Say No More

by Rose, Karen

  Gideon was silent for a long, long moment. ‘So you have relationships with our siblings, is that what you’re saying?’

  It was almost a relief. Almost. Because Gideon hadn’t asked the truly hard question yet. Why didn’t you tell me? She still didn’t have a good answer. ‘Yes.’

  ‘And you didn’t tell me.’ Another statement, not a question. Of course it wasn’t a question. Because she hadn’t told him.

  ‘No, I didn’t.’ She drew a breath and hoped this would end okay. ‘They asked me to tell you, to reach out to you.’ She exhaled and it hurt. ‘To tell you that they wanted to meet you. To know you.’

  ‘To have a relationship with me,’ Gideon said, his voice gone deep and gravelly.

  Mercy fought the urge to shiver. She wasn’t afraid of Gideon. Not physically. But she was afraid of what he’d say.

  Because she wanted him to keep loving her. It was a hard thing to admit after so many years of pent-up rage. Wrongly placed rage.

  Why hadn’t her mother told her earlier why Gideon had fled? Why hadn’t she told Mercy privately where he’d really gone?

  Because I might have corrected one of the Eden leaders when they continued repeating the vicious lie. She’d been an impulsive child, quick to speak her mind.

  Ephraim Burton had changed that. Now she was ultra careful to the point of obsession.

  And none of this was Gideon’s fault.

  ‘You kept them to yourself,’ he said, accusation now clear as a bell.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, forcing herself to meet his hard gaze. ‘I kept them to myself.’

  ‘Because you hated me.’

  She nodded once, because that was also true. ‘When I got out of Eden and saw you so happy and healthy and living your life as if Mama hadn’t sacrificed for you . . .’ As if I hadn’t sacrificed for you, she left unsaid, because it felt petty and wrong. Because it was petty and wrong. ‘I hated you. You had a life and I was this wraith, just . . . existing. So I hated you. And once I found the others, I kept them to myself.’

  ‘For six years.’

  She swallowed hard. ‘Yes. For six years. I’m sorry, Gideon.’

  He smiled, but it was devoid of any warmth. ‘For which thing, Mercy?’

  ‘For all of it. For hating you. For pushing you away all this time. For keeping you from knowing our brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. They really want to know you.’

  Gideon’s stare became a glare before he looked away. ‘Which two are legit?’

  ‘John and Angela. I’m closest to John. I think most of us are.’

  ‘And their last name?’

  Because neither she nor Gideon had known their father’s name. Mama had clearly known, but she’d never mentioned it. ‘Benz. Our father was John Benz Sr.’

  Gideon’s gaze jerked to meet hers, his eyes wide. ‘Mama named you Mercedes when our father’s name was Benz?’

  Mercy could only nod, hoping her brother was seeing the humor in that and not the treachery of her betrayal.

  He looked away again, his gaze fixed on Karl’s desk. ‘What did you tell him?’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘John.’ A muscle in his cheek bulged as he ground his teeth. ‘John and Angela and the others. If they asked you to tell me about them for six fucking years and you obviously didn’t, what did you tell them about me? About why I wasn’t meeting them?’

  Mercy kept her chin level, not giving in to the urge to run. ‘I told them that you weren’t interested in meeting them.’

  Gideon’s throat worked as he struggled to speak. ‘You lied to them, too? To all of them?’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘But I’ll make it right. I wanted to come clean with you before I told them.’

  His shoulders drooped, his head falling forward. He looked so defeated that Mercy wanted to comfort him, but when she leaned in to touch him, he jerked away.

  He looked at her then, his anger directed squarely at her. ‘Don’t,’ he said quietly.

  ‘All right.’ She settled herself in the chair, her hands folded in her lap. Just as she’d been taught to do in Eden. Be a good girl. Be obedient. Be seen and not heard. Or else.

  Standing, Gideon shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I need time to work through this,’ he said evenly. ‘You’ve been through a lot, most of which you haven’t begun to tell me, I’m sure. I don’t want to be angry with you, but right now I am. Give me some time to vent some steam.’

  Tears burned once again and she dropped her chin so that he wouldn’t see. ‘I understand.’

  ‘No, I don’t think you do.’ He took a step toward her, then stopped. ‘I want a relationship with you, Mercy. I want to know our family. But right now, I can’t.’ He hooked a finger under her chin, tugging until she looked up at him, his touch gentle. ‘Give me some time. How long will you be here?’

  ‘I have two months.’

  His brows rose. ‘You took leave?’

  ‘Something like that,’ she murmured.

  ‘All right. Send me John’s contact info. Tell him what you need to tell him to make things right between you. I’ll call him in the next day or two, when I’ve decided what to say.’

  ‘And me?’ she whispered. ‘What have you decided about me?’

  His eyes softened. ‘You are my sister. I’ve loved you since the day I first held you when you were only a day old. I will always love you. Me needing time doesn’t mean my feelings have changed. This is me needing to stay calm. You’ve experienced enough anger for a thousand lifetimes. You won’t get it from me, too.’

  She swallowed a sob, but it came out anyway. ‘I’m sorry, Gideon. I’m so sorry.’

  He pushed the hair away from her face before giving her a box of tissues from Karl’s desk. ‘I know. I also know how hard it is to break old emotional habits. That’s why I need time. You have my cell number, right?’

  She jerked a nod, drying her cheeks. ‘Of course.’

  ‘Then call me if you need to. I’ll always answer. Stay close to Rafe and the Sokolovs until we locate Burton. He won’t put his hands on you again.’

  ‘Okay. That’s fair.’ It was more than okay, more than fair.

  Gideon had made it to the door before turning back to meet her eyes, his expression now very grim. ‘It was Burton, wasn’t it? If I opened your locket, would I find a wedding picture of you and Ephraim Burton inside?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Gideon’s eyes closed and his whole body sagged, his grip on the doorknob seeming like the only thing keeping him upright. ‘I hoped not, but I knew. Somehow, I knew.’ He leaned into the door, resting his forehead on the wood. ‘If you hadn’t hated me, I’d have been shocked.’

  ‘I don’t hate you now.’

  He looked up, his eyes full of pain. He understood, and it was like a weight rolled off her shoulders. Unfortunately, it seemed to have rolled onto his. ‘I’m glad for that, at least. We’ll be all right, Mercy, you and I. We’ve come too far not to be. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? I have to check in with my boss and see who they’ve assigned to find Burton. She won’t let me work on it, so I’ll take some leave to protect you.’

  ‘You don’t have to—’

  ‘I do,’ he interrupted. ‘Let me do this. I didn’t keep you safe when you were twelve years old and that has haunted me for years. Let me protect you now. Please.’

  She couldn’t resist his hoarse plea. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’ll tell Rafe. He’ll keep you safe until I’m in the right headspace to do it myself. He’s a good cop, even if he’s got a bum leg right now.’

  ‘He saved me tonight.’

  A ghost of a smile curved his lips. ‘I owe him once again. He’s saved you twice now.’

  Once from an armed serial killer and then again tonight.

  ‘You saved me that night, too.’ She stood, gr
ipping her hands so tightly that they hurt. ‘So thank you.’

  ‘We’ll be all right, Mercy,’ he repeated, but this time with the warmth that she’d feared she’d lost forever.

  And then he was gone, leaving her to sink back into the chair and cry.

  Six

  Granite Bay, California

  Saturday, 15 April, 8.40 P.M.

  Sasha and their dad came into the kitchen, expressions grim. Sasha slid into the seat that Mercy had vacated and slumped, arms crossed. ‘What’s going on with Gideon and Mercy?’ she asked bluntly.

  Karl began to set the table, nodding in agreement. ‘The tension between them was so thick we could have cut it with a knife. Speaking of knives, Sasha, please get the silverware.’

  She complied instantly, springing into motion, her movements graceful and fluid.

  Just like mine used to be, Rafe thought, then shook the thought from his mind. There were far more important concerns. ‘I’m not sure. Mercy came back to talk to him. I’m not sure what about.’

  ‘All I know is that Gideon was a wreck the whole way over here,’ Daisy offered. ‘He’s afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid he’ll drive her away again.’ She glanced at Farrah, who sat very quietly. ‘Do you know?’

  Farrah lifted one shoulder. ‘It’s hard to say with Mercy. She keeps her feelings pretty close to the vest.’

  ‘Translated,’ Sasha said, ‘she knows but Mercy trusts her not to blab.’ She gave Farrah a look of respect. ‘Good on you.’

  Daisy’s normally happy expression dimmed. ‘It’s a big responsibility to carry secrets like hers must be. Weighs on one’s shoulders.’

  Rafe wondered whether Daisy was talking about Mercy’s secrets or Gideon’s. Both siblings had experienced horrors that no child ever should. He wasn’t sure he was ready to bear Gideon’s secrets, but Mercy’s? Yeah, he’d been ready since he’d first laid eyes on her.

  Farrah’s smile was sad. ‘I worry about her all the time.’

  ‘So do I,’ Rafe murmured, then wished he hadn’t said the words aloud when his parents gave him knowing looks. He hadn’t told anyone how much he’d missed Mercy, but he figured they all knew.

  Daisy sighed. ‘Gideon hasn’t slept well since she went back to New Orleans. He wakes up with nightmares, saying her name. I hope she tells him what he needs to know eventually, because not knowing is killing him.’

  No one had an answer to that, and their silence hung heavy over the table.

  ‘So,’ Irina finally said, ‘how goes your physical therapy, Raphael?’

  He might have been grateful for the topic change, but the subject of his PT was only slightly more welcome than a discussion of his feelings for Mercy Callahan. ‘Not bad.’

  Sasha finished her part of setting the table and returned to sit beside him. ‘“Not bad” doesn’t sound good. Is Cash beating you up again?’

  Farrah looked relieved at the topic change as well. ‘Who’s Cash and why is he beating you up?’

  Irina chuckled. ‘Cash is Cassius, my youngest son, Sasha’s twin. He’s a physical therapist,’ she added proudly. ‘He works with all the professional basketball players.’

  ‘Not all of them, Mom,’ Sasha said with a chuckle of her own. ‘Just our team.’

  ‘Wow.’ Farrah had perked up. ‘Like who?’

  Sasha pouted. ‘He won’t say. He’s got ethics.’

  ‘No, not ethics,’ Farrah teased. ‘Say it ain’t so.’

  ‘But it is so,’ Irina said. ‘He would never talk about his clients.’ She made a face. ‘Not even to me. And not even about my own son.’

  Rafe had to laugh at that. ‘He told me that you keep bugging him. Give the kid a break, Ma.’

  Irina lifted her brows. ‘I would give him a break, as you say, if my older son gave me information when I requested it.’

  ‘Ooh,’ Farrah whispered loudly. ‘Burn.’

  Rafe knew that they were making light conversation to take the focus away from whatever Mercy and Gideon were saying to each other. He guessed he’d have to sacrifice his own privacy to play along. ‘It’s not going as well as I’d hoped, to be honest.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m not sure how much better I’m going to get and even though Cash keeps a positive attitude, he’s not sure, either.’

  Sasha’s face fell. ‘That sucks, brother.’

  Karl’s brow scrunched in concern. ‘Perhaps another opinion?’

  Irina sat up straighter, indignant. ‘Why? Our Cash is the best!’

  ‘He’s doing all he can, Dad,’ Rafe agreed glumly. ‘I keep doing what he says to do – or trying to. It’s all I can do right now.’

  Irina pulled a pan of bread from the oven. ‘How much longer does he think you need to keep trying?’

  ‘Until I can walk and be a cop again?’ Rafe snapped, then sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Mom. It’s a touchy subject.’

  She put the pan on the table then squeezed his shoulder. ‘Is okay, Raphael. I know you are frustrated.’

  Rafe glanced at Farrah. ‘Sorry our conversation got so intense. We’re normally more fun when guests come.’

  Farrah smiled sadly. ‘I can’t imagine how hard it is. You owe me no apologies. My fiancé lives for his work. If he thought he could no longer be a cop . . .’

  ‘Yeah.’ Again he hesitated, then decided to let his family in. Just a little. ‘I’m not sure what else I could even do. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a cop.’ He craned his neck to look around the doorway, to be certain Mercy wasn’t on her way back. ‘I don’t want Mercy to know. She has enough to worry about right now and I know she feels guilty about me getting shot.’

  Farrah mimed zipping her lips. ‘She won’t hear a thing from me.’

  Sasha had become uncharacteristically quiet, and Rafe turned to her with a lifted eyebrow. ‘What?’

  She shrugged uncomfortably. ‘We can talk later.’

  ‘Oh, heavens,’ Farrah said, searching her handbag. ‘I’ve left some medication in my suitcase. Karl, where did you put it, please? I just got over bronchitis and need to finish all my antibiotics. You know how it is.’

  ‘Of course.’ Karl rose and went to the doorway. ‘I’ll show you where I put your things.’

  Sasha frowned when they were gone. ‘What was that about?’

  Rafe had already decided that he liked Mercy’s best friend very much. She’d just cemented his good opinion. ‘She wanted to give us time alone. I saw the bottle of antibiotics in her purse when she gave me ibuprofen earlier. So what has you so upset, kid?’

  Sasha rolled her eyes. ‘You’re only five years older than me.’ Then she sighed. ‘We’ve all been a little worried about you, that’s all. I mean, we’re all hoping you regain full use of your leg, but what if you don’t? Have you considered . . . y’know, talking to someone?’

  Rafe fought his own sigh. They meant well, his family, but this was why he kept his feelings to himself. His laid-back ‘nothing bothers me’ surfer persona had taken years to perfect. It was a most effective shield. That I obviously have misplaced somewhere. This was what happened when he gave his family an iota of information. They always pushed for more. ‘You mean like a shrink?’

  His mother narrowed her eyes at him. ‘A mental health therapist, Raphael. Don’t minimize their importance with denigrating sobriquets.’

  Rafe bit back a smile. ‘Wow, Mom. Those are some five-dollar words there.’ Her scowl had him sobering. She was serious. Very. ‘I know they are useful, and yes, Cash did recommend someone.’

  Sasha looked relieved. ‘Who?’

  ‘Some therapist that his athlete friend used when he got hurt and had to leave the game. I have the therapist’s name, I just haven’t called yet. But he only gave it to me today,’ he added when his mother opened her mouth to no doubt nag him to call now. ‘Give me a day or two, okay? Things just got hairy.’

 
Irina nodded reluctantly. ‘I will wait. But no more than two days.’

  ‘And then the nagging will commence?’ Rafe asked with an affectionate smile.

  ‘Yes.’ Irina gave the stew in the pot a final stir. ‘Karl! Farrah! Dinner is ready.’ She put the pot on the table. ‘We’ll start now. Mercy and Gideon can join us when they are finished talking.’

  ‘I’m good with that.’ Daisy ladled stew onto her plate. ‘I’m starving and this is one of my favorite meals.’

  Karl and Farrah returned, Farrah making a show of shaking the pills in her medicine bottle. ‘Silly me. I had them in my purse all along.’

  Karl patted her shoulder. ‘I think my daughter has spoken her piece, so now we can eat.’

  ‘Oh, this is good,’ Farrah said when they’d all been served. ‘I’d love the recipe for this, Irina.’

  ‘Of course. It’s very simple, a bit of everything . . .’ Irina trailed off as Gideon appeared in the doorway.

  Alone. His eyes were red and he was visibly trembling. ‘Daisy . . .’ He cleared his throat. ‘We need to go.’

  Daisy’s eyes widened. ‘But I’m not finished yet and you haven’t eaten at all.’

  ‘Wrap it up to take with you, then. Please.’ His gaze landed on Rafe. ‘She’s not okay. You might want to talk to her. I need some time. Just a little time.’

  Rafe was already pushing to his feet, gripping his cane hard. ‘What happened?’

  ‘I can’t. Not right now.’ Gideon’s expression was just short of begging. ‘Just don’t leave her alone, not for a minute.’

  ‘You know I won’t.’

  Gideon looked at Farrah, his mouth tightening in irritation. ‘Did you know? About our family?’

  What family? Stunned, Rafe looked around the table, noting everyone looked as confused as he felt.

  Farrah nodded, also shocked. ‘I knew. I didn’t know that you didn’t know, though. Her stress levels make sense now.’ She rubbed her forehead wearily. ‘I thought she was dealing with PTSD from the abduction six weeks ago. I didn’t think to ask her about John and the others. I’m so sorry. Some best friend I am. I hope you didn’t get too angry with her,’ she added. ‘She was so afraid that you’d hate her.’