by Radclyffe
but Dev. But she wasn’t seventeen anymore, and she couldn’t just run away
from her life. She tried for a playful tone. “Can you stand waiting a few more
hours?”
“I might be able to,” Rachel said slowly, casting one quick look around as she
moved. She leaned down over Leslie, bracing an arm on either side of her, Þ
ngers curled around the arms of the wicker chair.
Her voice was barely a whisper. “But I can’t promise I won’t have to drag you
off into some dark corner. I am terribly, terribly ready for you.”
The heat of Rachel’s body was like a furnace raging between them, and just as
Leslie felt the Þ rst brush of Rachel’s lips, the porch light came on and Rachel
hurriedly straightened. Leslie rose quickly at the sound of a door opening and
footsteps on the porch. When she turned, her mother stopped abruptly a few
feet away, her expression uncertain.
“Mom,” Leslie said in a rush. “This is Rachel. Rachel, my mother.”
• 195 •
RADCLY fFE
Eileen smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Eileen. It’s nice to meet you.”
“So nice to meet you too. Thank you for allowing me to barge in this way,”
Rachel said graciously. “It’s very beautiful here.”
“We think so too.” Eileen turned to Leslie. “Honey, you don’t need to he—”
“No, that’s Þ ne,” Leslie said hastily. “Really. I’ll just show Rachel the cabin so
she can change, and I’ll be right down to give you a hand.”
Leslie squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Okay?”
Rachel nodded. “Of course. I just need to get my overnight bag from the car.”
“You’ve been traveling all day. Stay here,” Leslie said. “Let me have your keys,
and I’ll get it.”
“Thank you, darling.” Rachel handed her the keys. “I packed light—I might not
have anything quite right for tonight.”
Leslie laughed. “You’re not required to wear jeans and hiking boots, I promise.”
“I’m ever so relieved.” Rachel smiled at Eileen, who appeared to be watching
the exchange with interest. “I’d be happy to do whatever I can to help with the
preparations too.”
“Absolutely not,” Eileen said with an emphatic shake of her head.
“You’re a guest. In fact, why don’t you come inside and I’ll introduce you to
Leslie’s father while I get a ß ashlight. Then I’ll walk you two down to the cabin
with the luggage.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Leslie said. “Rachel, I’ll be right back.”
Leslie hurried down the stairs, embarrassed to feel relieved that she and Rachel
would not be alone for a few more hours. Surely by the end of the evening, by
the time they were ready for bed, this disquieting sense of disorientation would
be gone. Because if it wasn’t, they were going to need to talk, and she wasn’t
even sure what she would say.
v
Dev sat on the front steps of her cabin listening to music and the sound of
laughter ß owing through the trees while she Þ nished her second beer. It was
eleven and she had put off going down to the boathouse for as long as she
could. She’d told Eileen she would put in an appearance, but that wasn’t the
real reason she stood up and started walking, making
• 196 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
her way down the wooded path by memory and moonlight. Leslie would be
there, and she wanted to see her.
Knowing it was a fool’s errand that would only end in pain, she asked herself
for the tenth time why she didn’t just call Natalie and spend the night with a
woman who wanted her. The excuses she’d used to keep Natalie at arm’s
length were wearing thin, even to her own ears. Refusing to explore a
relationship with Natalie wasn’t about being fair or unfair to Natalie. Natalie
hadn’t asked for anything more than friendship and shared pleasure. No,
refusing to become involved was about what it had always been about. It was
about wanting the one woman she just couldn’t have. Because Leslie was
always with someone else.
Dev jammed her hands in the pockets of her jeans, resisting the path she had
followed once to her own destruction. For the Þ rst time, she felt anger rather
than resignation ß are hot inside her.
She stopped on the ridge just above the boathouse, seeing it just as she had
seen it Þ fteen years before—light spilling out the door, people crowded around
the entrance, music ß oating from the open windows.
People drank, ß irted, loved, and she stood on the outside watching. She might
have come full circle, but she had arrived back at the beginning not as a
confused seventeen-year-old willing to give her heart away for a smile, but as a
woman who wanted more. Leslie was with someone else, and all Dev needed to
be free was to break the chain that held her to the past. There was one certain
way to do that. She shouldered through the crowd into the boathouse in search
of Leslie.
It only took her a minute to Þ nd her. Despite the dim light and the masses of
people, Dev’s gaze was drawn to her as if a beam of light, invisible to everyone
else, emanated from Leslie’s heart straight into her own. Rather than approach
her, Dev moved deeper into the shadows along the wall where she could watch
her without being seen.
A woman partially illuminated in moonlight stood beside Leslie, an arm curved
loosely around Leslie’s waist. There was no doubt about their relationship. The
woman held Leslie with an easy familiarity and subtle possessiveness.
Dev blinked as sweat ran into her eyes, but she couldn’t look away. She’d
never seen Leslie with a woman. She’d seen her with Mike, hundreds of times.
At football games, at dances, on the beach.
Mike had touched Leslie as if she were his too, but Dev had never
• 197 •
RADCLY fFE
believed it. Leslie had always held herself apart, always saved what was so
essentially Leslie for the moments when she and Dev were alone together.
Tonight was different. Tonight, a woman stood by Leslie’s side and the truth
was apparent. Leslie was with who she should be with, and Dev was not the
one she had chosen. As Dev watched, the copper-haired woman inclined her
head and kissed Leslie. The tie that had bound Dev to Leslie all her life snapped
with the fragile grace of a simple kiss.
As if Leslie felt it too, she pulled her head away and half turned in Dev’s
direction. Dev knew Leslie couldn’t see her across the crowded ß oor, in near
darkness, but for just an instant, she felt their eyes meet.
She whispered, Goodbye, Leslie, and this time, she meant it.
Dev strode from the boathouse, veering off at the end of the concrete ramp
toward the shore. A faint breeze came off the lake and she tilted her head up to
cool the sweat on her face.
“Dev!”
Dev looked over her shoulder and saw Leslie hurrying along the sand toward
her.
“Go back inside, Les,” Dev said, walking away.
“I can’t.”
Leslie’s voice was barely a whisper carried on the wind, but the pain was so
clear that Dev felt it in her heart. She stopped to face h
er.
“You don’t belong out here with me, Les.”
Leslie’s anguished face was so vulnerable in the moonlight that Dev ached to
hold her, but her anger was greater than her grief. Leslie stepped close to Dev
and touched her Þ ngertips ever so gently to Dev’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean for you to see that.”
“Why not?” Dev caught Leslie’s hand and jerked it away, more roughly than she
intended. “She’s your lover. Go back inside.”
“I know things have been crazy this summer, but—”
“This summer?” Dev laughed harshly. “No, what’s been crazy is everything up
until this summer.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand.” Leslie didn’t understand anything.
She didn’t understand why, when she’d looked up to see Dev watching Rachel
kiss her, everything inside of her had grown cold. Why the entire room had
disappeared until all she could see was Dev’s face and the pain in her eyes.
Why she’d made a feeble excuse about needing to check on her father and had
run out into the night after Dev. But she couldn’t just let her walk away. Could
she?
• 198 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“I’ve been in love with you all my life,” Dev said, “and it wasn’t until this summer
that I realized I was just holding on to a dream that had died a long time ago.”
Dev shook with bitterness and anger. “You walked away, Leslie. You made a
life, disappeared from mine, and I still couldn’t let you go. Now that’s crazy.”
“Dev,” Leslie said desperately. “It’s not that I didn’t care.”
“I loved you,” Dev said, her voice breaking. “Oh, God, I loved you with my
whole soul.” She turned her face away, refusing to let Leslie see the tears that
streaked her cheeks, but her body trembled as the next words tore their way
out from deep inside her. “And you left me.”
“Oh my God,” Leslie whispered, crying herself. “You don’t know how it killed
me to lose you.”
Dev’s head snapped around, her body rigid. “No. I don’t know.
Because you were gone.” Her hands tightened into Þ sts at her side.
“And you’re still gone. Go back to your lover.”
“But I love y—”
“No! Don’t say that. Don’t!” Dev gripped Leslie’s shoulders and shook her
hard enough to make her gasp. “I’m done dreaming.”
Leslie cried out and Dev realized her Þ ngers had to be bruising Leslie’s
shoulders. She pulled her hands away as if they burned and stumbled back a
step. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m all right.”
Dev shook her head. “I’m sorry for all of it.” Then she escaped into the dark,
leaving the dream to fade away on the hot summer air.
Leslie called her name, but Dev didn’t stop. Running, her legs cramping and her
breath little more than a sob by the time she reached her cabin, she still took the
stairs two at a time. Inside, she quickly scooped up her keys. Then she was
racing down the path to the parking lot. She wasn’t spending the night in the
cabin with Leslie and her lover next door. She didn’t trust herself to see them
together again. Right now she was numb, but she didn’t know how long it would
last. And her anger was even more frightening than the pain.
• 199 •
• 200 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
As Leslie threaded her way through the waning crowd toward Rachel, she gave
silent thanks for the dim lighting. She didn’t want Rachel to know she’d been
crying. How would she ever be able to explain what had just happened? She
never talked about her past with Rachel. Rachel didn’t know anything about
Dev, or Mike, or what had happened. Rachel would think she’d had some kind
of a breakdown if she told her she was crying over a teenage love affair that she
hadn’t even realized was happening at the time. Except her tears had been for
more than the loss of that innocent love. She was losing Dev, and she couldn’t
think about that right now. Not with Rachel here, and her shoulders still burning
where Dev had gripped her. She needed some space from both of them, to
think her way through what had happened.
Once she was home, back on familiar ground, she’d make sense of it all.
Taking a deep breath, Leslie edged up to Rachel. “I’m back. Did I miss
anything?”
“Nothing that looked quite as entertaining as what I have planned for you,”
Rachel murmured, kissing Leslie lightly below the ear. “Have we made enough
of an appearance that we can sneak out?”
“I’m sorry, you must be tired,” Leslie said. “Of course, let’s go.”
“Thank you, darling.”
Once outside, Leslie took Rachel’s hand to lead her along the path.
Rachel stopped her in a moonless spot and nuzzled her neck.
“Did I mention I’ve been desperate for you for days?”
“Do you know that bears can smell pheromones?” Leslie asked lightly, edging
away.
• 201 •
RADCLY fFE
Rachel laughed. “Then get me home, darling, or we’ll be in real danger.”
Leslie had left the porch light on in her cabin, and she had no difÞ culty leading
them to it. She searched the trees around Dev’s cabin for any sign of her, but
there was only darkness and an eerie sense of emptiness. Leslie couldn’t help
but remember the last time Dev had left a party at the boathouse hurt and angry.
That night she’d nearly died.
But Dev was an adult now, and sober, and Leslie wanted desperately to believe
that she hadn’t hurt Dev that badly again. Leslie forced her attention back to
Rachel as they climbed the stairs to the cabin.
“I can certainly see how staying here for any length of time would be relaxing,”
Rachel said wryly as she walked in.
“What do you mean?”
“It barely feels as if we’re in the twenty-Þ rst century. I half expect to Þ nd you
handing me a candle and directing me to the outhouse.”
Leslie laughed and turned on a table lamp. “Voilà. All the modern
conveniences.”
Rachel turned in a small circle, eyebrows raised as she surveyed the living room.
“Internet? Cable?”
“Ah, no cable. Wireless if the wind blows in the right direction.”
“Well,” Rachel’s voice dropped as she took Leslie’s hand and pulled her into
her arms, “we’ll have to Þ nd something else to occupy our time.”
Rachel moved so quickly, Leslie had no time to anticipate the kiss.
They’d made love countless times and the pressure of Rachel’s mouth, the
possessive sweep of her hands down Leslie’s back to cup her hips, the
demanding thrust of her tongue were all so familiar. Rachel was a skillful lover,
and Leslie’s body responded automatically, accustomed to the knowing touch.
When her mind caught up to her body, she tensed, feeling unexpectedly uneasy.
“Wait a minute, Rach,” Leslie said, pulling back from the embrace.
“I don’t want to get carried away out here. Let’s go in the bedroom.”
“Why,” Rachel murmured, nipping her way down Leslie’s neck to the base of
her throat. She insinuated
one hand between them and skimmed her Þ ngertips
over Leslie’s breast. “There’s no one to see.”
Leslie gasped involuntarily as her nipple tightened instantly.
“Mmm, I love exciting you.” Rachel ß icked open the top button of Leslie’s
blouse and slid her hand beneath it, her Þ ngertips gliding under
• 202 •
WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
the edge of Leslie’s satin bra. “You have wonderful breasts, darling. So
responsive.”
Rachel tugged Leslie’s nipple as she massaged her breast in Þ rm, sensuous
circles.
“Oh God,” Leslie whispered, closing her eyes as tendrils of pleasure snaked
downward, burying themselves deep inside. Somewhere in her rapidly blurring
consciousness, she was aware that something felt wrong, but the sensations
racing through her body screamed otherwise.
Trembling, the intoxicating burn very close to claiming her, she steadied herself
with a hand against Rachel’s shoulder and pushed her gently away. “Please,
Rach. Not out here.”
Rachel’s green eyes were hazy, her breath coming in short, quick pants.
Grasping Leslie’s hand, Rachel pulled her toward the bedroom.
“Then hurry, darling. I’m ready to explode.”
Aroused, confused, Leslie couldn’t make sense of her jumbled emotions. This
was Rachel, her lover, and they weren’t doing anything they hadn’t done dozens
of times before. The strangeness, the frightening disconnection, was just because
they’d been apart. She undressed methodically. Rachel threw off her clothes
and then impatiently pushed aside the last of Leslie’s. When Rachel pulled her
down on the bed and immediately rolled on top of her, moaning Leslie’s name
and frantically grinding against her thigh, Leslie blocked the unsettling thoughts.
Whatever was happening, whatever was wrong, was none of Rachel’s doing.
And Rachel needed her right now.
Leslie cupped the back of Rachel’s neck in her palm, holding Rachel’s head to
her breasts, and arched to meet her thrusts. Rachel would come quickly this
way, and then they could sleep, and tomorrow it would all make sense.
Rachel shuddered and cried out. After a few minutes, her breathing steadied and
she slid off Leslie’s body, laughing softly. “Sorry, darling.
I’ve been wound up for days and I just couldn’t last.”
“I know, it’s okay,” Leslie said quietly, pulling the sheet over them.
