Cop a Feel

by Robyn Peterman

  “So Duke LeHump,” Hair Teddy cooed. My gay-dar was pinging with Teddy. “Are you ready to twerk?”

  “Teddy, is it?” Luke inquired tightly.

  “Yes, darling. It is.”

  “I will not be twerking—today, tomorrow, or ever. So you can take your twerk and shove it up your . . .”

  “What Duke means to say,” I cut Luke off before he pulled his gun and shot Hair Teddy dead, “is that we’ve heard you’re the master twerker and we know Duke doesn’t stand a chance against your skill and twerk-finesse.”

  Teddy was appeased and gave us a lewd hip shake to seal the deal. “God,” he gushed. “It is so wonderful to be appreciated and feared for my talent. Those Hispanic steroid twins think they can take me. They are foolish,” he hissed, and gave us another ungodly sample of his specialty.

  “Are they not regulars on the circuit?” I asked, hoping I got the lingo right. Luke stood mutely beside me. I knew he was watching Shoshanna, but I could use a little help with old Teddy . . .

  “No,” he said, throwing an evil eye and a hip grind their way. “From what I heard, they’re huge in Mexico and trying to horn in on my territory.”

  “But you guys look totally different.” I was confused. What was the problem?

  “True,” he agreed. “No one has a mane like mine.” He shook his hair and struck a pose.

  “Wow,” I stuttered. “You are . . . really, you know, something.”

  “Thank you.” He held his pose and continued talking. “Rocky the Chocolate God is my only true friend and occasionally my lover. We’ve done a series of male-male covers together and he would never even think of trying to out-twerk me. His specialty is juggling. He’s wonderful.”

  “I, um . . . wow.” Was he for real? He was and it was all I could do to not burst into laughter.

  “Mandy. May I call you Mandy?” Teddy asked, and twisted his body slightly to a new and alarming pose.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Mandy, you are an exquisitely gorgeous woman and your breasts are fabu. Are they real?” he inquired.

  Luke tensed beside me and I knew he was going to blow. “He’s gay,” I muttered under my breath as Teddy began doing something that reminded me of Lamaze breathing.

  “I don’t care,” Luke whispered. “I’m going to shoot him anyway.”

  “Why thank you, Teddy,” I said, stepping in front of him just in case Luke lost his mind and pulled his gun. “They’re real and Duke can vouch for them. His talent is staring people down and he’s my lover most of the time when he’s not being a dick.”

  “Oh.” Teddy sighed forlornly. “I was hoping he was gay. Duke, if she ever bores you, Rocky and I could show you a very arousing and energetic time.”

  “That won’t be necessary,” Luke managed to say. “Mandy is quite acrobatic and has a mouth like a vacuum.”

  I was dumbfounded. My first instinct was to reach for my gun and shoot off his pride and joy and my second instinct was to laugh. Thank God the second prevailed.

  “Congratulations, Mandy. It’s rare I hear such a compliment given to a woman. Please excuse me, I must inform Rocky that we won’t be having a three-way tonight.” He bumped and ground his way across the room, stopping in front of the twins, Cesar and Cheech, to do a nightmare-inducing hip maneuver that threw the twins into their own pelvic-thrusting frenzy.

  “Enough,” Medusa grunted from the runway. “Save it for the stage. Get your gyrating asses up here and show me what you’ve got.”

  “Give me your phone,” Luke demanded, holding out his hand.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because there will be no record of this. Ever.”

  I grinned and handed it over. He was as smart as I was and that was a huge turn-on. I was going to make him beg later and he was going to love it.

  The rehearsal wasn’t going well. Luke refused to do anything Medusa told him to do and since she was clearly terrified of Shoshanna, she just left him alone. Teddy and the twins kept up a jerky pelvic thing going that looked like they had bees in their pants. Rocky juggled condom balloons and Jim just watched and grinned. This was awesome. Shoshanna and I sat in the audience and watched the shit show.

  “Jim is a fantastic writer,” she said quietly.

  “Really?” I was happy for him. When Shoshanna found a project, she went full steam ahead. He’d be published in a month.

  “Absofuckinglutely,” she said. “Fresh voice, incredible characters, and a plot I wish I had thought of. Can’t wait to read the damn whole thing.”

  “Will you make a call?”

  “Already did.” She grinned and held up her phone. “He’s gonna be huge. I can feel it in my bones and he’s just the cutest thing ever.”

  “Is he straight or gay?” I asked, watching the action on stage.

  “Honestly, I’m not sure,” Shoshanna answered. “Highly unusual that I can’t tell, but I can’t.”

  “Yeah, me either.”

  “Did you hear about the protesting outside?” She pulled some Corn Nuts out of her bag and offered me some.

  “No.” I sat up and scanned the room for newcomers. I quickly walked to the back and locked the doors to the room. I’d gotten too comfortable and so had Luke. The flirty crap had to stop. Sitting back down, I accepted a handful of the teeth-breaking snack. “Are they protesting the convention?”

  “Yeah, it happens every year, but apparently these guys mean business.”

  “What do you mean and how did you hear this?” How in the hell did she have more information than we did?

  “Jim told me. He said they’ve literally set up a camp across the street from the hotel and they have signs and bullhorns and the kind of Christian attitude that makes God puke.”

  Great, we would need to check that out. I was starting to wonder if we didn’t need more bodies on the ground. Having Mrs. C and Edith here would be a relief. Holy shit, I never thought that would cross my mind . . . ever. I made a mental note to check with Steve on their progress. If it wasn’t quick enough, then I wanted more manpower here. The vastness of the convention and the size of the hotel were working against us, and until we had someone in custody, I wouldn’t be happy.

  “You will not leave the hotel for any reason whatsoever,” I told her. “After the rehearsal we’ll go to the room and Luke or I will case the protesters.”

  “Goddammit, I want to come. This is so perfect for my book, and I want to watch you guys in action. Please?” she said sweetly.

  “Nope.” I grinned. “That might work on your son, but I’m a hard-ass bitch and you will stay in the fucking room or I will kick your butt.”

  “Jesus, you’re cold.” Shoshanna laughed.

  “Just call me Ice.”

  “Look at that!” Shoshanna giggled and pointed at Luke, who was grooving ever so slightly to the pounding beat of the European Techno Pop. “Isn’t he cute?”

  Cute wasn’t the word I’d use. How in the hell did he do it? Even dressed in nothing but Village People tight leather pants and barely moving, he was sex on a stick. I couldn’t even see anyone else up there and there were some damn pretty boys on that stage. He caught my eye and gave me his sexy lopsided grin and I melted. He did the smallest pump of his hips and it shot straight to my girlie parts. Lord help me. I was lost and pretty sure I didn’t want to be found.

  Chapter 21

  “There are around forty to fifty protesters. They have campers and have set up what they’re calling Jesus Town,” Luke said with disgust. “Men, women, and children. They’re using the kids for their own ends. Makes me sick.”

  There was so much more to that statement than he was openly revealing. I knew his parents had used him in unforgivable ways and it broke my heart. My parents might have been cold and screwed up after my sister died, but they loved me and would never knowingly hurt or harm me.

  Luke had taken Jim with him to check out the protesters, since Jim was the one who had briefed Shoshanna. I knew Luke would grill him t
o see if he had any involvement in the death threats. I liked Jim, but I would do the same. No one was innocent until we found the guilty party. No one.

  “Did you see anyone you recognized?” I asked.

  “No, but I’ve only seen pictures of the professors you questioned. I might not be able to identify them. I want you to take a walk down there in about an hour. They have a sing along against pornography planned.”

  “Awesome, just what I’ve always wanted to see.” I rolled my eyes and noticed how tired Shoshanna seemed. “Shoshanna, you don’t have anything for three hours until your signing. Why don’t you lie down?” Sometimes I forgot she was in her late sixties and this was a lot on her.

  “You know, I think I might do that.” She yawned and gave me a loopy grin. “Not as young as I used to be.” She walked through the connecting door and went to her room. I turned on the monitors.

  “I’ll make sure her doors are locked,” Luke said, following her. I watched her crawl sleepily into bed as Luke fastened the chains on her door. He walked over to the bed and carefully draped a blanket over the already snoring Shoshanna. He bent down and softly kissed her forehead. My heart lurched and I felt an overwhelming need to cry for the little boy that Luke never got to be. I quickly turned off the monitor. I would turn it back on when he was in the room. This moment was private and should be his alone.

  “So, did you talk to Steve?” he asked a moment later, plopping down on the couch and turning the monitor back on.

  “I did.” Lord have mercy, he was beautiful. He’d changed into some worn-out jeans and a T-shirt to walk the crowd of protesters. Leathers and chains would have been a poor choice since he wanted to blend in. I looked away. Work, I was here to work, not ogle the hot guy on the couch. “The gals think they might have broken the code, but they need a little more time. They should be here sometime tomorrow.”

  “Great.” He shuddered and laughed. “I didn’t think this trip could get any more fucked, but I was wrong.”

  I smiled and agreed. The combination of characters was becoming overwhelming, but it was what it was. No amount of complaining would change it. At least we’d been given twenty-four-hour advance notice . . . Although the anticipation might be worse than if the sisters just showed up unannounced. Whatever.

  “There’s another note.” I handed him the copy I’d printed from Steve’s e-mail. “Same shit, different endearment.”

  “The death threat is still there,” he observed.

  “Yep.”

  “Read me all the salutations. That has to be the key.” He was terse and frustrated. Hell, so was I.

  “Let me see.” I quickly pulled the notes from the file and dropped everything to the floor. “Shit, hang on,” I said as I gathered them back up. I went through them one by one. “Stupid Woman, Evil Bitch, Emasculating Slut, Sinful Shoshanna, Irritating Monster, Trollop, Vicious Whore, Insane Bitch, Meddling Idiot, and Nosy Harlot.” I shook my head in disgust. I’d seen much stronger language and more descriptive threats in my time, but these notes set me on edge. Such blatant hatred was unnerving.

  “Fucking lovely,” Luke muttered, closing his eyes. “Sounds like a whack job and those are the worst.”

  “I just don’t get it. She has no clear enemies and the point she made the other day about being unsure the threats were even aimed at her won’t leave my head.”

  “Agreed. While they’re offensive, they don’t scream Shoshanna.”

  We sat in silence for a few moments. My need to fill it was replaced by the storm inside my brain. Who in the hell was doing this and why? With so little to go on, could we really even keep Shoshanna safe? I loved danger, but not when it threatened those I was becoming attached to.

  “I just want to lock her in the room until this is all over.” I put the notes back in the file and pinched the bridge of my nose.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

  “What?” I picked up the folder and reopened it. “Did I leave something out?”

  “No, you left something undone.”

  “Undone?” What the hell was he talking about? The monitors were on. Shoshanna was snoring happily in her bed. I’d checked in with Steve and I’d briefed Luke on the new note. The crazy-ass sisters were coming tomorrow. I would walk the crowd in an hour . . . What else was there?

  He crooked his finger at me and gave me a lazy smile. Every nerve in my body jumped to attention. And I went from business to pleasure so fast I had to grab the chair for support.

  “Ohhhhh, that.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Yep, I believe you made me a promise. I negotiated for extra terms and you agreed, although I might switch it up a bit. We have a snoring client and a monitor to spot any movement. I’m pretty sure you need to pay up, beautiful girl.”

  “Well, as interesting as that sounds, your mom is in the next room and if I recall correctly, you’re very loud.”

  “You’re the screamer,” he shot back, sitting up and removing his shirt. “God, your tits are a weapon in that corset. Loosen it.”

  “Seriously? Here?”

  “Very serious. Now.”

  I shrugged and started to cross the room to him as I loosened my leather torture wear.

  “No. Stay there in that chair. I want you to strip and then you’ll do what I tell you to do.”

  I nodded, afraid if I spoke I’d say something I’d be embarrassed about later. Outrageous terms for sex and male body parts were the only things floating in my brain.

  “Take everything off slowly,” he instructed in a voice that made me weak. “Keep your eyes on me. Watch how much my body wants you.” He slid his jeans and boxer briefs over his hips and huge erection as I tried to remember how to remove my clothes. I’d put them on, so I should be able to take them off . . . Right? My hands trembled as I peeled the leather pants and thong from my body. The corset took a little more effort, but I finally succeeded. “Put those heels back on.” His voice was husky and his lids were hooded.

  I carefully stepped back into my shoes and waited for his instruction.

  “Sit down on the chair and spread your legs.”

  I did. He was pushing every button I had and he knew it . . .

  “Show me how you touch yourself,” he said gruffly. “And watch me while I show you what I like to do to myself when I think about you.”

  Oh. My. God. I had never done anything like this. It excited me and scared the hell out of me. I felt vulnerable and a little slutty . . . and I loved it. I watched, rapt, as he took himself in his hand and stroked. It was so hot, I forgot my orders.

  “Touch. Now,” he said, increasing the speed of his hand. “I’m going to make you come without touching you.”

  I slowly reached between my legs and was shocked to find how wet I already was. With small tight circular motions on my clit, I closed my eyes as the tingling pressure began.

  “Look at me,” he hissed.

  My eyes shot open and locked with his as we brought ourselves higher and closer to orgasm. The sexy sounds that came from the back of his throat as he watched my now flushed body join my hand in movement almost undid me. I pressed down on my clit with the heel of my hand as I pushed my fingers inside of me. My hips undulated with a fierce desire of their own as he watched me intensely.

  “So fucking sexy,” he said as he sped up and got rougher with himself. His almost violent strokes were going to send me over the edge, and the look on his face caused my breath to come in short uneven spurts. “I’m gonna come and you’re gonna come with me. Do it,” he demanded in a voice that made the blood rush to my ears and my heart pound like a hammer in my chest. “Now.”

  I pressed down on my clit with two fingers and slammed my legs shut, trapping my hand and letting my body take over. My head fell back on my shoulders and the buzzing in my ears increased to a roar. I heard him swear as I came so hard I thought I would pass out. His moans of ecstasy as he came prolonged the orgasm ripping through my body. I gasped for air and bit down on my lips so I
wouldn’t scream. The aftershocks rocked my limp body and I slowly opened my eyes. He was standing over me with an expression of pure male satisfaction on his face. I hid my face in my arm and giggled.

  “That was so fucking sexy.” He dropped to his knees in front of me and took my chin in his hand. His searching stare took my breath and I leaned in. His lips gently brushed mine. He ran his tongue along the seam and I opened to him. The kiss was different. It was tender and sweet. It held a promise of so much, I had to close my eyes or I would cry.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

  He took my hand and led me to the shower. He washed my body in silence and I did the same for him. The orgasm had been amazing, but it was the emotion afterward that rendered me silent. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? He was beginning to own me, body and soul. He hadn’t said anything more about me giving up my work, but unfortunately he didn’t have to. I was coming to the decision he wanted all by myself. I had no intention of telling him that or that I was in grave danger of losing my heart to him. It was simply too scary—and still too soon.

  “Am I hot or am I hot?” Shoshanna trilled as she modeled her purple rubber jumpsuit.

  “You look like a freakin’ alien,” I said as I checked myself out in her mirror with trepidation. “Fuck,” I muttered. “I look like an alien too.”

  Wearing a hot pink rubber miniskirt and a black rubber boob tube with black thigh-high fuck-me boots and hot pink feather earrings, I looked like a fashion disaster with a rubber fetish. I feared what Luke would be wearing when he arrived in our room. I prayed to God it wasn’t rubber.

  I’d walked the picket line after our shower and didn’t recognize anyone. The protesters were unsure of my allegiance as I was dressed normally. I smiled and made polite small talk with several. They were convinced that it was Gomorrah inside the hotel with public sex displays and sacrifices going on. One misguided imbecile informed me that the sinners were fornicating with goats and sheep. I feigned shock and moved on. They appeared to be stupid and harmless, but I planned to take another walk first thing in the morning. There were three more busloads of God-fearing anti-porno Christians scheduled to arrive.