by J. S. Scott
She picked it up obligingly, marveling, not for the first time, about how strong Julian was. She was no lightweight, but he handled her body with ease.
“You can put me down,” she urged.
“Nope. I’m making sure you get into bed.”
“I can walk there,” she told him with a laugh.
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not letting you go.”
Kristin gave up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Stubborn man! If only he wasn’t making promises he could never, ever keep.
CHAPTER 21
Julian had no desire to leave Amesport. As a matter of fact, he wished he could get out of going to California to attend a large promotion for his upcoming film. He was making progress on his screenplay, and just the thought of leaving Kristin alone made him balk.
Nevertheless, he was going. It was a commitment he’d already made, and he needed to be there. It was only a few days, but he knew it would feel like forever.
I’m addicted to her. How fucking pathetic is that?
No more had the thought crossed his mind than the object of his obsession walked through the door of Shamrock’s, obviously looking for him. He rose up from the booth and raised an arm, his chest starting to ache as he saw her smile and wave at him from across the crowded bar.
He’d had no problem spotting her the moment she’d walked into the place. Julian swore he’d know she was there even if he couldn’t spot her gorgeous red curls or see her infectious smile. He sensed her like he was a fucking radar scanning for trouble.
And Kristin was the ultimate threat to his sanity.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly as she slid into the seat across from him. “Sorry I’m late. Work was crazy.”
“I ordered for both of us,” he answered, already knowing she’d like the special today: New England clam chowder, and a crispy fish sandwich with onion rings.
“I love the clam chowder the cooks are making now,” she answered, still smiling.
“I know. I already ordered it for you,” he answered, shooting her a smug grin. There was very little he didn’t notice about Kristin. The way she felt about her favorite foods was just one of the little things he liked about her. She either liked something or she didn’t. She wasn’t an I-could-take-it-or-leave-it kind of woman. No looking at the menu fifty times to decide what she wanted. Usually, she knew what she’d have before she even got to a restaurant.
“Are you excited about the big prerelease party?” she asked as she shrugged off her jacket.
“Not really,” he answered honestly. “I’d rather be home. I’d like it a whole lot better if you were coming with me.”
“Planning on kidnapping me?” she teased.
“I never thought about that,” he said contemplatively. It was actually not a bad idea.
“Don’t,” Kristin warned him with a frown. “I have a job that I like. I don’t want to lose it.”
“Your husband is a billionaire,” he reminded her.
“He won’t be my husband forever,” she said lightly. “What happens when our three-month marriage is over? I have to make a living.”
Luckily, they were interrupted by the waiter bringing their soup. After he was gone, Julian had calmed down a little.
“I’ll be back by Friday. Given a choice, I wouldn’t go. But the appearance is in my contract,” Julian told her glumly.
“Then you have to go,” she replied serenely.
Hell, she seemed almost content that he was leaving. And he hated hearing the shit about their short marriage plans. “You know you’ll miss me,” he told her in a cocky voice as he picked up his soupspoon.
“I definitely won’t miss your expertise in the kitchen,” she joked.
“Hey, I’m doing fine with the microwave.” He did feed himself during the day, but he’d been restricted to microwave use only. Mostly, he grabbed a sandwich or whatever was convenient.
Kristin dug into her chowder like she hadn’t eaten all day, which she probably hadn’t. He knew she usually ate on the run during her busy days at the office, or she just skipped lunch completely.
He was so occupied with watching her that he dribbled some of his soup. “Damn!” He looked down, happy most of it had dropped back into the bowl.
“Oh, no. Your beautiful sweater,” Kristin fretted, dipping a napkin into her water glass and stretching across the table to swipe the wet paper carefully across his chest. “It’s just a tiny drop. I think it will be fine,” she assured him.
He wasn’t worried about the damn sweater. Julian was more concerned about his dick and the way it reacted to her scent as she stretched to get close to him.
“What’s this?” she asked curiously, tugging on a thick gold chain around his neck until the contents that he’d stuffed inside the sweater were revealed.
He lifted a hand to stop her, but it was too late. She’d felt the objects through his sweater and revealed the items he’d tucked away to take with him before he could prevent it.
Julian yanked the rope of gold over his head and tossed it on the table.
It was telling, but he was tired of the bullshit anyway. For him, it was now or never that he came completely clean.
He was either going to get what he’d always wanted, or he was going to get destroyed.
He looked across the table at Kristin, not liking his odds when he saw the look on her face.
Kristin couldn’t take her gaze away from the two gold wedding bands lying on the table, the two kept together by a heavy chain of gold.
“What are they?” she asked in a heavy voice.
“Wedding bands. The ones we bought for our ceremony in Vegas.”
The waiter brought their sandwiches and left, but Kristin didn’t even spare him a glance. She was too focused on the gold lying on the table.
Finally, she picked them up and examined them closely, still trying to figure out what they meant. “Why do you have them?”
There was a pang in her chest as she fingered both of the wedding rings, a vague sense of familiarity hitting her. But other than a feeling, she didn’t recognize them.
“I took them with me the morning I left Vegas, along with the paperwork confirming we got married,” he answered flatly.
Her head jerked up to look at him. “You knew? You didn’t slowly remember? You were aware of exactly what happened that night?” she accused, feeling hurt that he’d always been aware of the details of her forgotten day.
“I remembered everything, even before I saw the rings. I knew the minute I woke up and my sheets smelled like us and hot sex that we’d gotten married.”
Her heart aching, she asked, “Why did you lie? If you knew what happened, why didn’t you wake me up so we could take care of this problem right away?”
“Because it wasn’t a fucking problem for me,” he rasped. “I took the rings because I had to go, and I was pretty sure you wouldn’t remember us getting married. But I do. I remember every damn moment, and it was everything I’d ever wanted . . . you were everything I’d wanted since the moment we met. I wanted to see you in person after I fulfilled my obligations. I wanted to make it real.”
Her heart started to beat faster, and it was at that moment that she began to hope like she never had before. “So you weren’t drunk?”
“Oh, I was drunk, but I wasn’t so drunk that I would have married just any woman. I wanted you. It’s always been you. I haven’t been with another woman since the day we met.” He paused before adding, “It didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, and if I had been totally in my right mind, I wouldn’t have married you in Vegas. But I would have been here eventually, hounding you until you agreed to date me, and then I would have asked you to marry me. Failure wasn’t an option. It never has been for me. Not when it came to you.”
“So the temporary marriage—”
“All bullshit so you’d stay with me. I thought once you felt the same way I do, you’d let go of the idea of us only being married for a few months and agree to be my pa
rtner forever. I didn’t realize you were still counting the days until we could get divorced,” he said in a guttural tone.
She gave up any pretense of eating, just as Julian had, and gripped the cool metal in her palm. “I’m not—”
“It ends now,” Julian demanded, his eyes a volatile blue as he glared at her. “I’ve been in love with you almost since the day we met. The marriage was bullshit. Us needing time was bullshit. The excuse of having to explore what was between us was bullshit, too. I knew what was there for me. I just didn’t know how to make you feel it, too.”
“Why are you just telling me this now?” Kristin had gone beyond hope and was starting to feel disbelief blossom in her chest.
“Because I was a coward. I knew if you rejected the whole idea of us, I’d be destroyed. But I had to try. I have too many fucking regrets in my life, and you’d be the biggest of the bunch.” He released a masculine sigh as he slumped back against the bench of the booth.
“What do you regret?” she pushed, wondering what a man like Julian would have done differently.
“I’ve had to live with the fact that I had the opportunities to go see my mom and dad before they died, but like a selfish prick, I didn’t. My career was everything, and I didn’t see them in over six fucking years. Xander went to visit. Micah went to visit. But not me. I was a dick who was only concerned about being someone to make them proud. Xander and I fought right before my parents were murdered. He tried to get me to see how self-involved I was being. I didn’t listen. I should have been there the day my parents died. It was their anniversary. Micah had to go see them the week before because he had to be out of the country, but I could have gone. Maybe if I did, my parents might have survived. Maybe between me and Xander, we could have disarmed the robber.”
Kristin’s heart broke for Julian, and the look of anguish on his face. But she was relieved he hadn’t been there. He might very well have ended up dead. “You can’t fight a crazy man with a gun,” she said quietly. “More than likely, you would have died, too.”
“I’ve dealt with the fact that I’ll never know because that’s not what happened. But my life changed the day my parents died. I swore I’d never have any more regrets, that I’d go after what I wanted from that day forward, and that the people I care about would always come first. When we met, I knew the way we understood each other underneath all the bullshit was special. I wanted you like I’d never wanted another woman. Those feelings never changed. Hell, I had obligations to fulfill, but I’m not stupid enough to wait around for very long. I’d already planned to see if I could sway your opinion of me when I saw you at Micah’s wedding. When I heard you weren’t coming, there was no way I was going to let you stay away.”
Kristin was almost blinded by the tears that were flowing down her face. If they hadn’t been in a public place, she would have flung herself into his arms.
“So you married me instead?” she questioned.
“Like I said, it didn’t happen the way I wanted, but sometimes you gotta take what life throws you. As long as it threw you toward me, I was good with that.”
Kristin wanted to laugh at his explanation. Men like Julian Sinclair didn’t generally take whatever they got. They took it all. But the fact that he was waiting for her, and so damn certain of his feelings, made her feel wretched for not ending this farce herself a long time ago. Had she known that Julian was hurting this badly, she would gladly have given him everything. Probably because she already knew she loved him, too.
“Why are you wearing the rings?”
“I’m getting to the point where I need to stay hopeful,” he answered bluntly. “You can have them. I should have told you the truth from the beginning. My only defense was that I was getting desperate. I guess they were a reminder to not give up. A symbol that there was always a chance that you’d someday be Kristin Sinclair, and you’d change your name and really be my wife.”
“Julian, I can’t—”
“I gotta go,” he interrupted. “I think we’re at a tipping point. We either go all the way, or we let each other go. I can’t accept anything less. I want you to be happy, Kristin. I can’t be a selfish asshole anymore. That’s how much I fucking love you. I want you to be happy. If you want to stay with me, you’ll still be living in our home when I get back. If not, then your apartment is still ready for you. Take whatever you want from the house, and I swear I’ll make a generous settlement with you when I initiate the divorce. I never want to see you working just to survive.”
He snatched up his coat and Julian was gone before Kristin could say another word. Belatedly, she rose and ran after him, only to see his limo already heading toward the airport.
Her entire body was trembling as she walked back to their table in a daze and sat down. “He loves me,” she whispered to herself with awe.
If he would have let her get in a word or two, she was ready to tell him that she wanted to be his forever. Unfortunately, she’d never gotten that chance.
She picked up the rings and carefully removed hers from the chain, smiling as she slipped it onto her finger.
It fit perfectly, and she nudged it up against her engagement ring.
Maybe she didn’t remember how all of this had begun, but she knew how it was going to end.
“See ya in a few days, Hotshot,” she whispered, leaving the ring on her finger as she slipped the chain with Julian’s ring carefully into her purse.
She snatched up her jacket with a radiant smile and rushed out of Shamrock’s so she could get home. Unfortunately, after she’d had a moment to think, she had a moment of hesitation about exactly where home was going to be.
CHAPTER 22
By the time Julian got to his home in Malibu, he knew he’d pretty much blown his chance to have everything he’d always wanted in his life.
Maybe at one time, he’d been so driven that he’d never stopped long enough to realize what he really needed.
Xander had tried to tell him.
Julian hadn’t been willing to listen.
What he’d told Kristin was completely true. On the day he’d lost his parents, he’d changed. Maybe that’s how different experiences affected people’s lives, but he wasn’t the same guy he’d been several years ago. He’d grown up and looked around. And he hadn’t much liked what he saw.
He flopped on the couch and turned on the television just to hear some noise, realizing he really didn’t like having sole control of the remote. He’d rather be arguing with Kristin over what to watch.
Jesus! I’m getting completely maudlin.
He had the big prerelease party the next evening, and then he was going home. Funny how Amesport had become the place he most wanted to be in the world.
He flipped through the channels with a beer in his hand, already having changed into a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt.
He settled on a sports channel and picked up his cell phone for about the hundredth time since he’d gotten to California a few hours ago.
Nobody called. No text messages.
Forcing himself not to give in to the urge to slam the damn device against the wall, he dropped it back on the end table beside the sofa, pissed at himself for looking to see if Kristin had somehow tried to contact him.
Maybe I shouldn’t have given her the ultimatum. What if it was too soon?
No. He couldn’t regret it. It was time for him to cut the shit and find out if Kristin was going to be his wife, or if she wanted out. Not knowing was too damn painful, and if she wanted him the way he needed her, she’d sure as hell know by now.
He’d known for a long time exactly what he wanted. Like he’d told Kristin, he’d been in love with her almost from the beginning. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Maybe he hadn’t been able to put an actual name to his emotions back then, but he had known what he wanted. And he wasn’t about to let that kind of feeling go easily.
His gut ached from wondering what she was thinking right now.
Would she
go?
Would she stay?
She’d looked like she’d been taken aback by his confession. He didn’t know why. Surely she could have guessed how he felt.
Taking the rings and their marriage information had been done out of just plain fear. He’d been worried she’d try to end everything immediately, and he’d already been committed to his last film. Yeah, he’d been a selfish prick. But he’d been a terrified selfish prick. Did that make a difference?
He heard his text ping go off near his head, and he quickly reached back and grabbed his phone.
Kristin: I hope you got to California safely.
Okay, it wasn’t a profession of undying love, but it was something. He typed a message back.
Julian: I’m good. I’m at my house here in Malibu. Nothing good on TV.
He waited for her to respond. She did.
Kristin: I know. I’m about to hit the bed.
Julian immediately wondered which bed and whose home, but he said he’d give her until he got back. He wasn’t going to pressure her. There was a three-hour time difference between California and Maine, so it was late for Kristin since he knew she had to work the next day.
Julian: Are you pissed because I was honest with you?
He had to know, even though part of him didn’t want her to tell him.
Kristin: No. I’m glad. I think we need to work this out quickly for both of our sakes.
And that answer told him absolutely fucking nothing.
Julian: I should have told you from the very beginning.
It was the only thing he regretted about his relationship with Kristin.
Kristin: I know now. We can finally resolve this. There are things I could have said, too, but I didn’t.
Damn! Things were starting to sound less and less promising for him.
Julian: Night, Scarlet. Sleep well. See you Friday.
It was a casual statement, but he really meant he hoped to hell she hadn’t moved back to her own apartment and he would see her when he got home.
