by Toni Aleo
“See! Stop trying to expire us,” he demanded and she smiled.
“Yeah, yeah,” she laughed, snuggling into his side. But then she paused. Her heart was pounding at the possibilities, but one thing was for sure. Lifting up, she looked down at him. “I want to be in love before we move in, by the way. I don’t want us just moving in ’cause it’s easy. I want it because we love each other and want to build a home together. If we aren’t there at three months, then it’s okay. Okay?”
As she gazed at him, his eyes were dark and she swore he was holding something back when he looked up into her face. His lips curved and he nodded before whispering, “Okay, but I want you to promise me something right now.”
“Okay?”
“You stay with Jayden till then, or with your mom. But don’t go get an apartment or a hotel room. Okay?”
“But what if we decide we don’t want to live together at the end of January?”
His face was stone as he held her gaze. “We will.”
“How do you know? You frustrate the hell out of me, you know that?”
He scoffed. “Good, I love the way you look when you’re mad,” he said, nibbling at her jaw. Rolling her eyes, she wrapped her arms around his neck as he looked up at her, his nose pressing into hers. “This is going to work. Me and you. Just accept it.”
“Anything can become a factor, anything can break us.”
“Not if we don’t let it.”
She eyed him, unable to understand how he could be so confident about them. “How? How are you so self-assured?”
“Because I met someone who, without even realizing it, reassures me to believe in us.”
Her lips curved. “I do?”
He nodded. “Yup, every time you try to fight what’s happening between us, it only makes me want to fight you harder for you. Just FYI, I’m a scrapper. I will win.”
She grinned. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said, rolling them over. “I beat alcoholism, I worked my ass off to earn my spot back in the NHL, and every day I strive to be a good man. It used to be for Ava and Leary, but now, I want to be a good man for you.”
She paused, her heart stopping in her chest. “Do you still miss them?”
He met her gaze and he nodded, his pain visible. “I miss the stuff I can remember. I miss their smiles. The way Leary said ‘Daddy.’ How Ava used to look at me with love in her eyes when I was me, not the drunk. She hated the drunk. Can’t blame her. I hated him too because I missed a lot.”
“That’s awful,” she said, her eyes widening as he nodded.
“It is. I don’t remember the cool things at all. Like Leary’s first steps, her first words, or anything like that. It’s sad and it’s something I have had to learn to deal with. I asked for a lot of forgiveness. For the longest time, I blamed myself. But I was sick. So sick.”
“Alcoholism is scary.”
“It is,” he agreed as her heart ached for him. “I know now, if I had a chance to go back to all that, to do it differently, I—” He paused, and she knew what he was going to say next. That he’d go back and do it all over again, that he’d be the husband Ava needed and the father Leary deserved. She expected it. It was who he was, a good man, no matter that she never would have had the chance to be with him. That she never would have had the chance to be fully happy.
Looking down, he cleared his throat. “I would have gotten divorced when Ava asked the first time, and then I would have been the father Leary needed once I got clean.”
She exhaled deeply, surprised. He looked up, their eyes meeting. “I hurt them enough. I broke their trust. I lost my chance to be good for them. I know that now, and I’m not trying to disrespect their memory—”
“Never,” she answered. “I would never think that.”
“But they would have been better off without me.”
Her heart was in her throat as she held him. “It takes a real man to know that.”
“I’ve grown from it, accepted it, learned from it. And now, I just want to be better than what I was to them. I want to honor them by making you and Angie happy. I want to do right by you two.”
Swallowing hard, she smiled. “I want the same.”
“Good. You got it,” he said, kissing her lips softly. But she didn’t kiss him back like she normally did. No, she was too consumed with her feelings, her worries. When he pulled back, he looked confused as he asked, “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and she hated how the tears threatened to fall. “I’m worried about Angie.”
His eyes filled with compassion as he held her gaze. “Me too.”
“Do you think she’s okay?”
“I hope so.”
Emotion choked her as she closed her eyes. “Do you think tomorrow is going to be bad?”
Rolling them over, her body pressing into his hard one, he hugged her. “You know what? I don’t know. I know that’s not the answer you want. I know you want me to tell you it’s going to go great. But I don’t know, and I’m sorry I don’t,” he said, his mouth near hers as he spoke. “But I can promise you, no matter what happens, I will stand beside you, and I will be there for you through it all. Okay?”
Yeah, her heart was going nuts, and it took everything not to cry out in joy. If it had been her mother, she would have promised it would be fine. That everything would work out. But Benji didn’t do that. He just promised he’d be there, and that almost made it all better.
Almost.
But even with the nasty feeling in her stomach, she knew she’d be okay. Not because she was always okay, but because she had Benji.
Lucy was going to need Benji too.
Because when she got to the rink…
Rick was nowhere in sight.
“I don’t understand why he isn’t answering the phone,” she said frantically, calling him for the ninth time.
“Maybe they overslept?” her mom said, hopeful and always so damn positive. “It’s early.”
But Lucy shook her head, dread filling her chest as it went to voice mail once more. It was taking everything out of her not to lose it. Not to scream. Not to drive over there and kick Rick’s ass. She knew she couldn’t do that, though, that it would only make matters worse. Plus, she was a fucking lady. Most of the time.
“God, Mom, weren’t you listening to me? He’s being a dick like always and not bringing her ’cause it’s not in the parenting plan,” she spat out as she called once more, again going to voice mail. Benji’s arm came around her waist, pulling her into his side before kissing her temple.
“Breathe,” he whispered against her ear. “Calm down. It isn’t her fault.”
“I know that,” she bit out, only seeing red. “But I don’t know if you know, but my daughter is not here when she is supposed to be.”
Meeting her gaze, he held it as he nodded. The man had the patience of a saint because even she knew she was being a little hostile. “I know, but we knew there could be a chance he wouldn’t show. Breathe.”
Sucking in a breath, she let it out and then nodded. He was right. They had hoped Rick wouldn’t do this, but she was pretty sure she’d always known he wouldn’t show. He was more concerned with hurting Lucy than he was about caring for Angie’s needs, and she was fucking done.
Her eyes still locked with Benji’s, she said, “Sorry, Mom.”
“Oh, it’s fine, honey. I know you’re stressed. I just wish that son of a bitch would answer the damn phone,” she said, sounding as frazzled, if not more, than Lucy. Her mom was more than just a grandma to Angie; she was basically her second mom. She had cared for Angie since she was a tiny thing, when Lucy was going to school and work. She was a huge pillar of Angie’s life, hell, of Lucy’s life. Lucy needed to remember that and not snap at everyone. Before she could apologize once more, though, her phone vibrated in her hand. Lucy looked down to see it was a text.
Rick: Jesus. I’m busy. What do you want?
Lucy: Answer the phone.
Rick: Busy.
Lucy: Where are you?
Rick: Out.
Lucy: Are you on your way to the rink?
Rick: No
She made a sound of distress as Benji hugged her. “Just breathe.”
Lucy: And why not?
Rick: We are taking Nina and Angie to Chuck E. Cheese instead.
Lucy: Angie wanted that?
Rick: Yes.
Lucy: Call me, let me talk to her.
Rick: No.
“Motherfuckingasshole,” she grumbled, dialing his number once more, but it went straight to voice mail. Looking to Benji, her eyes wide and full of tears, she asked, “What do I do?”
He shook his head, his eyes full of apprehension. “You call your dad.”
She nodded, looking to her mom first. “He isn’t bringing her. Says she wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese, which I’m sure is a fucking lie!”
River struck his hips in frustration as Autumn muttered a curse. “He can’t do stuff like that. I let the boys go early this morning so I could be here. People make plans for her. He can’t just decide when she has somewhere to be,” River barked and then he held his hand up. “I don’t mean that at you, honey. I’m just fucking pissed.”
Lucy’s lip wobbled as she nodded.
“We all are,” Benji said then, his arm snaking around Lucy tighter. “But it will get figured out.”
Reaching out, Autumn pulled Lucy into her arms, hugging her tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s okay. He wouldn’t hurt her. And if he does, I swear to God, I will kill him so you never have to see him again, Lucy Lane. I’ll do the damn time to be rid of that filth. He’s doing this to hurt you, I just know it.”
“I know,” Lucy mumbled, hugging her mother close.
“Don’t you worry. It’s gonna be okay. Okay?”
“I just know that he’s lying,” she said, holding back her tears.
“He probably is,” River said. “Son of a bitch.”
Pulling away from her mom, she looked at both of them. “I’m sorry to have had y’all come out. I should have called.”
“No. No worries,” her mom said, kissing her cheek before letting her go. “We don’t mind.”
“No, we want to be here to see her play,” River said then, shaking his head. “I look forward to it, and it makes me sick that he doesn’t realize how important this is to her. You need to get this fixed, Lucy. You need to just cut ties with him.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, but she knew she could never fully get rid of him.
“Well, let’s just drop it. It’ll get fixed. Angie is fine. Plus, we have a cake tasting for the wedding. Y’all should come. Free cake!”
Oh, God, no.
“We would love to,” Benji said, his arm coming around her shoulders as she looked up at him, wide-eyed. “I love cake. Don’t you love cake?”
She tried to tell him with her face that she’d rather eat a bullet than go taste testing with the almost newlyweds, but apparently Benji didn’t know how to read her face. “Yes. I love cake.”
“Great! It’s at noon, over at Audrey Jane’s. Jayden raves about her, and she is just cute as a button,” Autumn gushed, taking Lucy’s hands. “This will be good. Get your mind off of that trash and try to salvage your weekend.”
“Nothing will salvage this weekend until I know Angie is okay,” she said morosely, and Autumn begged her with her eyes.
“My heart can’t take it, Lucy Lane. I need you to believe with me that our baby is okay.”
“She’s fine,” Benji said then, lacing his fingers with Lucy’s. “But maybe we can get your dad to call Rick’s lawyer and demand a phone call.”
“Oh, good idea,” Lucy said quickly, pulling her dad’s number up. “Mom, River, love you. See you at the bakery.”
Hitting send, she heard Benji saying good-bye as the phone rang. When her dad answered, her stomach dropped. “Hey, honey, how ya doing?”
“I need you to tell me you can call my fucktard ex-husband’s lawyer and demand I talk to my daughter,” she barked into the phone.
“What’s going on?”
She explained the whole thing, what had been said yesterday, and what was said just minutes before she called him. Her father listened. She could hear him taking notes, and he only asked a few things. But other than that, he let her do the talking. She was standing beside Benji’s car when he walked up, leaning beside it and watching her. He was just as nervous as she was; she could see it all over his face. While that pleased her to no end, it also worried her. Was this the beginning?
The beginning of the fucking end.
Shutting her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know what to do, but I’m pretty sure shit’s about to get nasty.”
“Yeah,” her dad muttered into the phone. “I’m looking over the parenting plan now, Lucy, and I really don’t think he has to let her call you.”
“What?” she roared. “Dad, I’ve got to talk to my daughter. I have to make sure she is okay.”
“I must have missed this part when we were going over all the details four years ago, or maybe I just assumed he wouldn’t be an asshole and not let her talk to you.”
A tear leaked out of her closed eyes as Benji’s fingers locked with hers. “Dad, please tell me what to do here.”
“I’ll call his lawyer, scare him a bit, see what I can get done. But I don’t think he’ll go along with it, especially since I told him to take a flying leap at the beginning of the week.” He paused, the sounds of paper being moved around coming through the phone. “Lucy, what are you thinking? What are you wanting to do?”
“I don’t know yet. I want to talk to Angie.”
“Okay. Well, let me call the lawyer, see what I can do. I’ll call you back.”
“Okay, um, er, thanks,” she muttered and then she hung up quickly, feeling dirty for even speaking to him. “I hate that I fucking need him right now,” she cried, shaking her head. “I hate that I have to depend on him, but I know he’ll get it done because he loves Angie.”
Looking up, she found Benji watching her, nodding his head. “I know, baby. Come here,” he said, bringing her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. “I’m sorry this sucks right now.”
“I just want to talk to her.”
“Can you try calling Heidi? Surely, being a mother, she’d understand.”
That was another great idea. Her lips quivered as she nodded, pulling out of his arms to call Heidi. She answered right away. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Hey! Are you by Angie? Can I talk to her?”
“Oh, no. She’s at home with Rick. She got in trouble this morning for mouthing off or something, I don’t know. So she didn’t get to come with us.”
Lucy began to shake. That liar. “What did she mouth off about?” she asked as calmly as she could.
“I really don’t know. I was in the shower.”
Covering her mouth, she closed her eyes, shaking her head. “She had a hockey game this morning.”
“Oh? Rick said it was canceled.”
I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. Clearing her throat so she didn’t sob into the phone, she said, “Can you have her call me when you get home?”
“Sure, but just call Rick. He’s home with her.”
“I’ve been calling all morning. He won’t answer my calls,” she bit out, seeing red as everything inside her burned. She wouldn’t bring Heidi into this. As much as she wanted to cuss the woman out and tell her to fix her stupid husband, she knew she wouldn’t. Heidi was a doormat. She was worthless and did whatever Rick said. She wouldn’t side with Lucy. Lucy was pretty sure Heidi wished Lucy and Angie would just disappear. But she saved face, tried to be nice, even though Lucy knew she didn’t give two shits about her. Hell, she heard the shit that woman had talked about her and Angie, saying they were a problem since the very beginning.
When, really, Heidi had been the one who was the problem.
“That’s odd. Did you guys get into it again?”<
br />
“You can say that.”
“You guys need to stop all this fighting.”
“Yeah, well, he needs to work on that.”
“Or you do,” she said and Lucy paused.
Taking a cleansing breath, she snarled out, “Can you please have her call me?”
“I’ll try.”
Exactly. Clenching the phone in her hand, she opened her eyes to meet Benji’s gaze. “Thanks,” she snapped and then hung up, shaking her head. Opening Rick’s text conversation, she typed out a message quickly.
Lucy: You are a liar and you best hope my daughter is okay.
Rick: Be real, she’s fine. Wait, are you threatening me?
Before she could type back what she really wanted to say, Benji’s hand came over the screen and she gawked up at him. “Let it be. He is baiting you.”
“Fucking shit!” she yelled, moving her phone out and typing him back.
Lucy: Can I please talk to her?
Rick: She’s busy.
“Let it go. Hopefully, your dad can pull through,” Benji said, his voice stern as Lucy felt like she was completely losing it. “Come on, let’s go get some brunch and then we’ll go have dessert with Autumn and River.”
“I want to go home,” she said, looking up at him. He was blurry because of her tears.
“Which is why we’ll go out.”
“Benji, you don’t understand!” she yelled, shaking her phone at him. “I don’t know what is going on with my daughter because her dad is a jackass.” Sucking in a breath, she shook her head as she met his gaze. “I’m worried.”
“So am I,” he admitted. “But you’ve done everything you can. You dad will pull through, but I won’t let you sit at home and stew in your worry. You’ll drive yourself crazy.”
“So I’m supposed to act like it’s no big deal?”
“No. Not at all. I didn’t imply that either. I’m just saying that sitting at home stewing and thinking of everything that could go wrong is going to make it worse.” He paused as he looked at her with a serious expression. “Do you think he’d hurt her? If so, Lucy, I’ll drive you over there, bust in that house, get her, and go to jail. I don’t care.”
Her stomach hurt, but she was pretty sure Rick would never physically hurt her. He had never laid a hand on her before, only Lucy, but it scared her to the core that he could do it. He had never done that before, though. He always let her talk to Angie or let Angie call her. What if she was calling for Lucy? What if she needed her? Her heart hurt. Should she drive over there?
