Tank: A Steel Paragons MC Novel

by Eve R. Hart

  But what was I going to do after that? Did I want to rebuild? There were too many memories there but I knew they were all buried under the dust and rubble. It would never be the same. But did that mean we couldn’t start anew? Couldn’t make something better and move on? I had no fucking idea how to answer any of those questions. It wasn’t like I had to come up with anything right then, we still had to get this Savage thing dealt with, anyway.

  My hand fell hard and heavy against the front door. I wasn’t sure what I’d be met with when the door opened and I didn’t have to wait long because, not even a minute later, Ellie’s face filled my vision. Like we were both frozen in time, we just stood there for a good long while, the tears pooling in her huge green eyes as she looked up at me. And damn, it broke my heart. I’d missed her. Missed Fate. It all hit me as I stood there trying to find the right words to say.

  “I thought I’d never see you again,” she whispered and I could tell her tears were ones of shocked joy.

  “I’m sorry, El. So fuckin’ sorry.” I managed to get out, my voice cracking as my own tears stung my eyes.

  Then she fell into my arms and I wrapped her tiny body in the tightest bear hug ever.

  “Don’t break my damn woman,” Diesel said, a hint of a smile playing on his lips as I placed Ellie back on her feet. “Brother, good to fuckin’ see you.”

  I took in a deep breath trying to ready myself for all the words I was about to say.

  “I’m sorry, man. What I said was shitty and I can never tell you how fuckin’ bad I feel that I said all of that.”

  “Stop,” Diesel said, motioning me to come in. Ellie shut the door behind me as I moved further into the room. “I get it. Already forgotten. I’m just glad you are back.” He pulled me in for a man hug, hard back-clap and all.

  Before the moment could get any more emotional, Fate let out the loudest squeal of glee I’d ever heard a kid give. I turned my head to the side, looking for the little girl. I couldn’t even imagine how big she’d gotten.

  “Oh, shit,” I said looking down at the mat spread out on the floor to see Fate roll over and with shaky movements, get up on her hands and knees. Her big eyes turned up to me like she wanted nothing more than to get to me but couldn’t figure out how.

  Without hesitation, I stepped over to her and scooped her up. Damn, she’d gotten so big and I hated all the time I’d missed. Granted, some of that couldn’t be helped, me being in a coma and all. I held her close and her little fingers grabbed at my beard like she’d done when she was younger. It was like she knew who I was but I couldn’t let myself believe it. It’d been so long and she was so little. But as her tiny nose moved back and forth against my cheek, I knew she remembered me. Maybe it was a smell thing. Fuck, I had no idea. All I knew was my heart shattered wide open at that moment and I held her close doing my best not to squash her.

  “I think she missed her Uncle T,” Ellie said, her soft hand landed on my back as she looked back and forth between the two of us.

  “And I missed this little princess, too,” I said cooing a bit.

  It was true, as much as I had a lot of anger in me before, it was all gone the moment I saw her again. I only wished Logan could have been here too. He loved that little girl like no other and I couldn’t wait for the moment I could bring him back, for her as much as for me.

  “Where is the woman?” Ellie asked as I shifted Fate to the side a bit. My eyes snapped over to Diesel who only threw me a nonchalant half shrug. I should have known that he would tell her.

  “Not here,” I answered shortly. I wasn’t mad at Ellie, but I couldn’t really go into it right then. “She, uh, left me in the middle of the night. It is what it is.” I did my best to brush it off but I could tell by the look that passed between the two of them that they weren’t buying it.

  I kissed Fate on the nose and handed her over to Ellie. I didn’t want to go but I knew I had to see my mom. I had no doubt that she knew I was back and the longer I put off going over there the more shit I would get from her. Sure, I was hesitating because I had hurt her and I was under no illusion that I hadn’t.

  Ellie tossed her free arm around my waist before I had a chance to make my exit. Diesel’s eyes softened at the sight and I was amazed that the love between those two. I’d seen it before, but I never really paid attention until that moment. Maybe it was knowing that I’d recently given that very same look to a woman who’d captured my own heart. My eyes were open and not having Dya there really sucked.

  “Love you, Tank,” she said as she released me.

  “Love you, too. I’ll see you soon.” With that, I was out the door and back on my bike as fast as my feet would take me.

  Within two seconds of walking into Mom’s place, I was mauled by three overly emotional women as they fought their way to hug me. My heart warmed as I took my turn with each one of them, loving the embrace of my family. I hadn’t really realized what I’d missed until today. I should have never left. But then again, I wouldn’t have met Dya and I wouldn’t have found out my son was still alive or that Darcy was alright. All things I couldn’t talk about with the current women surrounding me. All for different reasons, of course.

  Mom was the first to speak, her words catching me off guard and taking away my breath as I searched for the right thing to say.

  “I’m glad you’re home. This is where you belong. Leave it all at the door and we all will move forward together,” she said, her head held high and her tone firm like she’d been waiting to say those very words to me for a long while now.

  “Me too, Mom.” I pulled her in for another hug.

  “Now where is this killer hottie that Axe told me all about. Not sure why he kept calling her that though,” Mom said as she searched behind me like someone was going to appear out of thin air.

  It was almost hard not to snicker at that. Axe knew damn well what he was doing when he told Mom that, but she had no idea about Dya and her profession and I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

  With a heavy exhale, I told her the story she wanted to hear but dreaded to tell. I moved to the couch and flopped down. My sisters did the same, perching on the edge of the cushions, elbows on their knees, and chins resting on their hands like they were about to hear some romantic tale like in those damn books they kept leaving at my place. Yes, the very ones I would pick up and read after they would leave. I hated breaking their little bubble as I opened my mouth and gave them the cleanest version of the events.

  “Her name is Nadya, but I call her Dya. Well, really, I call her Angel. She helped me through my darkest time in the weirdest fuckin’ way anyone could imagine. I don’t even know how to begin to tell you. She’s…different. But I think she was what I needed at the time. And now I’m here, so that’s it.”

  I knew that wasn’t going to be enough for them and I had to hold back a laugh at the way all their faces fell. What else could I do? I hated that she’d left me, but I also knew I had to move on. Didn’t think it would be easy by any kind of means, but I had a son to bring back home and a life to continue. I had to be the best for him and if that meant letting her go, then it was what I was going to do. But I couldn’t voice any of that to them.

  “That can’t be the end. Where is she?” Veda asked, bouncing wildly and throwing her hands out as if calling me an idiot.

  “She left me in the middle of the night, what was I supposed to do?”

  “Chase after her,” she said like it was that simple.

  “Life doesn’t work that way,” I chuckled, knowing I was breaking her little romantic world she had built in her head. “So, how about some dinner?” I asked changing the subject knowing that if Mom thought I was hungry, she’d make a full meal to feed me, and that would take the heat off of this conversation.

  But it didn’t stop her from throwing me a sad look and shaking her head as she left the room.

  Cal called church the next day. There was a lot to discuss and I knew it would take a good chu
nk of the day, but I wasn’t complaining, it meant one step closer to the goal.

  “Alright. Tank is back. Thank fuck. Now that that’s been said, let’s get to it,” Cal said starting the meeting once the room was full. I was surprised to see Brand standing in the corner but I wasn’t about to say anything. He was still new to his patch but I knew the kid was going places in the club if he wanted to. “First, let’s fill you in,” he said looking at me. I nodded and waited for him to go on.

  “Brand took over lookin’ after the prospects in your absence.” Ah, there it was. I nodded, it was a good choice. “Lake got patched in ‘bout a month ago. Dane will probably be next, but we’re gonna wait a bit for that. Got two new ones while you were gone. Vetted them and they’re good. Haven’t seen much out of them, but things have also been quiet while you were gone. They seem to do good ‘bout takin’ orders and don’t bitch too much, so there’s that. We need numbers, but I’m not takin’ in just anyone.

  “Right now, we got the backin’ of the Brothers of Destruction MC and the Nightmare boys you talked to in Tennessee. We just need to pin down a location. Called Hunt, but he said he couldn’t get involved in this, so there goes that. Didn’t say why, and I didn’t ask. Been seein’ more of Vice lately, Savage seems to be lettin’ him handle the pick ups. I don’t know if it’s because he’s scared or got other shit goin’ on that we might need to be worried about. The Russians don’t want to lay hand on this war and in a way, I’m glad. Don’t want to be indebted to them, that’s for fuckin’ sure. But they let us know that when the time came, they wouldn’t get in the way.”

  He let that linger for a moment and I was glad, my brain was trying to play catchup with all the information that had been thrown at me all at once. I loved that Cal didn’t sugar coat shit. He said point blank what needed to be said, but when he was giving me so much at once, it was hard to follow along.

  “Axe has had his hands full since he got back from seein’ you. Ethel called and there is someone rentin’ her place. Girl seems skittish and we are tryin’ to figure out what the hell is goin’ on with her. She isn’t one to open up, but then again we are a bit scary lookin’ when you don’t know us. So, Axe has set up there, practically livin’ on her couch. She’s got a little boy, too, so makes it a little harder to push her.”

  I nodded, understanding. We were about protecting women and children. Especially, Axe. Which I understood, knowing his story and the shit he’d been through. I could only imagine how hard it was to walk that line if he felt she was hiding something.

  My eyes shifted over to him, only to find him looking down at the table lost in thought. That wasn’t like him. He was usually alert and hanging on to every word that was said in this room. Something was up and I wondered if he would talk to me about it. That would have to wait for a later time. I swung my gaze back to Cal, ready for him to go on.

  The next couple of hours we spent going over what runs I’d missed and how Cal had been stocking up on guns. He was readying the club for war and I could tell we were all itching to go right then. Savage needed to be taken down and it was so close I could almost taste it.

  Luckily, Cal had already filled everyone in on Dya and so there was no reason to rehash that. It made breathing a little easier knowing that wasn’t going to be a topic.

  “Sent Seven and Brand out the the cabin, once we finally got the damn story of what went down with you. By the time they got there, they place was cleaned up spotless.” Cal shook his head as if he couldn’t believe the shit that was going on. “I would have called bullshit on your story, but one of the front widows was broken out.” He huffed out a laugh letting me know that he was joking, even if he was thoroughly confused.

  “Clean called me just before I walked in here,” Diesel said, pulling all eyes on him. He scratched the scruff on the side of his face, a sign that he wasn’t sure about all the shit happening either. “He said it was him. He took care of it. He didn’t say why or how he knew. Or how he even managed to get there before we knew about the situation. Anyway, he said it was on him. So we don’t have to worry about it.”

  A weirdness settles across the room. Mr. Clean was a pretty alright guy in our book, but he was still a business man. So, him doing something for cheap, let alone free, was unheard of.

  I swung my gaze over to Cal. All the weathered lines on his face pinched hard as he tried to believe what Diesel had said. With a shake of his head, he shrugged it off. For now. I knew that man wasn’t going to let that shit go, but now wasn’t the time to dig into it. He would do it on his own time and come back to the table if needed.

  The meeting broke, with new information on the table, but nothing that really had us any closer to the goal. It was just a matter of time and I was fucking ready.

  “Hey,” I said as I caught up with Axe at the bar. “What’s going on?”

  He shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette and tapped the filter on the outside of the pack. Then he tilted his head, indicating that I should follow him outside. So I did.

  “I don’t know man,” he said, lighting his smoke and taking a deep inhale. “This chick is hiding something, but I can’t tell what.”

  “Hmm,” I said, noticing the strange strain in his voice. There was a nervousness there and a pitch that was unlike him.

  “She’s got this kid, man,” he went on, not really focusing on me. It was like he needed to talk about it and so I let him. “He’s like fuckin’ little. He’s barely walking and…Oh shit. I’m sorry.” He looked up at me with sympathetic eyes.

  “Grass is alive,” I whispered. I had no idea why. Maybe I needed to tell someone and I knew he’d keep my secret. His eyes went comically wide and I let a tired smile spread on my lips. “Yeah…”

  “What?!”

  “I can’t tell you everything, hell I don’t even know everything to tell, but this needs to stay between us for now. I think that’s why Dya left me. She didn’t think she’d be good enough for him and she was unsure about fitting into my life considering he was still alive.”

  “Shit. Fuck. Man, I’m sorry,” he said in his usual flat tone but I could see the shock written all over his face. “Damn, I know you really fucking care about her. I thought it’d finally happened for you.”

  “What can I say? Luck is just not on my side, ever.” I shook my head doing my best to laugh off how my life had turned out. “This girl with the kid?” I asked to get him back on track.

  “Yeah, she’s…I don’t know. She’s scared of something, I can tell that much, but she’s also strong as fuck. Damn, stubborn bitch, not giving me anything and acting like us hanging around don’t bother her. Hell, she even cooked Brand and me dinner last night. Was some good shit, too.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  “Jessica broke up with me while you were out,” he said and his lips twisted in a way like he was trying to figure out something.

  His statement didn’t mean much. They seemed to break up and get back together more than there were months in a year.

  “Yeah, and give it another week and you’ll be back together.” I huffed out a laugh.

  I knew their relationship was odd on its best day. Did he care about her? Yeah, I truly believed that. But did he love her and her him? No, that wasn’t there. It was something else that kept them going back, but it wasn’t my place to talk about.

  “No,” he said and took a drag of his smoke. “Her words were pretty final and she’s kept her distance since. It kinda feels right though. I think she wants more out of life, more than what we could ever have together.”

  He was trying to tell me something else but I don’t think even he was aware of what that was. He was in his head and he had to figure shit out for himself. That wasn’t to say that I wouldn’t be there to lend an ear when he needed. But it was clear that he wasn’t to the point where he was asking for advice so I didn’t say anything else on the subject.

  “I’m stayin’ here if you need me,” I offered.

&n
bsp; “Yeah, thanks.” He dropped his smoke and crushed it with his sneaker.

  Then he did the weirdest shit, he fanned his hand in front of him like it would somehow make the smoke stench go away. Like it would make him smell less stinky. I choked my chuckle back because I was pretty sure he wasn’t even aware what he was doing.

  “I’ll talk later. Secrets safe with me. I’m glad for it though, he’s a good kid,” he said like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, then he walked away, climbed on his bike, and rode off.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Nadya

  One more minute turned into one more hour, and one more hour turned into one more day. Then a week. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. But I didn’t spend all that time in an oblivious void. I made plans, and more plans, and back up plans for all those plans.

  I called Lucy, who seemed to be too distracted to give me more than a few minutes at a time. It seemed like everyone had something big going on. Though, I did tell her where I was, not like I needed to. She already knew, having tracked my phone when she hadn’t heard from me for a couple of days. She nearly melted when I told her how I’d been spending time with Logan. Then she got a little too emotional for me when I told her that I actually liked the kid. That was one conversation that I cut short.

  The sun danced through the tree line, rising to bring a news day. I watched from the shadows of the back porch, my head a complete mess and my tea doing nothing to calm the storm inside of me. There was no more putting it off. I’d said goodbye to Logan the night before, reading him one more story and telling him point blank that he might never see me again when he asked me what was wrong.

  One thing I’d learned being around him, he was intuitive. Maybe it was just a kid thing. I had no idea. But Logan always seemed to know when something was off and he always made a point to ask. Having no experience with kids, I always gave him the answers as straight as I could. Maybe not in so much detail, but he understood that I had to go. That I had to take care of some things so he could be back with his dad.