Looking back on his three days with Emma, he noticed a contradiction. She wanted to know personal details and stick her nose into his business, but she offered nothing of herself in return. Granted, he hadn’t asked many questions, but when he did, she was good about changing the subject or turning the focus onto someone else, mainly him.
Today, he’d dragged the information about her family out of Emma. She’d likely relented because she needed to steel herself for the flight on his jet, not because she wanted him to know anything about her.
The realization bugged him. He’d seen her go out of her way to help others and not ask for anything in return. She had to have needs...dreams, especially growing up the way she had. He wanted to make her dreams come true.
The door opened, and Emma walked inside the room followed by Trey. The two talked quietly, as if sharing a private moment. Okay, not so private given they weren’t alone, but who knew where they’d been a few minutes ago. They seemed comfortable around each other. AJ’s stomach tightened.
Trey must like nannies if he was marrying Keely. Had he also dated Emma? Was that why she didn’t want to have a fling? She’d had her heart broken or didn’t want to be hit on by another boss? AJ didn’t like either scenario. He balled his hands, wanting to punch something. Well, Trey.
Emma walked toward AJ while Trey headed straight to Keely and the girls. “We spoke to the doctor,” Emma kept her voice low. “Abbie’s doing better. She’ll be hospitalized for a while during her recovery, so I can see her once I’m back in Portland. There’s no reason we can’t return to Haley’s Bay right now.”
“You don’t want to stay longer?” AJ asked.
“No.” She glanced at Trey, Keely and Annie standing next to Abbie’s bed. Hurt flashed in Emma’s eyes. “It’s time for me, for us, to go. The birthday party’s tomorrow.”
Emma spoke with zero emotion, treating this hospital visit like a job or item on the to-do list she kept in her notebook. Something was off, but AJ didn’t know what.
He pulled out his cell phone and typed a message. “I texted the pilot.”
“Thank you.”
She glanced at the foursome. The longing in her eyes about broke AJ’s heart. He touched her arm, wishing he could kiss her and make everything better. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m ready to get back to Haley’s Bay. That’s all.”
Emma might believe that, but he didn’t. Something was bothering her. He leaned closer, placing his mouth right next to her ear. “Is it Trey and Keely?”
“Heavens, no.” Emma lowered her voice more. “Trey told me about their engagement. I’m thrilled for them and the girls. We never... He wanted to, but I didn’t. Everything’s worked out for the best.”
Laughter sounded from the other side of the room. Emma sighed with a wistful expression, not a look of jealousy.
“Something’s still bothering you,” AJ said.
“It’s...” Emma shot a sideward glance toward Abbie’s bed. “I’m not bothered. I’m envious of Keely getting a family. That’s all.”
Emma might not buy into fairy tales, but she had a favorite prince and, according to Annie over ice cream, knew all the princess movie song lyrics by heart. The nanny—his nanny—was a romantic who’d lost her family and wanted another.
AJ nearly laughed, and not in a good way. He could give Emma anything money could buy. Hell, he’d bought a helicopter and hired a pilot to bring her to Portland today, but he couldn’t give her the family she wanted.
Still, he wanted to help her. Who was he kidding? AJ wanted to take Emma home. Not back to Haley’s Bay. To his home in Seattle. Where he wanted her to stay. With him.
This was never going to work. AJ combed his fingers through his hair. She wanted a family. He didn’t want a relationship. Unless they... Maybe they could compromise. Business deals and mergers had been mediated. He’d compromised with internal projects. External ones, too. For a chance with Emma, he was willing to try anything.
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, after hugs and kisses and goodbyes had been exchanged in Abbie’s room, Emma waited with AJ at the helicopter pad. She needed a nap, a good cry, a hug, a kiss and dinner. Not in that particular order. “I’m so glad Abbie’s doing better.”
“I hear the relief in your voice.” AJ put his arm around her shoulder. “Just when I think you can’t impress me anymore, Emma Markwell, you do. You’re amazing.”
“I don’t know about that, but thanks. You’re pretty amazing yourself.” Somehow she managed to say the words without her voice croaking or cracking or squeaking. Maybe she could do without the nap. “Buying the girls presents was very sweet. The stuffed animals were adorable, and the bouquet was beautiful. Did you see how Abbie kept staring at the flowers?”
He nodded. “They seem like great kids.”
“They are. A couple of my favorites.”
“How long did you work for the Lundbergs?”
“Nine months.” Thirteen days and four hours, but who was counting?
“Not that long.”
Emma shrugged. “Some nannies stay in positions for years, until the kids no longer need them or the family can’t afford them, but I’ve never worked for more than twelve months. Most of my assignments are shorter. That’s my choice.”
AJ straightened. “That’s it.”
“What’s it?”
“I noticed a difference in how you and Keely interacted with the girls. I don’t mean this in a negative way—it’s something I noticed when you were in Haley’s Bay, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You hold a piece of yourself back.”
“From you?”
“From everyone. The families you work for, the children you care for, the people you meet.”
“That’s not true. That’s ridiculous.” She stared down her nose at AJ, offended. “I put everything into being a nanny. I pour all of me into each child. Aren’t I here now?”
“You are. That meant everything to the girls, but you keep walking away from families.”
Her cheeks felt warm, her chest heavy. “I don’t walk away. I tell them my availability from the beginning. It’s their choice whether they want to hire me or to keep looking for someone longer term.”
“Their choice? Before you said it was your choice,” he repeated her words.
“No.” She shook her head, more like a three-year-old. “Stop attacking me.”
“I’m trying to help you the way you’ve helped me,” AJ said. “Think about it. Think about all those kids you said you took to the ER. Think about Abbie and Annie.”
“No. I...” Emma covered her face with her hands. Her limbs burned as if on fire. “Oh, no. You’re right. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing and I didn’t even realize it. I gave my love for them a time limit. Those poor kids.”
AJ cradled her in his arms. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” She rested her head against his shoulder, wanting to hide away from the world. Time for a career change. Something different. “I was supposed to be nurturing and caring and devoted—”
“You were all those things today with the girls. Annie said you were the best nanny ever, even better than Keely. I’m sure the kids never realized what was going on. You’ve been those things with my family and me in Haley’s Bay, but for some reason you don’t open yourself completely and let others in.”
“I—I don’t want to get too attached.” So many things made sense now. She rubbed her face. “I think that’s why I bolted when Trey said he wanted to date me. He gave me a reason to leave. I never stuck around long enough to see if things would be awkward or not. I just ran.”
“That makes two of us. You ran from the families you worked for. I ran from my family and Haley’s Bay.”
“I’d laugh if it wasn’t so sad.” She shook her head. “We’re a pair.”
“A pretty good pair if you ask me. You helped me figure out things with my family. Now I’ve helped y
ou.”
“You did. But ouch, it kinda hurts.”
“Should have warned you about that.”
She kissed his cheek. “Thanks anyway.”
“There’s something else we need to work out.”
“What’s that?”
“Us.”
Her shoulders sagged. She didn’t want to rehash this morning’s discussion again. “I’m not the fling type. Nothing else needs to be said.”
“How about I’m sorry?” he asked. “I know a fling isn’t for you.”
“I’ve been worried I gave you the wrong impression by sharing your bed or kissing you back.”
“You didn’t. This is my fault completely.”
His words brought a rush of relief. Maybe things could be different between them. She crossed her fingers. “An easy mistake to make when you haven’t known someone long.”
“It might not be long, but I know I want to spend more time with you.”
Her heart stumbled. She was afraid to hope. Nothing had worked out before. Well, nothing except Libby and her parents. “We don’t have much time left in Haley’s Bay.”
“True, but we have plenty of time after we leave.”
“I’m confused.”
“You’re cute when you crinkle your face like that.”
She touched the bridge of her nose. “It’s just...we want such different things.”
“You want marriage and a family. I don’t want a relationship.”
“Exactly.” Hope deflated like a Mylar balloon with a pinhole. Slowly. She’d rather the whole thing just blow up. “It will never work.”
“Not all relationships end in marriage,” he explained.
“No, but that’s always a possibility, right?”
“Maybe not.”
“I’m more confused now.”
“What if we got to know each other. Dated. Dinners, movies, art shows, a show on Broadway or beignets in New Orleans?”
“We live in different states.”
“Dating would be easier if you moved to Seattle. That’s where the first compromise comes in.”
His tone bothered her. She narrowed her gaze. “You sound like you’re negotiating a business deal.”
“More like a relationship.”
That got her attention. She couldn’t believe he’d said the word. “You don’t want one of those.”
“If dating works out, and we decide to pursue something more, I would be willing to compromise.”
“In what way?”
“I’d agree to a relationship with you if you forgot about having a family with me.”
His words seem to be punctuated with a gong. The air felt heavy in her lungs. She struggled to breathe. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. “Move to Seattle. We’ll get to know each other. Date for real. Then take it from there.”
Unreal. Emma couldn’t believe a man who made her realize something so crucial about herself could be so, so, so stupid and shortsighted and selfish. “Take it where? To a relationship with no chance of a future?”
“Marriage doesn’t equal the future.”
“No, but you’re asking me to compromise on my dream so I can hang out, have you support me, fly around on your jet and sleep with you.”
He flashed her a devilishly charming smile, one she wanted to wipe off with a tissue. “You have to admit it’s a good compromise.”
Not good. She rested her face in her hands. Not by a long shot. What if she fell in love with him and wanted more? He wouldn’t give her more. He wouldn’t ever give her his heart.
I like knowing the expectations ahead of time.
His words echoed in her mind. She wouldn’t be surprised if AJ had this whole relationship thing planned out from beginning to end. Speaking of which... “How long do you see this lasting?”
“As long as we’re having a good time.”
That could mean four days or four years. This wasn’t a compromise. This was a temporary arrangement for the benefit of one person—AJ Cole. She would wind up with nothing except a broken heart, a few memories, ticket stubs and shiny baubles he’d tell another woman he regretted buying. Her temper spiraled.
The helicopter approached.
“You are an amazing man, Atticus Jackson Cole. I thought you were my friend. I thought you’d figured me out even though I held back on you. But I was wrong on both counts. You are used to getting what you want. This time that happens to be me. But I’m not going to be flattered or compromised into something I don’t want.”
“Emma—”
“Let me finish.” She didn’t have much time with the helicopter landing. “Being with you in Haley’s Bay has been wonderful. I’m not going to deny that. You’ve helped me learn so many things about myself, including what I want. I need to put myself out there if I’m going to fall in love, get married and have a family. I can’t be afraid. I can’t settle for less. I definitely can’t compromise with some half-hearted, never-going-anywhere relationship designed to end when it’s no longer fun.”
AJ’s jaw hung open. “You’re as stubborn as my dad.”
“As stubborn as you.”
“I like you.”
“I like you, too.” She patted his hand. “This isn’t a rejection. We both know what we want. They happen to be different things. That’s okay.”
“There’s chemistry between us.”
“Sparks ignite the flame, but someone needs to tend the fire to keep it going.” She squeezed his hand. “I need to find someone who will want to collect more wood and kindling and tend with me. Not use semantics to get out of doing the job or hire someone else to do it for him.”
His lips thinned. “I thought you cared about me.”
“I do.” Shutting up was what she would normally do, but not any longer. She needed to open up. This was a good place to start. “I’m sure if I let myself I could fall in love with you quite easily.”
He inhaled sharply.
“But I’m not a deal you can negotiate or company you can acquire with terms favorable only to you,” she continued. “I’m not something that can be compromised. I agreed to be your pretend girlfriend and I will continue to do that. But do not touch me and you better not kiss me unless you want a black eye.”
* * *
Six o’clock the next morning, AJ stood at the harbor waiting for his brothers and dad to show up at the boat. He hadn’t planned on going fishing, but now that Emma had kicked him to the curb for the second time—hell, forever—he knew better than to hang around. She had the party under control. He was only in the way.
But he missed her already. Not because he felt a sense of loss that something he wanted wasn’t around. He was missing the partnership. Half of being a team, of something...special. The thought of saying goodbye to Emma tomorrow was killing him. He couldn’t let her walk away, but how could he stop her?
“Look what the cat dragged in.” Ellis laughed. “Surprised to see you up this early.”
“What the hell?” Declan slapped AJ on the back. “You look worse than some roadkill I’ve seen.”
“Woman trouble, son?” his dad asked.
AJ nodded. He’d been running away like Emma, but he was ready to stop, change, set things right. Her words had been echoing through his head all night.
Until now I haven’t been...something. Willing? Ready? I don’t know. But now I want a real boyfriend.
Marriage is something I want, which is why having a fling is a bad idea. I can’t keep my feelings casual.
She’d told him exactly what was going on, what she wanted, but he hadn’t listened. He’d proposed the exact opposite to her twice. Idiot.
AJ was an idiot for trying to get Emma to have a fling she didn’t want and a relationship with no future because he didn’t want those things, either. He wanted the bigger dream. He just hadn’t realized it yet. But now he did. Oh, man, did he.
He was head over heels for Emma Markwell. What he felt for her after four days was different than the ag
grandized, childish love he’d felt for Nat and different from the lust he’d experienced for other women. Falling so hard so quickly was the last thing he expected to happen, but exactly what he needed. There had to be a way to make things right.
“I messed up with Emma.” The anguish in his voice matched the pain in his heart. He hadn’t planned on her touching that particular organ, but somehow she had and he couldn’t imagine life without her.
“Come on,” Declan said. “She’s crazy about you. Buy her a dozen roses and a diamond and all will be forgiven.”
“That won’t work. Not with her,” AJ explained. “I’m not sure what will. I only met her four days ago.”
His father and brothers’ jaws dropped in unison.
“Four days and I’m already in love with her,” AJ continued. Emma had shown him how much was missing from his so-called perfect life. He’d been so focused on work and increasing his company’s bottom line, he’d forgotten to live and to love. She and that cat of hers had been affectionate and devoted to him. He’d been happier in Haley’s Bay, in the town he thought he hated, because of them. That had to be love, right? “Either that or I’m losing my mind.”
“Sounds like love to me,” his father said, resigned.
“But I screwed up and she wants nothing to do with me.”
“Been there, done that, skipped buying the T-shirt.” Ellis nodded. “Definitely love.”
“I need to win her heart and get her back, but I don’t know how.” The words poured from AJ’s lips. “I need your help.”
His father put his arm around AJ’s shoulder. “Let’s get on the boat. Once we drop the lines, we’ll formulate a plan. With all of us Coles working together, Emma doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll be yours before your grandmother blows out the candles on her birthday cake.”
AJ sure hoped so. He would be happy if she agreed to give him another chance, but he liked his dad’s outcome better.
Haley's Bay 01 - The Billionaire's Nanny Page 18
