by Stella Bryce
He had to be careful. Some of the people that worked there might recognize him. He didn’t know if they’d remember, but someone of his size and presence, and someone that spent time in their safe room…yeah, they might vaguely remember.
He’d need to find another way in. He’d need to track down exactly where this asshole was, what room he was in, and then bypass the staff that might see his face and know it.
Phoenix paced while trying to think of ways around the situation; the less people who knew what he planned to do, the better. He couldn’t drag anyone else in. He wouldn’t risk their lives in his vendetta. He didn’t care what happened to him, as long as he knew Lily would be safe forever. He’d sacrifice himself if he had to…whether that meant jail or getting shot by an overly reactive security guard. Whatever it took. Lily would never have to worry again.
What he should do was take his time, think things through, and come up with a solid plan. But his primal beast wouldn’t allow it. He wanted the asshole dealt with now. He wanted him to feel more pain than he’d ever felt. He wanted to… Phoenix shook his head. There was no time like the present. Just get in there, find him, and get out.
His human thoughts were getting crowded out. His predator wanted to hunt. He wanted to take out the man that hurt his angel. He’d never felt so much vengeance raging inside of him. Nobody would recognize him. They had hundreds of patients. He was only one of many, and that was a long time ago.
Phoenix walked straight through the front doors and kept his head down. He found the volunteer at the admissions desk and asked for the man’s room, saying he was a good friend. She warned him that in ICU he’d only be allowed one to two visitors at a time, so if somebody was already there, he’d have to wait in the ICU lounge.
Phoenix gave her a warm smile. “That’s not a problem; I’ll wait as long as I need to. It will be worth the chance to see him.”
The older lady smiled at the handsome man and gave him directions to the elevators.
Phoenix thanked the woman for her time, and gave her a schoolboy grin. He could be charming when he wanted to be. The older woman tilted her head and smiled back. She was probably somebody’s grandmother, probably a gentle and sweet woman. She had no idea that she’d just given a killer the room number of his prey.
Phoenix lowered his head and watched the ground as he walked, not wanting to make eye contact with anybody. Blend in, old boy, blend in. It was hard to do when you were his size, but he’d damn well try. Everything was riding on this. For Lily, he recited over and over, deep in the crevices of his mind.
As he approached ICU and signed in under a false name, he walked the hallway to the room. There were beeping and whooshing noises coming from the monitors and respirators. He found the room he was looking for, and peeked around the corner. The man was hooked to oxygen, and looked like his body had crumbled. His heart monitor beeped in regular intervals. Not for much longer.
He went in looking for a monster; what he found was a broken man. It didn’t matter how broken he looked, he was a monster in disguise. He saw what he did to Lily. Now he’d have to pay. Phoenix figured it wouldn’t take long to smother him with a pillow. He’d be in and out as quickly as he could, though the beeping of the heart monitor would give him away. He’d kick the plug so it didn’t make any more noise. He knew they’d be monitoring, so he’d wait for the nurse watching them to get called to one of the rooms. It wouldn’t take long in the ICU wing.
He watched the reflection of the nurse’s station in the hospital window. It was aligned so that he could see half of it. He’d have to peer out to catch a glimpse of the other half. It would be swift, but he realized the moment it was done, his own life would be over too. They’d have security on him so fast that his head would spin. He’d either end up in jail or dead. He took a deep breath. Either was acceptable if it kept Lily safe. He’d jump through the window if he had time, but he didn’t expect the ICU to be on the 4th floor. That would be too far to fall. He’d simply splat, with no chance of survival.
Phoenix inched in closer, pulling a chair to the man’s bedside, making it look to the average person that he was there for a visit. He was taking in his surroundings, the tubes, the monitors, and studying the man’s face. He’d never felt pure hatred toward anyone before. Sure, he’d felt dislike. Sure, he’d been dismayed. People had rubbed him the wrong way, but what he was feeling now was a fire that wouldn’t go out. It burned as if someone was throwing gasoline on it, forcing it to grow.
The moment snuck up way too soon, but not soon enough. He slipped the man’s pillow out from under his head, ready to smother him. The man’s eyes flitted opened and fear laced through them, realizing the man over him wasn’t there to help. He didn’t have the strength to react. Maybe he deserved this. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate.
Phoenix froze. His mother’s face flashed in his mind. He dropped the pillow on the man’s bed and quickly retreated. No nurse was at the station. Nobody would have ever noticed. As he rushed through the hallways, he burst through the stairwell door instead of taking the elevator. He took two stairs at a time, his heart thundering in his chest. He slammed through the bottom level door and kept his head down while exiting the hospital.
As soon as he was out, he ran hard, ran for the safety of the woods nearby. Phoenix staggered and tripped on a root sticking out of the ground, something he would have been more cautious of in the past. He lost his balance and fell to the ground, catching himself with his hands and buffering the blow of the ground rushing at him.
He rolled to his side out of instinct, and then pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms tight around them. He was alone in the safety of the foliage and woods. Phoenix’s body shook. Everything that had been trapped inside of him came out. He sobbed like a small child that was lost and alone. He was useless. He was broken. He couldn’t even finish the job. How could he take another life when he’d already taken one? His mother would never be back. Phoenix curled into the fetal position until he had no tears left to cry.
What was wrong with him? He wanted to make it better for Lily, but that wasn’t the way. Killing the man with his hands, taking his life, that’s not how it was supposed to be. As much as his bear could follow through, his human had a conscience. There was no getting around that. He didn’t want to be responsible for another death, no matter how angry he was. He wasn’t a god. He was merely a man with the ability to shift into a bear. It wasn’t his choice. He didn’t get to decide who lived and who died. Yes, his mother died, but there was nothing he could do to save her. God knows he would have if he could. He tried, he really tried. His body shook again as the pain wracked through his mind, a slowly winding path that gripped him.
Phoenix finally sat up. He clutched his knees to his chest and leaned against a tree. He’d have to tell her he couldn’t do it. He wanted to. He tried, but when push came to shove, he couldn’t do it. She’d be disappointed in him, realizing he couldn’t truly protect her. It was merely an illusion. His size meant nothing.
Chapter 18 Lily
She saw a broken man enter her room. He turned himself back in to the hospital, but had one single request. He needed to see Lily before they put him back into the locked ward. With security by his side, they escorted him to her room.
Hunter saw his friend and realized he wasn’t the man he used to be. He saw the pain in his face. Jett nodded and followed them into the room, blocking the door from the inside. Hunter stood beside him, acting as a human door. Nobody would go in or out until Phoenix was finished here.
“Lily,” he whispered. He was so relieved to see her. He always felt better when she was near. “I need to get some help. Hunter and Jett will watch out for you. I won’t be able to see you for a little bit, but as soon as I can, I will be here.” His head dropped, his face slackened, and his shoulders slumped. “I need help, Lily.”
She reached for his hand. “Phoenix, I was so worried about you. I’ll always be here. I’ll wait for you.”
He gave her a small smile. “I have to go now. When you’re released, Hunter and Jett will make sure you’re comfortable in a safe location. He’ll never hurt you again.”
“All I care about is you. Please heal. I need you to be strong, so we can be together.” She smiled. “Phoenix, I love you.” A tear fell to her cheek.
“I love you too, Lily.” He’d never meant those words more than in that moment. He’d never felt love so real, so raw. She saw him at his most vulnerable and still wanted to be a part of his life. It told him so much.
Lily watched Phoenix being escorted from her room. It pained her to know she wouldn’t see him for a while, but she knew they’d end up together.
Jett stepped back out of the room. Hunter sat down. He didn’t think. He was trying to break the moment, help Lily relax. Conversation seemed like a good place to start. “His bear will always remain strong,” he soothed. “His human just needs a little extra time to catch up.”
“His bear?” She arched her eyebrow. She had no idea what he was talking about.
Hunter realized what he said. She didn’t know. Oh boy. He scrambled to recover. “Just his inner strength. It’s an expression among our friends.”
“Oh,” she smiled. “That makes sense. Yeah, you’re some big boys.”
“Running a bodyguard service, it pays to keep big guys around.” He was relieved when he realized she bought his bear explanation. He was finished talking.
Chapter 19 Phoenix
More time passed than he wanted, but Phoenix knew there was no away around it. Until he conquered his demons, he’d suffer. The doctor was pleased with his progress, and was talking about releasing him the following week. She felt he’d be able to continue his therapy as an out-patient. He was a changed man. She wasn’t sure what happened when he left the hospital that night, but when he returned she saw he’d hit rock bottom and was ready to accept the help she was offering.
She rarely felt warmth toward her patients these days. She’d grown cold. But Phoenix was different. He was raw and ready to reveal his fears and vulnerabilities all the way down to his core. He was honest and admitted he was doing it for the girl more than himself. He needed to be healthy and strong so he could spend his life with her. He’d do anything for her, and the change in his attitude made that more than clear.
Phoenix asked Lily to stay away while he went through the intensive therapy, but promised he’d be there soon. He sent messages through Hunter, who at this point had set her up in a safe location. She worried about her job, but they explained that Phoenix was more than capable of handling her financial needs. His only concern was that she healed, inside and out.
Jett was her constant bodyguard and companion now. Hunter knew she’d be safe back in their part of town. They had eyes and ears everywhere. Phoenix knew that her husband was broken down in the ICU and wasn’t going to be there in a hurry, but it was more for her mental stability. Knowing she was protected would ease her mind.
She found the news by accident, flipping through the newspaper. He was listed in the obituary column. He’d been in the ICU. When he was stabilized, he was supposed to be shipped to prison for the crimes he committed against her, only he never made it. His body gave out and he died in his sleep. No foul play was suspected.
A mix of relief and sadness washed through her. She knew he was gone and she could reclaim some of her life, but a piece of her life was over. It was strange to feel loss and hatred all at the same time.
When the news got back to Phoenix, a huge weight dropped off his shoulders. The man was dead, and he wasn’t responsible. He dropped to his knees and gave thanks to whoever wanted to listen. He hated the possibility that he might have come back after Lily.
Phoenix would be released from Swan Epstein in two days. The doctor made arrangements for him to continue his therapy with one of her colleagues closer to his hometown. She commended him on his progress. She warned there would be good days and bad, but he’d come so far.
Home. He never thought he could go home, but home was with Lily now. He needed to see her, to hold her in his arms. She’d started physical therapy with a private therapist that came to her. She was getting around better, though it would take some time.
Phoenix couldn’t wait to lie beside her, to take her as his own and make love to her. The tenderness was something he wasn’t used to, but with Lily a protective and caring nature came out of him. Usually mating was about untamed lust, unleashed desire, and a primal urge. With Lily, he wanted to hold her in his arms and listen to her heart beating. He wanted to feel her silky hair against his skin. He wanted to kiss her and taste her and never let her go. He’d never wanted to make love to any woman the way he wanted to love Lily. The feelings were new. He was in love. He knew exactly what it was, he just never expected it to happen to him.
There was just one problem. Phoenix wasn’t sure how to explain to her that he was a shifter, part man, part bear. It was a side of him she didn’t know. She wasn’t afraid of him as a man, but as a bear…would she tremble, not realizing that he’d always be her protector and lover? Or would she accept all of him, even his mutated genes that caused his body to shift and mold into a bear, all fur and teeth, primal and free?
He almost didn’t want to tell her, but that wasn’t a secret he could keep for long. Eventually his bear would come out. It was better for her to know before she saw it.
Chapter 20 Lily
Lily was excited when Phoenix arrived. She’d waited a long time for this. Walking in the door, he couldn’t hide his feelings. He scooped her close to him. They’d never shared intimate moments like these, but it seemed completely natural. They were meant to be together.
Gently putting her down, Phoenix smiled at Lily. She looked up and tenderly placed her hand on his face. Longing in her eyes, she slid her hand around his back and clung to his body. She pressed against his chest and wrapped herself around him. She was afraid to let go, afraid it would all be a dream.
Phoenix kissed the top of her head, Lily’s soft hair brushing against his cheek. The couple stood motionless, no words spoken, just reveling in the fact that they were finally together again. Loosening his embrace, he took a step back. “We need to talk,” he started. “This is important.”
“Now? You’ve just gotten here.” She hated how serious he sounded.
“Now.” He sat down with his beloved. “I’ve fallen in love with you, but the only way you can truly love me in return is to know all of me.”
She tilted her head, confused. Sure, they needed to talk more and grow to learn each other’s little quirks, but nothing he could say would put her off. She’d never been happier than she was at this moment, sitting beside him. She leaned into his arm, her soft body molding to him.
“I need to say this now, before I no longer have the courage.” He wasn’t afraid to admit he wasn’t always a warrior. It was okay. She’d seen him at his weakest and still loved him. He’d never doubt her feelings. They were true.
“Phoenix, what is it?” Lily couldn’t hide her concern. Whatever it was, he deemed it serious enough to make it a priority.
“You need to know that no matter what I say, no matter what comes out of my mouth, my feelings don’t change. I’ve grown to love you. I will always put you first and protect you. You’re my soul mate. I didn’t even know I had one until you showed up one day like an angel in my life. You saved me. I don’t know how to thank you for that.” He paused and drew a deep breath.
Lily watched his face. She could see the stress, the worry in his eyes. They crinkled up as he tried to find the rest of the words.
“There’s an important part of my life I need to share with you. It may sound scary at first, but I promise you, it’s not what it seems. Please promise to hear me out before you jump to any conclusions.”
She nodded, her heart beating louder in her chest. What could it be? How could this man possibly scare her? He had become her entire world.
“Lily, I’m
a shifter…a shape shifter.” He let the words hang in the air.
“What?” She didn’t understand. She looked at him oddly. “I…I don’t understand.”
He swallowed hard and dropped his head to his hands. He couldn’t look her in the eye. He was afraid he’d see terror or disappointment there. “I’m a bear. I’m half man, half bear. I’d never hurt you. It’s just part of who I am.” He quickly tried to explain, as if it would make a difference.
“You’re a bear? Half man, half bear?” She couldn’t hide the giggle that grew within her. Laughing, she shook her head. “That’s funny. Okay, really, what is this about? What do you need to talk to me about? Enough of the fooling around.” She shook her head again. “You got me.”
Phoenix stood. “Lily, look at me. Look at my size.” He looked directly into her eyes. “This isn’t a joke. I’m a shape-shifter— half man, half bear.” He pointed to Jett, who was guarding the front door. “Jett is part bear, as is Hunter.”
Jett turned to smile on hearing his name.
Lily looked at Jett and then back to Phoenix. Her brain was having trouble wrapping around the words. Stuff like that wasn’t real. Sure, she’d heard stories about small towns, but she didn’t actually believe it. She’d never seen one, not as long as she’d lived…and Jett, Jett didn’t look like a bear either, not the slightest bit.
Phoenix watched her try to work through the details. “Lily,” he reached out to take her hand. She took it, and then came into his arms in an embrace. “I will never hurt you. You’re safe with me.”
“Bear?” She scrunched up her nose and looked up at Phoenix. “I just don’t…I didn’t think shape-shifters were real. I mean, I heard about them, but…” She stopped talking.
“I can show you, but I’m afraid it will scare you. I don’t think you’re ready to see me as a bear yet.” His voice lowered. He meant business.
“Can he change too?” She pointed to Jett.
