by Laura Pavlov
“Hey,” I said, hugging each one of the girls before dropping to sit on the fuzzy rug under the Edingtons’ coffee table in their basement. We all sat in our same places. Maura beside me, Ivy, Addy, and Coco on the couch across from us just like we’d been doing since fifth grade.
Ivy opened the book and let out a long sigh as she held the pen over the page. “I ran into Ty’s dad last night in town. My parents and I went to dinner at The Rusty Pelican and he was there with his mistress, I mean, new wife.”
“Awkward AF,” Coco said, shaking her head. “Did you talk to him and thank him for running the love of your life out of town?”
Ivy rolled her eyes. “I did not. Ty was just my first love. He most definitely will not be my last love, not after the way he just disappeared from my life. Who does that?”
“I’m sorry, Ive.” I leaned forward and squeezed her hand. I knew she was still hurting about the way things ended with Ty. “What did his father say?”
“Well, he went on and on about Ty becoming a big star with this label that signed him. Apparently he is going to start touring and we should expect to hear him on the radio soon. Can you believe that?” she hissed, and we all laughed because her flair for the dramatics was always entertaining.
“Good riddance. You’re onto bigger and better.” Coco leaned forward and high-fived her.
“Technically, he’s onto bigger and better. But my dating card is full, so there is that. And Monday night at our sorority house meeting, I had a slew of gifts from a few fraternity guys.” Ivy forced a smile.
We all knew she was hurting, but it wasn’t in her nature to wallow. She was all about rising above and moving forward.
“She’s not kidding. Our whiteboard outside our door at the dorms is bursting with notes from different guys. The girl is on fire,” Maura said over her laughter.
“Please. Half of those messages are for you. Maura is right up there with me in the dating game.”
We all chuckled before Coco turned her attention to me. “And how about you and sexy Gray? Is he still ghosting you?”
Gray and I had an amazing time after I puked on him at the party and woken up in his bed. We’d taken a trip to Willow Springs together and it had been an emotional rollercoaster. We’d spent two nights together, and he’d all but rocked my world. And then he’d dropped me at my dorm and gone radio silent on me. We’d taken two steps forward and four steps back. He’d kissed me goodbye and I hadn’t heard from him since.
“I texted him twice, and he never responded.” I shrugged, a lump forming in my throat. I had no idea what happened. He’d completely cut me off. Even before we’d had anything romantic between us, he’d always texted me daily. Now he’d just shut me out. “I didn’t go to the fraternity party last weekend because I’m not chasing after him. He obviously doesn’t want a relationship with me. It is what it is.”
I swiped at the tear falling down my cheek because it still stung. We’d gotten so close, and he’d completely flipped a switch on me.
“I think he’s just freaking out about Cade and bringing you into all the drama with his dad,” Addy said. The girls knew what happened between us and I shared most of what happened back home, aside from the part about the gun. I didn’t feel like I needed to tell them that because I knew they would have all freaked out.
Just like Gray did.
He’d completely vanished from my life.
“He’s a coward. We weren’t even going to tell my brother unless it turned into something serious, which obviously Gray isn’t capable of,” I hissed as anger moved through every inch of my body. I’d spent the first few days crying myself to sleep because it hurt so badly, but now I was just mad. I’d been there for him and he’d turned his back on me.
“Yeah, he showed you all his sexy moves and then he taps out? Ridiculous,” Coco said, holding up her two fists and banging them together, imitating Ross in his classic move from Friends. “You just need to show him what he’s missing.”
“And he’ll be at your house tomorrow for Thanksgiving, right?” Maura asked.
“I think he’s sleeping over tonight.” I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to tamper down my anger. “Cade was on his way to meet him at the lake when I left, and then I’m sure they’re coming back to our house. I’ll just ignore him the way he’s been ignoring me. It’s for the better. Things could never work between us. He’s not the committed type. He’s probably out there tramping it up now.”
“You make it clear that you are not sitting home pining over him.” Coco gives me a knowing look. The girl has every guy wrapped around her little finger.
“Even if I am?” I said because it was the truth.
“Remember when Jett pushed me away? It took us some time to find our footing. I see the way he looks at you. He’s crazy about you. I think he’s staying away because he thinks he’s doing the right thing.” Addy was always the voice of reason. And I loved her for it. She’d been sleeping at the dorms all week with me because she knew I was down in the dumps.
“Well, he’s about to see that she’s got plenty of options. Bonfire tonight, girls? Everyone’s home from school. Let’s get dressed up cute and go to the lake and strut our shit.” Coco was on her feet now and clapping her hands together.
“Strut our shit? Who are you?” Maura said over her laughter.
“It’s going in the book. All the shit strutting will make for good memories. Let’s meet up later tonight.” Ivy finished writing and then shut the book.
We all hugged goodbye and planned to meet up in a few hours. I made my way home and heard laughter in the kitchen. Cade and Gray were perched on the counter talking to my mom.
“Sweetheart, you’re back. How are the girls?” my mom asked. I glanced over at the couch where Gray had kissed me and made me cry out his name just two weeks ago and my body heated at the thought.
“They’re great.” I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and my brother pulled me in for a hug.
“Hey, G,” Gray said, and I refused to look at him.
“Oh. Hello,” I snipped, leaving all emotion out of my tone.
“I thought you two were done hating each other,” Cade said when he barked out a laugh.
“You thought wrong.” I forced a smile and kissed my mom on the cheek.
“Stop that nonsense.” My mother shook her head. “You and Gray are family.”
“Okay.” I shrugged because I was uncomfortable with the conversation and I wanted to get out of this kitchen now. “I’m going to go take a nap before dinner, and then we’re going to bake pies tonight, right?” It was tradition that my mom and I baked all the pies the night before Thanksgiving. It was one of my favorite holiday memories. We’d bake and listen to music and laugh. I looked forward to it every year. And then afterward, I’d go to the bonfire.
“Are you all right, honey?” Mom asked, placing the back of her hand on my forehead.
“Yeah, of course. Just tired. But I’ll get up and help you with dinner and then we’ll bake all the desserts tonight.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Gray had ripped my heart out and now I had to deal with him living at my house.
“I’m looking forward to it. I’m going to run to the market to grab a few last-minute things.”
I nodded before leaving the kitchen. I went upstairs and stretched out on my bed. I heard the garage door open and close as it was beneath my room.
“Hey.” Gray’s voice startled me when he stood in my doorway, and I squeezed my eyes closed to pretend I was sleeping. “Cade went with your mom to the store. I know you aren’t asleep yet.”
“What do you want?” I refused to open my eyes and look at him.
“You seem mad.”
I sprung up to sit on the bed and glared at him as he stood in my doorway. “I seem mad? Are you serious?”
He scrubbed a hand
down his face. “I’m trying to do the right thing. You don’t have to make this harder for me.”
“Harder for you? I’m sorry if I’m not making this easy for you. You spend the weekend with me, we shower together and—I thought we had a great time. And then you completely ghost me, and now you’re a permanent fixture at my house. Sooooo sorry that makes you uncomfortable.” I was on my feet and in his face.
He was so gorgeous I tried not to look at him. His chiseled jaw flexed and he ran his hand through his hair. It was overgrown on top and looked sexy as hell. My fingers ached to touch him, and I shoved them in the pocket of my hoody.
“I’m doing this for you, not for me,” he snipped as if he was irritated with me.
“Don’t you dare pretend you’re doing this for me. You’re a coward, Gray. You don’t know what you want, and you think you can jerk me around every time you change your mind.” I whipped around to walk back to my bed because I needed to put space between us.
He stalked behind me and grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. My chest slammed into his. The look in his eyes was one I’d never seen before. He was completely wounded.
Is he for real?
“You think I changed my mind?”
“I don’t know, because you don’t talk to me. But you sure go hot and cold awfully quick,” I hissed.
“You couldn’t be more wrong, G.”
“Oh, please. I’m sure you’ve been bouncing from bed to bed these past two weeks, you... you… dirty pig.” It was the best I could come up with at the moment, with his warm breath tickling my cheeks, and his chest pounding against mine.
His head fell back in laughter and it infuriated me. “Dirty pig? Wow.”
I stomped on his foot. “Let me go and leave me alone.”
He held on to my arms and calmly looked down at me. “You were the last girl in my bed. And I haven’t been in anyone else’s bed either.”
A maniacal, crazy laugh escaped my lips, and I was shocked by how angry I sounded. “Well, throw me a ticker-tape parade! Do I get some kind of prize for being the last one in your bed? You’re such a jerk!”
I shoved against his chest, but he didn’t move. His gaze searched mine. “So that’s what you think of me, huh?”
“That’s exactly what I think of you, Gray. I think you used me and tossed me aside because you were bored. At least we don’t have to worry about telling Cade anything. We had a shorter life span than a piece of raw fish.” I spewed all the ugliness I could muster, and he stood there watching me with surprise.
He dropped my arms and walked out of the room.
Fine by me.
I slammed my bedroom door, my hands were shaking, and I lay back on my bed. I needed to pull myself together. I was so angry and hurt, and once I opened that can of worms there was no stopping it. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for sleep to take me. Everything hurt right now, and I just wanted to escape for a few hours.
Knowing that the boy who hurt me was just down the hall did not make it easier.
I woke up to someone’s hand on my shoulder. “You must have been really tired. You’ve been asleep for almost two hours. Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”
My mom sat on the edge of my bed and I blinked a few times before I could completely make out her features. “Yeah. I just needed to catch up a little.”
“Okay, sweetheart. Dinner’s just about ready.”
“Oh, no. I wanted to help you,” I said, and my mom stroked my hair away from my face. She had a gift for soothing me, and I loved her so much. I wanted to tell her that my heart was hurting, because I’d always told her everything. But being with Gray or not being with Gray, either way, it made things complicated.
“Don’t be silly, darlin’. We’re going to make all the pies tonight. I’m glad you got some much-needed rest. Come on down when you’re ready.” She kissed my forehead before moving to her feet.
I nodded. “I’ll be down in five minutes.”
It was much darker in my room than it had been when I fell asleep. I sat up and immediately thought of my conversation with Gray, and my chest tightened. I knew it was silly to be hurt over something that never even went anywhere. Gray and I weren’t anything. But it felt like everything. Maybe because I’d never dated anyone seriously, so I was clueless about this stuff. But the way I felt when I was with him was something I’d never experienced in my life.
He got me.
When I was with Gray I was so happy.
He also completely infuriated me, and I knew logically that this couldn’t go anywhere. I needed to get over it. Meet someone else and put this behind me. Why did the first time that I actually liked someone have to be a guy who was completely unattainable?
I walked to the bathroom, brushed my hair, and splashed a little cold water on my face. Tonight, I’d go out and have some fun. I was determined to forget about my short time with Gray.
I just needed to get through dinner.
I made my way downstairs and laughter bubbled through the house. Butterflies swarmed my belly when I heard Gray telling them about some of the drama he’d dealt with at the fraternity house.
“Hey,” I said, as I took the seat beside Gray because sitting anywhere else would make it clear that something was going on.
“Hi there. How’s my girl?” Dad asked and his whole face lit up when he looked at me.
“Good. My classes are going well. But I’m happy to be home.”
“Mom said you came home when we were in Hawaii. I was disappointed that we missed you,” he said.
My entire body stiffened at the mention of my trip home two weeks ago.
“You did? For what? You didn’t tell me that,” Cade asked as he scooped some salad on his plate.
I rolled my eyes to cover for the fact that my heart was beating double-time. “I just came home for a day to get a dress for an upcoming sorority dance.”
“Why didn’t you just get it this weekend?” he pressed, and my palms were sweating beneath the table.
“Because it’s next weekend and I would have needed time to order one if it didn’t work. But Addy thinks it’s perfect, so I’m all set.”
Please let someone change the subject.
Gray cleared his throat beside me. “Who are you going to the dance with?”
Asshole.
“I don’t know yet. I’m not even sure I want to go anymore. This guy that I was talking to turned out to be a huge disappointment.” I internally gave myself a pat on the back for that zinger. “So, I might just skip it.”
“Don’t waste your time on losers. You’re too good for that,” my brother snipped.
“Very true.” I handed the basket of rolls to Gray and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.
“Why don’t you go with Gray? I always found it more fun to go to those things with a friend versus a real date,” my mother said.
“That’s a great idea. Unless Gray already has a date?” Dad asked.
Gray’s shoulders stiffened the slightest bit. No one else would notice, but I’d studied every movement of this boy for a while, and I noticed. “I don’t have any plans to go, those aren’t really my thing. But I could take you if you want.”
This boy was going to give me whiplash.
“I don’t need a pity date,” I hissed.
“Don’t be stubborn. It would be a good way to go and have some fun without having to worry about some dude getting handsy,” Cade said, forking some mashed potatoes and popping them in his mouth.
“Handsy? You do know that I can take care of myself, right?”
“Stop being difficult. Let’s just go and have a good time.” Gray turned to me and flashed his brightest smile and I wanted to punch him in the throat.
I didn’t know what kind of game he was playing.
But game on, Gray Baldwin.
Chapter Eighteen
Gray
Thanksgiving dinner at the Jacobs’ had been nice, aside from Gigi completely ignoring me. I was still reeling from the whole dance fiasco. I was trying to stay away from her, and there I was pressuring her to go with me. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of her going with someone else.
I was an asshole, there was no arguing that.
We’d all gone to a bonfire the night before down at the lake. I didn’t miss the way Gigi kept looking over at me when Samantha Brown, a chick I’d hooked up with many times in high school, was hanging all over me. Nothing happened, but I liked seeing Gigi all worked up.
The bottom line was—I was fucked up over this girl. No one had ever gotten under my skin this way. I drove over to see Wren. I wanted to make sure everything had been taken care of with the guys my dad owed money to. He was back in rehab and Wren had handled everything shortly after. I was still processing the fact that I’d brought Gigi into that situation. I was drowning in guilt over it and I’d cut her off when we returned home.
Gigi Jacobs was my weak spot.
My blind spot.
My heart.
This was a lot to process, seeing as though I didn’t even know I still had a working heart.
I’d been fucking miserable these past two weeks trying to stay away from her. And seeing the hurt in her eyes made it all the worse. She thought I’d changed my mind, and that stung. Because everything between us was real. I couldn’t explain it to her right now because she would double down and ignore the fact that I might be putting her in danger. I’d stayed away for her own good. I’d kept my eye on her in my own way from a distance through social media and I’d assigned Ricky with the undercover task of checking on Gigi on occasion too.
I knocked on Wren’s door and he shouted for me to come in. “Happy Thanksgiving. Are you coming from your mom’s house?”
“No. I was at the Jacobs’. I’m heading over to see my mom next. Just wanted to stop by and make sure those guys are taken care of.”
