Worthy of Redemption

by L. D. Davis

  “I rode into the city with a friend,” she smiled up at him. He closed the door, leaving us in the backseat to have it out.

  “I wasn’t sure if I would like you,” she said after a couple of minutes of silence. “As soon as I saw you walk into my house with my son, I thought ‘what the hell is this?’ I wasn’t sure if it was something serious or if he was just experimenting. Like so many in my position do, I judged a book by its cover.”

  “So, what now? You want to get together and drink lattes and paint each other’s nails and braid each other’s hair?” I asked dryly.

  She grinned at me. “You’re so straight forward and…rough around the edges. I like that you’re not phony, even if it is at my own expense.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, frustrated by her stupid grinning.

  Her grin faded though and her eyes got misty very quickly. “You’re right. I have said horrible things to Kyle and I’ve done horrible things to him and I don’t know how to make up for any of it. How do I make up for the time he had to staunch the flow of blood from my wrists after I tried to take my own life? He was only eleven years old then.” Tears flowed freely down her cheeks now. “How do I make up for the times that I was out of my mind and beating him for reasons I can’t even remember? I don’t mean spanking. Beating. I don’t know how to thank him for always trying to take care of me and look out for me and protect me from Walter. I don’t know how to apologize for blaming him for his brother’s death. I’ve become accustomed to just taking him out for lunch and sweeping it all under the rug, but that hasn’t been good for him has it?”

  She reached into her pocketbook for tissues. It wasn’t until she handed me one that I realized I was crying, too. Damn hormones.

  “I didn’t protect him when he was a child and I didn’t stand up for him when I knew he loved that Grayne woman and despised being with Jessyca. I didn’t call him or visit him during any of his stays in rehab or help him stay clean when he came out. I just…let it all go and pretended all was well in the world,” she sobbed. “I’ve totally let my daughter go – how can anyone do that, Lily? How can someone give birth to a beautiful little girl and then just…let her go? I practically wrote her off by the time she was twelve years old. I feel like I’ve lost three children.”

  I wiped at my eyes and took a couple of minutes to stop crying so hard. “Now you know,” I said and then shrugged. “You suck.”

  She laughed through her tears. “I know.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” I asked. “Your son needs you – now. He doesn’t need me, but he needs you.”

  She looked at me though she was lost in her own thoughts. After a moment, she said “I’ll go to London then. I have some things to settle here first, but maybe in a couple of weeks.”

  “Good,” I smiled. “It makes me feel better to know he won’t be alone.”

  “Don’t give up on him,” she said to me, looking at me fiercely. “He’s never run away like this. He must feel pretty strongly about you if he has to run away to keep himself from coming to you.”

  “It’s not me,” I shrugged. “It’s Emmy. He feels bad for what he did to Emmy and he can’t let it go.”

  “He could have brooded about that anywhere, Lily, not half way across the world. Think about that.”

  My stomach chose that moment to growl. Felicia looked at me with one eyebrow raised. She leaned forward and said “Corsey, we need to stop somewhere to actually eat lunch now. What would you like, Lily?” she asked, looking back at me.

  “Ice-cream and French fries,” I said longingly.

  “Together?” Felicia asked, making the same face Kyle had made when I first said it to him.

  It made me smile, but I felt sad at the same time and missed him more than ever.

  “How are you holding up emotionally with the baby?” Felicia asked me over our lunch a little while later. “Kyle mentioned that you have lost a baby before.”

  I was surprised to hear that Kyle had told his mother something so deeply personal about me. If she was a normal mother, that would be different, but she wasn’t. Though we seemed to be building a relationship even after all of the bullshit, I never knew when Felicia may hurl Anna’s death at me like a weapon. However, knowing that he shared that with her gave me a little more insight into how he feels about his mom.

  “I’m nervous,” I admitted. I didn’t want to tell her that I was scared to death and that I was having nightmares a couple of nights a week about losing the baby. Just last night I woke up in the middle of the night convinced that he or she was gone. I jolted up gripping at my womb, crying hysterically. I needed comfort but there was no one there to comfort me. It took me hours to fall back to sleep.

  “I’m sure everything will work out just fine,” she said.

  I couldn’t share in her enthusiasm or optimism. I needed a change of topic.

  “You aren’t at all the hoity toity up tight spoiled rotten socialite heiress bitch I thought you would be while you’re medicated,” I said to her.

  I thought I heard Corsey chuckle from the front seat. Felicia looked taken aback by my words, but then offered a small smile.

  “I can be a hoity toity up tight spoiled rotten socialite heiress bitch as well as the rest of them, Lily,” she said.

  Felicia proceeded to tell me about some of the major cat fights that had gone on in high society over the years. I learned that she could get very catty herself, and though I would think I would be disgusted, I was very much impressed. Maybe just maybe I would be able to work things out with her and have a relationship for the baby’s sake, but I knew I would always have to be on my guard.

  *~~~*

  When I got back to the penthouse later that afternoon, I threw my purse onto the couch and rushed down the hall to the powder room to pee. My bladder was really feeling the effects of having someone sitting on it. I rushed in and almost peed myself because I had to put the toilet seat down. I was thinking about how I’d have to yell at Corsey for leaving the seat up when another thought occurred to me. Corsey had not been in the penthouse all day. He was with me all day. I usually don’t utilize him as a chauffeur, but I was exhausted from the lack of sleep and my feet were slightly swollen. I didn’t feel up to driving myself around and Corse would have given me a speech about taking public transportation when I could use him or Harry. I hate speeches.

  Kyle was good for leaving the seat up if he was in a hurry, but Kyle was in London, right? As I flushed and then washed my hands, I began to panic a little. What if there was some stranger sneaking around in the penthouse, waiting to jump out and murder me? Hell, what if it was Vic? I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, trying to decide if I should call Corsey, but then I would feel silly calling him over a raised toilet seat. Besides, I was more than capable of defending myself.

  I cracked my knuckles and neck and pushed my fears aside as I stepped into the hall. I decided to check the office first. Nothing seemed askew or missing at first look. When I got closer to the desk, however, I discovered the book The Time Machine was on the desk. I froze. I had not left it there. In fact I had not touched it even once after Kyle told me about it. I had been using the money in my own account that I’d had for years. Just to be spiteful I chose not to touch the money Kyle had set aside for me. I couldn’t be bought. Asshole.

  I picked up the book and weighed it in my hand for a moment before gingerly flipping it open. The key Kyle mentioned was taped inside on the cover. I ran my fingers over it but didn’t dislodge it. I put the book back down on the desk as my brain tried to register how and why it was there. I glanced around but didn’t see anything else out of place. I left the office, my mind trying to fathom why the book was there. Did Kyle have someone put it there? I didn’t get it.

  I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I opened the fridge and stared.

  Since Kyle left, I had no desire to go food shopping. I had been eating a lot of take-out and just using up wha
tever we already head. Before I left for the doctor’s appointment, the fridge was almost empty. It was like a bachelor’s refrigerator: some souring milk, a few eggs, water, the beer that Kyle never finished and a few other odds and ends – some edible and some not. Now, it was stocked full with fruits, vegetables, fresh milk and eggs, juice, cheese, and yogurt. I left the door hanging wide open and went to the cabinets. They were stocked full with the cereals I liked, pasta, peanut butter, rice, sauces, soups, and a few treats I liked to enjoy. Out of curiosity, I opened the freezer and found plenty of vanilla ice-cream and a big ass bag of frozen French fries along with some packages of chicken, boneless pork chops, and lean ground beef.

  In a bit of a daze I found myself traveling upstairs to Kyle’s room – my room, too – and slowly opened the door. I had to flip on a light because the day had turned cloudy and rainy and the room was cast in shadow. When the light came on, I found that there were two pregnancy pillows on the bed and a few extra regular pillows. On the centermost pillow was a single flower, a Lily.

  I sat down on the bed and picked up the flower. I held it to my nose, inhaling the scent for a minute before I was up and moving again. I went downstairs into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of 100 percent pure apple juice. I leaned against the island and wondered what else Kyle had brought into the house while I was out with his mother. I wondered if it was all a ploy to keep me out so that he can come in without running into me. I was unsure if Felicia knew that her son was in town, but I’m sure Corsey had to know. I had no doubts that it was definitely Kyle and not one of his cronies. If it was one of his people, it wouldn’t have been a big clandestine operation.

  As I drank my juice, I didn’t know how to feel about the situation. I should have felt grateful that he went through so much trouble and showed he obviously still cared. Then again it should have made me cry to know that he didn’t want to see me.

  I hurled the glass of juice across the kitchen. Juice was flung in every direction and the glass shattered against a cabinet door, sending glass flying all over the counters, stove, and floor.

  It was decided. I was pissed off.

  I stormed back into the living room and pulled my phone out of my purse. I learned to stop calling Kyle long ago. He never answered and he only ever responded in text messages. He only spoke to me on the phone on his terms, when he wanted to, which wasn’t very often. No matter how deeply I felt for him, I wasn’t going to play the desperate girl, calling him repeatedly and begging. I had begged enough.

  I was surprised when he picked up on the third ring. At least I wouldn’t have been yelling at a voicemail.

  “You fucking pansy!” I shouted. “You didn’t have the balls to face me!”

  “You’re welcome,” he said coolly. In the background I heard what sounded like city noise. Knowing he was on this side of the pond, he was probably on the streets of Philly. “Judging by the stack of take-out menus on the coffee table and the bare cabinets and fridge, you haven’t been eating well. You have to eat better than that. You should be well stocked for a while and I’ve set you up with a grocery delivery service so you will always have the basics.”

  Again, I should have been thrilled that he thought of me, but I wasn’t.

  “If you ever do anything like this again, I will leave this place. I will drop off the face of the map, do you understand? I let you keep tabs on me, but I can go away. The next time you set foot in this house you better make damn sure that I am here and that you are looking me in the eyes.”

  I ended the call before he could speak again. Seconds later my phone was ringing. Kyle was calling, but I wasn’t going to answer. I was going to play his game. As I searched for my now missing takeout menus, Kyle called five more times. I came to the conclusion that he had thrown them away, but luckily for me, I had a few of the places on speed dial and I almost always ordered the same thing, but before I dialed, I came up with a better idea.

  I slid my swollen feet back into my flip-flops, picked up my purse, and grabbed the keys to the Cadillac XTS. In minutes I was in the garage, pulling out of one of the parking spots reserved for us. I drove a few miles down the road to the casino and paid for valet parking. I went to the back of the casino, put my preggo ass on a barstool and ordered yummy, fattening, salty, unhealthy Chinese food and a big glass of soda. I pulled some cash out of my purse and leisurely played the video Black Jack game built into the bar. While I waited for the food and played the game while sipping on my soda, I checked my phone. Kyle had called twice more, but the calls ended and he sent no texts. It was just as well, because for the first time since he left, I didn’t want to be bothered with him.

  *~~~*

  At exactly the eighteenth week mark of my pregnancy, I felt a fluttering in my womb that made my heart stop. I was sitting in my office at Sterling Corp when I felt it. I leaned back in my chair and put my hand over my belly. I couldn’t feel it from the outside, but I was definitely feeling the quickening from the inside.

  There was only one person worth telling, but he wasn’t around to tell. Kyle called me a couple of days after the grocery incident. This time he left a message and just asked about the doctor’s appointment since we didn’t get to discuss it a few days before. That only set me off again because he had been in the city and didn’t make an effort to show up for the appointment. I didn’t return his call. I pulled his usual and simply sent a text in response. I only said “It was fine.” He called me again the following week, but I sent that call to voicemail, too. He wanted to know, as always, how I was feeling and if I needed anything. I replied with two words in text: “Fine. No.”

  Why should I have continued to put in so much effort to hang on to him when his efforts were so little?

  I could have called him or texted him to tell him about the baby’s movement, but since he chose not to be with me, I decided he had no right to know.

  Chapter Nineteen

  *~Lily~*

  I wanted the bar open by the time Football season kicked off. I was there every day after working in the office, helping to get it set up. Even though Marco’s part in building the bar was long over, he stepped in after Kyle left to help me hire a staff, plan menus and events and other necessities. We were just about finished with the set up process, only needing some basic items a couple of weeks before Labor Day.

  It was pretty late one night. Marco and I were the only two left. I was sitting sideways in a booth and he was sitting in a chair that he had pulled up, and he was rubbing my feet.

  “You really need to keep a pair of sneakers here in the office,” he admonished. “Running around in those hooker heels is not good for your feet.”

  “They aren’t hooker heels,” I argued.

  He stopped rubbing my foot and picked up one of my four inch heels off of the floor. He raised an eyebrow at me.

  “Okay, so they’re a little hookerish, but damn I look good in those heels, and they make me feel tall.”

  “You look good in anything you wear,” Marco said absently as he went back to rubbing my feet.

  I couldn’t explain how good it felt to have this hot guy rubbing my feet. Not just a hot guy, but a hot billionaire guy who almost a year ago thought he was too good for people like me. I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and sighed.

  “When are you going to quit Sterling?” Marco asked. “You’re going to wear yourself out running back and forth between here and there. You’re already wearing out.”

  “I promised Mayson I’d work at least a year, but I won’t just up and leave. I need to actually make money here first. Ohhh that’s perfect,” I whispered as he rubbed my foot in just the right spot. I had heard that there were erogenous zones on the feet, and I believed Marco was hitting them. As terrible as it seems, I didn’t stop him. Would you have stopped him?

  “Doesn’t Kyle take care of you financially?” he asked.

  “Ummm…wow…” I groaned. “In a way yes. I stay at the penthouse and he keeps paying for things and buyi
ng things on the sly, but I want to try to take care of myself. I don’t want to rely on him anymore.” I frowned. “In fact, I want to pay him back for the cost of building and opening the bar. Anything I make here for at least a year or more will be to repay him.”

  “He will not take that money,” Marco warned.

  “I can damn well try to give it to him,” I said before groaning again.

  “Kyle is a good friend,” he started slowly. “But I am struggling with the fact that he left you like this.”

  I opened my eyes and looked into Marco’s eyes. “Me, too,” I whispered.

  The way he stared back at me made me feel…uncomfortable. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that made my heart flutter in my chest and funny tickling sensations travel up my spine. I pulled my feet off of his lap and turned around in the booth, touching the cool tile with my toes as I looked down at my hands on the table. Marco slid into the booth next to me and put his hand under my chin to make me look into his steel blue eyes.

  “Kyle is a fool,” he said in a soft tone that made me shiver. His face inched closer to mine. I think I stopped breathing. I think my heart stopped beating. I think the whole world stopped spinning as Marco Mangini’s lips skimmed over mine.

  “I am only going to do this once,” he whispered, his lips moving against mine. “Just this once. I may never have the opportunity to do so again. Hold still and don’t fight it.”

  Then his lips were on me, moving gently but with erotic intention against my lips. His tongue gently slid across my bottom lip and like magic, my mouth opened slightly to let him in. His tongue slipped between my lips until it met my own. I couldn’t help but to moan as he very slowly and very gently tasted my mouth. He didn’t increase the depth or speed of his tongue, but his lips and tongue moved with clear intent, and it was working. It was probably one of the most hedonistic kisses I had ever had in my life. His mouth was giving me a preview of what he could do to other parts of my body, and my body was aware of it.