by J. S. Scott
“Julian is all wrong for me,” Kristin told Mara desperately as she stirred her mixed drink with a straw. “We’re completely different.”
“You’re rationalizing,” Mara cautioned. “Besides, I don’t think you’re that different where it really counts. And the superficial things don’t mean anything. So he’s rich and you’re not. So he likes chocolate ice cream and you happen to like vanilla—”
“We both like exactly the same flavor,” Kristin interrupted. “But you’re forgetting that he’s a famous superstar, and I’m a medical assistant.”
“Those things are just your professions, Kristin. Does it really matter? Julian is making a career change because he’s not completely happy with what he’s doing. Jared did the same thing. He wasn’t movie-star famous, but he gave up control of a very high-powered real-estate business to go back to doing what he loved: restoring historic homes. Luckily, he was wealthy enough to do what he wanted after so many years of trying to prove himself. Circumstances change. People change. What might have been important to Julian years ago might not matter to him now.”
Julian had basically said as much, but Kristin found it hard to believe he could walk away from megastardom that easily. Then again, she’d seen the hunted look on his face when he was being stalked by fans. And he seemed perfectly content, even happy, to be writing and creating a movie screenplay.
“We’ll see,” Kristin answered vaguely. “We still have a little time in the trial period before the divorce.”
“End the trial now,” Mara said urgently. “This is no good for either one of you. If it’s still there, it’s going to drive a wedge between you. You’re already doubting your marriage is for real.”
Kristin did feel that rift, the enormous fear that the temporary happiness she had with Julian would never be . . . real. “We made an agreement to wait.”
“You’re scared,” Mara accused.
No, she was freaking terrified. “Maybe I am.”
“Then cut the crap and get the temporary marriage off the table. Make it real.”
Make it real?
For Kristin, she was rather afraid things with Julian had always been far from artificial and fake.
Her thoughts were halted as she saw her mom and dad rolling out the wedding cake. It was enormous, and the cart they were wheeling looked like it was going to give with the strain of carrying several tiers of the decadent dessert.
People cheered and whistled, but what Kristin noticed was the reaction of the man in the corner all alone, his eyes glued on the enormous, gleaming knife in her father’s hand that brushed along Xander’s leather jacket as they moved past him to the center of the room with the wedding cake.
First, he looked panicked.
Then, he looked angry.
Finally, he got up and strode out of the room, a look of anguish on his face that Kristin couldn’t ignore.
“I’ll be back,” she told Mara hastily as she spoke into her friend’s ear so she could hear her, and then set her cocktail on a nearby table.
Kristin raced as fast as she could on her high heels, pushing on the door that Xander had just used to exit, seeing a flash of black as he turned into one of the teaching rooms.
She knew she hadn’t imagined his reaction, or the sense of terror he’d just experienced.
A knife. A big blade in a public gathering.
She stopped short at the doorway of the classroom, noticing that Xander had opened the window, even though it was below freezing outside. His shoulders were rising and falling, and she could hear his breath sawing in and out of his lungs as he stood braced against the window frame.
Moving slowly, she walked to his side and touched his back lightly. “Xander?”
“Don’t fucking touch me.” He whirled around as the guttural growl left his mouth.
Kristin felt her cheek explode with pain and her body immediately moved backward until she hit the wall on the other side of the room. The violent movement had been so intense that she slid down the wall in shock.
“Kristin?” Julian’s voice suddenly interrupted the silence. “Baby? Are you okay?”
Suddenly, Julian was there at her side, lifting her onto his lap. “What happened? Talk to me.”
“I-I’m okay,” she whispered, putting a hand to her face.
Julian looked up and saw his brother standing over them. “Did you fucking hurt her? Did you hit her?” he rasped to Xander.
“I did it,” Xander said flatly.
“I’ll fucking kill you. I don’t care if you’re my brother,” Julian bellowed, reaching up to grasp Xander’s ankle and yanking his feet out from under him. The quick action worked, and his younger brother toppled to the ground.
Kristin suddenly got her bearings and grabbed Julian’s arm. “Don’t. Please. It wasn’t his fault.”
She held tight to Julian, desperate not to see him do something he could never take back.
Xander looked at her, their eyes locking for a moment before he got up and strode out the door. In that short, unspoken exchange, Kristin knew she’d connected with Julian’s younger brother, if only briefly.
“What in the hell do you mean that it wasn’t his fault?” He was still cradling her body on the floor.
“I’m fine. Help me up.” It was going to be difficult to get out of his hold and into a standing position in heels and a dress.
He stood, still holding her tightly, then lowered her feet slowly to the floor. “Are you dizzy? You’re going to end up with a hell of a shiner tomorrow. Bastard! I still want to kill him.”
“Don’t, Julian,” Kristin begged. “You don’t understand.”
“Then fucking enlighten me before I go beat the living hell out of my brother.” He pulled out his phone and quickly called Dante, asking him if Sarah could come and meet them in the classroom to look at Kristin.
“Tell me,” he insisted once he’d hung up the phone, holding her hand while he seated her in one of the chairs.
Sarah and Dante arrived before she could say anything more, and her explanation had to wait.
CHAPTER 20
They ended up leaving the reception once Sarah had verified that Kristin didn’t have any injuries other than a very big black eye, and a warning to Julian to call her if Kristin experienced any other symptoms of a head injury.
“I’m fine,” Kristin told Julian for what seemed like the millionth time during the drive home and even after they’d arrived at his house. She’d gotten an ice pack for her eye, and Julian had helped her into a pair of pajamas after he gave her some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling.
Sitting cross-legged on the sofa, she held the cold pack to her cheek and eye while Julian, newly dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, seated himself next to her.
“You’re not fine. My younger brother somehow assaulted you, and I want to know how and why it happened before I lose it,” he answered in a graveled voice.
“It really wasn’t his fault,” Kristin said softly.
“You were hurt and he was there. It’s obvious you got punched.”
“I startled him,” Kristin explained with a sigh. “I saw his reaction to the huge knife Dad had to cut the cake. It got close enough to touch him. I think it was a trigger for him, and he started reliving his experience all over again. I came up behind him and he didn’t know I was there. I think he was in the middle of a nightmare while he was awake. He turned instinctively, and for a moment, I think he thought I was his attacker. He didn’t punch me on purpose. His elbow hit me in the eye. He turned around so fast that he couldn’t keep from hitting me.”
“Jesus! He didn’t really look uptight when I saw him. He looked like he was just . . . dead inside.”
“He’s not, Julian. I think the drugs and alcohol are part of a bigger problem. He’s obviously having symptoms of PTSD. Did they ever mention it in the rehab?”
“Not that I know of,” Julian answered, sounding a little calmer.
“His fear was very real. An
d the big knife and being in a crowd with people he didn’t know was a trigger for him. He didn’t have a clue what he was doing when he swung around and accidentally hit me. He was in another reality, and I was the enemy,” Kristin told him remorsefully. “I shouldn’t have approached him that way.”
“Don’t make this your fault,” Julian warned her. “You were obviously trying to help him.”
“I was. I saw how he reacted, and I wanted to see if he was okay. But I should have made my presence known instead of moving up on him.”
“So you think he drinks because he can’t deal with his PTSD?”
“Sometimes it happens. When you can’t escape reality, you use whatever is necessary to dull the pain. Pain medications are highly addictive. Honestly, considering what Xander had to watch happen, I can’t say I’m surprised that he relives it over and over again.”
“So what happens now? He goes back to drinking? He keeps hurting other people?” Julian asked urgently. “I don’t know what to do to help him, but if he ever touches you again, regardless of the reason, I’m not making any promises that I won’t hurt him.”
“He didn’t know he was hitting me. He was trying to defend himself,” she argued. “I’d be the last woman in the world to make excuses for any guy hitting anyone. But this really was an exception and an accident on his part. Don’t hold it against him. Please.”
The last thing Kristin wanted was to cause an even bigger rift between the brothers.
“So this means he really needs counseling?” Julian questioned.
Kristin nodded. “He has dual issues: PTSD and addiction. He needs to get to the root of his problems to try to resolve both of them.”
Julian slowly nodded. “I’ll talk to Micah and my cousins. There has to be a way to put pressure on Xander to cooperate.”
“I’m not a psychologist. I don’t know how you can help him when he doesn’t want to help himself. But maybe you can talk to some experts.”
“We’ll keep an eye on him and figure it out. In the meantime, I can’t stop blaming him for your bruised-up face,” Julian said remorsefully.
“My bruises will fade. Xander’s scars may never go away.” Her heart ached for the youngest Sinclair. Julian hadn’t seen Xander’s moment of panic and terror. She had, and she doubted she’d ever forget it.
“I can’t stand to see you hurt,” Julian admitted huskily. “It kills me.”
Since he’d been willing to fight his own brother for bruising her face, Kristin didn’t doubt his sincerity.
The tormented guilt on his face nearly broke her. She tossed the cold pack onto the table and quickly straddled him. “You could very easily take my mind off my eye,” she told him suggestively. Really, the injury didn’t hurt anymore unless she actually touched it, and her body was hungry for Julian.
“I can’t fuck you when you’re hurting,” he grumbled.
She ground her pelvis down on him, able to feel his rigid cock through the thick cotton material of his sweatpants. “I need you. And it doesn’t hurt anymore,” she whispered right before she nipped his ear, then laved it with her tongue. “It hurts more here.” She ground her core against him again, letting him know exactly where she was aching.
“Christ, Scarlet! How do you expect me to ignore how much I want you when you’re this damn close to me?”
“I don’t,” she informed him cheekily. “I expect you to make the pain go away.”
He gently laid her down on the couch and stripped, coming back to her beautifully naked. He put a throw pillow beneath her head to cushion it, then gripped the pajama top she was wearing and popped every button with one quick and powerful tug. “I’m going to fucking hate myself for taking advantage when what you really need is rest. But I can’t keep from doing it. There’s never going to be a day when I won’t take whatever you offer me willingly.”
His expression was savage and hungry, and Kristin shuddered as their eyes met and held, both of them desperate for the same thing. “I’m more than willing,” she told him boldly. “I want you, Hotshot. Show me what you’ve got.”
Her pajama bottoms and panties left her body in one rough movement as she lifted her bottom to help him take them off.
“Come,” she beckoned, holding her arms out to him.
“You will come,” he answered coarsely, deliberately being obtuse as he knelt beside her and lowered his mouth to her breasts, his mouth and tongue playing over both of her rigid nipples one after the other.
She was panting loudly by the time he finally lifted his head, her core flooding with heat as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Kiss me,” she instructed.
His raw intensity almost burning her alive, he answered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
She pulled his head down. “You won’t.”
The kiss was sweet and tender, but still demanding. She savored the beauty of the moment. Usually their sex was desperate and so hot that she felt like she was spontaneously combusting.
This time . . . it was different.
It was just as satisfying, but there was a gentleness to the way that Julian touched her. A sense that he was showing her that she was the most precious person in his life.
Kristin’s heart skipped a beat as he raised his head and looked at her and swung his body on top of hers, keeping most of his weight from crushing her with his arms and hands. “You have no idea how I felt when I saw you on the floor, knowing somebody had hurt you. Nobody lays a hand on you. Not now. Not ever.”
The vow touched her clear to her soul. “Touch me in a good way, then.”
“Only me,” Julian insisted.
“Only you,” she agreed with a sigh, drowning in the ocean blue of his eyes.
He entered her slowly, inch by inch, giving her only a tiny bit of what she wanted at one time.
“Fuck me,” she demanded, raising her hips up to meet his.
But he pulled back.
“Patience, Scarlet. No need to rush to the finish line right now.”
She could tell that he’d like to, but he refused to do anything fast.
Wrapping her legs around his waist, she strained upward, wanting him deeper, needing their connection to be more intense.
She closed her eyes in frustration, her head thrashing back and forth.
“Don’t,” he commanded. “Look at me. Stay with me.”
Julian dropped to his elbows and clasped her hands, entwining their fingers as he finally buried his cock balls-deep inside her.
Her eyes flew open and locked with his, unable to look away.
His expression of deep yearning captivated her, mesmerized her as he slowly withdrew and planted himself back into her sheath.
“Yes,” she gasped. “Yes.”
She gripped his fingers tightly, her gaze staying with him as he pumped in slow strokes, keeping her hypnotized with the rhythm and a willing captive as their bodies stayed skin to skin.
Kristin felt like she was flying, and Julian was right beside her. He didn’t rush as he thoroughly made sure she got all of him with every thrust of his hips.
Her emotions were raw as he never let up on the intensity of his gaze, keeping her with him in both mind and body. “You’re feeling so damn good that I never want this to be over,” Julian grunted as he began pounding inside her over and over again.
I love you. I love you so much!
The words were right there on the tip of her tongue, begging to get out. She bit her lip as he fucked her deeply, and so thoroughly that he was playing havoc with her heart.
“This. Is. Us.” Three words, and Julian made sure every one of them counted. “This is you and me, Scarlet.”
“I know,” she answered breathlessly, knowing what he meant. It had never been like this for her, and she somehow knew it never would be with anyone else. Her connection to Julian was elemental, spontaneous.
It was like she’d just been waiting for him all of her adult years, and now that they were finally together, the result was almost sur
real.
She moaned as he ground his hips with every thrust, making her impending climax grow more intense.
“I’m going to come,” she warned him, finally closing her eyes because the oncoming climax was so intense.
“Then come for me, baby,” he said with an answering groan.
His pace quickened, and she could feel their perspiring bodies start to slide against each other every time Julian moved. “Yes. You feel so good.”
She squeezed his fingers, their hands still entwined, and his hot, heavy breath leaving hot bursts of air on her face and the side of her neck as it became uneven and urgent.
Her climax finally ripped into her, and she arched her back, tightened her legs around Julian, and held on for the ride.
“You look so damn beautiful when you come,” Julian told her raggedly. “It’s probably the most incredible thing I’ve seen in my entire life.”
Her channel clamped down on his cock, and Kristin rode the waves of intense pleasure as she milked Julian, his groan of utter ecstasy making her orgasm much more satisfying by knowing he was experiencing much the same thing she was right now.
As she spiraled down slowly, Julian’s mouth covered hers as though he wanted to capture her moans of complete release and keep them for himself.
While she caught her breath, she managed to say, “I feel so much better.”
Julian chuckled as he rolled off her and sat on the floor right beside her head, keeping the hand nearest her joined intimately with hers.
She was so limp, it was hard to lift her other hand, but she did, stroking his jaw, which was covered with sexy stubble.
He lifted their entwined fingers and kissed the back of her hand in a gesture so tender it nearly made Kristin want to weep.
“You okay?” Julian asked, sounding concerned.
“Never better,” she said reassuringly.
“Good.” He stood and scooped her up. “Bedtime with ice pack.” He leaned down so she could grab it.
