Relentless (Shattered Hearts)

by Cassia Leo

  I rake my fingers over his chest and up to his collarbone before I wrap my arms around neck. “Can you take me to get one?”

  “I don’t know. I think I’ve already been a bad enough influence on you.”

  “Please. You have this cool little mantra right over your heart. I have a mantra, too.”

  He cocks an eyebrow as he leans in to kiss my jaw. “What’s your mantra?”

  “You’re not going to like it. Nobody likes it. I got it from a book on Buddhism. Not that I’m Buddhist, I just read a couple of books and this one sentence sort of stuck with me.”

  His lips trace a light trail down to my neck and I have to stop myself from grinding against him. “Just spit it out.”

  I draw in a sharp breath as his tongue slides across my collarbone and he lays a soft kiss on my shoulder. “I am in training to be nobody special,” I whisper.

  He freezes for a moment then looks up at me. “What does that mean?”

  “It means I’m not fighting the tide trying to be something great or memorable. I am in training to be nobody special. I go with the flow or, as you might say, I’m riding it out.”

  He chuckles as he shakes his head. “You’re right. I hate it.”

  “Hey! I didn’t talk trash about your mantra.”

  “That’s because mine’s awesome,” he says as his fingers roam over my back.

  “Ride it out? Oh, how profound.”

  “And aiming to be nobody special is profound? It’s not profound, it’s depressing. Besides, you could never be nobody special.”

  Chapter Ten

  Relentless Laughter

  Adam stops by the café every single day this week on his way to work, as if to prove that ignoring me all last week was just a fluke and that he’s taking his stalker gig seriously. The best part of his visits is how much Linda and my coworkers like him. He actually convinced Linda to let him give her a lesson in how to dance Gangnam Style in front of six other customers. Watching Adam and my boss groovin’ out in the middle of the café caused major swoonage. Despite these picture perfect morning meetings, I have yet to see Adam after work.

  “I’m telling you, he’s a male stripper and he doesn’t want you to see him come home covered in kiss marks and the stench of cheap perfume,” Senia says, twisting open a bottle of Coke for us to drink with the pizza we ordered.

  “He’s not a stripper. He works for his dad’s construction company,” I say as I grab a slice of cheese pizza and the glass of soda Senia just poured for me. I lean back on the sofa and take a sip before I continue. “Then again, he does seem to be a good dancer.”

  “You know what they say about good dancers.” She wiggles her eyebrows and I try not to blush.

  “I may never know if that’s true.”

  “You should ask him to go on a double date with us,” she says before taking a gigantic bite of her pizza. “We should go to that new hookah bar.”

  “Hey, skank. No talking with your mouthful.” I take a few gulps of soda as I consider her offer.

  The last time I went on a double date with Senia was when she and her freshman boyfriend, Tar Heel point guard Kevin Brown, took her, Chris, and me, to a frat party where she got so drunk she pissed in Kevin’s lap. They broke up five minutes later and I’m not allowed to speak of that night.

  I would love to see Adam charm the pants off Senia and Eddie, but I’m also nervous about taking him out in public with that temper of his. Especially since something tells me he still hasn’t told me the whole story behind it. Somehow, I doubt that quitting surfing was the reason he developed anger issues. And if I don’t know what really triggered it, I don’t know if I’ll be leading him into a potentially volatile situation.

  “Claaaaaaire!” Senia whines, and I set down my pizza and soda on the coffee table. “Please come with us. I promise I won’t make fun of his dance moves or how he hasn’t gone Gangnam Style on you yet.”

  “I don’t know if a hookah bar is the best place for him,” I reply, thinking of how lame he’ll probably think it is to smoke flavored tobacco compared to his normal greenery.

  “Why?”

  I shrug and purse my lips and make a few more skeptical faces before I finally answer. “Adam’s a pothead.”

  “Big fuckin’ deal, so is Eddie. At least now we know they’ll get along.”

  “Eddie smokes pot?”

  “Yeah, I just always tell him to do it before he comes over so you don’t get pissed.”

  “I wouldn’t have gotten pissed.”

  “Well, I was just trying to be sensitive to… you know.”

  I shake my head then kiss her cheek. “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

  “You’re damn right,” she says, pushing me away. “You deserve better.”

  “You’re right, but I’ll settle for you any day.”

  “God damn, you know just what to say to get my panties wet.”

  The knock at the door startles both of us and Senia splashes Coke all over the sage-green sofa we went halves on last month.

  “Shit!” she yelps as she slams her glass on the coffee table and races to the kitchen to grab some paper towels.

  I haven’t checked on Cora yet today, but she rarely ever knocks on our door. She doesn’t like leaving Bigfoot unattended for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Maybe Adam is finally going to make an appearance. It is Thursday, after all. It’s almost the weekend.

  I answer the door and stare at the guy standing in front of me for far too long. He finally clears his throat and I chuckle awkwardly.

  “Sorry. Can I help you?”

  He holds a simple bouquet of wildflowers tied with a lavender ribbon. “Are you Claire Nixon?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sign here.”

  He hands me a clipboard and I sign next to the X. He hands me the flowers then mutters something about having a good night before he jogs away toward a white van.

  I shut the front door and find Senia spraying Windex on the sofa and sopping up the Coke spill with gobs of wadded up paper towels.

  “Are those from him?” she asks as she sprays more Windex on the expensive sofa.

  I’m a bit dazed as I pull the card out of the bouquet and open it.

  These flowers are nothing special, unlike you.

  It’s like the guy has radar. He can sense when he’s moving up my shit list. And he knows just what to say to get back in my good graces.

  “What if he has a double-life?” I say as I sit back on my side of the sofa and inhale a large whiff of the sweetly scented flowers. “Maybe he has a girlfriend back in Wilmington who he visits during the week.”

  “Now you’re just being paranoid,” she says as she gathers the used up paper towels and heads back to the kitchen. “What does the card say?”

  “These flowers are nothing special, unlike you.”

  “Ugh!” she groans. “You told him your mantra!”

  I’m not in the mood to have my mantra crapped on again so I ignore her while I continue sniffing my flowers. They’re wild and beautiful and so much classier than a dozen roses. He knows me better than I would expect.

  “Maybe he is a stalker!” I shout back at her just as she comes out of the kitchen.

  She plops down next to me and grabs the TV remote off the coffee table. “Maybe you should stop overanalyzing this.”

  When I text Adam to thank him for the flowers and ask if he wants to go to a hookah bar with us Friday night, he responds with what could possibly be the hottest text message I’ve ever received.

  Adam:

  I wouldn’t miss the chance to see your sexy lips wrapped around my hookah.

  After Senia introduces Adam to Eddie and they make a few dumb jokes about going to get some hookahs (pronouncing it like hook-uhs), the four of us walk to the hookah lounge from the apartment. The lounge is less than half a mile away, but Eddie cannot keep his hands off Senia the entire way there. Adam and I walk a few paces behind them, watching as Eddie’s hand slid
es underneath the back of her T-shirt and she pushes him away when she realizes he’s trying to undo her bra.

  I glance sideways at Adam just as he glances at me and I smile. “You’ll get used to it. Senia and Eddie are PDA Central.”

  “It doesn’t bother me,” he says as he laces his fingers through mine and brings my hand to his lips. “It’s nice to see two people who aren’t afraid to make their feelings known.”

  I’m not sure if he’s implying that I’m afraid of sharing my feelings with him, but I try to follow Senia’s advice and not overanalyze his words or actions. I focus instead on the beautiful beach houses and quaint shops we pass as we walk down Lumina. He squeezes my hand and I look away from the scenery to find him pointing toward a small house with blue shutters and a Jeep parked in the driveway.

  “I have a meeting with the guy who lives there tomorrow, Jason Wicker. He’s a surf instructor on Shell Island and he wants me to work with him on weekends. I told him my weekends belong to you, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

  “Your weekends don’t belong to me,” I reply quickly, ignoring the pang of disappointment at the thought of spending even less time with him. “You should work with him. You need to get back out there.”

  “It’s not like I don’t still surf. What do you think I’m doing every night when you don’t see me?”

  My eyes widen as I realize I’ve been a complete dope, cooking up all these unsavory scenarios in my head for the ways he spends his free hours. When I don’t answer he shakes my hand to prompt a response.

  “What did you think I was doing?”

  I shrug as my ears burn with embarrassment. “Senia and I considered a few different scenarios.”

  “Such as?”

  “Such as… a stripper.”

  He laughs so hard he has a coughing fit. Senia and Eddie turn around to see what the fuss is about and I wave at them to let them know everything’s okay.

  “You thought I was a stripper?”

  “That was Senia’s suggestion.”

  “Tell her I said thank you. What was your suggestion?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “Aw, come on.” He steps in front of me and busts out the puppy dog eyes as he walks backward. “Please. I’ll give you a free lap dance.”

  I push him hard in the chest and he grabs my wrist. His other arm hooks around my waist and he yanks me flush against him.

  “What you think of me is very important,” he says in a harsh whisper that frightens and thrills me all at once. He leans in closer and smiles against my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.

  My heart thumps against my chest as I smile, waiting for him to kiss me because I know he’s waiting for me to give in. He lets go of my wrist and his fingertips brush my jaw as he plants a soft kiss on the corner of my lips.

  He pulls away and squints at me as if he’s trying to figure me out. “You’re going to be my downfall.”

  He grabs my hand and we pick up our pace to catch up with Senia and Eddie.

  “I suggested that you might be a stalker,” I admit, and from the corner of my eye I glimpse him shaking his head.

  “You’re testing my patience, Claire.”

  “I’m just being honest. You’ve known more about me than I’ve known about you from the second we met. I’m sitting in my apartment wondering why the fuck I only see you on weekends while you’re pumping Cora for information on me. You do realize that’s not fair.”

  “All Cora told me about you was that you moved into the building in May and you don’t go to school. That doesn’t make me a stalker.” He chuckles when he says stalker. “Have you ever considered that you might be a bit easier to read than you think you are?”

  I shake my head as we cross the street toward the hookah lounge. “You think you have me figured out because you sent me the right kind of flowers and you guessed that I dropped out of school? Well, let me tell you something, Adam, you know the Claire Nixon that moved here three months ago. And I’m starting to think that’s all you’ll ever know.”

  When we arrive at the hookah lounge, he opens the door for us to go inside, but he refuses to look at me. We sit at a booth with a low table in front of us and Adam immediately snatches the menu off the table. Senia cocks an eyebrow at me as she begins to sense the tension between Adam and me as I scoot closer to her and farther from him. I shake my head so she doesn’t mention it and she rolls her eyes.

  “Cranberry juice shisha? What a fuckin’ joke,” Adam says as he tosses the menu onto the table and reaches into his pocket. “I’ve got something that doesn’t sound like a fucking drink mixer.”

  He tucks his hand behind his back as the waitress comes by and asks for our order and what kind of pipe we’d like to smoke out of. I don’t say a word because I won’t be smoking any of it. Adam orders a water pipe and points at the first flavor on the menu: Kiwi. As the waitress leaves, his eyes follow her ass for a few seconds before he turns back to us.

  “Don’t they have water in this place?” I ask, suddenly parched.

  “We’ll get you some water, babe,” Senia assures me as Adam glances around the lounge as if we don’t exist.

  Eddie looks at Senia questioningly and she whispers something in his ear. His eyes widen a little as if he understands, but he never looks at Adam or me.

  I never really had friends until Chris got me to open up. Chris was my best friend until I met Senia so it kills me to see her whispering secrets to Eddie. A small part of me is jealous that she has something to share with him that she can’t share with me, but I know the whispering probably has more to do with Adam’s presence than mine.

  “Claire, can you please join me in the girls’ room?” Senia asks sweetly.

  Eddie stands up so Senia and I can slide out of the booth. I move quickly toward the restroom sign I see in the corner near the entrance, eager to get away from Adam and his shitty attitude. I should have never asked him to come out on a Friday.

  As soon as we enter the restroom, Senia rounds on me. “What the fuck is up with you two?”

  “I don’t know. One minute we’re joking about him being a stripper, the next minute he’s kissing me, then the next second I’m ‘testing his patience’. He’s got multiple personalities.”

  Senia rolls her eyes. “Woman, he doesn’t have multiple personalities. He’s in love.”

  “What? That’s stupid.”

  The restroom door opens and Senia shakes her head as she scoots out of the way for three girls to enter. “It’s not stupid. I’m sorry, Claire, but you were spoiled by Chris. He was too patient with you because he knew that was what you needed. But the problem is now you don’t know how most guys behave when they’re in love.”

  “He’s not in love. We’ve known each other for two weeks.”

  “It doesn’t matter. The guy is either in love or jonesin’ for your hoo-hah. Just do me a favor and trust me when I say you need, need, need to let yourself experience this. Even if it’s just a fling. He’s the kind of guy who can help you put that other shit behind you.”

  “Or bring it all to the surface and cause a mental breakdown. I haven’t told you about our little bet, have I?”

  “What bet?”

  A girl wearing way too much eyeliner smiles at me as she exits the restroom, as if she knows what bet I’m referring to.

  Once she’s gone I sigh. “He bet me that he could get me to tell him why I dropped out. If he wins, I have to go back to school.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa…. You agreed to this?”

  “I know. It’s so stupid.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s brilliant!”

  The restroom door opens again and this time it’s a guy who’s actually kind of hot but obviously stoned. His eyes widen when he sees us and he quickly apologizes as he closes the door.

  “It’s not brilliant. I’ve been out of school too long and you know I can’t go back to Raleigh.”

  Just saying the name aloud makes my body tense. Everythin
g and everybody I’ve ever known is in Raleigh. Every memory of my mother and Chris are there. Of course, the person I’ve been trying to avoid more than anyone is there: Jackie Knight. If Jackie knew what I did after Chris left, she would hate me more than she probably already does since I disappeared. She might even hate me more than I hate myself.

  “You can go back, and you should, but that’s a whole other two-hour argument we can rehash later.” Senia grabs my arms and stares at me, her eyes pleading. “For now, just go out there and try to have some fun. Please.”

  I wriggle out of her grasp and shrug as I reach for the door handle and yank it open. “I can have fun without being a fucking doormat.”

  I storm out of the restroom and back to our booth. When I get there, I find Adam and Eddie laughing about something as Adam passes the hookah pipe across the table. The smell of the pot is hardly noticeable through the thick cloud of sweetly scented tobacco smoke. When Adam sees me he immediately stands so I can scoot in on his side. Maybe Eddie had a talk with him, as well.

  He smiles as I slide in. He sits down and immediately leans over to whisper in my ear. “You look beautiful tonight. I forgot to tell you that earlier.”

  I can smell the smoke on his breath, but the sensation of his lips against my ear is enough to almost make me forget why I was mad at him. I turn my face toward him so our noses are touching and his gaze slides down to my lips.

  “I don’t think you’re a stalker,” I whisper. “I think… I wish you were around more often.”

  It makes my chest ache with anxiety just to say these words aloud. I don’t want to open myself up to him like this, but Senia is right. I need this, whether it’s a fling or something more. I don’t want to end up a brittle old broad or, worse, a terrified shut-in like my mom.

  He smiles before he plants a soft kiss on my lips and I put my hand on top of his thigh to steady myself. He pulls away and kisses my forehead. “I’ll take you out with me next time I go to the beach.”

  I nod, too afraid that if I speak something even cornier may come out. I glance at Senia next to me and she’s pretending not to notice this exchange between Adam and me. One thing I can say about Senia is that she is great at being discreet when it’s necessary.