This Matter of Marriage

by Debbie Macomber

  Hallie held out her arms and Meagan walked into them, hiding her face in Hallie’s sweater. “Will you talk to my dad?” she asked after a moment.

  Hallie’s gut instinct was to stay out of it, and she would have, if it wasn’t for two things. Steve had been there for her. He’d seen her through the heartache of celebrating her thirtieth birthday alone. And only last weekend, he’d saved her sanity by helping her with Ellen. In many ways he was as good a friend as Donna-lee.

  “I’ll do what I can,” Hallie promised, but she didn’t know what she could say, or if Steve would want to hear it. She stroked Meagan’s hair, murmuring, “Don’t worry, honey, your dad’s an adult. He can handle this.”

  It wasn’t as if the news would come as any great shock. Steve knew his ex-wife was dating again, although he’d chosen to ignore what that meant.

  Meagan lifted her tear-streaked face to Hallie’s. “I’ve been waiting for you all weekend.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed to talk.”

  Meagan shrugged. “That’s all right. It’s more important that you be here for my dad. He’s going to need a friend and he won’t call Todd.”

  “Todd?”

  “His best friend. You haven’t met Todd?”

  “Not yet.” Other than the bowling tournament and a few pizzas with him and the kids, Hallie hadn’t socialized with Steve. Come to think of it, he’d never formally met Donnalee, either.

  Hallie heard a car pull up out front.

  “I gotta go. It sounds like Mom’s here.” Meagan wiped her face with her sleeve and slid off the bed. “Bye!”

  Because she knew what was coming, Hallie stood and watched out her living-room window, hidden behind her drapes so Steve and his family wouldn’t be able to see her. She felt like a voyeur but told herself she’d now become part of this scenario; if she was going to be any comfort to Steve, she needed to understand his reaction. Looking dejected, Meagan and Kenny climbed into their mother’s car, dragging their overnight cases. Both slumped in the back seat, heads lowered.

  Steve followed the kids across the lawn to the car. Mary Lynn waited outside the vehicle, with the open door on the driver’s side between her and Steve. As a barrier, it couldn’t have been more obvious.

  Hallie watched as Meagan put on earphones, as if she needed to drown out the conversation between her parents. Steve’s ex-wife had her back to Hallie, and Steve was smiling at the woman. Hallie knew he looked forward to these Sunday afternoons when Mary Lynn stopped by for the kids.

  After a few moments Hallie noted that his mood changed dramatically. He repeatedly shook his head, in denial, and he made a confused helpless motion with his hand. Next his face tightened and he slammed his fist against the hood of the car.

  Hallie grimaced, sure he must have injured his hand. He and Mary Lynn were now exchanging comments—insults?—in low voices. Unable to watch any longer, Hallie turned away, angry with herself for intruding on what should have been private. She felt sick to her stomach at what she’d seen.

  Knowing that Steve was probably in no mood for company, Hallie waited an hour. Daylight filtered weakly through a dark and threatening sky—but she managed to see into Steve’s condo. It took her a moment to realize he was lying on the carpet, listening to the stereo at full blast. Hallie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry; it was exactly what she’d been doing that night in April. Her birthday. She had to listen carefully before she recognized the song: “Send in the Clowns.”

  She searched the back of her cupboard until she found the bottle of rich Tennessee bourbon a grateful client had given her last Christmas. She didn’t often drink hard liquor, but if ever an occasion called for booze, this was it. She scrounged up a shot glass, souvenir of a trip to Las Vegas for her twenty-first birthday, and headed for Steve’s.

  Standing in the rain at his front door, she repeatedly rang the bell, but to no avail. Wasn’t he going to answer?

  “Steve,” she shouted, pounding on the door. “Would you open up before I drown?”

  He threw open the door a moment later—having turned down the music—and didn’t look any too pleased to see her. “What are you doing here?”

  She held up the bottle and the shot glass. “I thought you might need medication.”

  He frowned in puzzlement. “You know?”

  “Meagan told me.”

  He stepped aside and let her in. “I can’t believe it.” He looked like a man walking around in a daze, like an accident victim left to deal with the aftermath of tragedy. He collapsed onto the sofa and leaned forward, wiping a hand down his face.

  Hallie made her way into the kitchen and found a couple of clean glasses. She filled them both with ice and poured him a double with no mixer. Her own, she watered down considerably.

  He glanced up and offered her a feeble smile when she handed him the drink. He held on to it for several minutes, gazing blankly ahead of him, until Hallie suspected he’d forgotten she was there. She figured if he wanted to talk he would; she had no intention of pushing him.

  Sitting down in the chair across from him, she tentatively tasted the drink and blinked rapidly as it seared a path down her throat. Her eyes filled with tears and she pounded her chest in an effort to keep from coughing.

  “You all right?” Steve asked.

  She nodded, blinking furiously, wondering what her reaction would have been had she taken the bourbon straight.

  Their eyes met, and Hallie could barely look at the misery in his. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I know how much you wanted to get back together with Mary Lynn.”

  His shoulders heaved in a deep sigh. “She’s actually going to marry that creep.”

  This didn’t seem the time to point out that Steve didn’t know Kip well enough to judge his character. All he cared about was that this other man was stepping in, taking his place within the family. He didn’t need to say it for Hallie to know what he was thinking.

  “We met in high school,” Steve said after a while.

  “You and Mary Lynn?” she asked, not sure she wanted to hear him talk about the other woman or how much he loved her. She was tempted to ask him to stop, to say that stirring up the memories would only hurt him, but she didn’t have the heart. If he wanted to vent his pain with her, the least she could do was listen. She owed him that much.

  “Mary Lynn was new that year and so damn pretty my heart would stop every time I saw her. She used to come by every day to watch the football team practice….”

  “I imagine you were the star player.” Athletic as he was, Hallie couldn’t imagine Steve being anything else.

  “Quarterback. How’d you know?”

  “Lucky guess,” she returned with a grin.

  Steve downed the undiluted drink in one giant swallow. He closed his eyes and shook his head like a dog stepping out of a lake. He cursed under his breath, then set the glass aside. “Damn, but that’s good bourbon.”

  “Only the best for my friends.”

  Steve leaned back against the sofa cushion. The music continued to play softly in the background and Hallie recognized Paul Simon singing “Still Crazy After All These Years.”

  “I loved her from the moment I saw her,” Steve said. “That’s never changed, not once in all that time.”

  Hallie remembered her own high-school sweetheart and the intensity of their relationship. They’d broken up during her senior year and he’d taken someone else to the prom. Hallie had ended up attending the dance with her best friend’s out-of-town cousin, whom she’d met the summer before. He was a nice guy, but he wasn’t Les.

  It’d killed her to watch Les dance with another girl, but for pride’s sake, she’d been forced to pretend she didn’t care.

  Steve laughed once, sharply. “I asked her to marry me on our first date.” Steve let his head fall back against the sofa and closed his eyes. “I knew the first time I kissed her that I was going to love her. Later, my dad told me the same thing happened to him when he met my
mother. He asked her to dance at a USO party. One spin around the floor was all it took.”

  How romantic. Hallie wished it could be so easy for her. Instead, she was stuck dating a cast of misfits, one after another, in her search for a man to love. She almost giggled as the CD player picked Tina Turner next, singing “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” Then she sighed. Here was Steve, her friend and neighbor, and he’d found the woman he loved when he was a teenager. Now Mary Lynn didn’t want him. A broken marriage, a betrayed love, might be an everyday tragedy, but it was a tragedy nonetheless.

  “I gave her a ring the very next week,” Steve said, his voice low and mellow, presumably from the bourbon. “Naturally we didn’t tell anyone it was an engagement ring. Our parents would’ve hit the roof if we’d been talking about marriage on such short acquaintance.”

  Hallie would never have guessed that Steve possessed such a romantic soul. This was the kind of thing women dreamed about, this consuming once-in-a-lifetime love. And Mary Lynn had thrown it all away. It was so terribly sad. Her throat tightened; the kind of love Steve felt was exactly what she’d hoped would happen to her. But no man had ever loved her like that, or wanted her so much.

  “I married her in my heart the night of our first date. That was when we found each other. That was when our hearts connected and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving Mary Lynn.”

  The lump in Hallie’s throat thickened painfully, and she tried unsuccessfully to stifle a sob.

  Steve’s eyes fluttered open. “Hallie?”

  She bit her lower lip and searched in her pocket for a tissue. “It’s nothing.”

  “You’re crying?”

  “I’m not” The lie was ludicrous since it was patently obvious that she was.

  Steve disappeared and returned with a box of tissues. He studied her as if he didn’t know what to say.

  “Thanks,” she said, reaching for a tissue. This was more than a little embarrassing. She blew her nose and tucked the tissue in her pocket Steve sat down next to her.

  “I’m sorry,” she wailed, and reached for a fresh tissue. She clutched it tightly, trying to ignore Eric Clapton’s plaintive “Tears in Heaven.”

  “Sorry for what?” Steve asked gently.

  It didn’t look as if she was going to be able to stop crying. Her shoulders trembled and she grabbed a handful of tissues, jerking them out of the box two and three at a time. “I’m supposed to be the one—” she sobbed openly “—comforting you.”

  He placed his arm around her shoulders, and she pressed her head against his, soaking up the solace, even though she’d intended to be the one offering it. She couldn’t begin to explain the tears.

  “I never understood why Mary Lynn wanted the divorce,” Steve whispered.

  “I don’t know why, either,” she said, sniffing hard in an effort to stop crying.

  It’d been the grief, the pain and absolute desolation in Steve’s eyes, she decided. He was about to lose the family he cherished, and his life would never be the same. He’d lost the woman he loved.

  Steve had gone to the kitchen. Just as she thought she should leave, he was back. “Here,” he said, handing her a fresh drink.

  “Alcohol creates more problems than it solves,” she said, forgetting that she was the one who’d hand-delivered the bottle.

  “Trust me, I know. The day the judge declared the divorce final, I got rip-roaring drunk. It was the sorriest day of my life, and the night didn’t improve. Next morning, I had the mother of all hangovers. I haven’t gotten drunk since and don’t plan to.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” she said, then gulped down the drink. Choked, gasped and had trouble breathing.

  Steve patted her on the back. “You’re a good friend, Hallie McCarthy,” he said.

  “You, too, Steve Marris.”

  His arm came around her and they hugged for a long time. It amazed her how good it felt to be in Steve’s arms. To feel his heart pounding against hers, his breath against her neck. Peaceful. Friendly.

  His kiss didn’t come as a surprise. He lifted his head, and she gazed into his eyes before he lowered his mouth to hers. His lips were undemanding and tender, restrained. It was a kiss like the one they’d exchanged on her birthday. A kiss free of promises, free of claims. A kiss between friends.

  He pulled away and asked, “Want me to walk you home?”

  “No. I can make it across the lawn just fine.” She swiped at the moisture on her cheeks. “Are you going to be all right now?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  Although he sounded confident, Hallie didn’t know if she should believe him. Mary Lynn’s announcement had come as a blow. But he’d taken it like a man.

  Dionne Warwick’s “I’ll Never Love This Way Again” followed Hallie out the door.

  Twenty

  Chicken Soup For The Heart

  Steve stepped up to home plate and swung the bat around a couple of times to loosen the stiffness in his shoulders. He assumed the batter’s stance and waited for the pitcher’s first throw. A fastball zoomed toward him. It wasn’t a baseball Steve saw, but Kip Logan’s face.

  The unmistakable cracking sound as the bat slammed against the ball and shattered echoed across the field. Steve dropped the piece he still held on the ground and raced toward first base. He kept his eye on the ball and was satisfied to see it fly over the fence. Another home run.

  He was out of breath when he returned to the dugout. His fellow team members slapped him jovially on the back and congratulated him.

  “What’s with you tonight?” Todd asked, shifting seats to sit next to him. “This is your third home run.”

  “Really?” Steve said, pretending he hadn’t noticed. He leaned forward on the hardwood bench and braced his elbows on his knees. “I’m having a good night, is all.”

  “True, but this is the second bat you’ve busted all to hell. Something’s eating you.”

  “You’re imagining things.” Steve’s gaze didn’t waver from the field. The problem with friends like Todd was that it was difficult to hide things. Removing his hat, Steve slapped it against his thigh, aware of Todd’s scrutiny. He supposed he might as well let Todd know. “Mary Lynn’s decided to remarry,” he said with forced nonchalance. Billy Roth stole second base and Steve leapt to his feet and cheered wildly.

  Todd remained seated. “When did you find out about this?”

  Steve sat back down, keeping his attention on the game. “Sunday night.”

  “I wish you’d said something sooner.” Todd sounded as if the news about Mary Lynn affected him personally.

  Steve told himself he should have taken drastic steps as soon as he’d learned she was dating again. Instead, he’d assumed her relationship with that vulture of a car salesman would die on its own, without any help from him. What he’d hoped for was that Mary Lynn would date some of Hallie’s rejects. Or similar losers. He was convinced that once his ex had gotten a look at some of the weirdos out there she’d come running back to him.

  Steve had spent hours daydreaming about her asking him to move back in with the family. Welcoming him back into her bed. The bubble of his fantasy world had burst on Sunday afternoon, when Mary Lynn broke the news about her engagement.

  “Are you okay with this?” Todd asked next.

  “Yeah, I’m jumping up and down for joy,” Steve said dryly.

  Todd shook his head. “I was afraid something like this would happen.”

  The comment earned a glare from Steve. What he didn’t need was his best friend saying he’d told him so.

  Todd took immediate offense. “I told you I saw her shopping with Kip, remember?”

  Steve wished Todd would quit while he was ahead. Every time he opened his mouth, he only made it worse.

  “I could tell then that she was serious about this guy,” Todd continued, undeterred. “It isn’t the kind of news you want to tell a friend. I said what I could and hoped you’d read between the lines.”

&nb
sp; Unfortunately, Steve hadn’t seen what in retrospect should have been obvious. He had no one to blame but himself. Kenny had hit him with the news that his mother had a boyfriend shortly after the first of the year. Meagan, too, had dropped a number of hints. He should have recognized that something was going on when Mary Lynn cut him off physically. But then, Steve figured he always did have trouble seeing the obvious; it was what had led to the divorce in the first place.

  “You’re up to bat next,” Steve said, grateful Todd was leaving the dugout. He didn’t want to talk about Mary Lynn. Didn’t want to think about her, either. Every time he did, his head pounded and his gut twisted. He had to let go of her, of their lives together. A dozen people had said the same thing: it was time to move on. That was also what the relationship experts recommended—and he should know, because he often listened to talk radio. He’d learned their jargon, about “taking ownership” of his past and his problems, and “affirming his validity” and “forgiving” himself and Mary Lynn for the failure of their marriage. He’d even started to believe this stuff. Recently he’d happened upon a program with a phone-in psychologist, and he’d actually sat in his car and listened until the program was over. It’d helped.

  Dr. Brenda wasn’t the only one who’d come to his emotional rescue. Hallie had been there for him, as well. In a week filled with pain and sadness, thinking about Hallie made everything seem more bearable. She’d come to him, bottle of bourbon in hand, offering comfort—and ended up blubbering her way through an entire box of tissues.

  In some strange way her crying had been a release for him. When she’d first arrived, he’d wanted to send her back to her own place. He’d been in no mood for company. What man would be? His heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest… and yet Hallie had managed to bring a smile to his face.