by Radclyffe
“You need to get some sleep. You’ve got that early ß ight tomorrow.”
“You didn’t come yet,” Rachel whispered, caressing Leslie’s stomach.
Leslie caught her hand. She was aroused. She could feel the wetness on her
thighs and the tightness in the pit of her stomach. But she didn’t want to come.
Instead, she had the terrible feeling she was
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going to cry. She pulled Rachel’s arm around her and turned on her side into the
curve of Rachel’s body. “I don’t need to. I’m still not feeling all that great. Just
hold me now.”
“You sure?” Rachel asked drowsily, stroking Leslie’s hair. “In the morning,
then.”
“Just go to sleep, Rachel.” Leslie closed her eyes, but she lay awake long after
Rachel’s breathing had dropped into the slow rhythm of exhausted sleep. Rachel
wasn’t the stranger in her bed.
She was.
v
Leslie braced her arm along the roof of the sedan and leaned down to the open
window. “Be careful driving. You’ve got plenty of time.”
“Sorry to leave so early,” Rachel said, propping the travel cup Þ lled with coffee
that Eileen had just given her into the space in the console. “I just want to check
my e-mail and take care of a few things at that Internet place in the airport
before my ß ight.”
“Good luck in Detroit. They won’t know what hit them.”
Rachel grinned, looking relaxed and conÞ dent, and Leslie knew it was only
partly Rachel’s exhilaration about the upcoming legal challenge. Rachel had
awakened Leslie at Þ rst light, caressing her into awareness and fondling her to
a shattering orgasm just as Leslie had come fully awake. While Leslie was still
reeling with aftershocks, Rachel had urgently guided Leslie’s Þ ngers into her,
coming hard before rising hurriedly to shower. Rachel made love like she did
everything else, expertly and efÞ ciently.
“It will be quick, but not necessarily painless.” Rachel’s eyes gleamed as she
checked her watch. “I’ve got to run, but this little side trip was just what I
needed. You were wonderful.” She started the car and Leslie stepped back.
“I’ll call you later this week and let you know my schedule. Bye, darling.”
“Goodbye,” Leslie said softly.
Rachel wheeled rapidly out of the parking lot, and Leslie slowly climbed the
path back to the lodge. Through the screen door, she heard her mother setting
out the buffet in the dining room, but she didn’t go inside. Eileen had offered her
breakfast earlier when she and Rachel had stopped by the kitchen for coffee,
but she wasn’t hungry then. She still wasn’t. Instead, she sat down in the same
wicker chair where she’d
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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
waited for Rachel the evening before. It didn’t seem possible that it had only
been twelve hours ago. Her mind was on overload trying to process everything
that had happened.
It didn’t seem possible that it had taken her all this time to discover that sex and
work were the only two things that connected her to Rachel. She searched her
memory for the last time she and Rachel had talked about anything that wasn’t a
legal case, or an evening they’d spent together that had been more than a few
hours of intense sex and exhausted sleep. She couldn’t come up with one.
“I noticed you like quite a bit of cream in your coffee,” Eileen said, sliding a mug
onto the table next to Leslie before sitting down in the other chair. “Hope I got
that right.”
“Thanks.” Leslie smiled wanly. “I’ve been trying to cut down on my caffeine. I’ll
probably get clogged arteries instead.”
“Rachel’s gone?”
Leslie nodded, her throat tight.
“I didn’t see Dev last night at the party.”
“She didn’t stay long,” Leslie said softly.
“I’m sure there’s a better way to go about this, but I don’t know what it is.”
Eileen sighed. “You look terribly unhappy. What’s wrong?”
Leslie drew one leg up onto the chair and bent forward to rest her chin on her
knee. The sun had crested the trees and bathed the porch in warm morning
sunlight. “I think I’ve really screwed up my relationship with Rachel.”
There was a beat of silence, then Eileen said, “How so?”
Leslie shook her head. She wasn’t about to say that she’d had sex with Rachel
when a big part of her hadn’t really wanted to and that when she’d opened her
eyes that morning in the middle of a screaming orgasm, she’d wanted it to be
Dev who was making her come. “Never mind. God, I can’t talk about it with
you.”
“Something you think a mother couldn’t possibly understand?”
“Something like that.”
“Maybe you should talk to Dev about it.”
“Why?” Leslie said sharply.
Eileen rose and stroked Leslie’s hair. “Because now I’ve seen you with both of
them, and I haven’t changed my mind about which one you’re in love with.”
Leslie said nothing, but she feared her mother was right.
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RADCLY fFE
v
Dev turned into the parking lot and saw Leslie piling luggage into the Jeep. The
sight made her feel as if she’d swallowed a ball of lead.
Twenty minutes ago she’d had such an intense sense of foreboding surge up out
of nowhere that she’d dropped everything at the lab and rushed back to the
lodge. The entire trip back she’d been sick thinking that Leslie had already left.
Now she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea she’d come back.
Nevertheless, she climbed out of the truck and crossed the steaming blacktop to
Leslie’s side. Leslie looked fresh in an outÞ t similar to the one she’d worn the
night before. Dev Þ gured she must look like shit because she’d slept in her
clothes. “When are you leaving?”
Leslie regarded her steadily, absurdly happy to see her, even if she had no idea
what she was going to do about anything. “In about an hour.”
“Can you take a walk with me?”
“All right.”
Silently, Dev led the way down a narrow, pine-needle-strewn footpath that led
to the lake on the opposite side of the lodge from the cabins. No one ever came
down there. On the shore, she stopped at the foot of a huge outcropping of
rocks as big as Volkswagens. She held out her hand. “The footing’s going to be
tricky in what you’ve got on.”
Wordlessly, Leslie took Dev’s hand and carefully climbed to the top. The rocks
were pitted from years of weather and strewn with patches of moss. She’d
sunbathed on these rocks when she’d been a child. She sat down next to Dev
and watched a sailboat glide by on the lake.
After a moment, Dev shifted to look into Leslie’s face. “I’m sorry about last
night, Les.”
“I was afraid it would be just like the last time,” Leslie said, feeling so weary. So
very nearly empty. “You were so angry. I was afraid you’d go off half-crazy and
get careless and hurt yourself.”
“I did.” One corner of Dev’s mouth lifted in a tired grin. “I slept on a
couch that
had the consistency of a slab of granite.”
Leslie laughed softly. “You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible.” Dev lifted a hand to stroke Leslie’s cheek, then stopped a
breath away. “I…Jesus. I’m so sorry I lost my temper. Did I hurt you?”
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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
“No.” There were Þ ngerprint bruises on the crest of both of Leslie’s shoulders.
She’d seen them in the mirror when she’d showered that morning. It was funny.
Rachel never noticed.
“I don’t want you to leave thinking I blame you for anything,”
Dev said, taking Leslie’s hand before she realized she’d even done it.
“What happened when we were kids—that’s long over. Seeing you again just
brought up a lot of old stuff. It kind of put me into a spin.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I need to tell you something.” Dev had woken up feeling numb, but she was
pretty sure that as soon as it hit her that Leslie was really gone, a lot of places
inside were going to hurt for a long time. But she’d promised herself she wasn’t
going to talk about that now. She’d burned up the road to get back to the lodge
because she didn’t want to let anger and pain be their last memory. This time
when they parted, she wanted the love and friendship that they’d shared to be
what they remembered.
“Yesterday you said…” Dev’s throat constricted unexpectedly and she looked
quickly away, blinking rapidly. After a second, when she was certain she could
hold it together, she met Leslie’s gaze again.
“You said I was special to you—back then.”
“You were the bravest, the strongest, the most wonderful person in my life.”
Leslie’s hands shook as she enfolded Dev’s in both of hers.
Raising Dev’s Þ ngers to her lips, she kissed them.
“Les,” Dev murmured, rubbing her thumb gently below Leslie’s eyes as tears fell
like raindrops. “Don’t do that. It’s okay now.”
Shaking her head, Leslie took a shuddering breath. “No one has ever known me
the way you did.”
“Loving you is the best thing I ever did. Being special to you is what made me
strong.” Dev got to her knees and cradled Leslie’s face gently between her
hands. She leaned down and kissed her softly, a gentle lingering kiss that spoke
of all the things she’d feared to say when she’d been young, and had never
wanted to say to anyone else. “I love you, and I’ll never be sorry for that.”
Leslie wrapped her arms around Dev’s shoulders, one hand stroking her hair,
the other her back. She knew this woman, this body, this heart in a place deep
inside that no one else had ever touched.
“I love you too,” Leslie whispered, brushing her mouth over Dev’s neck to seal
the taste of her in her heart.
Dev slid down off the rock and held out her arms. Leslie grasped
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RADCLY fFE
her hands and climbed down beside her, then linked Þ ngers as they stood
together by the lake that had been the backdrop to all their precious moments.
After a minute, Dev said, “Whenever I see the lake at dawn, or walk in the
woods in the moonlight, or wake up in the morning to birdsong, I’m going to
think about you.” She stroked Leslie’s cheek, then kissed her one last time.
“Look me up if you ever get tired of Manhattan.”
“I will,” Leslie whispered, backing away until their hands no longer touched. She
left Dev standing by the lake and went back to her life.
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WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Leslie’s BlackBerry vibrated just as she stepped off the elevator into the parking
garage. She was tempted to ignore it because it was almost 8 p.m. and Rachel
was due at her apartment in thirty minutes. She’d just left the ofÞ ce, and if it
was anything important, whoever it was could e-mail her. Still, maybe it was
Rachel calling to cancel. She pulled the BlackBerry from her briefcase and her
heart gave a sudden lurch when she saw the number for the lodge on the
readout. Maybe it was Dev.
“Hello?”
“Hi, honey,” Eileen said. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, I was just leaving the ofÞ ce,” Leslie said, feeling foolish and disappointed
in equal measure. Why would Dev call her? They’d said everything there was to
say when they’d said goodbye.
“Still working late, I see.”
“This is pretty much the norm. Is everything okay?”
“Oh…yes. I hadn’t heard from you, and I just…I should let you go if you’re on
your way home.”
“No. It’s Þ ne. I meant to call, but it’s just been crazy since I got back.” Leslie
unlocked her car, tossed her briefcase onto the passenger seat, and put the key
in the ignition. It had taken her the better part of a week to catch up and another
to get ahead of the game. If she was going to take time off at the end of the
summer to go home again, she had to plan for it now. Besides, two weeks of
nonstop work had helped take her mind off everything that happened at the
lake, at least for a few hours at a time. As soon as she was alone and not
working, though, she
thought about Dev. Sadness washed through her and she focused on the call.
“How’s Daddy?”
“Grumpy.”
Leslie laughed. “Can’t you Þ nd something for him to do? He must be driving
you nuts.”
“He is, but he’s Þ nally able to get down to the boathouse, and that helps.”
There was a beat of silence, then Eileen said casually, “How’s Rachel?”
“Fine, I think.” Leslie started the car and switched to the hands-free mic. “She
got back in town last week but we’ve both been too busy to get together. In
fact, she should be on her way over to my place right now.”
“Well then, I deÞ nitely don’t want to keep you.”
Leslie felt a quick clench of anxiety and just as quickly forced it away. Maybe
she should talk it over with her mother. No, she’d thought things through, and
she was sure. It wouldn’t be easy, but she’d done harder things in her life. At
least, she wanted to tell herself she had.
“How’s Dev?” Leslie asked, slowing so she could run her ID card through the
box at the security gate.
“I haven’t seen her very much since you left. Every now and then I’ll catch her
at breakfast or dinner. She looks tired. I guess she’s working hard too.”
Leslie considered how she would phrase the next question. “How is the tourist
business? Has Natalie said anything about the campsites being full?”
“I haven’t had much chance to talk to her, either. I’ve seen her once or twice
with Dev.”
“At the lodge?” Leslie probed. For dinner? For breakfast?
“Mmm. Are you driving right now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then I’m going to go. You need to pay attention to what you’re doing, Leslie.”
Leslie smiled. “I know, Mom. I’m trying.”
“All right, then. Call sometime. I miss you.”
“Me too,” Leslie said softly.
“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” Rachel said, appraising Lesli
e
steadily over the top of her wineglass. Sitting forward on Leslie’s sofa, she took
another sip of her Pinot Noir, then cradled the crystal goblet between her long,
elegant Þ ngers. “You’re telling me you want to change the terms of our
relationship, but you’re not involved with anyone else?”
“That’s right,” Leslie said quietly.
Rachel tapped a Þ nger on her glass. “You’re not sleeping with anyone else, but
you want to stop sleeping with me.”
“Yes.”
“Forgive me if I’m being dense,” Rachel said, “because I was under the
impression that we got along very well, in and out of the bedroom. But most
deÞ nitely in the bedroom.”
“We do.” Leslie knew this was going to be difÞ cult to explain.
Not because she expected Rachel to lose her temper or create a scene, but
because Leslie had never indicated that she wanted her relationship with Rachel
to be more than what it was. And she hadn’t, not until she’d felt what love was
like. “I love thrashing out legal issues with you, and I enjoy being with you.” She
rubbed her forehead. “God, Rach, I’m really trying to avoid clichés here, but
this isn’t about anything you’ve done. It really is about me.”
Rachel smiled wryly. “The next thing I know, you’re going to tell me you want to
be friends.”
“I do want that. If we can.” Leslie met Rachel’s eyes and saw the confusion in
them. This wasn’t right. Rachel deserved more. She deserved the truth. “I’m not
seeing anyone else. But there is someone else I…I’m in love with.”
“A woman, I hope.”
“God, yes,” Leslie said, laughing brieß y.
“You’re in love with another woman, but you’re not sleeping with her.”
“I’m not doing anything with her. I told you, we don’t have a relationship.”
Rachel shook her head. “I’m not tracking here, darling. You’re going to have to
spell it out.”
“When I was up at the lake, I rekindled a…a relationship with a woman I knew
years ago. I was in love with her in high school, and I
guess I’ve been a little bit in love with her all my life. Now I know it, and it
doesn’t feel right being with you.”
“Does she know how you feel about her?” Rachel leaned back and crossed her
legs, her charcoal pinstripe silk skirt sliding to mid-thigh.
