The Off Limits Rule: A Romantic Comedy (It Happened in Nashville Book 1)

by Sarah Adams

  After our fake fake date, Cooper drops me back off at my house. Neither of us touched the other the entire ride home, each the epitome of decorum. It was complete torture, but I’m willing to go along with it because it’s important to Cooper to prove himself to Drew.

  I step into the dark house and immediately find a little leopard blob sunk into the couch, feet propped up on a pillow on the coffee table, a halo of junk food scattered around her body.

  “Hi there,” I say, leaning over the back of the couch to make eye contact with Jessie.

  Her dark eyes pop up at me from beneath her Snuggie fort. “I ate it all.” Her voice is flat. “Every bit. Like a hundred thousand calories, and I couldn’t stop myself.” Her voice shakes on the last two words, and now I realize she’s not being funny.

  I rush around the side of the couch and push through all the wrappers and sharp chip crumbs to snuggle in beside her. She lifts a corner of her Snuggie and lets me inside. It’s warm and cozy, and I think this must be what it feels like to be a cheetah snuggling with its pack.

  “There’s nothing wrong with splurging every now and then. You’re pregnant—it’s one of the few perks.”

  She sniffles. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t even know if I want to be a mom.”

  I’ve been in Jessie’s exact shoes, and I know how she’s feeling. Which is why I don’t pounce on her statement with fear or try to convince her to take them back with my own placating words. I don’t freak out that she’s going to abandon the child on a firehouse doorstep just because she showed some uncertainty.

  I put my hand on her belly because I remember how much I wished someone would sit beside me and love my belly bump—just share in the joy of it. “What else are you feeling?”

  Jessie’s eyes shut tight like she’s trying so hard to keep her tears locked inside. “My butt’s getting fat, and I don’t love that.”

  “Ugh, it’s the worst. The dimples get real.”

  “And I’m getting stretch marks on my boobs.”

  “We call those tiger stripes, darling. Get the terminology right.”

  Jessie spills out a laugh, and together, we shake on the couch. I feel the baby kick against my hand, and Jessie does too. Her smile dips into a frown. “This wasn’t the plan. When I read the pregnancy test, I was excited. It never crossed my mind I’d have to do it alone at that point.”

  “I know. None of us did.” I rub a little circle on her still small baby bump. “But you’re not alone anymore. You have me, and I’ll be there for you like my family was for me.”

  “Thank you, Lucy. Thank you for not promising me I’ll find someone someday, or this will all be worth it in the end, or any of that other crap.”

  I roll my head to the side to look at Jessie. “I’ve seen too many of life’s twists and turns to make promises of sunshine and butterflies…but I can promise to hold your hand no matter what comes at you next.” She smiles and I add, “Well, that is if I don’t, like, die tomorrow or something.”

  She can’t believe I just said that. “I don’t know what to do with you sometimes.”

  “People rarely do. Now, did you save me ANY candy?”

  “You might be able to find a Skittle wedged under one of my boobs.”

  I grimace. “I’m sure that would be a real treat for someone, but it’s just not doing it for me.”

  “Fair enough. How did your night go?”

  I unzip the side of my dress so my body can breathe and pull my legs up underneath me. My skin pops out like a can of biscuits when you first crack it open and the dough tries to jump out. I’m trying to love my dough just as much as I love biscuits.

  “It was one for the books, but here are a few highlights: Cooper is an excellent kisser. He also called Brent out for keeping me as his ‘back-burner option’. Brent did not deny it. And after sitting silent for nearly fifteen minutes, Tanya abruptly broke up with Brent when it finally sank in how much of a butthead her boyfriend is.”

  “Ooooh, I love public breakups. Did you film it?”

  “No, I couldn’t get my phone out in time.”

  “Amateur.”

  “AND THEN!”

  “There’s more?” I knew Jessie would eat this up.

  “Much more. Brent left right after Tanya, but Cooper and I stayed and enjoyed the last bit of our fake date. Then, when we left, Brent was waiting outside for me.”

  “NO!”

  “YES. He asked to speak with me privately, and of course, Cooper was fine with it because he’s the best. But when Brent got me alone, he said Cooper was right, and he hadn’t realized it, but he had always been keeping me in the back of his mind as the woman he would settle down with when he was ready.”

  “Flattering.”

  “Exactly. He tried to kiss me, too, but I did that amazing move where you turn your face to the side and he only gets the cheek.”

  “Savage!” Jessie is perched up on her knees now, listening intently. I’m happy my trainwreck of a life is giving her joy. I’m so giving.

  “I got to tell him that I might have been waiting for him at one point, but not anymore. That I want someone who can see my worth from the start and he’d missed his chance. It would have been such an empowering moment.”

  “Would have been?”

  “Yeah, at the end of my speech, my decrepit bra gave up its will to live, and the fastener broke, giving these mom boobs the freedom to let themselves out the bottom of the cups like a dam breaking. It was quite the sight. Looked like I had two sets of boobs.”

  Jessie’s mouth is wide open now, and she shakes her head, just now realizing I’m no longer wearing a bra. “How?! How do these things happen to you?”

  “I’m special.”

  Jessie matches my smirk. “Cooper definitely thinks so…is that a hickey?! Weren’t you not allowed to touch outside of the restaurant?”

  Now I’m smiling like the Grinch. “Yeah. The restaurant got dinner and a show.”

  Jessie and I both laugh, and it feels so good. Good to have a friend. Good to be home late. Good to know I’ll wake up in the morning to my favorite little boy and make pancakes. Everything feels good right now. How did I hold myself back from this for so long? I was trying to force myself into a picture of who I thought I should be, and it was suffocating. Now, I’m here, I’m growing, breathing, and I might not be the exact image of what motherhood should be, but I am full of messy happiness, and that’s enough for me.

  Jessie and I end up talking until way too late in the night for her to drive home. She stays over, and when Levi wakes up in the morning and busts into the living room, diving into my arms for my favorite morning snuggle session, Jessie gets to see it all, and I’m glad. This—a picture of what will be—is far more encouraging than any speech I could have given her. She stays for pancakes, and Levi starts calling her Aunt Jessie before breakfast is even on the table.

  I disappear for a few minutes to shower, and when I go into my room, I find my phone lit up with a text message on my nightstand.

  Cooper: Just thought I’d let you know my pantry is empty.

  I frown, wondering if he sent me this by mistake.

  Cooper: So I’m going to the grocery store today after work.

  Cooper: The one on the corner of 8th.

  Cooper: Probably around 6. So…yeah. If you have an emergency, don’t come by my house at that time to find me…because I’ll be at the grocery store…on 8th.

  I bite down on a smile, thinking the off-limits rule might be a little fun after all.

  Lucy: Shoot, would you look at that? I just ran out of milk. I definitely need milk for Levi’s cereal tomorrow. Looks like I have to go to the grocery store later.

  I have never felt like more of a creeper in my life than I do now, pushing my empty cart down every grocery store aisle, eyes hunting for a woman and her son. The lady with the high ponytail and yoga pants is seconds away from calling security. Well, I am, too, because she keeps pushing her ca
rt down every aisle I’m headed toward, and it’s starting to really annoy me. For someone who doesn’t want to be stalked, she sure is doing a poor job of trying to avoid it.

  I speed-race my cart to the end of the aisle and loop around to choose a different one from high-ponytail lady—but would you look at that? She did the same thing. Now we’re headed straight for each other, and I realize this person is a little crazy. She WANTS to be stalked.

  Where is Lucy? I’ve been cruising this place for twenty minutes with an empty cart, and I don’t know how much longer I can do this without getting arrested.

  I approach Ponytail with a soft face and my most non-creepy-I’m-not-a-murderer demeanor, hoping to just quickly sail right by her. I can’t, though, because at the last second, she jerks and knocks her cart into mine bumper-car style. It’s so unexpected and jarring that my knee-jerk reaction is to throw my hands out in front of me and apologize for a mistake I DIDN’T MAKE.

  “I’m so sorry! I don’t know how that happened.” But I do know. I want to point an accusing finger at the woman and yell She did it! because I’m a little afraid this is going to be a second mark against me in this grocery store—lurking and then causing a scene. One more strike and I’ll be kicked out. Then, I’ll be forced to man up and go see Lucy at her house instead of a grocery store where we “accidentally” bump into each other. Yeah, it’s a wimpy move, making her see me in public places like this, but I don’t trust myself with her alone. And if I want to keep everything above board until Drew gets home, this is my only option.

  Anyway, Ponytail is doing something strange now.

  “Hi,” she purrs while running a delicate finger along the front of my cart. I strangle a laugh in my throat because never have I ever had a woman come on to me via metal grocery cart before. “I know you’ve been trying to get up the courage to talk to me for a few aisles now”—oh please no—“so I thought I’d take matters into my own hands. I’m Kate.”

  As I watch Ponytail Kate subtly lick her lips, it becomes clear I’m not dealing with a normal woman. She should be alerting an attendant about me, not be willing to give my cart a lap dance. But let me be clear, even if I wasn’t crazy about Lucy and reforming my ways, I’d still be getting the heck away from this woman as fast as possible. Call me what you want, but there’s something about a woman who finds a potential stalker sexy a little unnerving.

  “Uh, sorry. I think you misinterpreted. I’m just—” My statement is cut off when something—or someone—rams into my legs from behind.

  “DADDY!”

  Huh?

  I look down to find two chubby little arms wrapped tightly around my legs, followed by the sexiest hands I’ve ever seen slowly sliding around my abs and up to my chest. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WOMEN IN THIS GROCERY STORE?!

  “Hi, babe,” says Lucy—oh thank God, it’s Lucy—peeking her twinkling eyes around my shoulder to grin up at me. “Making friends?” she asks, squeezing in tighter before wedging herself up under my arm to face Ponytail, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist with my arm draped over her. She’s doing that thing where she plays with my fingers dangling over her shoulder, and I have the strongest urge to tell her this is the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced in a grocery store.

  “You’re a—” Ponytail looks between me and Lucy and then down at Levi. “Dad? Oh gosh—I didn’t realize. I thought you were coming on to me.” Did she really, though?

  I bend down to pick Levi up and put him on my shoulders. He laughs as I stand to my full height and wrap my arm around Lucy’s shoulder again. “Nope. I’ve just been looking for my family.”

  Lucy’s playful smile dims into something meaningful as she looks up at me, trying to see if I buried a hidden meaning inside my statement, Hallmark style.

  I did.

  “Okay, well…” She looks mildly annoyed. Like she’s offended I have a family. “I guess I’ll go then?”

  It’s alarming that she phrased it as a question.

  “Buh-bye,” Lucy says with a catty squinty smile.

  Ponytail Kate pushes by us, and Lucy whips around to me with wide eyes. “Be honest—how often does this happen to you?”

  “Children calling me Daddy and bear-hugging my leg? This is a first. How’d you get him to call me that?”

  “I bribed him with the promise of a sucker on the way out. I know—I’m completely mom goals. But no, I meant how often do women try to pick you up in the bread aisle?”

  I shrug like a player. “Not my fault I’m a snack,” I say, making her laugh and jab me in the ribs. “But seriously, this is the first time. Did you see her loony eyes? I’m scared to find out what she would have done to me if I let her take me home.” I shiver playfully.

  Lucy’s shoulders relax. “Good. For a minute there I was worried you would be upset I interrupted.” She tries to pass her statement off as a funny ha-ha moment by chuckling, but it has an undertone of insecurity to it that I can hear from a mile away.

  “Luce, I’m here for you—and eggs, but mainly you.” I grin and bend down, holding tight to Levi’s legs so he doesn’t topple off while I kiss Lucy’s cheek. Just her cheek; this is totally acceptable behavior. I watch her face turn my favorite shade of rosy, and she presses her lips together, hiding her smile.

  “Okay, well then, let’s go get you those eggs.”

  And then, without thinking, we abandon my empty cart, and I walk beside Lucy, Levi on my shoulders and her pushing a cart. She grabs a loaf of bread and tosses it inside the basket, and I do too. Levi leans to grab a bag of donuts from the top shelf, but I do a quick lunge. He laughs, and now it’s a game as I’m lunging up and down the aisle, quads burning and cheeks aching from too much smiling. I look like a cheese ball, one of those poor idiots you frown and shake your head at for losing all his game when he chooses to lower himself to physical comedy for the sake of his kid.

  Here’s what I never saw before, though: Those poor idiots don’t give a crap about their game because they don’t need it. If their women are looking at them like Lucy is looking at me, they’re not having any trouble in that department.

  We carry on through the grocery store, checking items off her paper list and seeing if they correspond with the mound of coupons clutched in Lucy’s rainbow-nail-polished hand, and I honestly can’t believe I’m enjoying this. I am, though. I’ve never felt more content, and I’m wondering if everyone out there getting ready to go bar crawling tonight knows how lit the grocery store can be.

  As Lucy walks close to me, her arm brushing against mine and her smile dimpling as she tells me about the intimacy advice the old lady who got a perm today gave her, I want to pin her up against the canned soups and try out some of the suggestions Lucy’s relaying to me via spelling so Levi doesn’t learn new things. And I would—I’m not afraid of PDA—except Levi is on my shoulders, so I have to behave. It’s good she brought Levi.

  He tugs my right ear to signal which direction I’m supposed to turn, and Lucy slips her hand in mine. I should probably be focused on my own grocery shopping, but I can’t because I’m mesmerized by Lucy’s soft skin. She’s running her thumb up and down the side of mine, and I’m dying inside. How can that tiny touch spark so much inside me?

  I’m seconds away from telling her we need to get out of here. Go home. Put Levi to bed. The groceries can rot in the car for all I care. I’ll replace them all in the morning, whatever. I just need Lucy.

  “I need to pee,” Levi says from above my head, which is honestly a nice dose of reality.

  “Whatever you do, bud, please hold it until I set you down.”

  Lucy laughs beside me because she can see the sudden horror on my face. I may be getting better at the whole being-around-a-kid thing, but I’m not ready to be peed on yet. Not sure I ever will be.

  “Come on, buddy, I’ll take you,” Lucy says, helping Levi down off my shoulders.

  “Mom,” Levi says in what I would describe as a courtroom voice, “Grammy lets me go in by mysel
f when it’s just one bathroom. I can do it,” he says, pleading his case effectively, I would say.

  Lucy and I both look toward the bathroom and note that it is a single-stall room. She looks to me for some reason—like she wants my opinion. Like my voice in this situation matters. And, somewhat strangely, I do not take this lightly. It feels big. Don’t screw this up, Cooper.

  “Let me go in and make sure it’s not gross first.”

  “Oh,” says Lucy, looking surprised. She wasn’t expecting that answer, and I wonder if it was weird. What exactly am I supposed to be looking for in here anyway? I don’t know…but just to be safe, I rip off a few paper towels and do a quick wipe-down because, apparently, becoming a parent also turns you into a janitor.

  “There,” I say, opening the door like Superman, fresh from saving the whole freaking world rather than wiping some pee off a toilet seat. “All clear, bud. Have at it, and don’t forget to wash your hands.”

  I nod. Levi nods. We’re just two men taking care of business—nothing to see here.

  Levi shuts the door (and locks it, which is a little frightening), and I turn around to find Lucy staring at me with a quizzical smile that makes my stomach flip.

  “What?” I ask with my own questioning grin.

  She shakes her head. “When I first met you…I just never would have guessed you’d be like this.” She gestures toward the bathroom door.

  “Like what?”

  She inhales a deep breath and pulls her shoulders up toward her ears. “Soft. Sweet. I mean, I knew you had all the other qualities I like in a man—sexy, handsome, a big flirt, exciting…”

  “No, no, go on. I like hearing how sexy you think I am.”

  She tries to swat my arm, but I catch her hand and pull her up to me. Finally. I’ve got Lucy in my arms, and it’s the best I’ve felt all day. I shouldn’t be holding her, but I can’t help it.