Smash Into You

by Shelly Crane

  "Away from me, huh?" My bitterness was growing. She hated me. I had accomplished that. And now, I wasn't even sure if that was what I wanted.

  "Yes," she answered and flipped her boots off her feet before putting her nose strip on, still not letting me see it, and then climbing up to her pillow. She lay down on her stomach. "It's obvious you can't wait to dump me off." Her voice was muffled. "It really sucks to be around someone who doesn't even want to talk to you."

  Had I given her that impression? I thought she hadn't wanted to talk to me. "I do want you around," I heard myself say. I scowled at myself. "I thought you were angry with me."

  "I was. I am." She looked at me from under her hair. "We don't just never speak again because I got mad at you."

  "Well," I stalled, "you didn't speak to me either." I climbed into bed, faced away from her, and hated the whole situation. "And for the record, I would never have asked you to bar hustle for money. You could've gotten hurt."

  She was silent for a while. I thought she was asleep, when I heard her. "Is that the only reason?" she asked in a whisper.

  I let it go and didn't say a word.

  I woke sometime later in the middle of the night to the screams of a banshee. I sat up swiftly, looking around for Biloxi or someone in the room. Marley was standing in the one chair provided by the hotel, pointing and screaming at something.

  "For the love of all, what's the matter with you?"

  "There! It's right there." I looked and behind the bed on the wall was a huge cockroach. The bathroom light showed just enough for me to see it. I got all the way up as she kept screaming. "Oh, my gosh. It touched me!" She shivered and shifted her legs back and forth. "It was crawling on my neck. Oh, my gosh, please kill it."

  I rubbed my eyes, feeling the uncomfortable heat behind them, and grabbed my shoe. When I came for it, it ran, on its way to the window. I bolted and smashed it with the sole of my shoe on the wall by the air conditioner. I tossed the shoe in the corner and curled back up in the covers. I heard her mumbling, 'Gross' and 'Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.'

  She crawled into the bed with me and scissored her legs under the sheet for a few minutes. I could tell she was working up the nerve to ask me something, I just didn’t know what. Then she leaned over and wrapped her arm around my waist. "Please, please let me snuggle with you. Please. There could be more bugs here," she whispered into my neck and shivered. "Jude, please."

  I sighed and rolled over, opening my arm to her. She put her cheek to my chest and I figured it was an opportune time to touch her since she was asking for it. I let my hand pull her closer and rubbed her arm. She was asleep in no time. My shoulder ached to lay on it, but I wasn't about to move for anything in this world.

  I lay there and thought about things. The old me, the way I used to be, the way girls begged me to use them, the way I obliged so carelessly, my mom and the way she always talked about seeing me grow up, finally settling down and finding my place in this world.

  I fell asleep with my mother's disappointed look in my mind. She would so freaking disappointed in me, not just for the man I'd become, but the way I took the life she gave me, the life she sacrificed her own for, and wasn't doing anything of worth with it.

  The next morning, I was alone in the bed. As I waited for her to get out of the bathroom so we could go to the thrift shop and then go see about some work, I was numb. My brain refused to work properly. I was so tired and so achy like I'd stayed up all night, but I had slept. I had to lay on my stomach last night because my shoulder just hurt too badly. Even though she cleaned and bandaged it every night, it wasn't doing any good.

  I was starting to worry about it. I couldn't go to the doctor for it. Couldn't risk being put into the system and having to move again so soon. Even though I'd fallen asleep early last night, I was fighting sleep again. It was freezing in the room, but my arm was so hot. It was an uncomfortable combination. My head pulsed with every noise.

  She came out, but I couldn't move. I waited there under the covers until I felt her cool fingers touch my forehead. It was like a dream. I could feel her, but couldn't move or talk. My head turned to the side when she let go and I began to shiver. Everything blurred, nothing seeped through, nothing mattered. It was like being high in a really bad way. And my shoulder no longer just hurt, it was excruciating.

  I wanted to rub it, but my arm wouldn't move. I felt lips on my ear and heard in the softest whisper, "Just hold on. Jude, you better hold on."

  I felt movement and heard the door open and close, and then an engine rumble and bright lights coming and going back into darkness. And then nothing.

  Eight

  Beeping and a soft hand on my cheek woke me. I squinted hard as all my senses opened up at once. "I know the light's bright. I'm sorry, but we have to go," she hissed.

  Marley.

  My eyes popped opened and I looked at her above me. She looked worried and tired. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"

  She sighed and smiled in exasperation. "Good Lord, do not try to pick me up right now." She pulled my good arm until I was sitting. I was groggy and nauseous. "Sorry. Gotta get dressed. We need to go."

  "Where am I?" I asked, even as I looked around the room. It was a hospital room. I looked back at her in panic. "We can't be here."

  "Duh, I'm trying to get you out of here."

  "How long have I been here?" She pulled the shirt over my head and yanked the gown off in one pull. "The better question is why am I here?"

  "You had an infection," she said slowly, helping me with my pants and socks. At least I had on underwear. "In your shoulder. It was spreading to your heart. Your fever was a hundred and five when we brought you in."

  We? "Who's we?"

  "The guy staying in the room next to ours. I yelled for help because I couldn't carry you and didn't want to call an ambulance unless I had to. He came running over and helped me get you here."

  She slipped my shoes on, kneeling at my feet, and stood me up. "You think you can get that?" She nodded to my fly.

  "Yeah," I said gruffly and did the zipper and button. "How long have I been here?" I repeated.

  "About eleven hours." She held her hand up to stop me. "They don't know your name. I told them I didn't know you so they would just check you in as a John Doe and treat you. Then, after the shift change, I came back here to see you. I wanted to wait as long as I could, hoping they'd change the IV bag with antibiotics before we had to take off so you'd get at least two doses of it. You may have even gotten three, not sure. She just changed it a few minutes ago, so we need to scram." She unhooked the bag from the IV pole and got me to hold it in my good arm. "We'll leave the IV in and you can finish the antibiotics and pain meds in the bag at the hotel." She rummaged through some drawers and put bandages and tape in her pocket. "I just hope and pray that it's enough antibiotics to make you better."

  I huffed a surprised breath. "You did all this? You concocted this plan all by yourself?"

  "Hey, now," she complained in jest.

  "I didn't mean it like that."

  "I'm good under pressure," she explained with a smile. "Let's go. Truck's outside."

  "How did it get here?"

  "He drove it and parked it. I parked his in the ambulance bay so I could get you out quick and he picked it up there last night."

  "Dang, girl..." I laughed under my breath. "You thought of everything."

  "They don't know who you are," she reassured as she peeked out of my room door and we started down the hall. "The hospital. You're safe. He won't find us here."

  "Thank you," I said, my words sincere. "I can't believe how much better I feel already."

  "I'm so glad," she said on a sigh of relief. "I was so worried that it was all for nothing and you'd still feel awful."

  She was worried. I hated that she was worried about me...wasn't I? "Thank you."

  "No problem."

  "This is the second time you've taken care of me."

  "You saved my life," she rebu
tted. "I think the ratio is probably one life-saving to like, three take-care-ofs."

  I smiled and walked a little faster to help her out as much as I could. "OK. If you say so."

  She drove and picked up some soup on the way to the hotel. I was shocked at how sexy it was for her to be driving my big, ugly, beat-up truck. She handled it like a pro.

  I carried my IV inside and sat against the headboard, kicking my shoes off. She opened the lid of Chic-Fil-A chicken noodle soup and handed it to me. It was the best meal I'd had in days. I moaned as it went down. She giggled at me and sat in the chair next to the bed. After I was done, I laid back and tried to watch CSI. Marley kept glancing my way though, and it distracted me. A lot.

  "I'm OK," I told her.

  "I'm just worried that it wasn't enough." Her voice was soft and...scared.

  "I feel better."

  "You didn't see yourself," she whispered. "You didn't see how bad you were. I thought..." she gulped, "I thought it was over. I really thought you might not make it. You were so hot and you wouldn't wake up and..."

  "I'm OK," I repeated with more emphasis. "I promise. I'll tell you if anything feels out of whack."

  She nodded her approval.

  I sighed. "I'm sorry about our last conversation."

  "It's fine. As long as it's not our last conversation, then it'll be all right," she replied and smiled, leaning over to tap my arm with the side of her fist. "You worried the crap outta me."

  I smirked as much as I could. "Forgive me?"

  "Maybe," she spouted coyly. "I think you have some making up to do."

  "Making out? What?" I teased.

  "Up. Making up, you perv," she laughed her words. "Insufferable pig."

  I felt a spark in my chest, a ray of sunshine making its way in. "Wow, I missed you."

  She laughed louder. "You didn't even know where you were! You did not miss me."

  Then it all just stopped being playful. "But I did, Marley. I did miss you."

  Her face said that she understood the meaning and her eyes turned glassy before she climbed over me onto the bed, curling up against my good arm. "I'm really glad you're all right."

  I pulled it around her, encouraging her to burrow in. "I'm really glad you're here."

  I felt her smile against my shirt front, along with the wetness. "I'm glad you're glad."

  The rest of the night was spent with the IV bag rigged with a hotel pen and tape to the bedpost, and us watching cop shows all night until we fell asleep. And she stayed right there all night, only leaving for a minute to get a nose strip from our plastic grocery bag. She didn't seem as self-conscious this time, but still hid her face in my chest.

  I didn't know who fell out first, but we both slept there together, my arm around her, her arm around me, and for once in my life, I didn't feel like everything I touched turned to dust.

  x

  The knock on the door woke me. My arm burned and I looked down to find blood coming from my hand into the IV wire. The IV bag was empty. The knock sounded again, waking Marley. She lifted and wiped under her eyes. "Someone knocking?" she said in annoyance.

  "Yeah," I told her, smiling at her.

  "I got it," she spouted, her voice husky from morning time, and looked through the peephole. "Oh, it's our neighbor."

  She opened the door and it revealed a big guy, his arms the size of melons. He was almost bald with his short, shorn hair. I started to peel the tape off my arm and gently pulled the needle out. Blood started coming fast. I cursed and Marley turned.

  "Jude, you've got to put pressure on it for a minute," she chastised and ran to get the gauze she'd stolen from the hospital.

  She knelt down in front of me and pressed the gauze to my skin. Then she cleaned the blood up and taped it, ripping pieces of tape with her teeth. I watched the guy, who still stood at the door, with skepticism. He hadn't taken his eyes from Marley the entire time. His eyes were currently on her magnificent backside. I knew that backside didn't belong to me, but it might very soon. But it didn't belong to him either.

  After last night and what she did for me yesterday, I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I didn't want her to get hurt, I knew that, but I wanted to keep her. I felt selfish, but it also felt wrong to just throw her into the world and hope that Biloxi didn't find her.

  But right then, nothing mattered but this jackhole who was about to get kicked in the teeth. "Hey, buddy. Eyes up top, why don't ya?"

  She gasped, but I was staring down the neighbor. I saw her in my peripheral as she looked up at me before looking back at him. He tried to look shocked, but I knew better. "Jude," she said low.

  I looked at her and her cheeks were red with embarrassment. She was really mad at me in this scenario? "He was straight up looking at your-"

  "OK, OK," she said in a hiss. She stood, turning to him. "Um..."

  He rubbed his nonexistent hair. "I was just checking to see how he was doing, making sure you got back all right."

  Oh, please.... "Yep, we made it just fine. Marley is an incredible girl that doesn't need anybody's help." Maybe that was overkill.

  She gave me a look that begged me to stop. She took a step toward him and my blood chilled. "I'm sorry," I heard her say in a low voice. "It's been a rough few days for us."

  "I can imagine," he agreed and smiled. He put his arm up in the doorframe. "Well, I can take you to get some lunch if you like and we can bring him back some soup or something."

  My eyes bulged. Hell no.

  I stood, walked forward, making sure my strides were strong and tall, and went to her side. "I'm perfectly fine today. It was just an infection in this nasty cut I had. Thanks for the invite, but we've got some shopping and things to do today before we hit the road."

  He seemed surprised. "You're leaving?" he asked her.

  "Um..." she looked at me, "we were just passing through so, yeah."

  "Oh." He cleared his throat. "OK. Well, holler if you need anything until then. Glad you're doing OK, buddy."

  "Thanks...buddy."

  He left without shutting the door. She turned to look at me.

  "Holler?" I scoffed. I waited to meet her gaze, knowing she was going to be furious with me for acting like I owned her, but when I finally looked over, she looked confused. "Don't look so bewildered, sweetheart. You're too daggum cute for your own good."

  She rolled her eyes. "Shopping? Jude, you can't go shopping today. You were just in the hospital yesterday!"

  "I feel fine. I feel great actually. A little tired maybe, but we can't just sit in the hotel for days and days waiting for me to be tip-top again. I'm good to go."

  "Shopping for what?" she said in concession.

  "Well," I drawled and took the corner of her shirt between my fingers. "We need some clothes, don't we?"

  She took a deep breath. "Yeah."

  "So, that's what I'm doing today. I'm going to get you those clothes I promised you."

  She looked at the floor. "Before you take me to the next town and dump me off, right?"

  I opened my mouth to tell her that wasn't happening, but closed it. I wanted her to stay with me, I did, I just didn't know what was best. How far would he go to find me? Would he just keep searching for me, or if he didn't find me, would he go in search of Marley?

  So I just said the truth. It was actually pretty liberating not to have to blow smoke all the time. "I don't want to leave you anywhere, darlin'."

  She winced. "Please don't call me darlin'." I felt my brow bunch in confusion. "That's what you call girls when you're trying to placate them. Makes them feel special, but really it's a decoy move."

  I felt my eyebrows rise that she had figured things out like that. "If I recall, I've only ever called you darlin' once before now. Just then was a slip-up. You've been sweetheart since that day in the bar."

  "And I'm perfectly fine with staying sweetheart," she whispered, looking dazed.

  I groaned inside. "If we're opening this can and being completely honest, I wan
t to keep you with me. You..." Her eyes begged me to say something romantic and epic. She wanted this, too? Wanted me? I thought she just didn't want to be alone. "You make this life bearable." She closed her eyes for a few too-long seconds. "You're changing me, in all the ways I thought were dead and long gone. I thought I could never be more than I used to be, but you showed me that I can. That I want to be."

  She didn't nod, but I could see her hopefulness on her face. But I had to tell the truth. "But I just don't know if the safest place for you is with me."

  She didn't deflate like I thought she would. She smiled and stepped forward, touching my cheek. "I'm so glad you're OK. Let's go get some clothes first, and then some lunch second, and then we'll figure out what to do next. OK?"

  I nodded. I was going to kiss her if she didn't... She pulled away to put her shoes on and I sighed. She had been so close to getting the kiss of her life. God, help me...did you send her to me? Because it felt like you did. It felt like you put her on this earth to find me and take over my very being with her goodness. I closed my eyes and hoped so.

  "Shoes, Jude. I'm starving!" she taunted and put her hands on her hips. "Let's go. I think you surviving your bout of death on a platter deserves something—like a steak with mashed potatoes and yeast rolls."

  I chuckled. "You got it, sweetheart."

  All that morning, as I we looked around the Goodwill for clothes and shoes and such, I pretended like I was fine. My arm didn't hurt as bad, I was still pretty tired and achy, but this needed to be done. She'd taken care of me and deserved it. We'd been wearing the same clothes for days and days, washing them at night in our sink.

  The tension between us was palpable. I grinned as I looked at her feet under the curtain of the changing room. She was trying on some tops she'd found that were frilly and flowy and all those things that girls liked. Yes, the tension was there, and it was more potent than anything I'd ever felt with anyone else. It was like she had a rope tied to me and was yanking for me to come to her. I'd never really experienced sexual tension before...and I loved it.