by Nicola Jane
Eva wraps a bandage around my leg. Having her so close is painful when all I want to do is carry her off to my bed and lose myself in her. “Right, now that’s done, VP, let’s take this to The Windsor,” suggests Chains. I groan to myself. I want peace and rest, but I can’t let my brothers see the darkness coming for me, so I grin and knock back another shot. “Hell yeah,” I shout and slam the empty glass on the table.
“Aren’t we going to talk?” asks Eva gently, that pity staring right at me.
“Talk about what?” I snap and she recoils slightly. “We need to talk about what the fuck you were thinking willingly giving yourself to Callum like that, but we’ll save that for when I’m not so mad at you.” I stand and pull up my jeans. “Laters. Don’t wait up.”
Eva
I stare down at my glass of wine. It was cold an hour ago when Anna topped up my glass, but now even the condensation on the outside of the glass has drizzled away.
“Eva, I’m gonna head up to bed. Are you waiting up for the guys to come home?” asks Anna,
I shake my head sadly and get up off the couch. “What’s the point?”
Anna and Frankie have spent the last hour talking to me about these guys, how they handle their shit and what the best thing to do is. Frankie said to carry on as normal and Cree would eventually catch up with me and get on the same page. Anna said to pin his ass down and force him to talk. The thing is, I don’t know where to start. How do I ask if he’s okay? He was forced to have sex with a woman when he didn’t want to, and he’s not exactly the talkative type, but I know deep down it must have brought back some bad memories for him, not that he’ll ever admit it.
I climb into bed in my own room, not Cree’s. It feels strange doing such a normal thing after everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours. I eventually drift off to sleep thinking about Callum and Michelle and wondering what Cree did with Emily after he dragged her out of that place. My mind is racing, so it’s no surprise when I wake a few hours later in a hot sweat, dreaming of the moment the bullet hit Callum in the head.
I make a dash to the bathroom at the end of the landing, throw open the door, and dive to the toilet, falling to my knees and bringing up the contents of my stomach. I sit back on my butt and lean against the wall with my head in my hands, sobbing.
I check my watch. It’s almost two in the morning and Cree didn’t come and get me. I get to my feet and splash my face with cool water, then rinse my mouth. I have to see if he’s home, if he’s okay.
I creep along the landing and stop outside Cree’s room. I gently push the door, and my heart thuds hard when I see him asleep with a woman next to him. I stare at the scene before me with my mouth open, not sure if I believe what I’m seeing. I’m thankful I’ve already vomited because otherwise, I would be running to the bathroom right now. He stirs and reaches out until his hand feels the sleeping body beside him, then he settles against her. I feel the anger build inside of me. How fuckin dare he after what we’ve been through? It’s like we take two steps forwards and twenty steps back, and I’m so over his bullshit. He’s been through a lot, but so have I.
I turn the light on and it’s bright enough to cause them both to cover their eyes and groan in protest. “What the fuck are you doing?” I yell, and Cree sits up, his face full of shock and confusion. “You said you loved me!”
He blinks a few times and then looks to the woman beside him. It’s now I notice she’s one of the club whores who hang around here hoping to become an ol’ lady. I glare at Cree, waiting for an explanation. He lifts the covers slightly and sighs. “We didn’t fuck. I have clothes on.”
“You passed out,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Get the fuck out of his bed!” I yell, and she huffs before stomping out of the room. “All the fuss you made about lies and here you are in bed with a club whore. You cheating piece of shit!” I hiss. “This is too much. You’ve done too much!” I turn and rush back to my room. The tears roll down my cheeks and I refuse to let him see.
I expect him to come after me. It’s something Cree does—Bangs at my door and insists we talk, or fight, or whatever. But he doesn’t. I lay in bed alone, my heart breaking, and he doesn’t even try to make things right.
Cree
I pace my bedroom, my blood still full of alcohol and my head fuzzy. I don’t know why I grabbed that random girl by the hand as we were leaving the bar. It’s not like I’d spent the night grafting her. I just saw her, took her hand, and insisted she come back with me. I’m the VP, so she wasn’t gonna be asked twice. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Stupid fuck!
The morning comes and I watch the sunrise. Maybe it’s for the best. Eva saw me at my worst, and every time she looks at me, she’ll only ever see me as that weak ass, tied to a chair and fucked by some crazy bitch. I shake the thought of Michelle away and head down for breakfast. Shit needs to get back to normal and quickly.
Chapter Sixteen
Eva
I push the scrambled eggs around on my plate. There are four others at the table as well as me and Cree, and tension fills the air.
“So, Eva,” Anna says and smiles. “What are you doing today?”
I drop my fork onto my plate and lean back in the chair. “Going home,” I say. Cree keeps his head down but his eyes flick to mine. “And I need to find a new job,” I add with a sarcastic laugh. “I don’t think Michelle will give me my job back.”
“There’s no rush to move back home, is there?” asks Anna, looking at Cree and then at me again.
“I spent the night thinking things over. I’m considering moving away,” I say. “From London,” I add. All eyes turn to me and I smile awkwardly. Cree drops his fork on his plate and pushes away from the table, leaving the room without a word. Riggs goes after him.
“Leaving London?” repeats Anna.
“Why?” asks Frankie.
Tears fill my eyes again and I smile through them. “It’s time for a new start. Too much has happened.”
“You’ll find a job here. Hell, I bet Riggs has some business you can run or work at,” says Frankie. “What about your mum?”
“I think she’s found a home here with you guys.” I smile. “She loves it here, and Riggs said she could stay.” I fall silent and then take a breath. “I can’t fix Cree. I can’t be who he needs.”
“Nobody said you had to fix him,” says Frankie gently. “None of the Kings need fixing. They need accepting as they are.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I caught him in bed with a club whore early this morning. He isn’t even sorry. I can’t be the girl who sits around and gets treated like crap. If things go wrong, is he always gonna turn to someone else?” I smile sadly. “Trust me to fall in love with him.”
“Please don’t make any big decisions right now,” says Anna, taking my hand in hers. “I know what you feel like. I was so out of my depth when I met Riggs. But look how that turned out. Things will work out if you stick around. If you leave, you’ll never know what you could have had. Besides . . . ” She leans closer. “I might need you around in seven months’ time,” she whispers.
“Are you kidding?” screeches Frankie happily.
Anna shakes her head. “Keep it down. I haven’t told Riggs yet. He’s had a lot on his mind.”
Frankie hugs Anna and then I do the same. “I’m happy for you,” I say. And I am. But Anna has so many people around her to help. It’s not enough to keep me here. Malia sweeps into the room with her little blond curls bouncing.
“Aunty Eva, Cree is smashing things. Daddy Finn said you have to get out there now.”
I find them in Cree’s room. Furniture is tipped upside down and he’s standing amongst it, breathing heavily and glaring at Riggs. “So glad you could join us,” mutters Riggs. “Maybe you could talk sense into the guy who’s telling me he doesn’t need to see his shrink no more!” he snaps. “Cos obviously this behaviour is normal.”
“Get off my back, Riggs!” yells Cree.
“You’ll
go to prison, you moron. Seeing the shrink is part of the deal!” shouts Riggs.
“If he doesn’t want to see her, then leave him to it.” I shrug and they both turn to me. I lean against the door frame. “He’s a grown-ass man. Maybe he needs some jail time to calm his ass down.”
“Maybe that’s what you want. Then you can move to wherever the hell you want!” Cree yells.
“I can move whether you’re locked up or not because it’s nothing to do with you,” I spit angrily.
“That’s better, Eva. Look at me like you hate me. It’s better than the pity I saw in your eyes yesterday,” he growls.
“Wow.” I laugh. “Is that why you slept with another woman? To make me hate you?”
He looks uncertain all of a sudden. “I told you, I didn’t have sex with her,” he mutters.
“Of course not,” I snap sarcastically. “I’m sure every cheating man said the same!”
“Why do you care anyway? I cheated in that room right in front of your eyes with Michelle!”
I suck in a breath. “That wasn’t cheating,” I say. “That was ra—”
Cree moves so fast towards me that I flinch away. “Don’t finish that fuckin’ word!” he shouts. My heartbeat thuds in my chest and I press myself up against the wall, turning my face to the side, away from his heated glare. “Don’t ever say that fucking word. I cheated. You saw it. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
The room falls silent, and all that can be heard is my heavy breathing. I keep my eyes fixed to the ground until he steps away from me and then I run straight for my room, locking the door and sliding to the floor. I’m so tired of crying. I can’t keep doing this to myself.
Cree
I force myself to sit downstairs in the main room of the club when Eva says her goodbyes to everyone. I deserve to feel this pain.
She’s swinging Malia around and smothering her in kisses. She’ll make a great mum one day, when she meets a nice guy worthy of her love. She looks happy, and who can blame her? She’s getting away from me and my fucked up life.
She throws herself at Lake, wrapping her arms and legs around him. He nuzzles his face into her neck. They have a good relationship. Eva told me it’s more like brother and sister these days. Her earlier attraction to him has vanished and now she just loves his company. Maybe I should have let her have a chance with him. At least that way, I’d get to see her every day, even if she wouldn’t be mine to love.
“I’m seeing you in a few hours, you crazy woman,” says Lake, setting her on her feet. I push the jealousy down. I don’t deserve to feel upset that she’s spending time with Lake.
“Um?” Anna grins, wiggling her brows, and Eva rolls her eyes playfully.
“He’s coming to fix my shower,” she explains, and that stings a little more. She’d asked me to sort that and I hadn’t gotten around to it.
“With the promise of pizza as payment,” Lake points out. They all laugh and I ball my hands into fists. Why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I relax and joke around and just be fuckin’ normal?
Eva makes her way towards me. “I left some of your stuff on your bed. Just a shirt and clothes I stole because they were comfy to sleep in,” she says with a smile. “Take care, Elijah.” She tries to walk away but I snatch her hand in mine.
“Why are you giving up?” I didn’t plan on stopping her, but it slipped out. I’m just as surprised as her.
“Why are you?” she asks. She pulls free and walks away.
I stand by the window while Doctor Eleanor Chapman chews on her pen. I’ve been standing in her office for five minutes and neither of us has said a word. “You’re bleeding,” she says and points to my leg. I glance down at the patch of blood soaking through my jeans.
“It keeps busting open,” I mutter. I’d layered Steri-Strips over it just an hour ago, but nothing keeps it closed.
“It might need gluing at the hospital,” she adds thoughtfully.
“Eva left.”
“Things didn’t work out?” she asks.
“Yeah, we’re getting married,” I say sarcastically.
She laughs. “Is she marrying you for your sarcasm?”
“Something happened. To me. And her.”
“Tell me what happened to you,” she says.
“I was drugged. I woke in a room tied to a chair.”
She points her pen back to my leg. “Is that how you got the wound?”
I nod. “A woman I knew. She . . . ” I pause, trying to find the words. “She . . . ” I sigh and take a seat. “We had sex.”
“In the room?” she asks and I nod. “While you were tied to a chair?” I nod again and rub at my chest uncomfortably. I feel too hot. The shrink is looking at me intensely.
“When you’re in this life,” I mutter, “bad shit happens. I’ve been shot. Stabbed. Even beat up once.” I laugh. “You get used to it,” I add.
“Elijah, sexual assault is not something anyone can get used to or should have to.” I glare at her. Picking up on my anger, she asks, “Did you want to have sex with that woman?”
I shake my head. “But we’d had sex before. I wanted to before. I think.”
“Think back to the last time you had meaningful sex,” she says. “Sex that you wanted. That you enjoyed.” I know the exact moment. It was the only time I’d ever enjoyed sex and it was with Eva. “How many times has that happened?”
“Just with Eva,” I utter.
“And how many times have you had sex? How many women have you had sex with?” she asks.
I shrug. “Too many to count.”
“When that woman had sex with you and you were tied up, did you want that sex? That time?” I shake my head. “Then you were sexually assaulted.” I let the words sink in. “Does Eva know?”
I nod. “She saw. They made her watch.”
Doctor Chapman raises her brows. “How is she?”
“She’s gone, I told you. Why would she stick around after that? She watched me cheat.”
“No, Elijah, she watched you be assaulted. She’s as much a victim as you.”
I stand and pace. “I’m not a fuckin’ victim,” I growl. I run my hands through my hair. “They said that before, when I was sixteen. ‘He’s an abused child’.” I mimic the words with disdain and shake my head angrily. “I knew what I was doing. I fucked those women because I could.”
“Or because you needed to keep your pimp happy. You didn’t choose to have sex with those women. It wasn’t your idea. You were pushed into it by an adult who knew better. He knew how wrong it was. That’s why they said you were the victim. It wasn’t your choice.”
“How do I make her come back?” I ask quietly.
“You get yourself better,” she says simply. “You keep talking like you have been. You’re doing so well, Elijah. You have to accept that a lot of what’s happened to you isn’t your fault, but we’re getting there.” I nod. Maybe we are.
I get back to the club and head straight down into the basement. I can face some of my demons down here. With Emily.
She looks up from her cell. Riggs had six spaces made of metal bars down here. Big enough to walk around and house a single mattress and a toilet in each. I pull up a stool in front of her cell and sit down. “Start again. From the beginning.”
Emily sighs and takes a seat on her mattress. “My mum used to have sex with you. Desperate or what?” she mutters. “She had problems with my dad and turned to drugs. You gave her those as well. When she couldn’t afford to pay cash anymore, she had sex with you. It was filmed. It was shared on porn websites for the world to see. To cut a long story short, she died from the shit you sold her, but before she died, she suffered. She was ashamed and vulnerable and you exploited her.”
“And now you want revenge?”
“I knew you’d help me if you saw someone trying to take me. You were already known to the people I hung out with.” She laughs. “So fucking predictable. You know you can’t make up for all the bad you did by being the hero whe
n it suits you.”
“That old guy I thought was your dad, is that the type of people you hang out with?” I snigger.
“He knows what I need,” she snaps.
“He’s a pervert,” I scoff.
“And then you got hooked on innocent Eva and I knew she was my way to you. When I realised who she worked for, it was a sign. I already knew Callum, and so it made everything easy.”
“But your plan failed,” I point out. “And your mum is still dead. I still fucked her. Callum and that old bastard you fucked are both dead. So now what?” I ask. She scowls. “Without your Scooby-Doo crew, you’re all alone,” I smirk.
“Is she still around?” She grins. “Eva? She watched you fucking Michelle. That couldn’t have been easy, and what if Michelle ends up pregnant? Now that would be a twist.” I shift uneasily. I hadn’t thought about that. “Maybe I have managed to pay you back. I wanted death, but losing Eva and maybe becoming a dad is much better.”
I stomp from the room. As I pass Chains, I tell him to end her. I can’t let her live and hurt Eva as a way to punish me.
Chapter Seventeen
Eva
It’s been a week since I left the club, and it’s hard. Mum decided to stay there, and so seeing her has been tricky because I want to avoid Cree, which means we have to meet outside of the club a lot. I feel sad all of the time. I can’t shake it, but maybe this is how a broken heart is supposed to feel.
“You’re looking lost.” I smile at the sound of Lake’s voice. “I thought I’d drive you to the job interview.”
“You really don’t have to do that.” I get up from the seat at the bus stop. “You’ve become my chauffeur.” He grins as I put on the helmet and climb on his bike.
“Wedding planning is big business.” Gia smiles. I have a good feeling about her—she’s relaxed and funny, and she makes me feel at ease. “People request some crazy stuff, but I enjoy every second of it. I need someone who can keep me organised.”
