The Spirus

by JB Trepagnier

  As he closed the door to his bedroom, he didn’t know if he should get her a chair or if he could hold her in the bed like they had done in the woods before Leodos pulled him away. She had wine with dinner and her face was flushed. His father told him he explained to her why she couldn’t mate until she had chosen and he thought she understood, but he worried if he laid in bed with her, the wine would make her go to his robes again and he didn’t know if he could stop her a second time. Before he could get a chair, she draped herself across his bed and gave him that smile he couldn’t resist.

  He knew he wouldn’t be able to stop her this time, so he pulled a chair up to the bed. She looked confused and straightened herself on his bed so that her head was resting on his pillow. When she asked him why he was sitting far away from her and he told her, he watched her get angry with him and he didn’t intend for that.

  “Do you think I can’t control myself like your father does? I’m not stupid and I understood when both of you told me why I can’t!”

  He hoped she wouldn’t burn him again as he sprang from the chair and caught her arm as she went to get out of the bed. She wasn’t hot when he caught her arm and when she turned back to face him, he was surprised that she looked hurt and not upset. He never wanted to hurt her and needed to make this better. He crawled into bed and pulled her down to him and was relieved when she relaxed and rested her head on his chest.

  “I know you understand why you can’t, but my father gave you wine and I saw how you were when Leodos gave you spirits. I still think Oris made you do something you know you’re not supposed to.”

  “I’m already doing things I don’t want to. Do you think I wanted to do anything I’ve done since I got here? Your father and Terros were always angry with me before when I wouldn’t do something because I didn’t want to. Why would you think I could stand up to both your father and Terros and Oris could make me do something I didn’t want?”

  “Are you trying to hurt me because I hurt you? Neither you nor Oris will talk about that night. Are you trying to hurt me by telling me you did what you knew you shouldn’t because you wanted to?”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you. What happened that night is between me and Oris and I’ve already said I don’t want to talk about it. You all know things about me that I didn’t know about myself. Why can’t I have things none of you know about? You all know more about me than I do! I don’t know why you wanted me to come to your bedroom or what you want from me tonight. You knew I don’t want to talk about that night! I don’t know what this new light does and if you make me angry, I’m going to have to go back to my room so I don’t find out and hurt you.”

  He hadn’t meant for the conversation to go like this when he asked her to come to his bedroom. He just missed their chats gathering food. He didn’t want to run her off and she was starting to get warm. He pulled her closer and ignored the heat coming off of her. “I didn’t ask you here to talk about that night. If you burn me again, more of you is touching me than just your arm. Can we start over like I never brought up that night?” he asked, relieved when she relaxed again and the heat went away.

  “Why did you ask me to your chambers if you didn’t want to try to mate with me. My mother and Leodos were against me coming. I don’t understand.”

  “I just wanted to talk to you,” he said, kissing her soft hair. “We spent so much time together alone gathering food and I miss that time. I thought tonight, you would have a few moments to be alone with me to just talk. Your story today left me disturbed and I hoped you would help settle my heart.”

  “Why would it disturb you? I told you where you came from, why I came this way, and what needs to happen from here. I gifted those I couldn’t change so that their children no longer have to accept a form. I’m laying the grounds for the peace that needs to happen.”

  “Because it made me think you only gifted us the way you did because you intend for us to mix among tribes and you won’t choose any of us like you have been threatening to do. You said you knew your choice now and none of us would like it. If you know your choice and it was one of the three of us, at least one of us will be happy. The only choice you could choose than none of us would like is if you choose none of us.”

  “Please don’t ask me for more information about my choice. All I will tell you is that it’s not that none of you will like it because I’m not choosing any of you. None one will like it at first because it’s different and you all will have to get used to it and accept it.”

  “I had also asked you here because I was hoping you had come to understand the feelings you said you were having towards me and you would explain to me what you meant. I’m glad you chose to tell me that you’re choosing at least one of us.”

  “I understood love today when I feel asleep with my mother holding me. I know she loves me and I need to let her instead of fighting her all the time. She’s just trying to get to know me again, even if she sometimes does it wrong because I was away from her for so long. The love I’m starting to feel for my mother and Leodos is different than what I feel for you, but it makes me feel the same way when I’m around you.”

  His heart leapt to know she loved him, but she crushed it when she told him she loved Oris and Neptis too, just in different ways than she loved him. She knew she had cut him deeply and lifted her head and kissed his neck.

  “I love you because you don’t expect anything from me. You’ve always talked to me like I was a normal person and not this Spirus. You don’t know how much that means to me. Belisarus tried to teach me, but it was never what I needed to know. It was always that I was different and needed to stay hidden. My mother tried to explain to me why she thought he never taught me what I needed to know. If he didn’t want me to be the Spirus and just be a normal Tempris child like my mother does, I think he could have raised me differently so that I didn’t think everything I could do was bad. I love you because you love me for who I am and not because I’m important. The things I love about Oris and Neptis are not like that.”

  “I don’t expect it, but I still hope with all my heart that I’m the one you choose,” he said. He couldn’t help it and he leaned down and kissed her. She responded like she had in the woods by kissing him harder, only this time, she snaked on top of him. She was writhing on top of him and kissing his neck and he knew why he should stop her, but he was having trouble telling her no. Before he got to the point that he couldn’t stop, he firmly grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away.

  “You know why we can’t,” he said, gently. “Even if we did, I don’t know if you can get pregnant outside of your Senso and I have nothing here to stop us from making a baby. You can’t make a baby until you’ve chosen and we can’t do this right now.”

  She slid off of him and looked down at her hands. She looked uncomfortable and unsure of herself again. “There’s…there’s things we can do that feel good that don’t make a baby,” she said, looking down at her hands.

  He thought he knew what that meant and jumped out of bed. She gave him a bewildered look as he angrily paced the room. “My father wasn’t with you long enough to teach you all of that. If you know that, you know it because Oris took advantage of you while you were drunk or forced you when you couldn’t fight back. If it wouldn’t start another war, I would kill him!”

  She leapt out of bed and had his face in her hands trying to stroke it. She was calming him for the first time instead of him calming her. “You know I learn quickly. Don’t think about how I know those things now. I’ve learned several new things the past few days and that just happens to be one of them. Don’t stress over how I learned them. Don’t fight with Oris or blame him for me knowing these things. You and Oris will need to put all of this aside, as will Neptis, when this is over and I announce my choice. You’ll all need to learn to be around me without fighting and sharing my time. I try to do this when we are all together.”

  “I can’t help but think how you learned these things. I don’t think you prope
rly understand what he did to you if you learned those things when he took you while you were drunk. If he didn’t force you and got you to agree while you were drunk, it’s still rape! Do you even know what that is?”

  “Sono!” she cried, still holding his face and leading him to his knees. “Leodos explained rape and Oris didn’t rape me. Stop thinking about my night with Oris and how I know this now. I told you I wouldn’t tell you about the choice I have to make regarding the three of you, but I’m telling you this now. You, Oris, and Neptis will have to learn to get on with each other. You will have to learn to not fight over time with me. You will have to stop getting angry if I leave with one of you. You won’t like what I have to tell you at first when I announce it. It has to happen this way at first. It will not be done after I die. It just needs to be this way while I’m still here. All of you need to stop fighting and getting angry when I leave with one of you. You asked me here when no one was around except my mother and Leodos because you didn’t want them to know. I thought you asked me here for what I suggested that made you so angry.”

  Sono didn’t speak for a moment. She had confused him more now than ever even though she had given him more information about her choice. He still didn’t know what she could possibly mean. He pushed that aside when he met her eyes, which were looking at him wide and innocently. She looked at him so innocently after what she had just suggested that they do. He wondered if she thought that was all they wanted from her and what she thought relationships were about. He forgot his anger for a moment and pushed it down. Whatever her choice was, he knew he would have to make peace with Oris.

  “Soryn, I don’t just want to mate with you or do things that feel good. I want you for my wife and I enjoy your company. I asked you here to talk to you, not do those things. If you want, we can get back in bed and I can hold you while we talk. I only want to talk to you and I enjoy holding you.”

  He guided her back to the bed and she laid next to him and rested her head on his chest. “I know what choice I have to make with the three of you, but all of the stories I was told just ended with everyone being happy. Belisarus didn’t have a wife. I don’t know what happens after you wed. I’m trying to watch my mother and Leodos.”

  “Mating is a part of it, but it’s only a small part. We all know that it feels good. You will have to learn to be a partner with whoever you choose and work with them on different things. You won’t be able to do whatever you want anymore. Your husband will be there to help you with things so you’re not doing everything yourself anymore. We expect much of you now, but when you’re done with what you’re here to do, you can finally just relax and enjoy being married.”

  “I’m not going to be able to relax when this is done. All of you and my mother expect me to rule. I still don’t want to and don’t know how, but it’s supposed to happen.”

  He pulled her closer and kissed her head. “You have four kings and your mother here. Why don’t you ask them about ruling instead of assuming you won’t like it? You’ll have whoever you choose with you helping you and all three of us were raised to be kings of our tribe.”

  “I’m not used to having all of these people around me and wanting to touch me. Everything that was said about me over dinner made me uncomfortable. It’s strange having so many people love you. They only do because of what I am.”

  “Have you learned nothing from walking with me? We’ve all gotten to know you as we traveled before we got here. My father was upset because he thought the chair was changing you and he wanted you to stay as we knew. We know and love that girl. You weren’t acting differently at dinner, nor while with me tonight.”

  He didn’t ask why she had been acting strangely sometimes to the point that Volaris worried they were losing her. If she was changing, maybe talking to the girl they knew would keep her around. He felt her sigh and tell him she felt like she could only tell this to Frog, but Leodos got her to tell him. She told him exactly why she had been acting strangely and he was relieved she could finally tell him the things she thought she could only tell Frog.

  “We don’t expect you not to be scared by what is to come. You knew nothing when you came here and only expected to deliver a message and go home. You’ve only wanted to go back home this entire time. We all know what we are asking from you. We’ve all tried to get to know you so you feel comfortable enough to tell us when you need help.”

  “Only the kings can help. I changed them to fight with me. The rest of you are not strong enough against the human’s weapons like you were during the first war. You, Oris, and Neptis will stay here when I go to meet the humans because you are too important for what is next.”

  “How do you expect to fight an army of humans with just you and the four kings? How do you think it’s too dangerous for the rest of us, but that is your solution? The humans would slaughter you!” he said. He was glad she was telling him more about her plans since she hadn’t been giving out much information about why she was making the changes she had.

  “Can you just hold me and not ask me about what is to happen? None of you will understand until it’s time, so I don’t try to explain.”

  He was confused and wanted to talk more about what she had just said. She had said multiple times before she got here that she didn’t think she was to survive. She seemed sure she was and said she would stay to rule even though she didn’t want to. She said she knew her choice. She admitted to him she was scared tonight. Was she lying to them about staying and choosing because she thought that was what they wanted to hear? Did she know she was to die and was saying these things because she knew they would fight to protect her rather than let her die? He pulled her closer to him, but did not ask her anything else about what was to happen because she didn’t want to talk about it. He never wanted to make her do anything she didn’t want to. He held her closer to him, not wanting to let her go, now that the thought was in his head that she may really die.

  He noticed her breathing change and she was asleep in his arms. He knew he should either wake her or carry her back to her chambers. He didn’t think he would be able to sleep himself with these thoughts in his head if she wasn’t in his arms. He knew her mother and Leodos would be angry with him and what Oris and Neptis would think. Oris had a night with her neither of them would speak about. Why couldn’t he have one night with her in his arms and wake up next to her? He let his own thoughts drift off and fell asleep himself.

  Soryn

  Soryn felt safe and loved while she slept. She felt the same way when she fell asleep with both Esylle and Leodos in bed with her. She liked this feeling and wanted to feel it more often. She still wondered why Belisarus never acted like this around her if he really was her grandfather. The dreams she had been having since they arrived at Inanos didn’t follow her when she slept with Esylle holding her, nor tonight in Sono’s bed. She had never seen war before, she had only been told about it. Now, every night when she slept, battles from the first war with the tribes and humans flashed before her eyes. War was more awful than what Belisarus had taught her. She watched Theran charge towards lines of humans wearing metal and holding shields. They fell by sword or had their heads bashed in by shield. She watched the Farkhi, overhead, trying to fly above the humans and try to drop things on them. They fell by arrow. The Tempris fought fiercely with fire and she watched humans being burned alive. The Tempris were not fast enough to burn multiple arrows being shot at them at once and she watched as they fell over with several arrows piercing them. She saw what happened next. She saw all the Tempris except the King and their child at that time being shot at with arrows as they tried to back away. The humans had dug a large hole in the ground and the only thing the Tempris could do was try to burn arrows as they flew at them or fall into the hole. Several of them fell by arrow and the rest fell into the large hole. There was no way for them to get out of the hole and her dreams showed them helpless and drowning as the humans filled the hole with water and killed all those that did not fall by arrow
.

  It seemed like she couldn’t escape the chair even when she wasn’t sitting in it. It invaded her dreams and showed her things she didn’t want to see. She was confused when the chair told her that the final battle with the humans would just be her and the four kings and she doubted what was told to her. That was when the dreams started. She didn’t think she could watch all of the people who just wanted to touch her be slaughtered like that and knew the chair would tell her what needed to happen with the humans.

  She was deeply sleeping and enjoying a dreamless sleep when she was disturbed when she felt Sono jump up. She sat up, confused, rubbing her eyes. She hadn’t slept like this except for when Esylle was holding her and didn’t know what made Sono jump. When she heard shouting, she looked to the foot of the bed and saw Esylle standing with flames in her eyes. She remembered she gifted Leodos when he asked when he has similar flames in his blue eyes. Like with Oris, they were angry with Sono and not her. She didn’t understand why they were never angry with her when she spent the night with one of them.

  “You said you would not keep her long and you wouldn’t do anything dishonorable with her. She never comes back and I find the two of you in bed together! You know why she can’t do this! You should have known better and stopped it!”