Lindsay's Legacy

by Jones, Janice

  Pastor Adams took advantage of Cody’s quietness. “Yes, son, I also want to talk to you about that. Cody, I know you are disappointed in what Nay-Nay did those years ago. When she came in a few weeks ago to talk to me about it, I was a little shocked and disappointed myself. But unlike you, Cody, my disappointment was in the both of you.”

  Though Cody knew he should not have been shocked by his pastor’s declaration, he was. He actually had not realized that Lindsay had shared the information about her deception with their pastor. But it was her deception, not his. So why Pastor Adams would be disappointed in him was puzzling.

  “I’m sorry, Pastor, but I don’t understand your disappointment in me.”

  “Cody, you were a willing participant in having an adulterous affair with a married woman. You are only focused on the end result of the selfishness created by the two of you.”

  “Pastor, believe me when I say I have gone over in my head my part in this psychodrama between Lindsay and me. I understand that we would not be in this place in our marriage had I not even slept with her. But, Pastor, I never ever lied to Lindsay. I have never done anything to her but love her. I would have also loved any baby that the two of us would have had together, be it the baby she aborted or the child we could be trying to conceive right now.” Cody had not realized he’d raised his voice until he received a strong look from the patron seated across from him to his right.

  “Cody, please calm down. It will do you no good to fluster yourself. I understand you want to keep dwelling on what Nay-Nay said to you just yesterday, but I’m gonna be blunt with you here, brother.”

  Pastor Adams quickly changed the tone of his voice to that of a homeboy versus a pastor. The difference did not go unnoticed by Cody. He sat up straighter in his chair in the restaurant and prepared to hear the down and dirty from Paul, instead of a stern lecture from Pastor Adams.

  “It’s easier to keep blaming your wife for the situation the two of you are in than to take 50 percent, if not more, of the responsibility for it. Yes. She had the abortion. Yes. She withheld that information from you. And yes. She was wrong for all of that. But she did what she did to try to salvage her marriage. Now you may not see the man she was with at the time as much of a husband, but the bottom line is, the brother was her husband.

  “The Bible says in I Corinthians chapter seven that if a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, the children would not have a godly influence, but now they are set apart for Him. So you see, Cody, whether she realized it or not, your wife was doing the biblical thing by trying to stay with her then husband. You, on the other hand, knew she was married, and married to your very own client, no less. You also knew she was a Christian woman although she was not behaving like one when she was lying up with you. And that was all good with you. Brother Cody, now that you are a saved man, you understand these two things, I’m sure. Number one is that even though God forgives us for our sins and transgressions, there are still consequences for our actions. Number two is, because God forgives us, we are to also forgive others as a condition of our pardon from Him.”

  Cody now felt as if he needed to warn Pastor Adams to calm himself because he was the one who had raised his voice at least an octave. He had preached, lectured, and thoroughly chastised Cody in good fashion.

  “Uh ... Pastor Adams, sir, I hear you loud and clear. I understand my part in what happened and the end result. My issue with Lindsay is her lying and hiding it from me about the baby. She knew all along that we would never be able to have a child together. She could have—should have—told me that during our courtship.”

  “Okay. I hear you there, Cody. Lindsay could have told you about what she did before she married you. But that would not have changed what she did. The fact would have remained that she did, in fact, abort the baby the two of you conceived during your affair. The fact would still remain that she would be unable to give you a child now. Let’s assume she had told you the whole story before she married you. What would you have done then?”

  Cody took a moment to seriously ponder the pastor’s question. He actually had not even thought about what he would have done if he had known about the baby before they got married.

  “To be completely honest with you, Pastor, I don’t know what I would have done. All I have dealt with since finding out the truth is the pain of her lying about the fact that she killed one of my children and now she can no longer give me a child of my own.”

  Pastor Adams gave a little snort. “Humph. Sounds like you are still shifting and assigning blame. Here is another question for you, Cody. Tell me what would you have done if Lindsay had told you that she was pregnant with your child even though she was still legally and obviously emotionally married to another man. I want you to think carefully about your answer. Then I want you to verbalize it to me.”

  Cody’s answer was evident to him, but after hearing the way Pastor Adams posed the question, he thought he should rethink it before he answered too quickly. Deciding that his answer remained the same, he responded.

  “Pastor Adams, I loved Lindsay as much then as I do now. I would have been more than happy to be the father of her child and a joyful participant in our child’s life.” Cody thought his answer to be honest and responsible. Surely Pastor Adams would see that his answer would have been the right thing to do.

  “Grow up, boy. Cody, you are being very pompous and naïve in your view of that time and those circumstances. You are seeing things with some sort of fantasy vision. Knowing that her former husband was a drug dealer, do you really think he would have allowed you to have a happy-go-lucky relationship with your love child? What? Were you supposed to have every other weekend and one-day-during-the-week visits? Share birthdays and Christmases? Think about it, Cody. You allowed Lindsay to be in a very bad position. I am in no way agreeing with or condoning the decision she made to abort. But I will be transparent and tell you I understand why she made it.”

  Cody sat in his seat as quiet as the proverbial church mouse. He had no idea Pastor Adams would come at him this hard. As the young folks said today, Cody was not ready.

  Not sure what he should say next, Cody continued to sit quietly staring oddly at his barely eaten salad.

  Pastor Adams was well aware that his delivery of his way of seeing things was something that was probably new to the young man. The ensuing silence did not surprise him in the least. In fact, he had become accustomed to the way folks acted after hearing one of his “keeping it real” lectures.

  “Cody, I think it’s time you start looking at this realistically. I know it’s hard because your flesh and emotions are involved. The truth of the matter is this: you need to run home to your wife and beg her forgiveness for your behavior. I would also like for the two of you to set up an appointment with our pastoral counselor. Perhaps your marriage would benefit from having another objective party to help you both sort through this.”

  After a few more seconds of silence, Cody finally was revisited by the power of speech. “Pastor Adams, you painted a very vivid picture. I’m still sorting through all the colors and hues in my mind and in my heart, but rest assured that I do see a totally different picture now.”

  “All right, son. If I don’t hear from you or Nay-Nay in the next couple of days, I will call you and check on you. Son, I want you to get in touch with God tonight and have an in-depth conversation with Him. Then I want you to sit back quietly and listen for Him to guide you on this. If I were a betting man, I would win a mint betting that He tells you to go home to your wife.”

  “I’ll definitely be in prayer about everything, Pastor. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me this evening. Good night.”

  After d
isconnecting the call, Cody stared at his hardly eaten salad as if he thought he could find the answers he needed in its mashed together contents, as if he could find God there. With no revelation coming forth, he decided to go back to his room and do as Pastor Adams suggested and pray.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I doubt if night number two without my hubby will go as smoothly as night number one. I’m not dry begging you to come back or anything,” Lindsay snickered, “but your being here to comfort and console me made his absence a little more bearable.” Lindsay had been on the phone with Keva for the past thirty minutes filling her in on Sha’Ron’s surprise church appearance, her conversation with Pastor Adams, and her very brief conversation with Cody.

  “Don’t worry, Nay. You’ll get through it. Understand this is just a trial that God will bring you through.”

  “I know this, and I trust Him. It’s just dealing with the pain of it until He gets me to the other side of through that I don’t like,” Lindsay again chuckled.

  “You know what? You are a lot better than I think you realize. You can at least laugh in the midst of your sadness.”

  Lindsay realized that Keva was correct. She actually had begun to feel better after her conversation with Pastor Adams. However, she would truly miss her husband’s presence tonight. That is, unless he decided to come home tonight since she knew he too talked with Pastor Adams. She could always hope.

  “So, have you told the kids anything yet?”

  “Not yet. I was somehow able to avoid any questions on the drive home from church. I’m sure our dinner conversation will be a bit more challenging.”

  “Well, don’t stress about that either. God will give you the words to say. By the way, what you cooking? Say something good and I might just come back and stay with you tonight.” It was now Keva’s turn to laugh at herself.

  “Girl, I’m too emotionally drained to cook. I’m about to call Domino’s to place a delivery order of pizza and wings.”

  “Well, I guess you will be sleeping alone tonight, my sister, if your man don’t come home.” Both women laughed this time.

  “Thanks again, Keva, for calling to check on me. I really appreciate you, girl. But I’ve got to get my children fed and in bed. This is far later than we normally eat, so I better get off this phone.”

  “No problem, Nay. I’ll give you all a call tomorrow. But if you need me, don’t you hesitate to call me.”

  “I won’t. Good night.”

  Lindsay disconnected the call and immediately dialed the number to order food for herself and her children. Less than thirty minutes later, she called her kids down to eat. Li’l Shaun ran to the kitchen table as if he hadn’t eaten in months while Shauntae strolled down in her normal fashion, with her phone attached to her face.

  “Okay, lady, say good-bye to whomever you are talking to and join your brother at the table for dinner,” Lindsay said.

  “Tandie, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” Shauntae hung up the phone but never let it leave her hands. “Pizza on a Sunday night, Mom? This is different.”

  Lindsay knew the questions about Cody’s whereabouts would start any minute. Up to now, the Holy Spirit had not told her what to say to the kids about her marital situation. So Lindsay nervously sat down in the chair between her kids and silently prayed that the right words would come once the questions started while she served the pizza and wings.

  Before a word could be uttered from either child, Shauntae’s phone rang.

  “Shauntae, no phone calls at the table while we’re eating.”

  “It’s Sha’Ron, Mom. I’ll tell him I’ll call him back after we eat.” Shauntae answered the call.

  Lindsay stiffened as she remembered Sha’Ron’s stare and Pastor Adams’s observations. She would give Shauntae exactly one minute; then she would insist that she hang up. She’d had more than enough of Sha’Ron for the day.

  “Oh no! How bad is she?” Shauntae’s raised voice startled both Lindsay and Li’l Shaun. “What hospital is she in?”

  “Shauntae, what’s going on?” Lindsay asked her visibly excited child.

  “Okay. I’ll let my mom and Cody know. Okay. Bye, big brother.” Shauntae jumped from her seat and looked at her mother with a monumental fear in her eyes. “Mom, Grandma Pat had a massive stroke. Sha’Ron says Grandma will probably die tonight. Can we go to the hospital? Please? Sha’Ron needs us.”

  Lindsay’s heart sank. She and Patricia had never been friends. They had actually never gotten along at all. But she didn’t wish her dead. She looked at Li’l Shaun to find that he was a little shaken. He couldn’t possibly remember too much about his paternal grandmother. He hadn’t seen her since Shaun’s funeral. He was more than likely reacting to Shauntae’s distress.

  “Shauntae, sweetie, I know you’re worried about your grandmother and your brother, but I don’t want you to make yourself sick. Please, sweetie, sit down and tell me everything Sha’Ron said.”

  Shauntae sat as her mother suggested, but she was far from calm. “He said Grandma had a stroke. Because she was already very sick with cancer, the doctors don’t think she will survive. They are at Sinai Grace Hospital.”

  The pressure suddenly became too much. Shauntae broke down and began sobbing. “Mom, I really want to go to the hospital,” was all she could get out with her crying.

  Lindsay’s somber heart now cracked as she watched her daughter break down. She really wanted to comfort her, but she knew her child well. The only consolation would be for her to agree to take Shauntae to the hospital. That prospect, however, was not something she wanted to do, considering the animosity Sha’Ron already felt for her. Couple his grandmother’s dying with the hate he had over the death of his parents and Lindsay knew the mixture could produce a very volatile young man.

  Shauntae continued to cry uncontrollably. Lindsay reached around the table to hold her hand and rub her back. Li’l Shaun also got up from his seat to try to console his distraught sister.

  “Mom, can we go to the hospital? That would make Shauntae feel better.” Apparently Li’l Shaun knew his sister well too, Lindsay thought.

  Lindsay put her personal feelings aside and decided to take her kids to the hospital. “Okay. You two grab your coats. I’ll go upstairs and get my purse.”

  Once upstairs, Lindsay called Keva from her cell to let her know about Patricia since she was Kevaun’s grandmother also. “Keva, hey. Girl, I’m on my way to take the kids to Sinai Grace Hospital. Apparently Patricia has had a major stroke. With her advanced cancer, the doctors are not expecting her to make it much longer.”

  “Oh my goodness. Lord knows I’m not a big Patricia fan, and I’m sure she feels the same about me. But I certainly don’t wish this on her or her family.”

  “Yeah, I feel the same way. I just thought I would give you a call to let you know since she is Kevaun’s grandmother too.”

  “Kevaun doesn’t even remember much about her. He was so young when we moved away, and he hasn’t seen her since the funeral.”

  “Again, I hear you. I’ll call you later if it’s not too late to give you an update. If it is late, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Cool. Talk to you then. I’ll be praying.”

  Lindsay went back downstairs, and she and the kids headed out the door. She thought about something just before she left the house. “Kids, wait for me in the car. I’ll be right out.”

  “Hurry, Mom, please,” Shauntae begged.

  Lindsay quickly called Cody’s cell. When he didn’t answer, she left him a message giving him the details about Patricia and what hospital she was in. Then she and the kids drove to the hospital.

  Both children sat in the car quietly on the ride to the hospital; Shauntae up front with her eyes closed tightly. Lindsay assumed she was praying. Li’l Shaun sat in the back staring out the windows at the passing scenery.

  Lindsay worked hard at concentrating on the road as she drove, but her mind wandered to what she would encounter once she got
to the hospital. She was sure that both Tameeka and Francine would be there with Sha’Ron. She also assumed Uncle Bobby would be there if he was in town. With the exception of Sha’Ron, she had not seen any of these people since Shaun’s funeral. She was sure, however, that they all hated her as much as Sha’Ron did.

  Lindsay had always been tough by description. She feared no one and would fight at the drop of a dime back in the day. But that was before her deepened relationship with Christ, before Shyanne, her fighting partner, had been killed, and before she had killed Shaun, the beloved brother, father, son, and nephew of the people she would possibly face at the hospital.

  Lindsay was about to come face-to-face for the first time with enemies she didn’t think she could actually battle and win. She now understood what it felt like to be going into a battle with fear and trepidation. Despite her fear though, she wanted to do what was right for her children. This may be their final chance to see their grandmother alive.

  She began praying silently for God to cover and protect her and her children as she continued to drive the short distance to the hospital.

  Lindsay considered dropping the children off at the emergency room door, and then going to park the car. She quickly changed her mind, however, deciding that she needed to be with her children every step of the way.

  After paying the attendant and parking the car, she and the kids headed into the hospital to find out where they needed to go. “Hi. My name is Lindsay Vincini. I’m here to see my children’s grandmother, Patricia Taylor,” Lindsay explained as she approached the information desk.

  After searching through the computer, the front-desk receptionist gave her the information she needed. “Ms. Taylor is in CCU, the Critical Care Unit. Take this hall here until you get to the end. Make a left and take the first bank of elevators to the fourth floor. Follow the signs from there to bed number four.”

  “Thank you.” Lindsay walked with the children as far as the elevators; then she sent them up on their own, giving Shauntae the instructions the receptionist had given her. She knew she would be most unwelcome up with the rest of the family. She returned to the emergency room waiting area, sat down, and prayed.