The Spirus

by JB Trepagnier

  “She was upset about it when she read your raven. I knocked her from the sky and made her talk to me. I couldn’t today. I thought she was past running from us,” he said, rubbing his face in his hands.

  “Frog has always been able to make it better for her since she was young. Maybe after she talks to him, she’ll let us make it better,” Leodos said, trying to make both of them feel better. Sono could see he was trying to hide his worry.

  “This is something deeper than what she’s told us so far. She spent nineteen years thinking he was only her tutor and then she finds out he lied to her the entire time. This is the only thing she’s refused to talk to us about. I worry she won’t,” Esylle said. “I know you are about to tell me she will in her own time, but I worry these are deeper scars than just finding out who she is.”

  Sono left while Leodos was trying to console Esylle. He tried to find his father, but there were too many people around him, celebrating what she had done. His father couldn’t make this better, so he soared into the air as an eagle, hoping when he came back down, she was back and ready to talk.

  Soryn

  She followed Frog, but she wasn’t sure where they could be alone like they used to be. There were so many people here now and everyone wanted to be around her. She knew if they tried to go out on the beach, Frog couldn’t keep warm and everyone might still be out there.

  Frog led her down a hallway that seemed to be familiar, but she couldn’t remember where it led. He finally stopped at two ornately carved doors and opened them and let her through. She was surprised to see a library. There were more books here than Belisarus kept at home. When she thought of him, she got upset again and tried to push it away, like she had been doing since she returned home, and she couldn’t. She didn’t try to hide it from Frog, both because he couldn’t feel her and she thought he would understand.

  There were dusty pillows on the floor by one of the bookcases and Frog sat down and folded his legs. She laid on her back and rested her head on his legs like they were back home.

  “My mother sent you, but I still don’t want to talk about it,” she said, trying not to relax and forget herself when he put his hands in her hair.

  “Since when do you not want to talk to me?” he asked.

  “You can’t make this better, Frog. The answers I want died with Belisarus.”

  “She said you were upset just going back there. She has his diary. If you give her time to read it, you may get the answers you seek.”

  “I thought I belonged there, Frog. Me and you like it always was. I meant to go back there after all of this and just grow old in the house I grew up in. I knew I couldn’t, but when I got back there, I knew I didn’t belong there. I care for my mother and Leodos and I know they want me to come back with them, but I don’t think I belong on the throne either.”

  Frog gave a small, sad laugh. “After everything you’ve seen and done, you don’t think you can rule as well? Volaris told us on the beach what you did at Idric. You did exactly what you set out to do and you think you can’t rule?”

  “The way I was raised? I wasn’t raised into it like my mother. I was raised to fear all of these people and now they expect me to rule them.”

  “You know your mother has the diary with answers as to why he raised you the way he did. I think you’ve known for a while that you don’t have to fear any of these people.”

  “There’s an entire population of humans that are going to get a message from their Lords that could react badly. I could bring all these people back to the palace to riots and panic. How did you find this room?” she asked, trying to change the subject. She knew deep down he wouldn’t let her.

  “You’ve been so busy and I didn’t like watching you in that chair. While you were learning what you were supposed to be doing, I went exploring and found this room. I tried to see if there were any books about who you were before. Some of these books contain things you’ve seen in the chair. If you’re worried about riots, I’ll pull them down and we can bring them back with us. You’re changing the subject. I’m not understanding why you won’t talk about him.”

  “You didn’t know anything the day I made you. When I brought you in to him because I was scared, he didn’t try to make it better and tell me I was supposed to do this. He yelled at me and tried to force me to change you back and I didn’t know how. When I couldn’t, he whipped me for the first time. It was the only time and when he was done, he wouldn’t look at me. He left the room and only told me I did this and now I would have to live with it. He said if I couldn’t change you back, I needed to teach you. He slammed his bedroom door and wouldn’t come out until the next morning. He hardly spoke to me and wouldn’t look at me for days. He stopped his lessons with me for over a week. Before that day I kissed you and changed you, he said I had to have them every day because they were important.

  “You say my mother has a journal he kept about why he raised me the way he did, but if creating you was what I was supposed to be doing the entire time, why was he so angry with me about it? Why did he whip me and let me continue to think I did something bad?”

  “Your mother told me you didn’t want to talk about it when she told you her theory about why he raised you the way he did.”

  “He lied to her too. How would she know why he did anything he did? He took me in the middle of the night and it’s his fault my father is dead. I was too young when he took me to remember anything about him. He took away my entire past and created a false one for me. He didn’t even let me keep my name. He didn’t prepare me for anything and he even lied about why he was sending me here.”

  “She grew up learning from him. She trusted him enough to come back and teach you when you were born. Maybe-”

  “She shouldn’t have trusted him at all! He made my father lie to her and if she hadn’t invited him back to teach me, maybe I never would have ended up on Idric and would know what it’s like to have a mother and a father!”

  “After everything you’ve seen and heard, you still think you would have been safe if he left you there with your mother?”

  “Why couldn’t he have just talked to both my mother and my father and told them the truth? If I had to be taken, why could he be honest about it so I knew who they were and maybe we could have written. Then he could have told me who he was to me and told me who I really was.”

  “Your father didn’t want him to take you and his secret was almost as deadly as yours. You may have both been killed if he left you there.”

  “He died anyway and I wasn’t prepared for any of this. He had nineteen years to teach me what I needed to do and instead, he filled nineteen years with lies. I couldn’t ask him anything I wanted to ask in that fire message and now I’ll never get any answers from him.”

  “Your mother was hurt by what he did too. She spent nineteen years not knowing where you were and if you were okay. Why are you refusing to talk to her about it instead of you both dealing with what he did together?”

  “I was caught up in a moment when I tried connecting Sono to me. I shouldn’t have done it and I shouldn’t have connected the others either. I didn’t know the light would come to them and sometimes I don’t want them to feel me and then feel they are upset that I’m trying to block them. Nothing is mine anymore, not even what I’m feeling. It was a mistake.”

  “I don’t think it’s as big a mistake as you think. I wouldn’t be in here talking to you unless your mother had felt you were upset back home. Knowing you, you would never have mentioned it until we were alone and it was eating you up inside.”

  She sat up and faced him. “It’s already been eating me up inside since I got here and Volaris told me who he thought I was. It’s been eating at me since I read my mother’s raven and found out who he was to me. I’ve been trying to ignore it because everyone expects so much from me.”

  Frog touched her face gently. “You’re almost done with what you are meant to do. Soon, you will be back at your rightful home and you’re
going to have to deal with it. You should let your mother help you. Leodos wants to help too. They are your family now.”

  “You’re my family too, Frog. I’ve known you longer than anyone here.”

  “You need to learn to talk to them like you talk to me. I don’t think you understand how much they want that.”

  Soryn stood up. Frog had always been there for her since she taught him to talk. She asked him to stand and told him she wanted to try something. She knew he wouldn’t let her if she told him what she was doing. She was not very tall, but Frog was even shorter than she was. She pulled him into an embrace and once her hands were on his back, she tried to use the light to make him look like the other men she had changed. Frog didn’t fight her because he trusted her, but she could feel him growing taller in her arms.

  When the light stopped, she let go and looked at him. She smiled because she had done it. Frog was now the height of most of the men she had met so far. His arms and legs had filled out and she was surprised that they were as muscular as Sono’s now. She finally looked up and was shocked when she saw his face. Before, his eyes were too widely spaced and his nose too broad. His old face had lips that were also too large for his face.

  Now, his green eyes were still far apart, but it looked good on him. His mouth changed from being too large to full and sensual. His nose straightened out and no longer looked so flat. She wondered if he would have looked like this if she had changed him when she was older and knew what she was doing.

  “Frog, you’re handsome now! Find a glass and look!”

  She watched him look unsure of himself as the wandered around looking for something he could see his reflection in. When they found something, he only stared, feeling his face with his hands. When he asked her if she made him better looking on purpose, she told him all she did was try to finish the first transformation and she thought this was what he was supposed to look like this entire time.

  “Come out and meet everyone, Frog. They should see you as you were always meant to be.”

  She led him down the hallway and back into the corridor. Most everyone had moved off the cold beach and were in there excitedly talking about what she had done on Idric and almost no one noticed when they walked in. The same group of Theran girls that painted her face that day noticed them first and they all came over and started stroking his face and arms, telling him they hadn’t seen him before and asked her to introduce him.

  She let go of his arm and didn’t go after him, even though he shot her a look like he wanted her to, when the Theran girls pulled him away from everyone. She wanted Frog to find love and be happy with someone like she was with the three princes. She was smiling as they left, but stopped when she realized her mother was behind her.

  “I’m glad to see you smiling again,” Esylle said. She thought Esylle was going to bring up Belisarus again and she knew she couldn’t tell her what happened the day she created Frog. She didn’t want to feel her getting upset that she was whipped. “I’m not going to ask you to talk about him, I’m just glad you did with someone.”

  “We need to prepare everyone to leave soon. I know they are excited now and we can have a feast tonight if they need it, but we need to leave in the morning.”

  She walked away to find Volaris, Fluvis, Terros and her grandfather to let them know and she could tell her mother was trying to block her from feeling she was upset that she couldn’t talk to her about this. She could see them across the corridor, each surrounded by their tribes and tried to walk to them, but she was swept off her feet and someone was kissing her. She realized it was Oris, but she didn’t kiss him back like she normally did. There was still too much to do.

  He set her down and looked at her like he was extremely proud of her. “I knew you could do it. Now that you’re back, can any of the kings perform the ceremony and marry all of us? I don’t like sleeping alone now and I know you haven’t again because of your mother and Leodos.”

  She didn’t want to feel him hurt, but he wasn’t understanding. “Oris, there’s still more for me to do.” She tried to explain to him about going back to the palace and that she may have to spend the next few weeks changing the humans that wanted to be changed. “Oris, I know you want this and I liked sleeping with all of you, but I want a wedding like my stories. I thought I would never get married and now that I know I am, I don’t want to do it here just so we can do the things we aren’t supposed to do until we are wed. I want to see my mother and Leodos get married so I can see a wedding like my stories and then we can plan ours.”

  She thought he would argue with her, but he didn’t. He only kissed her gently and told her if that was what she wanted, they would all plan a wedding like her stories. He asked, after everything she had done on Idric, if they could just have one night again and all sleep in the same bed.”

  “You and your ‘one nights’, Oris,” she chuckled, stroking his face. “They always turn into more than just one. My mother is already upset with me. If I do this again, both she and Leodos won’t like it. They need more time than you to accept this.”

  “Even if we just sleep?”

  “We were tired before. I think we would do more than sleep the way you are looking at me now.”

  “Can you blame me?” he whispered in her ear. “I want to know what it’s like while we are connected and I can feel you.”

  “You’ll get your chance. Thank you for getting my mind off of what was bothering me.”

  She saw him out of the corner of her eye go to Esylle to ask what was wrong. She wondered if she was going to have all three of those boys in addition to her mother and Leodos asking her about things she still didn’t want to talk about tonight.

  Volaris

  Volaris could tell something was bothering the girl. She came and got them to tell them they needed to leave in the morning, but if everyone needed a feast to celebrate, they should have one. They were sitting as they were for her name day celebration, but she wasn’t relaxed, laughing, and asking questions. She looked uncomfortable again and there was a sadness behind her eyes that he hadn’t seen until they arrived at her home at Idric.

  Something appeared to be bothering Sono as well. He tried to remember to ask him about it, but he was on his third glass of wine. The girl refused any this time and Volaris wasn’t sure why if the light would just make her feel better in the morning now. Everyone at the other end of the table were those that could feel her and none of them seemed to be talking except Oris. He couldn’t hear what he was saying because he was at the other end of the table and everyone was so excited about what she had done, it was fairly loud in the dining hall.

  Oris said something that upset Leodos. Everyone looked up as he slammed his hand on the table and yelled over everyone that he knew why he couldn’t. Soryn drew further into herself and looked down at her food and didn’t speak. Sono and Neptis looked like they would rather be somewhere else.

  Volaris was a little drunk, but he got up and walked to the other end of the table to find out what was going on. Leodos was turning blue and had flames in his eyes because he was angry and Oris looked like what he would say next would set him off further. Esylle also looked like she was angry, but trying to control it for her daughter’s sake.

  When Leodos told him Oris asked them permission for her to sleep together with them as they had done after the light came to them and that he thought they should let her after what she had done. Volaris thought Oris might drop it when he saw how angry Leodos was, but he didn’t. He brought up that he knew she wasn’t because it bothered them and that was why he was asking their permission. He said they should think about what she wanted and anyone could tell something was bothering her.

  “I know how you want to make it better. I can’t stop it once you are wed, but I’m not going to allow it here. I already know all three of you did something you weren’t supposed to and I’m not allowing her alone with the three of you.”

  Oris wouldn’t stop talking and kept saying they coul
d all feel she was upset and he thought the three of them could make her feel better. Leodos looked like he might get up and strike Oris, but they were all surprised when the girl just stood up and walked out of the room like she didn’t want to hear them argue anymore.

  Esylle, Sono, and Neptis all jumped up to go after her, but Leodos caught Oris’ arm and wouldn’t let him go. Terros stood up when he saw Leodos had his hands on his son and Volaris was sure this entire celebration was going to be ruined.

  “You knew she was upset. You should know by now it upsets her further when people fight about her. I don’t like her choice, but if you’re going to be her husband, you need to start learning what she needs and not what you want!” Leodos yelled, leaving the room to find her.

  Oris looked confused at both Volaris and his father. “I was thinking about her. She wouldn’t tell me what was bothering her, but I thought the three of us with her would calm her. I thought we would just sleep, like we did before. I wasn’t planning on doing anything bad with her.”

  Terros didn’t explode the way he normally did. He only placed his hand on his son’s arm and told him he did a bad thing tonight. He cut Oris off and tried to explain to him that since she had been gone so long, Leodos and Esylle were more protective of her than if she had been raised here, especially being who she was. Oris wasn’t backing down or understanding and kept trying to argue that when they were wed, the three of them would make it better for her and why shouldn’t they start now?

  Volaris cut him off. He tried to get him to imagine being raised away from his father and trying to get to know him now. He asked him to pretend he was her and trying to get to know his family on top of everything else that was expected. Oris finally backed down and apologized when both Volaris and Terros explained to him it wasn’t time yet for what he wanted and he shouldn’t ask again.

  Terros stayed with Oris, who was in a state now that he had upset her and Volaris went looking for everyone to let them know Oris understood what he did wrong. When he went towards her chamber, they had all changed. There was a large dog, a sleek black cat, and he recognized Sono’s eagle. She must have disappeared because they were all using their animal senses to find her.