White Rabbit: The Rise (The Kingmaker Saga Book 1)

by London Miller

  Why should it?

  It wasn’t as if Orion was wrong.

  She didn’t know where Uilleam was, or if he was okay, or even what had happened to him. Sure, he had wooed her with flowers and that irresistible Welsh charm, but in the end, hadn’t he just gotten what he wanted?

  He’d had her in nearly every room of the place, not to mention in Hush. He’d been insatiable, but in the end, he had merely had his guard fly her home without so much as a goodbye.

  And now that it was abundantly clear that he was alive and well, she had to acknowledge the fact that Uilleam hadn’t been the one to tell her as much.

  And in two weeks, he hadn’t even attempted to reach out at all.

  Orion gave a harsh shake of his head. “You deserve better than what he’s offering you.”

  Now, it was Karina’s turn to sit back with a sigh, signaling the waitress that was already heading in their direction. “Yeah … I’m not so sure about that.”

  The admission surprised even her.

  She had always been careful, not just with her words, but with her speech—with the way she carried herself in general.

  For more than a year now, she had become the best actress she could possibly be. She’d donned a mask and made sure it was pristine.

  Now, even she saw the cracks.

  Orion’s hand suddenly covering hers made her look up at him. His hand was rough with calluses, but there was also a comforting warmth to it that reminded her why she had always liked being around him.

  “Maybe you don’t see it, babe, but I do.”

  Because it was all an illusion, she thought sadly. Everything he thought he knew—everything she had shown him of herself since they had met was a carefully constructed reality.

  It didn’t matter that she had always had good intentions—that her work for the Post was every bit as important to her as she proclaimed it to be—it was still all a lie.

  She turned her hand over until she could feel the heat of his palm against her own before she squeezed his hand, then pulled away. “You don’t know the first thing about me, Orion. I’m not at all who you think I am.”

  He looked down at where her hand had once been. “No? What does it matter one way or the other? I like what I do know.”

  Maybe he did … but even she couldn’t say whether the parts of her that he knew were real, or if they were a part of the image she created.

  In the beginning, she had tried to keep her two identities separate. The Karina who had grown up at Ashworth Hall, learning the art of manipulation and world domination … then there was the Karina who had come here, wondering whether an ordinary life was what she wanted more.

  In the end, however, she couldn’t help but think she was some hybrid of the two, and considering the world she was living in, that wasn’t a very good combination.

  One day, she would have to choose.

  Either she was all in, or she walked away from every bit of it.

  She couldn’t have it both ways.

  By the time she had her drink ordered and the fruity concoction was sitting in front of her, Karina wasn’t sure whether she was thankful she could avoid talking for a little while longer, or if the alcohol would soon drown away the bad feelings in her heart.

  Orion twirled his keys around his finger. “Need a ride?”

  “No,” she said, her smile coming a little bit easier now. “And I don’t think you’re in any state to be driving either.”

  A corner of his mouth tugged up in that little half-grin of his, reminding her why she had always enjoyed being around him so much.

  “Wasn’t planning on it, but if you’re going uptown, we can share a taxi. Least I could do since I got you a wee bit drunk.”

  She laughed, feeling lighter than air. “Not even close.”

  But that didn’t mean she wasn’t feeling the effects of the alcohol.

  The first drink had taken her the longest, at least until her throat had become numb to the burning vodka and she could swallow it all down with no problem.

  She’d hardly finished that one before he was buying her a second. Their conversation might have started tense, but by the end of it, they were laughing again—spending time together as they always had.

  More than anything, she was glad she was able to find a distraction.

  It had felt like ages now that she had been in a constant state of anxiety, worrying about Uilleam and where he could be, but by the time she got to the bottom of her second glass, that worry had turned to anger.

  Because Orion was the second person who told her that Uilleam was okay. That he was alive and breathing and, even as he wasn’t out of the shadows quite yet, he was still doing what he did best.

  Making deals.

  Manipulating others.

  Being the Kingmaker.

  She almost wished she could hate him—she was sure that would be easier than the confusing, convoluted feelings she was currently dealing with.

  “So how about it?” Orion asked, digging his hands into his pockets, his gaze trained on her in that sleepy, content way that made him all the more attractive, and he probably knew it. “Want me to take you home?”

  Being with Uilleam, she understood the allure of sex now.

  How easy it was to fall into it.

  To want it.

  Crave it.

  To give herself over to her desires and think of nothing else.

  But … when she thought of that, she could only picture Uilleam. She saw him leaning over.

  Remembered the way his voice sounded in her ear.

  Felt the way his fingers dug into the flesh of her thighs when he was close.

  She only saw him.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she whispered, wishing the blush she felt staining her cheeks would go away.

  But Orion didn’t get upset by the rejection. “Maybe next time when you’re not … distracted.”

  He let out a whistle, pulling one of his hands from his pockets to signal the taxi idling a block down. It flashed its lights before pulling toward them.

  “You’ll call me when you’re home, yeah?”

  “I promise I will,” she said with a nod.

  He pulled her into his embrace, holding her tight against his well-muscled chest.

  Orion was … safe.

  And maybe, in a different life, she could have changed her mind right then. Told him he should make sure she got home safely himself.

  But that was only a stray thought.

  Instead, she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and climbed into the back of the cab, waving at him through the window as it pulled away.

  Whether she liked it or not, her heart, if nothing else, still belonged to Uilleam.

  After rattling off her address to the cabbie, she rested her head against the cool glass of the window, closing her eyes momentarily as she let the gentle rocking of the car lull her.

  Soon, this night would end and a new day would begin.

  And starting tomorrow, she would have to make a concentrated effort not to think about Uilleam or what they had shared. It was time to move on, and she couldn’t do that if she spent her every waking moment concerned about him.

  She had to let him go.

  By the time she made it up to her apartment, her buzz was starting to wane and she was looking forward to stripping out of her clothes, throwing on some comfortable pajamas, and climbing right into bed.

  She could already imagine the cool, softness of her sheets—the downy pillow that never lost its shape. The prospect sounded far too enticing to ignore.

  Wrestling with her key, she finally managed to get the door unlocked and stumbled her way inside, silently reminding herself why she didn’t drink on nights when she had to be at work the next morning.

  She fumbled for the light switch, nearly managing to trip over her own two feet before she finally got it turned on, pale yellow light flooding the small space.

  She tossed her purse aside and stepped out of
her heels, too busy thinking about her bed to realize she wasn’t alone …

  “Is it that easy for you?”

  That voice.

  Even with the two drinks she’d had, Karina wasn’t drunk enough to mistake the man standing within the shadows of the building.

  She could never mistake Uilleam for anyone else.

  Turning, she trained her gaze on that shadowed corner, needing to know—needing to see him for herself. Some part of her had wondered whether Katherine had been wrong about the information she had heard.

  Whether Uilleam had, in fact, been fatally injured back in Paris and she would never know.

  She’d even hoped that it was Orion’s hatred of him that made him want her to stay away from him.

  But she was wrong on both counts because sitting in her armchair as if no time had passed at all was Uilleam.

  38

  In the Late Hour

  Uilleam couldn’t count on one hand the number of times he had been betrayed.

  From his parents, who had taught him that the unconditional love they should feel for a child was all but nonexistent. To his brother who’d saved himself and left him at the hands of their father knowing what the man was capable of.

  And that was just family.

  Legion had come after him.

  Business associates.

  Enemies—though this wasn’t as much of a surprise as the others had been.

  And countless others who had come and gone …

  But Uilleam took that as his due. He expected it from everyone, which was why he rarely let anyone close enough to do him harm.

  Yes, he trusted Skorpion with his life and would do just about anything for the man as payment for his loyalty, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t prepared should he ever act against him.

  He had safeguards in place for such a reason.

  Yet even knowing this—even being the person he was—he wasn’t prepared for the way he felt when he’d been sitting in the back of the SUV, watching Karina with Orion.

  He’d left nearly as soon as he’d arrived.

  He needed to leave, or else he wouldn’t be responsible for what he would do next.

  Afterward, he should have gone back to his hotel as Skorpion had told him. There was no reason for him to risk any more exposure, but instead, he went to her apartment and settled there.

  Waiting.

  Waiting … for this moment.

  The gentle scraping of the key as it was being forced into the lock. The creak as the door was finally pushed open and Karina came stumbling inside, a wistful sort of smile on her face.

  That smile set him on edge.

  He watched as she stepped out of her heels, seconds from pulling the band from her hair before he finally spoke.

  “Is it that easy for you?”

  She whipped around to face him, relief flooding those brown eyes of hers. It was written all over her expression and the way it looked as if her shoulders sagged at the sight of him.

  But he couldn’t bring himself to focus on that reaction. The only thing he could see in the back of his mind was her standing there with a man he already despised.

  “Uilleam …”

  She didn’t seem to know what to say, but he did. He had enough words for the both of them.

  Slowly, he moved to his feet and walked over to her. “Why were you with him?”

  “Him? What? What are you talking about?” She seemed genuinely confused for a moment, but it fled as anger at him surfaced. “That’s not even important. Where the hell have you been? You disappear for weeks and now you show back up as if nothing has happened and you’re upset with me?”

  “You—”

  “Have you lost your entire mind?”

  That was up for debate.

  But he wasn’t thinking about anything other than the red-hot jealousy currently coursing through him.

  “Did you ever consider for a moment that I was trying to protect you?”

  Her eyes widened, her anger only getting worse as color infused her cheeks. “How could I possibly know that? I thought you were dead!”

  And it was as if those words echoed in her ears because her expression broke then—tears welling that made his chest feel tight.

  He would do anything to stop her tears, he realized.

  “Karina—”

  He caught her wrists before she could shove him, feeling far too much satisfaction now that he had her here.

  That he could feel her.

  Touch her.

  Breathe her in.

  “Do you even understand what that was like?” she asked, her voice breaking at the end.

  He had a thousand excuses, most of them legitimate, but he doubted any of them would be good enough.

  They wouldn’t be for him, if the situation were reversed.

  “You didn’t—”

  He kissed her because it was the only thing he could think to do.

  The only thing he wanted to do.

  He missed her. The feeling she gave him. The way he felt at peace when he had her close.

  He missed the connection he had never had with another person.

  And when she wrapped her arms around him, holding tight, he carried her into her bedroom and showed her just how much he’d missed her.

  39

  Idle Conversations

  “I thought he would have told you,” Uilleam said hours later, his fingers skimming up her bare spine as she laid across his chest.

  “Well, he didn’t, and I’m angry with him for not saying anything.”

  It wasn’t as if he didn’t know where she lived or had her number.

  He could have slipped her some sort of covert note if he thought maybe someone was watching, but he hadn’t said a word.

  “Perhaps he knew you wouldn’t have been satisfied by just knowing.”

  “He wouldn’t be wrong,” she grumbled, knowing herself far too well.

  She would have wanted to see him and taking no for an answer had never been her strong suit.

  “Well, there’s no reason for you to worry any longer,” he said with a sigh. “I’m not going anywhere again.”

  She almost made him promise that to her.

  It was sitting there on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t.

  She didn’t want him making a promise he couldn’t keep.

  “What happens now?” she asked, turning so she could see his face.

  “Now, I make sure Gaspard Berger understands quite well what it means to feel pain. And when I do, I’ll be putting him in an unmarked grave.”

  His tone didn’t shift, nor did his voice change.

  He could have been discussing the weather for all the care he put into those words. It certainly didn’t sound like a man who wanted to murder someone.

  “Uilleam—”

  “Don’t worry yourself about that,” he said, leaning over to kiss her lips. “It won’t affect you, I promise.”

  That … that he could promise.

  “Are you forgetting that I’m a—”

  “The body would never be found,” he said casually. “There would be no story to write.”

  She couldn’t believe she was hearing him correctly. She couldn’t be. “Uilleam, you can’t just kill the man. What if someone finds out it was you?”

  “They wouldn’t.”

  “Right … because he didn’t try to kill you not that long ago.”

  He might have been enthusiastic with her tonight, but she could still see the bruises. The careful way he held himself.

  There was only so much he could hide.

  “Karina … it’s not something you need to concern yourself with.”

  “If it’s about you, then of course it concerns me! What the hell did you think I would say? Yes, go on and put an even bigger target on your back?”

  He must have realized she was serious as his easy demeanor faded away. “You don’t have to worry about losing me.”

  “But I almost did,” she whispered
.

  And it had managed to turn her small world upside down.

  He swallowed before scrubbing a hand down his face, turning to look at the clock on her nightstand. “It’s late. We should sleep.”

  He didn’t give her much of a choice before he hauled her up against him and turned off the light.

  His arm looped around her waist, holding her against him.

  For a long while, she lay there in silence, waiting for his hold to loosen.

  After Uilleam had drifted off, his breathing slow and even, she slipped out of bed and grabbed her phone as she went.

  She closed the door behind her, making sure she had as much privacy as possible.

  Even as she was both mentally and physically exhausted, she was still too wired to sleep. Too busy thinking of everything Uilleam had revealed.

  His plans and intentions.

  What it would ultimately mean for them.

  Katherine would have told her to cut her losses and get out before the blowback affected her as well.

  Isla would have told her it was time to let Uilleam go because there was no reasoning with stubborn men like him.

  But she couldn’t do either.

  She didn’t want to do either because when she pictured her life—when she pictured what the next few years would bring her—she couldn’t imagine it without Uilleam.

  Without his smile and charm.

  Without the games he liked to play that were both exasperating and exhilarating.

  She couldn’t—she wouldn’t—let him go.

  Which meant it was time for her to make a choice.

  A decision that had her hands shaking as she turned her phone over in her hands and pulled up her messages, scrolling until she found her mother’s number.

  She couldn’t call. She didn’t think she had the fortitude to call and actually voice the words aloud.

  Instead, she texted them, counting every second it took her to type out those three words, because she knew everything would no longer be the same once she did.

  That she could never take back this moment once she pressed send …

  But for the second time ever, she put what she wanted first.