by Laura Pavlov
“You out of here?” Gray moved to his feet and pulled him in for one of those strange half boy hugs where they don’t fully embrace, but sort of tease the idea.
“Yeah. I’m going to drive home now. You guys heading out tomorrow?”
“Yep,” we both said at the same time.
“All right, be safe.” He waved and made his way down the porch, and Gray reached for my hand leading me inside.
“Thanks for your help,” Gray called out and Ricky turned back and gave him a thumbs-up.
“What are you up to?” I asked, as he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. He ran toward his room and I couldn’t stop laughing as I smacked his ass.
He pushed his bedroom door open and set me on my feet. I gasped at the sight. His lights were off, and he had white twinkle lights running around the perimeter of the room. He put a little tabletop tree on his nightstand, and that was lit up as well. It was a dreary day, so there was very little sunlight coming through the windows, but the room was lit up like a Christmas wonderland.
“What is this?” I whispered, and my hands came over my mouth as I continued to scan the room. This hadn’t been here when I left this morning. He’d set this whole thing up today.
He closed his bedroom door and took my hand, leading me to the bed. “I feel bad that I can’t give you your gifts on Christmas morning because you’ve convinced me to wait to tell Cade until after Christmas. So, we’ll have to act like we aren’t together until then. But I wanted to do something special for you.”
“I know you want to tell him right away, but it’s only two days. I don’t want to ruin Christmas if he does freak out.” I continued scanning the room. “And this is so amazing. I love it.”
“Well, if I didn’t have the history that I have, telling your brother wouldn’t be this big of a deal. This is on me.”
“Hey, Cade has a track record too. That doesn’t mean he isn’t good enough for Camilla. Everyone has a past,” I said as he pushed to his feet and walked to his closet. It pissed me off that telling Cade we were happy had to be such a negative thing. Who was he to judge? I loved my brother and he deserved to know the truth, but he also needed to stay in his lane.
Gray handed me a little box. I tore the paper off and opened the top to see the most beautiful rose gold necklace with a little heart dangling in the center. My heart raced and emotion welled. “Oh my gosh. This is stunning.”
My hands trembled as I pulled it out of the box and studied it. Gray took it from my fingers and I lifted my hair for him to clasp it around my neck.
“You have my heart, G. I want you to know that. It’s yours always.” His words nearly brought me to my knees.
“You have my heart too.” A tear streamed down my cheek and he caught it with his thumb.
“I think I’ve loved you for so long, I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t. And I want to give you everything. I know it’s going to be tough when we talk to Cade, but we’ll get through it. And hopefully your parents will be okay with it as well. That’s what I want. I want this to be something we don’t have to hide when we’re home moving forward.”
I smiled and reached for my backpack and pulled out three gifts. Mine weren’t as fancy as his, but I did try to find things I thought he would like. I handed him the first one. He tore through the gift wrap and studied the leather-bound book. He flipped to the first page and his lips turned up in the corners. I’d printed out all the pictures we’d taken this semester and placed them in the book. Some photos were taken at the pottery studio when he’d gone with me, a few were taken in Willow Springs when we’d snuck away, and most were taken at his fraternity house. Lying in bed, cuddled up watching a movie—Gray and I were always together. He laughed when he saw the one that I took of him with a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping down his body as he looked in the mirror.
“You little horn dog. Were you watching me?” he teased as he continued to flip through each page.
I leaned forward and smiled as I looked at the selfie we took. Gray’s face was buried in my neck as he kissed me, and my mouth was wide open in laughter. As we continued to look at each photo, it reminded me that we’d come so far over the past few months. There was a comfort and a closeness that was impossible to miss.
“Maybe we should just let Cade see this book, and let the photos speak for themselves,” I said when he flipped the last page over.
“I love this so much, G. And I promise I’m going to make this right with Cade.”
“It’s not your responsibility to make my brother understand. Yes, he deserves the truth, but that’s it. He doesn’t get to decide what’s best for us. This is not up to him. It’s ridiculous.” I leaned forward and kissed him before passing him the next package.
“It’s not ridiculous. Cade knows you’re special, just like I do. And I wouldn’t be okay with you dating me if I weren’t so fucking crazy in love with you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now you’re talking crazy. Here. One more.”
He looked inside the gift bag and pulled out a book titled, Idiot’s Guide To Taking the LSAT.
“Oh man, I needed this.” He laughed as I handed him one more gift and he shook his head in disapproval as if I’d given him too much. Gray had a hard time receiving gifts, I’d noticed this over the past few months. He enjoyed giving and being there for the people he loved, but he expected very little in return, and that broke my heart. Because he deserved everything. He deserved my brother’s approval, because he was a great friend to Cade and always had been. I wished Gray saw himself through my eyes.
He opened the last package and held up the T-shirt as he barked out a laugh. “My girlfriend is more badass than yours.”
“True that, buddy.” I laughed.
“You are a badass. Thank you. I’ve never gotten such thoughtful presents before.” He tucked my hair behind my ear.
My chest squeezed. Gray hadn’t been loved by his family the way he should have been, and I wanted to give him all that I had. “I love you. And don’t be mad, but I have to leave for a few hours. I’ll be back to have dinner with you though.”
“What? Where are you going?”
“Tiffany is making me and Addy come clean the house before break. She’s definitely not happy with me.” I pulled at the edge of the comforter on his bed.
“Fuck that. Are you serious? Since when is that a thing? The day before we go home for break? Hell, half the student body has already left. Is it only you two that have to be there?”
“Yep. She said it’s a new thing that she is implementing.”
Gray picked up his phone and typed out a message. When his phone dinged, he laughed at the screen. “All right, let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“I just messaged Jett. Fuck Tiffany. We’re going to help you bust this out. She can kiss my muscular, toned ass.”
I laughed. “I see you’re the president of the Gray Baldwin’s butt fan club.”
He nipped at my ear and I yelped. “Damn straight, baby. Let’s go.”
We’d just finished Christmas Eve dinner, and I was actually happy that Gray had convinced me to talk to my brother sooner rather than later because I was already tired of putting on an act. We’d come home yesterday, and it was unbelievably uncomfortable to pretend that we weren’t together. I’d made every effort to convince Gray to sneak into my room last night, but he’d refused to do it because he didn’t want to risk it. We’d laughed over the role reversal as he was the one trying to do this the right way, and I was willing to break all the rules. I couldn’t stand being away from him.
Gray was going to talk to Cade the day after tomorrow. He wanted to do it on his own so if my brother lost his shit, which he most likely would, I wouldn’t have to be around for it. He’d take him out to the lake and have a man to man, or a come to Jesus, or
whatever one wants to call it. My stomach wrenched at the thought, but I was equally annoyed that it had to be such a big deal. Cade was stubborn and set in his ways, and I wasn’t looking forward to him throwing a temper tantrum. I knew my brother well and he didn’t like surprises. But I hoped he’d get over it quickly.
My hand rested on the table beside Gray’s when my mom brought dessert out and set it down. His finger grazed mine, as if it were impossible not to touch when we were near one another. My foot found his beneath the table and I intertwined my leg with his. If Gray Baldwin was in my vicinity, I was going to be tangled up with him.
“These look so good,” I said, trying to focus on anything other than the boy beside me.
“I thought I’d make a few choices this year.” There was a tray of peppermint bark, frosted sugar cookies, and a gingerbread Bundt cake.
We tried samples of each as holiday music played through the surround sound, and the house smelled like pine and peppermint. Gray was going over to his house after dinner to have another dessert with his family. He wanted me to go with him, but we knew that would look suspicious to Cade. I just couldn’t wait to have this out in the open. I knew my parents would be happy about it as long as we were both happy.
“I’m going to head over to Addy’s to do our gift exchange with all the girls.” I’d been meeting my best friends on Christmas Eve since we were young.
“Oh, that’ll be fun. I hope you’ll have them all over here while you’re home as well.” My mother reached for a cookie.
“Yes, I will for sure.”
“And you’re going to your mom’s for a little bit?” Cade asked Gray as he bit the head off of a snowman cookie and sprinkles fell all around him.
“Yep. I’ll be over there for a few hours.”
“Okay, I’m going to head down to the lake and meet a few friends for a beer,” Cade said.
“Never a dull moment in Willow Springs with you kids.” My father scooped a healthy portion of whipped cream on top of his cake.
“Don’t drink too much. I’m planning to be up early for presents,” I said, rubbing my hands together and everyone laughed.
“Don’t you worry. I’m in a fraternity, I can handle my booze.” Cade pushed to his feet.
We cleaned up and everyone said their goodbyes as we all went our separate ways. When I got to Addy’s house, there was a text from Gray.
Gray ~ I can’t wait to have this behind us. I hate lying to him. He deserves better.
Me ~ I agree. But it shouldn’t be this big of a deal to tell him either. This is partly his fault that we’ve had to keep it a secret.
Gray ~ Love you, G.
Me ~ Love you xo
The girls and I had our gift exchange and oohed and aahed over all the cute gifts. I piled up my presents of makeup and fuzzy socks and jammies beside the table. We each had a matching stack of goodies, and we settled down for a quick chat over hot cocoa and cookies.
“So how is it at the house? I’m dying to know how you’re surviving staying away from that sexy boy of yours,” Coco said around a mouthful of pastry.
“It’s very weird. We both feel uncomfortable. Gray hasn’t been around as much as usual and I think it’s because he feels all this guilt about Cade. He went to his mom’s tonight but said he’d be back later.”
“And you’re telling him the day after Christmas, right?” Addy asked as she reached for a cookie. “I think it’s ridiculous that you have to walk on eggshells around Cade. He should just be happy for you guys.”
“I agree,” Ivy said. “Cade isn’t your father, and the fact that everyone has to worry about how he’ll take it versus just being happy for you bothers me. I love your brother, but it’s always been his way or the highway.”
“Right? And no offense, G, but your brother was no saint in high school either. Before he met Camilla, he was a player too. So, he’s a bit of a hypocrite if he doesn’t take it well,” Maura added.
“Yeah. A part of me wishes we had just told him from the start. Now it feels like this big lie, and he’s going to blow up that he was left in the dark. But we didn’t know it would turn into this… we wanted to give it a chance to see where it went.”
“And oh boy, did it go somewhere. You two could heat a small country with those sparks you put out. I kind of want to smack your brother upside the head and ask how he missed it. Anyone with the slightest bit of awareness can see there’s something there. Even his girlfriend is suspicious, and she barely knows you two.” Coco sat back and shook her head.
We all laughed and made our plans for New Year’s Eve before heading home. I texted Cade and Gray to see where they were. Cade was still out at the lake and said he wouldn’t be back for a while, and Gray was on his way to my house. I met him outside, as his truck pulled in the driveway just as I jumped out of my car.
“Hey,” I said, making my way over to him.
He glanced around and pulled me close before his mouth came over mine. “I hate this.”
“Me too.”
“We just need to get through tomorrow.”
I pushed up and kissed him, tangling my fingers in his hair.
“What the actual fuck is this?” My brother’s voice startled me from behind Gray’s car. We were standing off to the side of the driveway near the bushes. I pulled back and turned to see Cade storming toward us.
“What are you doing here?” I said, and my words wobbled when I saw how mad he was. The driveway was dark, but the streetlight provided just enough light to make out his features.
I’d never seen my brother look so angry.
“What am I doing here? Last I checked, I lived here. Yeah, you thought I’d be at the lake, huh? Funny thing is someone mentioned that they saw you two home a few weeks ago, and you appeared to be very much together. Not the way a guy looks out for his best friend’s little sister. They seemed surprised I didn’t know.” Cade’s words slurred and I knew he was drunk, which was not going to help the situation.
“Dude, let me explain. We were going to talk to you after Christmas.” Gray moved to stand in front of me and his hand came behind him to rest on my forearm.
Always the protector.
“How long?” Cade shouted, moving just inches from Gray’s face.
“It’s complicated. Let’s go for a walk and talk this out.”
“It’s complicated? What the fuck does that mean? Why the fuck do we need to go for a walk?” Cade poked his finger hard into Gray’s chest and I was not staying put any longer.
“You’re being so ridiculous. Why don’t you ask yourself why we felt the need to hide this from you? I’m a grown-ass woman, Cade. Stop treating me like a baby. And this is your best friend. Why can’t you just be happy for us?”
“G, stop,” Gray said, moving to stand in front of me again.
“You’re not a grown-ass woman, if this is who you’re choosing to date.” Cade’s voice was getting increasingly louder, and he was more agitated now that I’d spoken up.
“Fuck you. How dare you say that!” I screamed at him.
“Jesus Christ. You’re fucking her, aren’t you. You fucked my sister, you son of a bitch.” Cade lunged forward and Gray gripped him by the shoulders.
“Gigi, get in the house,” Gray said, his voice remained calm. “Don’t talk about your fucking sister that way, dude.”
“Don’t you speak of my fucking sister in any way,” Cade shouted, and his words were so loud I swore they ricocheted off the house. He turned and punched my car, which was parked in the driveway beside him. “Did you fuck my sister, you piece of shit? Tell me right now!”
“Get in the fucking house, G.” Gray turned to look at me, and Cade dove on top of him with no warning. I stumbled out of the way. Cade punched him as he sat on top of him, and Gray did not fight back. He just lay there taking it. Cade threw at least three punches w
ith absolutely no resistance from Gray.
“Stop it,” I screamed.
The door flew open and my father rushed outside. “What in the hell is going on?” He yanked my brother off of Gray and looked between them.
“You want to hit me again and again, go for it,” Gray said, his voice clipped and cool as he moved to his feet and wiped the blood from his nose. I moved to stand beside him and reached for his hand. “I’m in love with your sister, dude. This is not how I wanted to tell you. But you sure as shit didn’t make me feel like there was any good way.”
“You’re fucking dead to me! We’re done.” Cade’s voice could wake the dead as he shouted at both of us. My mother rushed outside to see what was going on. “Get in the fucking house, Gigi.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. You don’t get to call the shots. I love him, whether you support it or not does not change that.”
Cade lunged forward again, breaking free of my father, and took another shot at Gray who stumbled back, and I fell down right alongside him. I hit the pavement hard and heard my head crack against the cement.
“Jesus Christ, Cade. Get in the goddamn house. You’re drunk and out of control.” I’d never heard my father sound so angry. Cade stormed in the house and my parents were at my side, as Gray pulled me against his chest as he sat on the pavement.
“Are you all right?” he asked, feeling the back of my head and looking down to see blood on his hand. “Fuck, G. You’re bleeding.”
“Oh my god,” my mom cried out. “What do we do, Bradley?”
“Go get a towel and some ice. Gray, I don’t know what’s going on. Cade is clearly intoxicated, but I think you need to go home. I can’t focus on Gigi with you two fighting.”
“Don’t blame him, Dad.” My words broke on a sob, and my head pounded as Gray lifted me to my feet. “This is not his fault. He didn’t do anything.”
“I don’t care whose fault it is. I need to make sure you’re okay. We can work all of this out later.”
“Your dad’s right. Let him take you inside and check you out.” Gray stroked my hair as he studied me before turning to my dad. “Will you call me and let me know how she is?”
