Offside!

by Diersch, Sandra

  On Wednesday afternoon Alecia left the school with Monica and Anne, but just on the other side of the fence she stopped walking.

  “I have some things to pick up for Mom at the drugstore. I’ll catch you guys tomorrow,” she said. Her friends looked at her in surprise.

  “Did you want us to come with you?” Anne asked, already changing direction. Alecia quickly stopped her.

  “No! No thanks, that’s okay. It’s out of your way and I can manage,” she said. “Really.”

  “Well,” Monica said, shrugging, “see you tomorrow then. Come on, Annie.”

  Alecia watched them walk away and then turned and headed in the opposite direction. She had heard, in a discussion in one of her classes, that sometimes smells can bring back memories. Alecia knew her father had worn after-shave and the idea had come to her that maybe if she had a bottle, it would help with digging up old memories.

  Half an hour later, safely closeted in her room, she pulled the scrapbook from under the mattress where she kept it hidden. No memories came to her when she sniffed at the open bottle, but, she reminded herself, she should give it a chance. Very carefully she took a cotton ball and wiped at the pages of the scrapbook, trying not to get too much on each page. Then she hid the bottle in the farthest corner of her dresser and went back to the bed.

  She hadn’t attached anything yet. She was waiting until she had everything together before doing that. So far, in two weeks of searching, Alecia had the photos, about six now, a copy of her birth certificate (it had her father’s name on it) and, what she was most thrilled about, a handkerchief with her father’s initials embroidered in one corner. She had found it one afternoon looking through her mother’s dresser for a scarf she wanted to wear. Alecia felt slightly guilty about taking the handkerchief from the drawer, but decided that it was for a good cause and her mother probably didn’t know it was in there anyway. It had been hidden way in the back, in the corner.

  Still, the little pile seemed rather pathetic as Alecia looked it over now. Hardly anything from thirty years of life. She sighed. It was taking a long time, it seemed, but she wasn’t ready to give up. She put everything back in the bag and tucked it under the mattress.

  On the way home from the drugstore she’d thought of something else she could do and leaned over the bed to the bedside table. In the drawer was a small journal Anne had given her for Christmas. Alecia had not known what to do with it, until now. She opened it to the first page, picked up her pen, and started writing.

  Dear Dad,

  This is Alecia writing. But maybe you know that. Maybe you know everything. I don’t really know much about where you are. About heaven. Annie might, she goes to church with her mom every week. I don’t go to church. Anyway, I thought, maybe, you might like to get to know me a little. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen me, I’ve changed a lot. I’m growing and I’m in high school now. Did you know I play soccer? I’m a midfielder. That means I help the strikers and the defence. I don’t score a lot of goals, Allison is pretty good at that, but I do get assists. We’re a pretty good team, too. Except this new girl has joined and I’m not sure she’s going to work out. I mean, she’s awfully nasty. Everyone on the team is really upset about it. But Jeremy didn’t know. You know Jeremy, don’t you? He and Mom got married last July. He’s great. But he’s not my father. You are. And you always will be.

  Love, Alecia

  * * *

  Alecia was outside the gym Thursday night before practice, hunting for something in the trunk of the car, when a car pulled into a parking space a few feet away. She leaned her head out to see who it was, but quickly tucked it back when she saw it was Lexi. She didn’t have anything to say to her, that was for sure. She heard a car door open but didn’t hear it close again.

  “Will you be able to pick me up?” she heard Lexi ask a second later. She kept her head down, although she had found what she was looking for.

  There was a long sigh from inside the car and an impatient tapping. “It isn’t very convenient, Alexandra,” a male voice said.

  “It’s just that it’s so dark. I don’t like walking by myself,” Lexi said, her voice not at all the strong, bossy one she used at practice. She was pleading.

  “I can’t promise anything. You aren’t the only one in this family, despite what you might think,” the voice told her.

  Alecia stifled a cough. Was that Lexi’s dad? She was getting uncomfortable, bent over in the trunk, which smelled an awful lot like the mud and sweat from all the dirty soccer gear that lived in there.

  “I know I’m not the only one in the family,” Lexi said. And then, a second later added, “Mom always picked me up from practice. She didn’t like me walking home alone after dark.”

  “Don’t you start pulling that nonsense on me!” the man cried, his voice rising slightly. “I don’t care what your mother did. You live with me and Brenda now and there won’t be any of that spoiling your mother was so good at. Now, go on to your practice before you’re late. If I can make it, I’ll pick you up.”

  Alecia heard the door slam shut and footsteps on the pavement. When it was silent, Alecia stood up, stretching out her stiff back muscles, closed the trunk of the car, and headed inside the gym.

  She joined Laurie, Stacie, and a few other girls at the bench. They were deep in discussion about the Valentine’s dance that was coming up. Alecia groaned as she opened her bag. It was becoming one of the few topics of conversation among her friends. Laurie grinned at her and tapped her foot.

  “You bought your ticket for the dance yet, Leesh?” she asked slyly.

  “Oh, don’t you start too, Laurie!” Alecia cried. “I already told Monica and Connor that I don’t want to go.” Just the thought made her feel queasy.

  “It’ll be so fun! You have to come. It won’t be any fun if you don’t.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Alecia said. She shoved her jacket inside her bag and dropped it on the bench beside her. Stacie and the others got up and went to help Jeremy bring in the nets.

  “You’re such a chicken! I bet you can’t dance, that’s probably why you won’t go,” Laurie teased. Alecia opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say anything Lexi appeared and sat down beside her.

  Alecia looked over at Lexi, noticing the red-rimmed eyes and angry scowl. Had Lexi been crying? she wondered. She glanced at Laurie, who raised her eyebrows at Alecia.

  “Are you okay, Lexi?” Laurie asked gently.

  “I’m fine,” Lexi snapped, turning away from Alecia and Laurie.

  “Are you sure?” Laurie asked, moving from the floor to the bench beside Lexi. “You look upset.”

  “Well, I’m fine. But thanks for asking,” Lexi muttered and turned away.

  “Okay, if you say so,” Laurie agreed. “You played well last weekend. It was a good game,” Laurie said. Lexi fussed with her pads, not looking at Laurie. “Do your parents come out to watch you play sometimes? I know I always play way better when mine are watching, kind of like I’m showing off or something.”

  “Why don’t you just mind your own business? Huh? Being a good captain doesn’t mean sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong!” Lexi cried, her voice rising so that almost the whole room could hear her. “Just leave me alone!”

  Laurie got up from the bench and walked quickly away but not before Alecia caught the stricken look on her face. She went after her and caught Laurie’s arm. “Don’t let her bother you, Laurie,” she whispered. “She just had a fight with her dad. That’s probably what’s got her upset. It isn’t you,” she said, rubbing the girl’s arm. Laurie smiled weakly at Alecia.

  “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t take it too personally,” she said, but Alecia could tell she did.

  Alecia found herself paired with Lexi for a one-on-one exercise. Normally Alecia wouldn’t have minded.
Lexi was a good player, skilled and quick. She had a good eye and read situations well. But tonight Lexi was in a bad mood and nothing Alecia did pleased her. Even at the best of times she liked to point out mistakes and tell people how to correct them, but tonight it was even worse. Finally Alecia sat on the floor and leaned against the gym wall, fed up.

  “What are you doing?” Lexi cried, trapping the ball with her foot. She put her hands on her hips and glared at Alecia. “We aren’t finished.”

  “Well, I am,” Alecia told heir, scowling. “I’m tired of you telling me how terrible a player I am.”

  “You aren’t even trying,” Lexi accused her. Alecia started to defend herself but before she could say anything Jeremy had come over. He stood looking at the two girls.

  “Alecia, why aren’t you playing?” he asked.

  “I’m tired of Lexi criticizing everything I do,” she told him. “I’m too slow, I’m too easy, I’m not paying attention, I’m offside, blah, blah, blah.”

  “Lexi, let’s just concentrate on our own play, okay?” Jeremy said, turning to her. “Alecia will play better if she isn’t constantly worrying about what she’s doing wrong. Now, let’s get on with it, please, girls.”

  Alecia stood up slowly, eyeing Lexi carefully. The other girl threw her a scornful glance and shook her head. “Once again the team princess is rescued by daddy,” she said under her breath.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Alecia asked, flushing and suddenly angry.

  “You always think you’re something special around here because your daddy is the coach. I hate people like that.”

  The nasty retort that sprang to Alecia’s lips was cut off as Jeremy blew his whistle, ending the drill. Lexi walked away without another word, leaving Alecia standing alone. Her pulse was racing and her hand shook as she lifted it to push her bangs out of her eyes. Was it true? Did she take advantage of the situation? She didn’t think so. She was always very aware of the fact that Jeremy was her stepfather. She had never wanted the other girls to think of her as any different from them. But now Lexi had made her doubt herself. Maybe if Lexi thought that way, they all did.

  7

  Offside!

  It wasn’t the best practice they’d ever had and Alecia was glad when the night was over. The girls gathered around the benches collecting gear and getting ready to leave. Alecia took off her shin pads and shoved them in her bag, then threw in her empty water bottle after them. Grabbing the mesh bag of soccer balls, she headed outside to wait for Jeremy in the car.

  She threw the balls in the trunk and turned to see Lexi heading out of the parking lot alone. So her father hadn’t shown up after all, Alecia thought, and felt a twinge of sympathy for the girl. She wouldn’t have wanted to walk home in the dark. The neighbourhood was a fairly nice one, but you could never be sure. Alecia knew, however, that Lexi wouldn’t accept a ride from Jeremy, so she said nothing as he came outside and joined her at the car.

  “All set?” he asked as he opened his door. Alecia nodded silently and slipped inside. “You and Lexi seemed to be having some trouble getting along tonight. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as they drove out of the parking lot.

  For a second Alecia thought about brushing it off. She didn’t want Jeremy going and talking to Lexi about it. That would just make things worse. But then, she always talked to her parents about what was bothering her. She wasn’t very good at keeping it all bottled up inside.

  “She said I get special treatment because you’re my dad. She called me the team princess and said she hates people like me. I don’t, do I? Get special treatment?” Alecia asked.

  “Of course not. I treat you all the same. You know that.”

  “I guess,” Alecia said, looking out the window. “It’s not even true,” she went on, more to herself than to Jeremy.

  “What’s not true?”

  “You’re not even my dad. She kept calling you my ‘daddy.’ But you’re not.”

  Jeremy cleared his throat. “You know, I consider myself your father,” he said slowly.

  “You do?”

  “Certainly. I love you. I care about what happens to you. Aren’t those things that fathers feel?”

  “Yeah, I guess. But it’s just because I’m there, you know. Mom and I came as a package. You didn’t really have a choice, if you wanted to be with my mom.”

  “It started out that way, certainly. But I’ve known you since you were a little girl, Leesh. And long ago I loved you for yourself, not because of your mother. If something were to happen to your mom I would raise you as my daughter. That is the way I feel.”

  Alecia said nothing. This was all so strange and new and slightly scary. She glanced at Jeremy, studying him, wondering. She guessed she had known that he loved her. She loved him too. He was a great guy. But she didn’t consider him her father. She already had one of those, she thought, thinking of the scrapbook, of the journal with its first tentative entries, fiercely guarded, lying between her mattress and box spring.

  * * *

  Sunday morning dawned wet and cold. Alecia looked hopefully at Jeremy during breakfast. She thought maybe he’d have a heart and cancel the game due to bad weather, but no such luck.

  “I should have taken up swimming,” Alecia grumbled as they headed for the field. The windshield wipers were going full speed and the sky was one solid mass of thick grey clouds.

  “You’d sink,” Jeremy reminded her.

  “I could learn! I think I’ll learn to swim this summer. I really should know how, since we live so close to water. Mom has been very negligent in that area,” Alecia said, scowling out the window. She had plastic bags under her jersey, but she knew it would take only seconds for the rest of her to be soaked right through. Vancouverites were strange people, she thought, forcing their children to play outside in bad weather.

  The rest of the Burrards arrived grumbling and scowling at the sky as well, but Jeremy was blind and deaf to their complaints. He got them running their warm-up and doing their stretches and after a while the grumbling had mostly stopped. They were playing the Spitfires — a team they frequently beat — so everyone was optimistic that if it was going to be a wet game, it would at least be a victorious one.

  The referee blew the whistle calling the players to their positions, and the Burrards quickly ran out. Alecia was not on the field for the first bit so she sat on the bench, her raincoat pulled tightly around her, trying to stay somewhat dry as long as possible.

  The game started off okay, but quickly deteriorated as the field got muddier and muddier. Girls attempting to kick the ball slipped, ending up on their rears. Players trying to complete checks ended up on their faces in the mud. By halftime both teams were nearly unrecognizable. Alecia glanced down at herself in dismay. She hated being dirty, hated the feeling of mud on her skin. She seethed inside, but said nothing, knowing she would get no sympathy anyway. The only good thing about the morning was that it had finally stopped raining.

  Her mother had packed hot chocolate in a thermos for her and she sipped it thankfully at the bench during halftime. So far they were deadlocked at zero. It was better than being behind, but not good enough. Everyone was crabby and cold and sore. Stacie had ugly red welts on her legs from where the wet ball had smacked her and Marnie had gone home with what Jeremy suspected was a sprained wrist. They were a mess.

  “I hope time speeds up,” Laurie whispered, coming to sit with Alecia on the bench. “I don’t think I can manage another twenty minutes of this torture.”

  “It would help if we could at least score a goal,” Alecia said, glancing across the field at the Spitfire bench. They were just as sorry looking as the Burrards.

  “Yeah well, I’m trying,” Laurie snapped. Alecia glanced at her in surprise. Laurie never snapped.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “I mean besides the
obvious.”

  “Oh, that Lexi,” Laurie said, shaking her head. “I’ve got to stop letting her bug me, I really do. But sometimes.”

  “What’d she do this time?”

  “Same old thing. Telling me in a hundred different ways that I’m not a good captain. Just before the last throw-in she told me it was my fault the ball had gone out of bounds. She said she saw me kick it out deliberately.” Laurie was staring at the ground, her shoulders hunched. She didn’t say anything else and Alecia didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. She glanced around the field idly, stopping when she spotted Lexi, talking to a man. With them were a woman and a little boy. Alecia nudged Laurie, who looked up to where Alecia was pointing.

  “Is that Lexi’s family?” Laurie asked, squinting at the little group.

  “I guess so. I’ve never met her father.”

  “Is that her mother, then?” Laurie asked, “and little brother? He sure is cute.”

  They watched as Lexi knelt down in front of the boy, refastening his raincoat snaps. He grinned at her and threw his arms around her neck.

  “I don’t think so,” Alecia said. “I think her name is Brenda or something. Her stepmom, I guess. I don’t really know.”

  Alecia and Laurie were quiet as Lexi and her family approached the rest of the team. Lexi ignored the girls and headed directly for Jeremy.

  “Well, Jeremy Parker,” Mr. Thomas said, holding out his hand to shake Jeremy’s. “How long has it been?” He was smiling, nodding, friendly. Not like Thursday night.

  “This is my wife, Brenda, and our son, Scott,” Lexi’s dad said, turning to his wife. “Brenda, this is the guy I was telling you about, Jeremy Parker. He was kind enough to allow Alexandra to play on his team.”

  Jeremy and Mr. Thomas chatted until the referee blew the whistle ending the break. They shook hands again, promising to get in touch, then Lexi’s father put an arm around his wife and they started to walk away.