was
happening between us.”
Dev couldn’t bear to hear the anguish in Leslie’s voice. She cupped Leslie’s
cheek and traced her thumb along the edge of her jaw.
“I know. It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
“No! It wasn’t your fault. There was no fault.” Leslie caught Dev’s hand,
pressed her lips to Dev’s palm. “How could there be, when we loved each
other?”
Leslie’s touch, Leslie’s words—the nearness of her. It was more than Dev
could take. She pushed her hand into Leslie’s hair and kissed her. It was so like
that Þ rst kiss, and so much more. She hadn’t known then what lay beyond the
soft warmth of Leslie’s mouth, just as she hadn’t fully recognized what her own
body craved. She knew now with aching clarity. When Leslie’s lips parted to
allow her entrance, Dev
• 125 •
RADCLY fFE
kissed her more deeply. She wrapped an arm around Leslie’s waist and pulled
her tightly to her. Leslie’s tongue met hers, not hesitantly, but every bit as
questing. Every bit as demanding.
Leslie Þ sted Dev’s shirt in both hands, pulling Dev closer still.
Dev reeled under an onslaught of sensation. Leslie’s mouth was so hot, her
body so Þ rm and pliant as it cleaved to every curve of her own.
When Leslie drew one thigh high over Dev’s so their legs entwined, Dev
groaned as heat rushed through her. She broke the kiss and crushed her mouth
to Leslie’s throat.
“God, Les,” Dev moaned.
Leslie arched her neck and clasped the back of Dev’s head, pressing her ß esh
against Dev’s teeth, wanting to be devoured. She snaked her hand beneath
Dev’s waistband and yanked her shirt free, wild for the feel of Dev’s skin.
When Dev’s hand skimmed beneath her sweater and closed over her breast,
she cried out and raked her nails up Dev’s abdomen.
Dev levered herself over Leslie’s body and braced her hands on the back of the
stone bench on either side of Leslie’s shoulders. While her mouth roamed
ravenously over Leslie’s throat and jaw and mouth, she ground her hips
between Leslie’s legs. When she felt Leslie’s Þ ngers dig into her ass and
Leslie’s hips surge to meet her, the roaring in her head drowned out all thought.
She was back in that other night, helpless with longing, drowning in emotions she
couldn’t even name. Leslie was her answer. Leslie was everything.
“Leslie,” Dev groaned, dropping to her knees on the pine-needle-covered
ground. She pushed up Leslie’s sweater and kissed her stomach while she
fumbled at the button on Leslie’s jeans. She needed her. More than breath.
More than the beat of her own heart. She needed her.
Dazed, Leslie thrust the Þ ngers of both hands into Dev’s hair, her back bowed
off the bench, her head thrown back, her eyes nearly sightless as the inky sky
and silver moon raced overhead. Leslie clutched Dev, afraid she might
disintegrate and ß y into pieces like so many bits of stardust.
Dev groaned. “Les, I love—”
Mike’s voice roared out of the darkness. Jesus, what the fuck—
“Oh my God,” Leslie gasped. “No!”
Dev jerked as if she’d been shot. She raised her head, her vision as wavy as if
she’d been clubbed. It took her a second to realize where
• 126 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
she was, what she was doing. Leslie’s clothes were askew, her jeans unzipped,
and she had her hand inside them. The expression on Leslie’s face was
something very close to fear.
“Oh, Jesus,” Dev
whispered.
Leslie shuddered, tears streaking her cheeks, staring at the shadows wavering
around them, half expecting Mike to drag Dev away from her again. Then the
dream trembled and broke and she knew where she was. What she’d done.
“Dev,” she murmured. “I can’t.”
“No, I know.” Breathless, Dev forced herself upright. Her stomach was a hard
ball of arousal, her legs shaking as if she’d run a marathon.
She curled her hands into Þ sts at her sides. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what
happened.” She took a step back, then another, then the darkness closed
around her.
“Dev,” Leslie called, but there was only the night.
v
Dev drove along Lakeshore Road for miles. This time, she was sober and
careful, but her mind and body still echoed with memories of Leslie. Like the Þ
rst time, but inÞ nitely more intense. She smelled her, tasted her on her lips, felt
her body along every inch of skin. Her stomach cramped with wanting. Her
hands trembled on the wheel.
“Oh Christ,” she groaned aloud. “Why can’t I get free of her?”
She didn’t expect an answer, because she knew there wasn’t one.
Because it wasn’t Leslie, not the woman she’d practically accosted an hour ago,
who haunted her. It was the girl she’d lost and never gotten over missing. It was
the dreams that had died and that she couldn’t let go of. It was something inside
of her that kept the memories alive, even though she’d thought she’d put them to
rest. She drove until fatigue replaced desire, at least for the moment.
By the time she pulled into the parking lot at Lakeview it was the middle of the
night. The lodge was dark. She took a small ß ashlight from her glove box and
used it to light her way through the woods to her cabin. She did not look toward
Leslie’s as she passed, although it took effort not to. When she turned onto the
path to her own place, she felt a change in the air. She slowed.
“Les?”
“Can we talk?” Leslie said from the darkness.
• 127 •
RADCLY fFE
She sounded as weary as Dev felt.
“Okay,” Dev said as she climbed the steps to the porch. She sat next to her and
switched off her light. “Have you been here the whole time?”
“Yes.”
“You must be cold. I’ll get you a jacket.”
Leslie caught Dev’s arm to stop her, then quickly let go. “No.
