by Toni Aleo
When she paused, Benji was fuming, his body shaking with anger as he watched her come undone. Holding her breath, she let it out quickly and closed her eyes, shaking her head as the words played in her mind. He wanted to ask her to stop, but he knew she wouldn’t. But yet, he said roughly, “Lucy—”
“He never hit me before, though,” she said then, looking over at him, the tears spilling onto her cheeks. “Not really. He’d push me or act like he was going to, but he never did. I knew it wasn’t right, and I knew I deserved better, but I didn’t want my parents to look at me as a failure. I had already failed out of college because I didn’t go, and I didn’t want to disappoint them further with a failed marriage. So I figured I’d stay until I could save some money. But then I found out he was still with Heidi. Like full out. When he wasn’t with me, he was with her, raising her baby. All his money went to her, and he was also promising her that he would leave me. That he felt sorry for me and he stayed ’cause my family had disowned me. Not true. I stayed because I was embarrassed. I heard it from her cousin whose kid I tutored. I know, it’s like some backwoods reality show,” she said, shaking her head as she scoffed. “I was trailer trash, and I knew it. Talk of the trailer park, Lucy Hart. Well, that was it. He wasn’t going to do that to me. It was Angie’s third birthday, and this wasn’t going to go on any longer. I was going to confront him and he was going to choose us, or I was gone. I should have just left but, eh, you live and you learn. But he came home, I told him what was going to happen and, Benji…he whooped my ass.”
Benji’s fists clenched as he watched her close her eyes, the tears spilling down her cheek. Reaching out, he wiped them away and whispered, “Jesus, Lucy.”
“Oh, yeah, he made sure I felt every punch, every kick, and every slam of my head into that wall. I actually put a hole in the wall with my head. My child sitting two feet away from me in her birthday dress, watching the whole thing go down. She didn’t know what was going on—and doesn’t even remember, praise God—but his momma saw it and she did nothing. It took the neighbor, seeing him punching me through the kitchen window, to come over. He pulled Rick off me and dragged him outside where he kicked his ass, from what I came to find out later.
“Apparently, his momma went out to help him, and I passed out from the pain. When I woke, the trailer was empty, Angie was still sitting next to me, crying, shit coming out the side of her training pants, and even though I couldn’t see out of one eye, I packed all our stuff, called my mom, and I went home. Never looked back.”
Reaching for her, he pulled her into his arms and on top of him, running his hand up and down her back. “I told Rick I never wanted to see him again, and that was that. Dad drew up the divorce papers, and he married Heidi after he signed them. I was convinced I’d never see him again, but then my dad put in the request for child support, saying Rick was going to pay for his child. But Rick said he wasn’t paying for some kid he didn’t see, so then he got visitation. I tried to cry that he had beaten me and I worried about the safety of my child, but because I didn’t make the report when it happened and I had no proof other than my word, the court awarded him visitation. I thought I was done, but I wasn’t. And now I’m paying for it. Every time I have to deal with that man.”
“Lucy, you were young. How could you have known?”
“My dad told me, numerous times, the day I came home to go to the cops, but I ignored him. I was so embarrassed, my brothers were freaked out, my mom cried a lot, and my dad wanted to skin him. At first, Rick would only keep her for an hour at a time since he had a toddler at home too, and I never said anything. I got my kid and I was on my way. You know? I never pushed him for child support because I knew he didn’t have it. I was deathly scared of him. That if I asked, he’d beat me up again. He wouldn’t meet me at my mom’s, and he had a restraining order on my family ’cause he claimed they threatened him. They had, and because of that, I had to go to him alone. I was terrified of him until Angie was about four. My dad was tired of me being scared, so he took me to get a gun, and that was that. If he touched me, I was going to shoot him, simple as that. I never had problems, though. He was always rude, calling me worthless and shit, but he’d be there to pick her up, and he dropped her off. Always on time, but he never asked for more time. Angie loved playing with Nina, so I figured we were good.
“But in the last two years, it’s gotten worse. With the whole ADHD thing, her having anxiety, she was telling her teacher that she didn’t want to leave me because her daddy was mean to her. Rick would tell her she was stupid and all this other crap. The school called DCS, and when they went to their home, Heidi lied, called my kid a liar, and Rick said I was brainwashing her. I wasn’t, and when they came into my home with my family, they knew he was lying. But they didn’t have proof, and all I had was hearsay. That year was hard. Lots of counseling and lots of documenting what was said between us because they wanted proof, something I still do. When they finally got her meds right, it was awesome. From then on, she was great and she was happy, but he tells her all the time that she’s insane and that’s why she needs meds. Says it’s all my fault, which sucks, but Angie knows it’s not. Or at least, she tells me she knows,” she said with a smile, running her fingers through her hair.
“I’ve considered taking him back to court, to just cease everything, but Angie did like going over there. Though now, I’m seeing that things are different, and I’m going to have to have a talk with her, I guess, because I can’t do this anymore. I won’t do this anymore. But it freaks me out that he honestly thinks he can get full custody. Or fifty-fifty. His momma hit the lottery a couple years back, and now she thinks she has money to sling around. So I’m sure this is her doing because she hates me so, but it still makes me nervous. I’m not really sure what to do. I don’t want to drag my kid through a custody battle. Not only for her sanity and well-being, but I don’t want things to get nasty because—” She paused, looking away, the tears running down her face faster.
“Because?” he asked, lifting her face so he could see her eyes.
“Because, for once, I’m finally happy. And I’m sure he’ll drag you into it, and then you’ll be gone.”
His brow furrowed. “Where am I going?”
She gave him a look. “The other direction, surely. No one wants to deal with that.”
Still confused, he asked, “Are you in the other direction?”
“Benji, come on. You’ll hightail it away from me and Angie. Haven’t you seen custody battles? They are scary.”
“No, I won’t,” he said, louder than he meant to. Her eyes widened as he held her gaze. “I’m behind you, a hundred percent. That dude won’t chase me off. I told you, I’m digging you, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be there for you and for Angie.”
“You don’t know that, Benji,” she said then, shaking her head. “It’s easy to say now, but it could all change when it goes down.”
“Um, I do know, but I’m not arguing that with you. Here’s what I think,” he said as she looked back at him. “Let’s see how tomorrow goes. If it goes the way you think it’ll go, call your dad. If it doesn’t, when Angie comes home Sunday—I’m going with you to pick her up—then you can talk to her and go from there. You know what’s best, Lucy. You know what needs to be done, and no matter what, I’m here for you. One hundred percent.” She bit into her lip as a tear rolled down her nose, dropping onto his. Smiling, he wiped it off and said, with the hopes of making that face shine, “You’re snotting on me.”
She nodded, her lips curving just the slightest amount as she nuzzled her nose into his chest. “Because you’re so great. Really, thank you for listening to me.”
“I’m great because I have someone I want to be great for. Thank you for opening up to me.”
“It wasn’t easy,” she said and he grinned.
“I could tell.”
“I bet you’re disappointed in me, huh?”
His brows touched as he shook his head in disbelief. “
Why in the hell would I be disappointed in you? You trusted him, loved him, and he fucked you over. How is that your fault? If anyone should be disappointed in anyone, it should be you in me. I’m the drunk whose family got killed because I’m an idiot.”
She eyed him and then nodded. “I’m not disappointed in you. I’m proud, because you aren’t that man anymore.”
His heart stopped in his chest. “And I’m proud of you for getting out and becoming who you are. Which is one hell of a mom and a woman. You know what’s best for Angie—you don’t settle for shit. Don’t forget that.”
She leaned her head to his and closed her eyes. “I just don’t want to hurt her.”
“You won’t. If anything, you’ll make her life better.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” he said sternly. “Like I said, you know what’s best and what needs to be done. Ask your mom, your brothers, they’ll tell you the same, Lucy. You’re a strong woman. You’ve got this.”
Her eyes were hopeful as she nodded slowly. “Yeah, I do. I’ve got this,” she repeated, her words full of conviction as she held his gaze.
“Good. Now, come here. Give me a kiss and let’s go to sleep.”
She eyed him, her nose against him. “Go to sleep?”
“Well, I mean, I’m down for some loving if you are.”
Threading her fingers into his hair, she smiled against his lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Well, you’re in luck, ’cause I want the sex.”
His lips curved, and his hands came onto her ass. He knew she just wanted the distraction, and that was fine. He could give her that. “Ooh, I like the sex.”
Sputtering with laughter then, she leaned on him, kissing his nose. “Dork.”
Rolling her over, he pressed into her. He figured he didn’t have the right answers for her when it came to Rick, but he had the power to take her to another world. To make her forget, if only for a short amount of time. Looking into her beautiful face, he saw a gorgeous woman, but also very troubled one. He saw strength too, and he knew, like everyone always said, she was going to be okay.
But this time, he was aiming for something higher.
He hoped she’d be great, because he was going to be behind her, supporting her and loving her.
God, he loved her. He loved her so much it hurt, but as he gazed into those clouded green eyes, his heart hurting from the stress she was going through, he knew that his chance to tell her would come.
Kissing her nose, he smiled and whispered, “You wouldn’t have me any other way.”
“I sure wouldn’t,” she whispered back, her lips moving against his. “Thank you, Benji.”
But before he could say anything, her lips came crashing into his, and as their bodies moved together, he knew he was going to prove her wrong.
That he wasn’t going anywhere.
Well.
That was hard.
She’d laid it out there.
Every single thing.
The good…er…well, there was no good, just a whole lot of bad and ugly.
But she told him, and it felt good. Really good, and of course, that surprised her. Not even her family knew what really happened to cause Rick to beat her to a bloody pulp, only that he had beat her. But now Benji knew. She was worried he would judge her, think she was stupid to stay with Rick for as long as she had. Hell, she thought she was stupid. But he didn’t. His eyes held nothing but concern and tenderness in their gray depths. He didn’t talk; he just listened. He was her rock and it was so refreshing, so perfect. As she lay in his arms, looking into his eyes as her body still vibrated from her orgasm, his fingers moved along her jaw. She was pretty sure she was falling in love with him.
Crap. She was.
Her heart stopped as she wondered if she should let herself fall.
Don’t. It could be a trap. He’ll just leave. Watch.
Maybe he won’t. Maybe he really is saying the truth when he says he won’t go anywhere. That he wants you. Lean on him
No, no man has ever done you right. They all fail you. He will too. Don’t lean. You are the only one who can take care of you and Angie.
But Benji is different. He’s a good man. You deserve a good man. Let him in.
Closing her eyes, she squeezed them shut tightly, wanting the voices to leave. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to go back and forth; she just wanted it to work. To be right. Thankfully, the voices left, or maybe she was done being crazy. When she opened her eyes, Benji was watching her. His eyes were half-lidded and oh so sexy as he eyed her.
“Internal struggle?”
She grinned. “Something like that.”
“Tell me,” he urged, his hands holding her close.
She smiled, nuzzling her nose against his chin, her eyes drifting shut. “Just thinking how great you were about the whole thing with Rick.”
“How else would I be?”
“You could have judged me.”
“That’s stupid. Why would I do that?”
“’Cause I was an idiot.”
“You were young, you didn’t want to fail, that’s understandable. You’re still like that.”
She smiled. “I think of it as driven.”
“Yeah, to the extreme. You’re so worried about failing everyone else that you don’t think about yourself.”
“Well, aren’t you Mr. Know-it-All?” she accused, lifting her head to meet his smiling face.
“You also cover your real feelings with sass. It’s pretty funny to watch.”
She glared. “Are you teasing me?”
“No, just pointing out the obvious.”
“You mean my flaws?”
He scoffed. “Those are not flaws, those are what make you unique, amazing, and beautiful.”
Her lips curved as she slowly nodded. “Well, then.”
He bit the tip of her nose, and her giggles filled the room. Moving her leg up his, she hooked the other one over his hip as his hand slid up her leg, his eyes boring into hers. “Here’s a secret, but don’t read into it. I think you’re starting to let me in a bit.”
She grinned, knowing he was right. “You think?”
“Yeah, I do,” he said with a smug grin, leaning back into the pillows as his hand moved up and down her back. “I like it too.”
“I bet.”
Eyeing her, he shrugged. “Maybe you’ll be ready to move in with me soon?”
She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Benji…”
“Come on, you know you want to.”
“I’m not entertaining that right now,” she decided and he laughed, rolling on top of her, falling between her legs before taking her by the ribs. Looking at him with wide eyes, she said, “You tickle me, I’m not in control of what I’ll do. I have broken Jayden’s nose twice. Keep that in mind, Paxton.”
His face twisted in horror. “Twice?”
She nodded. “I don’t like to be tickled.”
“Jeez,” he said, moving his hands up to her bare breasts, his weight welcome against her. “Fine, no tickling. But give me a time frame. What are you thinking?”
“Time frame for what?” she asked, laughing at his expression. He didn’t have his contacts in or his glasses on, so he was squinting. Looking adorably dorkish with his hair falling in his eyes. Reaching for his glasses off the nightstand, she put them on his face, and he smiled.
“Thanks, but give me a date, a time when I can bring it up again. Or I swear, I’ll ask you every day to move in with me.”
“Benjamin, no!”
He paused. “That’s hot, the way you say my full name. You should do that more.”
“Jesus, you’re infuriating!”
“Shh, give me a time frame. A month?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Two months?”
“Benji.”
“Three months?”
“I swear, you are impossible. Why are you rushing this? Just let it ride.”
“’Cause
it’s what I do. I rush the goal to score. You are the ultimate goal, and I want to score.”
“You just did,” she said dryly and he laughed.
“Plus, I’m tired of the expiration date you try to throw on us. I want something to look forward to, something we decide is the next stepping stone.”
“Or,” she challenged, “we can just let it happen.”
He gave her a look. “If we did that, nothing would ever happen.”
She considered that and then shrugged. “You could have a point.”
“Exactly. No, come on. Three months?”
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. “Yes. Three months. We will revisit this notion in three months, you crazy.”
He nodded, visibly calculating in his head. “So end of February.”
“Oh.” She paused. “I thought you meant the length of time of us being together.”
He liked that better, his eyes lighting up. “So, end of January. I like that.”
She tried to act like it didn’t give her butterflies or a gushy feeling as she nodded. If they kept on the way they were, she’d be living with Benji when she came back from Florida. Maybe he’d want to come? “I’m actually going to Florida to do the design for Shea and Elli. Maybe you’d want to go with us if you aren’t in the All-Star Game.”
“I probably won’t be, so count me in.”
“If we’re still together.”
