A Life Rebuilt

by Jean Brashear

  Then it was Mako who screamed, his hands pressed to his face as he fell to his knees.

  Jenna turned and ran.

  Footsteps pounded behind her, closing fast. He rammed into her back and knocked her to the ground. Landed hard on top of her. Dragged her pants over her hips and down her legs while she fought with everything in her. No! No! She tried to find air to scream again. Kicked at his legs while struggling to rise to her knees.

  He tackled her again. Jammed her face into the grass. Held her down by the back of her neck as he fumbled for his zipper—

  Jenna screamed and screamed. Bucked her hips, flailed her arms, trying to get out from under—

  Suddenly his weight vanished, and he yelped in pain.

  She scrambled away, pulling at her pants and sobbing as she turned over—

  Mako shrieked again as a form took him down, as a bigger man punched his face, his belly, methodically reducing him to a whimpering mass… .

  “Roman!” At last she recognized her rescuer. How was he here? How had he known?

  The how didn’t matter. Jenna sobbed and bent double, retching into the dirt.

  Mako stopped screaming abruptly.

  * * *

  KILL HIM.

  Jenna. Hurt.

  No more.

  Kill.

  Roman gloried in the crack of bone, the slickness of the blood—

  Then something touched his leg. “Roman. Please.”

  He whirled, fists clenched, nearly blind from rage—

  “Roman, it’s me. Jenna. Don’t. I’m okay— I’m—” She dropped her face into her hands and sobbed.

  Oh, God. He glanced back at the unmoving man on the ground. Then at his fists. So red. Sticky with blood.

  And Jenna wept.

  He closed his eyes, swallowed hard. Breathe. Don’t go back there.

  But he kept seeing her, over and over again, her clothes torn, fighting for her life.

  Screaming. Like Sayidah’s pure crystal tones. His vision narrowed and he began to shake.

  “Roman…”

  He opened his eyes. Fought his way back.

  Saw her ravaged eyes, her pleading hand outstretched.

  He moved to her, gently tucked her in his arms and sank to the ground with her in his lap.

  She huddled against him. “Tighter.” She curled into a ball. “Don’t let go of me. Please don’t let go.”

  She shook and she sobbed, and he held her through it. He clasped her so close he wondered how she could breathe, but still she clung to him.

  He glimpsed the battered body on the ground and his entire frame shuddered once. Twice. Goddammit. Goddammit.

  He wanted to pound the bastard into the dirt again. The urge to kill was strong, but for her sake, he locked it down and focused on her. “You’re safe,” he said, over and over. “You’re safe.”

  “Don’t leave me. You scared him, and he wanted to make me just as scared. Oh, God, Roman.” She looked up at him, her eyes dark holes in her face, her tearstained face ravaged.

  She snaked her hand up without ever breaking contact, body to body, and she laid it against his jaw. He realized his face was wet, and she was wiping his cheek.

  “It’s my fault,” he said. “Dear God.” Self-loathing swamped him, and he started to draw away.

  “No!” She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her body to his. “It’s not. It’s not, Roman. You—you saved me. You…” She began to shiver uncontrollably, pressing her forehead against his throat. “Thank you.”

  He recoiled. “Thank you?” He took her arms down and set her aside, backing away. “I did this, Jenna. I don’t know how he found you, but this… I…”

  “It’s not your fault. You don’t have to go. Please don’t go—” She bent double, wrecked and vulnerable and weak.

  He had to get her to shelter. He retrieved her keys from the ground nearby, then scooped her up and carried her to the side door. Somehow he managed to unlock the door without releasing her and took her inside, settling her on the sofa.

  The automaton took over as he covered her with an afghan and retreated to call for help.

  * * *

  JENNA COULDN’T STOP SHIVERING, and he wouldn’t look at her, and she was… Oh, God.

  She studied his face, and his anguish jolted her from her own. What had she done? All of this started with the stupid notion that she could save Mako, that anyone could be rescued.

  “Roman.” She was so alone. So scared.

  He looked at her. He didn’t leave.

  But he kept his distance.

  Until the ambulance showed up, along with the police.

  Vince was right behind them, his face a mask of grief and pain. And then she was being checked over and poked and prodded and questioned, people crowding around her.

  As she was being loaded into the ambulance, she searched for him, looked in every direction.

  But Roman was gone.

  And no matter how much she asked for him…

  No one would answer.

  * * *

  “SIR, I NEED TO ASK YOU some questions,” said the patrol officer who’d first arrived.

  “Tell me how she is.”

  “We don’t know yet.”

  “I have to see her.”

  “Sir, we’ll give you an update as soon as we have it. Now, tell me—”

  Roman shoved past him, hearing the echo of Jenna’s screams, repeating over and over in his head. If he lived to be a thousand, those cries he’d heard from down the block would haunt him every second, every day. He’d run faster than he’d thought possible, but—

  The tunnel beckoned. Everything around him receded until he felt nothing. Saw nothing, except…

  Broken bodies. Jenna lying on the ground, stripped half-naked, beaten all to hell—

  “No!” he roared, striking out.

  Hands gripped him, restrained him.

  He fought against the enemy. He had to get to her. Had to—

  With a cry from the depths of his soul, he battled harder, beyond reason as he warred his way to her. “No! No one else dies because of me—”

  “Get him down!”

  “On the ground!”

  He fought grimly with every tactic he knew. She was lying there, and that bastard was going to— If only he could—

  The Taser hit him.

  He fell hard.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  NOTHING SEEMED REAL TO HER.

  She felt disconnected from her body, floating somewhere beyond the pain, the shame, the terror of knowing that no matter what she did she was not safe from evil.

  Think about Roman. Think about being sheltered and secure, surrounded by his strength.

  Don’t think about this cold hospital room, about people seeing you like this, about…

  She wanted to curl up in a safe, warm, quiet place, but instead a nurse was taking photos of Jenna’s injuries. She tried to remain still, but she couldn’t seem to stop trembling.

  “Hang in there,” Chloe soothed from nearby.

  Jenna was grateful for her presence. Vince had not left Jenna’s side until Chloe arrived after getting a neighbor to watch their sleeping children. Patrician to her toes and a trained psychologist, Chloe kept her features smooth as glass, but Jenna saw her friend bite her lip once when Jenna’s torso was bared.

  “I’m okay,” Jenna told her in a voice that didn’t sound like hers. “Please, Chloe. Roman saved me, but no one will tell me where he is.”

  “He’ll be all right,” Chloe assured her. “Vince called into headquarters to make sure he didn’t get booked.”

  “Booked? How could anyone think—?”

  “He fought the off
icers who responded. Hurt one of them pretty badly.”

  “He would never—” Then she thought of him with Mako on the ground, punching and punching, over and over.

  “You don’t have to think about that now,” Chloe soothed. “There will be time later.”

  At last the photographs were done. “May I please have my clothes back?” she asked the nurse.

  “The police need them for evidence. We want to keep you here for a while for observation, anyway. Perhaps someone could bring you more clothes from home.” The woman hesitated. “Are you positive you don’t want a rape kit?”

  “I told you he didn’t—” Was that her voice, so biting? Jenna forced down the unreasoning anger. “I’m sorry. You’re just doing your job, I—I know that. He only—”

  Suddenly she could feel Mako grabbing her breast. Hurting her. Tearing open her jeans and—

  A sob erupted from her. Chloe was by her side instantly, gripping her arm.

  Jenna couldn’t help recoiling.

  “I’m sorry,” Chloe said. “I won’t touch you.”

  “No.” Jenna pressed her lips together. “It just— I just…” She grabbed for Chloe’s hand and squeezed. “I don’t know. I feel so…”

  Chloe squeezed back. “Whatever you feel is okay, Jenna. Say whatever you need to.”

  “No. I don’t— I can’t—” She bent double. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to run away, she wanted—

  Oh, God, she was going to be sick.

  “Here,” the nurse said, putting a basin in front of her while Jenna emptied what little was in her stomach.

  Chloe stayed beside her, stroking her back and speaking softly to her, words that made no sense.

  Jenna sank to the bed and curled up. She was so tired. She wanted to go away somewhere and sleep and sleep.

  She wanted Roman.

  But he was gone.

  She started sobbing, but she covered her mouth to keep from making a sound.

  Chloe gathered her up and held her.

  They weren’t the arms Jenna wanted.

  But she gratefully accepted the comfort.

  Finally she found her voice. “Did Roman kill him?” she asked.

  Chloe seemed to understand that she meant Mako. “No, but he’s hurt pretty badly.”

  The burning behind Jenna’s breastbone wasn’t eased by the news. But a part of her she’d never known existed was savagely happy.

  “Good.”

  * * *

  “SORRY,” VINCE SAID TO ROMAN when he emerged from the holding cell. “I got caught up in taking care of Jenna and I didn’t realize—” He swore. “I’m truly sorry. You didn’t deserve to be put through that.”

  Hell if he didn’t. If he hadn’t taunted Mako, Jenna would be fine now. “How is she?” he asked, jaw locked.

  “My wife is with her right now. She’s a psychologist who’s counseled a lot of victims of sexual abuse and rape.”

  Roman’s head whipped around. “But I—” Oh, God. What if before he’d gotten there…

  “She wasn’t raped, thanks to you.”

  “Thanks to me?” Roman roared. “It’s thanks to me that that bastard attacked her!”

  A muscle in Vince’s jaw jumped. His gaze bored into Roman’s. “Yeah. About that…what the hell did you do?”

  Roman wanted badly to look away, but he didn’t deserve to dodge. “I was pissed off because of what they’d done to Freddie, so—”

  Vince held up his hand. “Never mind. You shouldn’t be telling me any of this. You may yet need a lawyer.” They made it through the front doors and outside.

  “No.” Roman shook his head. “What happens to me doesn’t matter.”

  They were outside the station now, and Vince whirled on him, slammed him back against the wall. “It matters. Jenna cares about you, you son of a bitch.”

  Roman could see the barely banked fury in the man. They were a decent match for size, but even though Vince was a cop, Roman knew he could hurt Jenna’s friend.

  He wouldn’t even try to defend himself, though. Let Vince beat the crap out of him. “Go ahead.” He would welcome the punishment. It might erase that image from his brain—Jenna on the ground, her clothes torn away, Mako over her, about to—

  “If I weren’t a cop…”

  “No one will know. Come on. You want to do it.”

  Vince halted, reason returning. “Shit.” Hands on his hips, he hung his head and exhaled hard. “No. Whatever else you did, you saved her.” He stepped back.

  There would be no balancing of the scales. “Damn it.” Roman ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. He wanted to be punished. Wanted something to take away the pain of knowing that once again it wasn’t him who’d paid—it was someone he cared about.

  As he’d cared about no other. For an instant, he could feel Jenna curled up in his lap, shaking violently. Begging him not to leave her.

  I had to, Jenna. There is nothing but pain for you with me.

  He lifted his head and looked at Vince with hopeless eyes. “Will she be all right?” He swore. Of course not. She was sunshine incarnate, and she’d just been blindsided by the reality that life was brutal. That her goodness couldn’t save her. “Never mind.” He looked away.

  “She’s strong. The whole family’s coming in to be with her. Her brothers Jesse and Cade are probably already there. Sophie is getting her some clothes.”

  The unstated message was She won’t need you. “Good.” Too drained and weary to make any decisions, Roman just stood where he was and waited.

  Vince exhaled. “She’s asking for you.”

  Roman’s head whipped up. “No. God, no. I’m the last person—” He shook his head violently.

  “Jenna usually knows exactly what she wants.”

  Slowly he shook his head again. “Not this time she doesn’t.” He stared at Vince. “Tell me you think I’m any good for her.”

  The other man stared at him for a very long time before speaking. “I really don’t know.”

  “I do.” Roman stared at the interstate overpass above them, calculated how far it would be to walk home.

  Home. Ha. Best thing he could do would be to pack up and light out.

  “If you care about her at all, you won’t desert her.”

  Roman turned tortured eyes to Vince. “Staying would be worse for her.”

  “You want to explain that?”

  Roman only shook his head instead of speaking.

  “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

  Damn. After all that had happened, he was going to be nice to Roman?

  Roman sidestepped. “If I’m free to go, I’d prefer to get there on my own.”

  Vince studied him. “You’re gonna break her heart if you leave.”

  “You’re wrong. Me leaving is the best thing for Jenna.”

  “Then maybe you really don’t deserve her.” Vince spun on his heel and walked away into the darkness.

  There was never any doubt about that, Roman thought as he watched the man go.

  * * *

  ROMAN MADE IT TO THE HOUSE in under an hour, even with the circuitous route that took him through the worst neighborhoods. With every step, he taunted fate to bring on the scum, the gangbangers looking for trouble. The fury simmering beneath his skin would welcome the violence.

  But though he passed more than a few candidates, no one responded, as though his face conveyed his eagerness to unload some of the murderous rage onto whoever crossed his path. No one approached. Silence accompanied his passage.

  No one gave him the relief of being able to off-load his pain with his fists.

  Jenna’s face…her pale skin exposed…her broken sobs as she clung to him.

  He had to stop to be
sick in some bushes.

  But nothing could clear out the poison inside him.

  Grimly he began to run, as if he could outrace the reality of what he’d unleashed on the person who least deserved it. Jenna was all that was good and sweet, and now she was—

  Broken.

  On the deserted, cracked sidewalk in front of his grandmother’s house, Roman fell to his knees.

  Is it so wrong to want to believe in good, Roman?

  A boy nearly dead.

  A woman whose bright innocence was forever lost.

  Ahmed, bleeding out in his arms. Sayidah, broken like a cast-off doll and just as lifeless.

  Abuela, dying alone.

  The tunnel beckoned, drawing him closer and closer to blessed oblivion.

  You’re gonna break her heart if you leave.

  Jenna laughing, ponytail swinging. Small and fierce and determined until—

  Don’t leave me, Roman. I need you.

  * * *

  “I’M FINE,” JENNA INSISTED. If she didn’t get out of here, where every single look conveyed pity or worry, she would scream. “I want to go home.”

  Her brother Jesse appeared in the doorway with what she thought of as his FBI face firmly in place.

  But his eyes were pure big brother. “Jesse…” She held out her arms and swiftly he crossed to her, his broad shoulders blocking out the light as he hugged her. “Get me out of here,” she whispered in his ear. “Please.”

  Jesse drew back and studied her. As with Diego, Jesse had been grown by the time she was born, yet he’d always treated her not as an imposition or a pest but as someone for whom he would always have time. He’d played dolls with her and taken her to explore the savage land that surrounded them. He’d taught her to paint—well, tried to—and though she possessed absolutely nothing of his astonishing gift, he’d shared with her his eye, the one that he and Cade both possessed, the gift for seeing beyond the surface impression, of observing the world so closely that its hidden secrets were revealed.

  Now that eye was turned on her. “Are you afraid to go back home, since that’s where it happened?” He knew, better than most, the price extracted by violence. He’d been a hostage negotiator for years, and it had taken a toll on him. “You can come stay with us.”