[Goosebumps 15] - You Can't Scare Me!

by R. L. Stine

  I shoved him back. I was really angry. Mostly with myself, I guess.

  “There’s got to be something that Courtney is afraid of,” Charlene said thoughtfully.

  The bus stopped at a red light. I glanced out the window and saw that we were at the woods that led to Muddy Creek. “Maybe she’s afraid of the Mud Monsters,” I suggested.

  My three friends laughed bitterly. “No way,” Charlene said. “No one really believes in the Mud Monsters anymore. That’s a stupid old fairy tale. No way Courtney would be afraid of them.”

  There’s a legend in our town that the Mud Monsters live under the muddy banks of the creek. And sometimes when the moon is full, the Mud Monsters rise up from the creek bed, all dripping with mud, and look for victims to pull down in the mud with them.

  It’s a good story. I used to believe it when I was a little kid. My brother, Kevin, always took me into the woods there. He would tell me about the Mud Monsters rising up. Then he’d start to point and tremble and say that he saw them. I tried not to get scared. But I couldn’t help it. I always started screaming and running for my life!

  “Is your brother still making that movie about the Mud Monsters?” Hat asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah. You should see the disgusting costumes he and his friends cooked up. They’re really gross.”

  Kevin and some of his friends were making a home video for one of their high school courses. It was a horror movie called The Mud Monsters of Muddy Creek.

  I begged him to let me be in it. But he said he couldn’t take the risk. “What if the real Mud Monsters rose up and came after you?” he asked, grinning at me.

  I tried to explain that I was too old, that he couldn’t scare me with that stuff anymore. But Kevin still wouldn’t let me be in the video.

  The bus started with a jolt. I glanced up to the front and saw Courtney and Denise staring back at me, laughing.

  I turned to my friends. “We’ve got to find a way to scare Courtney,” I said heatedly. “We’ve got to!”

  “Eddie’s right,” Hat quickly agreed. “We’ve got to find a way to scare Courtney and embarrass her in front of a whole bunch of kids. Otherwise, she’ll never let us forget today.”

  “But she’s so brave, so totally fearless,” Charlene said, shaking her head. “What could we possibly do to frighten her?”

  We all moaned quietly, shaking our heads, thinking hard.

  Then I saw an evil smile break across Molly’s face. She pushed her glasses up on her nose. Behind them, her brown eyes sparkled with excitement. “I think I have an idea,” she whispered.

  5

  “My brother has a disgusting rubber snake,” Molly whispered. Her excited grin grew wider.

  The four of us huddled together on the edge of the back seat. Every time the bus bounced, we nearly fell to the floor.

  “Courtney isn’t afraid of snakes,” Hat interrupted. “She likes to pet them. Remember?”

  “That was a stupid green snake,” Molly whispered. “My brother’s rubber snake is big and black. The mouth is open. It’s got these huge, pointy white fangs. It’s got a fierce expression on its face, and—”

  “Does it look real or does it look fake?” I asked.

  The bus hit a hard bump. We all bounced a foot straight up.

  “It looks real,” Molly replied, her eyes flashing behind her glasses. “And it feels warm and kind of sticky.”

  “Yuck!” Charlene exclaimed, making a face.

  “He’s scared me with it a dozen times,” Molly confessed. “It’s so real and disgusting, I’m fooled by it every time. Once when I reached under my pillow in the middle of the night and felt it there, I screamed for at least an hour. No one could get me to stop.”

  “Great!” Hat declared.

  I still had my doubts. “You really think it’ll make Courtney scream?”

  Molly nodded. “She’ll freak. She’ll totally freak. This rubber snake is ugly enough to scare a real snake!”

  We all laughed loudly. Some kids in the front turned to see what was so funny. I could see Courtney and Denise in the front seat, writing in their notebooks. They were probably copying their work sheet lists over. They both had to be perfect students in every way.

  “I can’t wait to scare Courtney,” I said as the bus pulled up to our school. “You sure you can get this snake from your brother, Molly?”

  Molly grinned at me. “I know which drawer he keeps it in. I’ll just borrow it.”

  “But what are we going to do with it?” Charlene demanded. “How are we going to scare Courtney with it? Where are we going to hide it?”

  “In her lunch bag, of course,” Molly replied.

  The four of us climbed off the bus with big smiles on our faces.

  * * *

  The lunch bags were kept on a low bookshelf in the back of our classroom. My class always eats lunch right in our classroom. Our school is very small so a cafeteria was never built. Courtney’s lunch was always easy to spot. It was the biggest one on the shelf.

  Her mother always packed her two sandwiches and two boxes of juice. Plus a bag of potato chips and an apple, some string cheese, and usually a fruit rollup or two.

  I don’t know why Courtney’s mom gave her such big lunches. There was no way Courtney could eat it all. She became a big hero at lunchtime because she shared a lot of it with kids who had crummy lunches.

  The next morning, I got to school a little late. The lunch bags were already spread out on the low shelf. I could see Courtney’s overstuffed brown paper bag at the end.

  I studied Courtney’s lunch bag as I set mine down at the other end. Had Molly succeeded in her mission? Had she stuffed the rubber snake into the bag?

  I couldn’t tell by looking at the bag. But I could tell by looking at Molly. Her face was bright red, and she kept darting nervous glances at me.

  Yes.

  Molly had succeeded.

  Now we just had to survive the three and a half hours until lunchtime.

  How would I be able to concentrate on anything? I kept turning around in my seat and glancing back at Courtney’s bulging lunch bag.

  I kept imagining what was about to happen. I pictured the wonderful scene again and again. I saw Courtney sitting across the table from Denise, as she always did. I saw her chattering away. I saw her reach into the brown paper bag….

  I saw the horrified look on Courtney’s face. I imagined her scream. I imagined the snake popping up from the bag, its fangs bared, its eyes glowing like hot coals.

  I pictured Courtney shrieking in fright and everyone else laughing at her, making fun of her. I imagined myself walking over casually and picking up the snake. “Why, it’s only rubber, Courtney,” I’d say, holding it up high so everyone could see. “You shouldn’t be afraid of rubber snakes. They’re harmless. Perfectly harmless!”

  What a victory!

  All morning long, Hat, Molly, Charlene, and I kept grinning at each other, casting secret glances back and forth. I don’t think we heard a single word Mr. Melvin said.

  I couldn’t tell you what spelling words were written on the blackboard. And I couldn’t tell you what kind of math was on my review sheet. It was just a blur of numbers and squiggly signs to me.

  My three friends and I spent most of the morning staring eagerly at the clock. Finally, lunchtime rolled around.

  We hung back, all four of us. We waited at our tables and watched Courtney and Denise walk together to the back of the room to get their lunches.

  We watched Courtney bend down in front of the bookshelf. First she handed Denise’s lunch up to her. Then she picked up her own bag.

  The two of them made their way to the table where they always sat. They pulled out chairs and sat down across from each other.

  This is it, I thought, holding my breath.

  This is the big moment.

  6

  My friends and I hurried to get our lunches. We didn’t want anyone to wonder why we were just standing there staring at Courtn
ey.

  We sat down at our usual table. I kept my eyes glued on Courtney. I was so nervous and eager, I thought I would burst!

  Courtney started to open her lunch bag.

  Just then, everyone heard a low groan from the back of the room. It was Mr. Melvin. “Oh, no,” he cried. “I forgot my lunch today.”

  “That’s no problem,” Courtney called back to him.

  Mr. Melvin walked over to her table. He leaned down and started talking to her. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. It’s always really noisy in the room at lunchtime with everyone talking and laughing and crinkling their lunch bags and unwrapping their food.

  Hat, Molly, Charlene, and I were the only ones in the room who were being quiet. We watched as Courtney and Mr. Melvin continued to talk.

  “What are they talking about?” Hat whispered to me. “Why doesn’t he let her open her bag?”

  I shrugged, keeping my eyes on Courtney. She had a thoughtful expression on her face. Then she smiled up at him.

  Then she handed him her lunch bag.

  “No, really, it’s fine,” Courtney said to Mr. Melvin. “You can have some of my lunch. You know my mom always packs too much.”

  “Oh, no,” I groaned. I suddenly felt sick.

  “Should we warn him?” Hat asked me.

  Too late.

  Still standing beside Courtney’s table, Mr. Melvin opened the bag and reached inside. His eyes narrowed in bewilderment.

  Then he let out a high-pitched, startled cry as he pulled the big, black snake out.

  The lunch bag dropped to the floor. The rubber snake wriggled briefly in his hand.

  Molly was right. It was very real-looking.

  Mr. Melvin let out another cry, and the snake dropped to the floor.

  The room filled with startled shrieks and cries.

  Courtney leapt up from her seat. She gave Mr. Melvin a gentle shove to move him out of the way. Then she began stomping on the snake. Fierce, hard stomps.

  Heroic stomps.

  A few seconds later, she picked the snake up and flashed Mr. Melvin a triumphant grin. The snake was in two pieces. She had stomped off its head. “My brother is going to kill me!” Molly moaned.

  “Well, at least we scared Mr. Melvin,” Charlene said after school. Charlene always tries to look on the bright side.

  “I can’t believe he spent the rest of the afternoon trying to find out who put the snake in the bag,” Hat exclaimed.

  “Courtney kept looking over at us,” I said. “Do you think she suspected us?”

  “Probably,” Hat replied. “I’m just glad to get out of there.”

  “Mr. Melvin has a really funny scream,” Charlene remarked.

  Molly didn’t say a word. I guessed she was thinking about what her brother would do to her when he discovered his rubber snake was gone.

  We were walking to my house. We had all agreed to hold a meeting and try to come up with a better plan for scaring Courtney.

  It was a beautiful, warm day. It had been raining all week. This was the rainy season in southern California. But today the sun was bright yellow in a clear, smogless sky.

  Everyone was thinking about how we almost got caught—and how we failed at frightening Courtney.

  We failed. And Courtney was a hero once again.

  “The rubber snake was a bad idea,” Hat murmured as we crossed the street onto my block.

  “Tell us about it,” Molly grumbled, rolling her eyes.

  “Courtney will never fall for a fake,” Hat continued. “We need something real to scare Courtney. Something alive.”

  “Huh? Something alive?” I asked.

  Hat started to reply—but a woman’s voice interrupted him.

  I turned to see Mrs. Rudolph, one of our neighbors, running toward us. Her blonde hair was all wild, and she had a very troubled expression on her face.

  “Eddie, please—you’ve got to help me!” she cried.

  7

  I felt a cold chill run down my back. Mrs. Rudolph looked so frightened.

  “What’s w-wrong?” I stammered.

  She pointed up to the sky. “Can you help me?”

  “Huh?” I followed her gaze. It took me a while to realize she was pointing up to a tree branch, not to the sky.

  “It’s Muttly, my cat,” Mrs. Rudolph said, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand, still pointing with the other.

  “I see him,” Hat said. “On that branch. The bent one.”

  “I don’t know how he got out of the house,” Mrs. Rudolph said. “He never climbs trees. Somehow he got up there, and he can’t get down.”

  I stared up into the thick leaves. Yep. There was Muttly. Pretty high up. Making frightened yowling sounds and pawing at the slender tree branch.

  We all stood staring up at the frightened cat.

  Suddenly I felt Mrs. Rudolph’s hand on my shoulder. “Can you climb up and get him, Eddie?”

  I swallowed hard. I’m not the best tree climber in the world. In fact, I hate climbing trees. I always cut my hands on the bark or scrape the skin off my stomach or something.

  “Please hurry,” Mrs. Rudolph pleaded. “Muttly’s so scared. He—he’s going to fall.”

  So what if he falls! Aren’t cats supposed to have nine lives?

  That’s what I thought. But I didn’t say that to Mrs. Rudolph.

  Instead, I stammered something about how high up he was.

  “You’re good at climbing trees, aren’t you?” Mrs. Rudolph said. “I mean, all boys your age climb trees, don’t they?” Her eyes studied me. She had a strong look of disapproval on her face.

  She thinks I’m a chicken, I realized.

  If I don’t climb the tree and rescue her stupid cat, she’ll tell my mom what a weakling I am. The word will be out all over the neighborhood: Mrs. Rudolph asked Eddie for help, and he just stood there like a coward, making lame excuses.

  “I’m a little afraid of heights,” I confessed.

  “Go ahead, Eddie,” Hat urged. “You can do it.” Some friend.

  Above us, the cat yowled loudly. He sounded like a baby crying. His tail stood stiffly straight up in the air.

  “You can do it, Eddie,” Charlene said, staring up at the cat.

  “Please hurry,” Mrs. Rudolph pleaded. “My kids will be heartbroken if anything happens to Muttly.”

  I hesitated, gazing up the long, rough-barked trunk.

  The cat yowled again.

  I saw the branch tremble. I saw the cat’s legs scrabble frantically as he lost his grip.

  Then I heard the cat yelp as he started to fall.

  8

  We all screamed.

  The branch bobbed up and down. The cat clung to the branch with his front paws. Its back legs kicked the air furiously.

  “Oh no oh no oh no!” Mrs. Rudolph chanted, covering her eyes with one hand.

  The cat yowled in terror.

  Somehow he managed to pull himself back up onto the shaking tree branch. Then he cried again, frightened, human-sounding cries.

  Mrs. Rudolph lowered her hand from her eyes. She stared disgustedly at me. “I guess I’d better call the fire department.”

  I knew I should grab onto the tree trunk and pull myself up. But I really am afraid of heights. I’m just not a good climber.

  With an exasperated sigh, Mrs. Rudolph turned and started jogging to her house. She stopped when we heard a girl’s voice cry out.

  “Hey—what’s the problem?”

  Courtney rolled onto the sidewalk on her sleek red racing bike. She hopped off and let the bike fall to the ground. She was wearing white denim overalls over a bright yellow T-shirt.

  “What’s going on, guys?” she asked, hurrying up to us.

  “My cat—” Mrs. Rudolph said, pointing up to the tree.

  The cat yowled in panic.

  Courtney gazed up to the bobbing branch.

  “I’ll get him down,” Courtney said. She grabbed the tree trunk and began shinnying up.
<
br />   The cat meowed and nearly slipped again.

  Courtney climbed quickly, easily, wrapping her legs around the trunk, pulling herself up with both hands.

  A few seconds later, she made her way onto the branch, grabbed the cat around the stomach with one hand, and pulled him close to her body. Then she skillfully lowered herself to the ground.

  “Here’s the poor kitty,” Courtney said, smoothing the cat’s fur, petting it gently. She handed him to Mrs. Rudolph. Courtney’s white denims and yellow T-shirt were smeared with dirt and bits of dark bark. She had pieces of green leaves in her blonde hair.

  “Oh, thank you,” Mrs. Rudolph gushed, wrapping the still mewing cat in her arms. “Thank you so much, dear. You were so wonderful.”

  Courtney brushed some of the dirt off her overalls. “I like climbing trees,” she told Mrs. Rudolph. “It’s really fun.”

  Mrs. Rudolph turned her gaze to me, and her smile quickly faded. “I’m glad someone in this neighborhood is brave,” she said, making a disgusted face. She thanked Courtney again, then turned and carried the cat into the house.

  I felt so bad. I wanted to sink into the ground with the worms. I wanted to disappear and never be seen again.

  But there I was, standing with my hands shoved in my jeans pockets.

  And there was Courtney, grinning at me. Gloating. Rubbing it in with that smug look on her face.

  Hat, Molly, and Charlene didn’t say a word. When I looked at them, they avoided my eyes. I knew they were embarrassed for me. And angry that Courtney had made us all look bad again.

  Courtney picked up her bike and started walking it away. She threw her leg over the bar and climbed on to the seat. Then she suddenly turned back to me.

  “Hey, Eddie—was it you who put that dumb snake in my lunch?”

  “Of course not!” I exclaimed. I kicked the grass with one sneaker.

  She continued to stare at me, her blue eyes studying my face.

  I knew I was blushing. I could feel my cheeks grow hot. But there was nothing I could do about it.