A Love Like This

by Kahlen Aymes

  Logically, I knew Jen was right, so why did my heart feel like it was on fire? I folded one arm across my body as I absently chewed the thumbnail of my other hand.

  “Maybe she saved his life; maybe not. You don’t know what would have happened.”

  I looked away from the window, over my shoulder at Jenna. “Oh, come on. I know that those thugs threatened Ryan when he refused to stop trying to save that kid. There was a scuffle, and one of them came at Ryan and Jane stepped in the way and took the knife full in her gut.” I shivered just thinking about it. “She had to have a hysterectomy. And, she’s young, Jenna. I can’t imagine being faced without the prospect of babies.”

  Jenna was leaning nonchalantly back in her chair, but my words made her straighten up and her face to turn serious. “Yeah, it sucks, Jules, but it wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t Ryan’s, either. She made the choice to intercede.”

  “I know, but Jenna, if I’d lost him…” I could feel the burning as my eyes began to tear. “I am grateful, but I’m beginning to resent her, and I’m so pissed at myself for that. This morning, just before Ryan left, she paged him at six o’clock in the morning. Paged him! I just… I can’t help it! We haven’t gone for coffee in a month,” I ranted, once again pacing the room. “Our time together is so short, I don’t want to miss out on a second of it. When we do see each other, most of our time is spent in bed. I’m selfish, I guess.”

  “You’re complaining because he’s making love to you too much?”

  “Of course not. I mean, it’s amazing, and we’re so close in those moments, but I want to hear about his day, spend time just being with him. I miss the best friend part of us.”

  “I guess you did spend four years just talking. I can see that you’d be feeling like that. Have you told Ryan any of this?” Jenna’s voice and eyes were rock steady.

  I huffed. “No. We don’t talk, as I said, plus I feel like an idiot.”

  “This is what I know. One: Ryan would want to know how you feel; two: it’s not the first time some twit has woven some baseless romantic fantasy around him which, by the way, he never even notices; and, three: your ass is coming with me! Nothing like some retail therapy to make you stop feeling sorry for yourself.” She stood and began to shrug back into her coat. When I didn’t move, she paused and looked at me. “What the hell are you still standing there for? Get your coat and let’s go!”

  I rubbed roughly at my right temple. “I can’t. I have to work. I have too much to do.”

  “Wrong answer.”

  I stared blankly at her, the prospect of shopping didn’t sound like a lot of fun since Ryan and I had decided to take it easy on Christmas gifts, but if I was being honest, there was no work getting done today. I shook my head, shrugging. “Andrea!” I called.

  “Yeah, boss?” Her perky red head popped around the corner within seconds; a cheeky grin spread across her face.

  The door was still halfway open and she must have been hovering just outside.

  “That was fast.” I glared at her. “This feels like an ambush.”

  Jenna’s partner-in-crime bounced into the room. “Yep. Your schedule’s been freed up. And, um…” she cleared her throat, “I was hoping I could tag along?” she suggested hopefully, tongue in cheek. I just stared at her, waiting for the explanation I felt would soon tumble from her lips. I cocked an eyebrow when she hemmed and hawed around. “When Jenna called, I made sure to get everything finished. The guest list has been approved, and I’ve placed the invitation order with the engravers. The art department is expecting the layout on Monday. We can finish it up tomorrow. So can we go?” Mischief sparkled in her dark blue eyes as she retrieved the jacket to my black wool crepe suit and passed it to me. Obediently, I shrugged my long cashmere coat on without a word.

  It was midnight when I finally dragged my ass through the door to our apartment. My stomach rumbled uncomfortably, and I hoped I’d find something to eat without making too much noise. Surely, Julia would be asleep by now. It was Thursday. I had Saturday off, and I’d taken an early shift tomorrow so I could surprise Julia. I hoped to hell Jane wouldn’t find out. I had pangs of guilt on both fronts. The past month, I’d barely spoken to my wife.

  My stomach made another angry grumble. The leftovers that Julia packed should have been enough for both lunch and dinner, but I couldn’t say no when Jane asked to share the delicious steak sandwiches. When she sat with cafeteria lasagna in front of her and looked longingly at the pile of deliciousness in front of me, I couldn’t refuse. It was self-preservation as well, I told myself, as I carried Jane’s meal to the trash before getting a clean plate and filling it with half of my food. That lasagna smelled like shit, which could ruin my enjoyment of my lunch. However, when dinner rolled around, I was left with nothing more than a bag of Oreos from the vending machine. I needed to work out badly and had every intention of spending thirty minutes at the building gym before showering and falling into bed. If only I wasn’t so fucking exhausted, and my shoulder didn’t ache so much.

  I was glad to get Julia’s call that Jenna was in town and thankful she would have company over dinner. Truth be told, I missed Jenna’s smartass remarks and Aaron’s presence at work. Caleb, Kari and Jane were my friends, but it wasn’t the same as Aaron and Jenna. The time in Boston when Julia was recovering brought us all even closer, and I missed having them around.

  The apartment was dark, except for the glow from the TV. Jenna’s head popped up from where she was lying on the coach. I was surprised to see her awake when Julia wasn’t.

  “Hey, pretty boy.”

  I smiled tiredly and went to hug her after throwing my keys and stethoscope on the entryway table. “Hey, you snarky bitch,” I answered as my arms went around her. Jenna’s laugher joined my own. “Is Jules in bed?”

  My stomach rumbled again.

  “Yes. I dragged her ass all over Manhattan today. I think I wore her out. You look like shit.”

  “Thanks,” I mumbled, retreating into the kitchen to begin my forage.

  “Jules mentioned your all-nighter.”

  I ignored her comment and went to dig through the refrigerator. “The hours are killing me. I’m sure Aaron is suffering from it, too.”

  “Yes, but Dr. Brighton is easy to work with. How’s it going for you here?”

  “I’m doing well. If I didn’t know better, I’m getting much more responsibility than most first year residents.”

  “You always were a rock star.”

  “Don’t you mean, I work my ass off?” I pulled a Styrofoam takeout container from the refrigerator and looked inside, sniffing the contents. It was filled with some sort of chicken dish with a mushroom sauce and linguine that smelled divine. “Julia didn’t eat much dinner, huh? Where’d you guys go?”

  “Some Italian joint. I can’t remember the name. That’s not her dinner; she ordered that for you, dipshit.” Jenna plopped down at the table with a grin and pointed to a brown bag on the counter. “Breadsticks?”

  My lips lifted slightly at the jab as I opened the microwave and set the box inside to warm up the pasta. “Did you snarf all of the cheesecake, Miss Piggy?” I teased, taking the bag and pulling out the bread and, not bothering to heat it, I took a huge bite. My eyes danced with laughter. I’d seen half of the cake still sitting on the shelf in the refrigerator, but I had to give her shit anyway.

  “What was that? I can’t understand you with your mouth full, porky,” she mocked.

  I laughed quietly, sitting down next to her with the bag of bread and the now steaming pasta. I loaded my fork. “I’m starving.”

  “Julia said that was for you to take tomorrow. Didn’t you eat tonight?”

  “No. I shared my lunch with a co-worker, so didn’t have anything left for tonight.”

  Jenna eyed me skeptically, like she knew something I didn’t. “Hmmm…” was all she said as she watched me eat. The expression on her face had me ready to ask what she was thinking, but we were interrupted when a slee
py Julia padded down the hall wrapped in her fuzzy white robe. She looked all soft and beautifully rumpled, and I longed to pull her down on my lap and kiss her senseless. She leaned down to place a soft, lingering kiss on my temple.

  “Hi, babe,” she murmured, pushing the hair back from my forehead and bending to place another brief kiss; this time on my mouth. “Missed you today.”

  I wrapped my left arm around her waist, drawing her closer to my side while her fingers scratched my scalp gently. It felt so good to have her next to me. “You didn’t need to get up.”

  “I wanted to.” She left me to get a bottle of water, took a drink and then set it down in front of me. “Can I get you anything, Jen?”

  “I’m good. I just wanted to wait up long enough to say hello to this butthead, but I think I’m off to bed.” She shoved my shoulder with her fingertips and then rose from the table.

  “Can you stay a few days?” I asked. I wouldn’t be around much, but it would be nice for Julia to have Jena around.

  She shook her head. “I wish I could, but I have to work the day after tomorrow. I just wanted to check up on you two. Slow down a little. It’s okay to be number two, Ryan.”

  “Pfft!” I dismissed. “That’s the life of a resident.” I finished the pasta, and Julia took the empty box and disposed of it, setting the fork in the sink. “It makes it hard to play newlyweds, right?”

  “For sure. No rest for any of us wicked. Aaron worked a 12-hour day on Thanksgiving.”

  “Isn’t it weird how time flies and drags at the same time? I can’t believe Christmas is less than two weeks away.” Julia said, tiredly. She yawned, her French manicured fingers covering her mouth. “Sorry, I can’t seem to keep my eyes open.”

  “Go back to bed, honey. I’m going to eat, rinse off and then I’ll join you.”

  “Are you hurting? Do you need me to rub something on your shoulder?”

  Jenna disappeared quietly into the small spare room next to ours. “No, I’m okay, but I am beat.” I grabbed the front of the robe, deliberately pulling it slightly loose so it gaped, and I could run my finger along the inside edge of one breast. She was warm and softly swelling against my fingertips. I pulled her down toward me with the other hand and kissed her lips, dragging my mouth down her neck to her collarbone. “I missed you today, too.”

  Her hand slid up the side of my face, pulling me in for another brief kiss.

  “I’ll see you in bed.” Her voice was low and soft; always so seductive when it was laced with sleep. When she left me to wander back down the hall, I followed; quickly pulling the shirt to my scrubs off before I’d even hit the doorway to the bedroom. A small sliver of light infiltrated the room from the cracked door to the bathroom. Julia dropped the robe and crawled into bed, lying on her side, away from me, and my eyes couldn’t help but trace the curve of her waist and hip on my way past, the comforter doing little to disguise her shape.

  I missed her so fucking much. The scent of her shampoo and perfume lingered lightly in the air, my body stirred, and despite my exhaustion and her steady breathing, I was still aroused. With no intent to make love to her, I was still moved to it. I smiled and shut the bathroom door as quietly as I could, quickly jumping into water colder than I wanted it to be. It had the desired effect, and I turned it to hot and let it beat down on my injured shoulder, my fingers tracing over the ugly red scar now marring the smooth skin. I began kneading the muscles, hoping some of the stiffness would be relieved. I rotated the joint a few times before shampooing my hair and soaping down in record time. It must be almost one and I’d be out the door at six again; only tomorrow, I was done no later than seven. I couldn’t wait. I dried off quickly and briskly rubbed my hair. No doubt it would be a mess in the morning, but I didn’t give it more than a quick comb with my fingers.

  I switched off the light and felt my way to the bed in the pitch darkness, looking forward to feeling Julia’s warm skin against mine. I’d find her naked beneath the sheets, and we’d wind around each other, as always. I pulled back the covers and slid in beside her, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close. She sighed, her legs—smooth as silk—slid between mine, her fingers locking around my wrist and pulling my arm tight against her breasts. I hesitated, inhaling her and then left a soft, hot blaze of kisses over her shoulder that ended with my lips buried in the curve of her neck, hungry for her mouth. I rubbed the stubble on my chin gently against her skin. “I’ll make it up to you for yesterday. Tomorrow night is all us. I’m off at seven.”

  “Really?” She half turned and I kissed the corner of her mouth, knowing if I did more than that it would be at least an hour before we slept.

  “Yeah,” I whispered. “I love you.”

  Her fingers tightened and then laced through mine. She kissed my knuckles. “Love you, more,” she said, her lips moving against my hand and her breath rushing hotly. I smiled and pulled her back, flush against me, until very inch of skin was touching. It felt amazing.

  This was it. All that mattered was right here. My heart was full as I closed my eyes, knowing that tomorrow night we had precious hours of just the two of us. The warmth of our bodies seeped into the blankets and love wrapped us up in each other. I was content.

  *****

  “Ryan!” Jane called after me. I was on my way down to the lounge and glanced at the cheap watch on my wrist. It was the one my dad bought me before med school because I needed the second hand. He’d given Aaron one, too. The clasp was wearing out and the crystal was badly scratched. I was already twenty minutes past when I should have left. “Ryan!”

  I stopped and quickly turned, irritated at another delay. “Yeah, Jane?” I worked to hide my impatience.

  “What are your orders for Mrs. Williams?”

  “Caleb has the chart. He’ll answer your questions. Have a great night.” I turned and started back down the hallway.

  “Where are you going?” I ignored the anxious tone in her voice. I was just thankful I was leaving, and she was just arriving.

  “I gotta get home!” I called over my shoulder.

  “I thought you were working swing?”

  “Traded with Caleb. See ya!”

  I disappeared into the lounge without giving her another chance to speak to me. I rushed to change out of my scrubs and into dark jeans and a burgundy button down, leaving the scrubs, along with my hospital shoes, in a pile on the bottom of my locker. I had vague memories of how Julia told me to leave my stinky clothes and scrubs at school after Gross Anatomy. I ran my hand roughly through my hair and then over the rough surface of stubble on my jaw. There was nothing for it; I didn’t have the time to shave. Julia liked the scruff anyway. I only wished it was twelve hours older so it would be softer against her skin.

  I felt giddy and ridiculous because I had a date with my wife! A big ass grin split my face, and I almost laughed out loud. We weren’t even going out, but she was making Pad Thai, we were decorating the tree, and if I had my way, we’d have a long talk and then round out the evening with a little game of Truth or Dare. Hell, it’d probably be morning by then.

  I was still smiling as I climbed into my old CRV and the engine roared to life. I hated the New York traffic, and it wasn’t often I drove to work, but I wanted to stop and pick up the Christmas gift I planned to give Julia. We agreed nothing extravagant, and I’d been struggling with what I could get her. I noticed her perfume was getting low last night before I jumped in the shower, and I wasn’t sure if I was getting it for her or me. I gave her a bottle of that perfume for her birthday the first year we knew each other, and it was still her favorite; and mine. I couldn’t exactly describe it, but it was like spring and sex; Julia and familiar.

  My fingers banged out a text before I threw the phone on the seat and slammed the truck into gear.

  Running a little late. Be home soon. I’ll help with dinner. Do we need wine?

  I needed a good excuse to be later still. My phone vibrated and I grabbed it.

  No. Come h
ome. I’m hungry. Are you hungry? 

  I chuckled and changed my plan. Hell, yes! I was starving and for more than curried rice noodles. The perfume would have to wait. The cab drivers cutting me off had me slamming on my brakes and cursing every couple of blocks. It was crazy the way they didn’t stay in lanes, pushing their way ahead while laying on their horns, often with mere millimeters to spare. It was a solid metal river on practically every street, the cars separated by mere inches and five rows of cars crowed into four lanes. It was a miracle that they weren’t rubbing together. “This is why I take the subway,” I grumbled, impatiently tapping on the steering wheel with my thumb.

  My phone vibrated. Either Julia was as impatient as I was, or she’d forgotten an ingredient she needed me to pick up. I glanced at the screen, but it wasn’t a number I recognized. I threw it back on the seat as another horn blared loudly followed by a squealing of brakes. “Jesus Christ! Fucking nightmare!” The person on the phone could call back or leave a message. I refused to risk an accident or another delay.

  Forty minutes later, boxes of Christmas ornaments were strewn about the living room, and I was getting bark and pine needles all over the living room carpet as I put the base on the tree. The branches and needles dug into my bare forearms as I pushed it into an upright position. “Babe, bring in the water,” I called. Julia was cleaning up the remnants of dinner while I worked on the tree. There was Christmas music softly filling the air, and I had the fireplace blazing. Even Mother Nature was cooperating as large, white snowflakes drifted past the window, glistening in the glow of Manhattan. It was unlikely they’d stick, but the thought of it snowing while it was so cozy in the apartment was wonderful. The scent of pine wafted together with the burning wood.