Just Friends

by Monica Murphy

I shake my head. “We’re friends.” Best friends. Who want something more.

  Maybe?

  “Uh huh.” The look he sends me is knowing. “So it’s like that between you two.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I refuse to look at him. He’d probably see the guilt in my eyes and I’d be busted. Just like that.

  “Right. So tell me.” He leans in close, his mouth right at my ear. “You’ve kissed him.”

  I remain quiet.

  “Sucked his dick?”

  He is unbelievable. I send him a look that hopefully is chock full of indignation.

  “Jerked him off, then.”

  The tips of my ears go hot.

  “Fumbling fingers in your panties? Did he find your sweet spot or did you have to take care of yourself later when you got home?”

  “Ew.” I shove him and he nearly topples off the lounge chair. Somehow he keeps the plate of pizza in one hand, never dropping it as he lands on his feet. “You’re vulgar.”

  He grins. “You like it. And I think I’ve just guessed your darkest, dirtiest secret.”

  “My lips are sealed.” I mime zipping my lips and throwing away the key.

  Though he did just figure out my darkest, dirtiest secret.

  “Right. Keeping it in the vault and all that.” He nods, standing in front of me and blocking my view. As in, he is my view.

  “No. There’s just…nothing to tell.” I shrug, all feigned nonchalance.

  Ryan settles beside me once more, devouring the last piece of pizza in three bites before he speaks again. “So no jerking off and finger-fucking went down between you two. Got it.”

  He says the words so casually and I want to die. Just evaporate into thin air. “You are like really….”

  When I say nothing else, he laughs. “Go ahead. Say it.”

  “Crude?”

  “Yeah. But does it bother you?” His voice is low, low, low.

  I squirm, pressing my thighs together. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “In a good way or a bad way?”

  I lift my head, my gaze meeting his. “Would you believe me if I said in a bad way?”

  He shakes his head slowly. “No.”

  Glancing around, I make sure nobody is close and then say, “What about Em?”

  “What about her?”

  “I thought you two were…”

  “Together? Not at all.”

  I’m startled by the vehemence in his tone. “She said the same thing.”

  “Really? That’s good. Em and I? We see eye to eye.” His face comes closer to mine. I can see there are gold flecks in his green eyes. And that he hasn’t shaved in a day or two. Stubble covers his jaw. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

  His whiplash change of subject makes me tilt my head. “About what?”

  “About you and Dustin.” He hesitates, his mouth curving into a lopsided smile. “I think you have messed around with him.”

  “So what if I have? Does that bother you?”

  “No.” His smile grows. “Makes me curious.”

  “Curious about what?”

  “Exactly what you two have done together.”

  I can’t tell him. Can I? No. Yes? “We’ve kissed.”

  “Big deal.”

  “Um…touched each other.” Why am I saying this?

  “Under your clothes? Or completely naked?” His gaze rakes over me, like he’s trying to imagine me completely naked. I bet he’s having an easy time of it considering I’m barely dressed.

  Stupid Em and the stupid bikini she gave me.

  “You ask way too many personal questions,” I tell him.

  “I’m trying to figure out what you like.”

  I suck in a breath. “Why?”

  “Because whatever he can’t do for you, maybe I can.”

  Okay. Okay, okay, okay. This boy is way too forward. I rise to my feet, practically trip over my own flip-flops, and I step away from him, needing the distance. “You’re with Em,” I remind him.

  “It’s not serious.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I say firmly. “You shouldn’t flirt with me. We shouldn’t be talking about any of this,” I tell him as I start to walk away.

  “Thanks for the pizza!” he yells after me.

  But I don’t acknowledge him.

  It’s late, past one in the morning and I’m in Em’s bed alone when I feel someone slide under the covers. I go stiff, scared for the briefest moment it’s a stranger, but then a strong arm wraps around my middle and Dustin rests his chin on my bare shoulder.

  “I can’t believe I found you,” he whispers close to my ear, his lips touching my skin and making me shiver.

  “I’ve been here the entire time,” I tell him sleepily. Well, I’ve only been here for maybe an hour. Em disappeared a while ago and so did Ryan. I think they’re in her parents’ bedroom doing…God knows what.

  I shouldn’t let it bother me. He’s sort of a creep, to flirt so heavily with me right before he tumbles into bed with one of my best friends. I should tell her what he said. How he touched me. The words he said.

  Everything Ryan says is laden with sexual innuendo. And for one breathless, shivery moment, I wanted him to talk to me like that again. Touch me again.

  But that is absolutely crazy. I like Dustin. I should be with Dustin. Everywhere I looked though, I couldn’t find him. My head was spinning and most everyone had already left, so I dragged myself upstairs and collapsed into Em’s bed, drunk and tired yet unable to fall asleep. I’m still wearing the bikini.

  And Dustin is still wearing his board shorts. Nothing else. We are skin on skin, and his mouth is now on my shoulder, his fingers drifting lazily over my stomach.

  I told myself I wouldn’t do this again, but wow, his touch feels so good. And I’ve been so lonely this entire summer. It feels good to be back, in Dustin’s arms.

  “I missed you,” Dustin murmurs, his mouth hot on my neck, his hands wandering up until they’re cupping my breasts. His touch is gentle yet with enough firmness to make me crave more. I arch into his hands, gasp when he shoves the triangle-shaped fabric away and he’s touching nothing but bare skin. “If you want me to stop, I will.”

  He always says that. He’s considerate. And I really appreciate that. My feelings about him confuse me though. And it doesn’t help that Ryan’s walked into our lives and sent my head spinning even harder.

  Even though I should totally forget about him. He seems…

  Dangerous.

  “Don’t stop,” I tell Dustin, turning around to face him when he encourages me with his hands on my waist. He grabs hold of my leg, drapes it over his hip as he leans in and kisses me.

  His damp, full lips move over mine hungrily, our tongues thrusting, hands wandering everywhere, the bed creaking as we shift into a better position. I don’t want to go too far, but I need to ease the building ache deep inside.

  Right now, it’s like only Dustin can take care of me.

  “Ah, hell,” he moans when he slips his hand in my bikini bottoms. “Livvy, you’re so wet.”

  I rock into his hand and kiss him, moaning when his busy fingers hit a particular spot. “Oh God.” I want more. More, more, more. If he stops touching me like this, I will die.

  And he knows it.

  “Missed you so bad, Liv. Missed being with you like this,” he whispers, his fingers increasing their pace, his mouth hungrily devouring mine. I move with him, my hands sliding down his chest, loosening the ties of his swim trunks so I can dip beneath and grab hold of him. When I wrap my fingers around him, he groans against my lips, his fingers faltering.

  We’re a mess. Sloppy. Somehow I end up naked and flat on my back and his swim trunks are around his knees as he hovers above me. I’m touching him and he’s touching me and we’re kissing. Moaning. Whispering words of encouragement. That ache deep within me grows, consuming me, and my hips rise toward his, seeking fingers like I have no control. I squeeze him tight, his fing
ers slip over one spot over and over again, and that’s it.

  The shudders consume me, a soft “oh” falling from my lips as I shake and he follows right after me, a choked moan coming from deep within his chest. Until he collapses on top of me, his forehead pressed against mine, his ragged breath hot in my face. I clutch him close, smooth my hands down his back and he shivers beneath my touch.

  “We came—” Dustin pants, like he can barely talk. “—together.”

  I nod, suddenly feeling shy. It’s just so strange to get naked with your best friend. I’m so caught up in the moment it usually doesn’t bother me, but afterwards, I feel weird.

  Awkward.

  He rolls over and pulls me into his arms, kissing my forehead. “Next time I want to go down on you.”

  Oh, God. I’m not even tempted by the prospect of him going down on me. I can’t imagine Dustin with his face down there. It’s too embarrassing.

  I just…no.

  Pulling away from him, I slide out of bed, thankful it’s so dark. I find my bag on the floor and grab an old T-shirt I brought to sleep in. I tug it over my head and pull the tie out of my hair before I gather it all back up and put it into a sloppy bun.

  There. I’m ready for bed.

  My eyes have adjusted to the dark and I watch as one of his legs sneaks out from beneath the covers and he kicks off his shorts so they land on the floor with a soft plop. The comforter bunches around his waist as he leans against the pile of pillows, curving his arms behind his head and looking as comfortable—and satisfied—as he pleases.

  “Come here,” he says, and I watch him, hesitant.

  The faint smile fades and he sits up straighter, his hands braced on the mattress, the muscles in his arms straining. “What’s wrong, Livvy? You haven’t acted the same since you came home.”

  “We’ve barely talked.” I cross my arms in front of my chest.

  “Yeah, and whose fault is that?”

  “I don’t know, Brianne Brown’s?”

  “Give me a break.” He sounds irritated.

  “Did you do anything with her tonight?” Totally crazy question I don’t want to know the answer to.

  “Why? Are you jealous?”

  “No!” God, no.

  Fine. I’m totally jealous.

  “I didn’t do anything with Brianne. She left a while ago. I came to find you. I’m in bed with you.” He pauses. Takes a deep breath. “I just made you come with my fingers, Liv. What else do you want from me?”

  I stare at him, my heart racing, my mind racing too. I don’t know what I want from him. I’ve been avoiding him since I got home yesterday since I don’t know how to ask for what I want. And then he sneaks into bed with me, all warm and big and cuddly. How could I resist?

  “I—I don’t know what I want,” I finally say, my voice raspy, my entire body starting to shake.

  “Liv.” He sounds different. Like he’s not mad or frustrated with me any longer. No, more like he’s worried about me and he wants to take care of me. I watch as he slides out of bed, completely comfortable as he comes toward me without a stitch of clothing on. “Come to bed with me.”

  “No.” I shake my head, my entire body going stiff when he wraps his arms around me.

  “Olivia.” My name is a whisper against my hair and my muscles slowly start to relax at his closeness. The familiar scent of his skin, the way he holds me, close but not smothering. “Come on. Please don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad.” I’m never mad at him. More like I’m mad at myself.

  “I’m a jerk,” I say as he pulls away and takes my hands. “A terrible friend.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “You deserve someone better than me,” I tell him once he leads me over to the bed and guides me under the covers.

  He pulls me back into his arms and I go willingly, nestling my cheek against his bare chest. His heart beating so steady and true is a comfort. This is Dustin. My Dustin. My eyes close and I start to fall asleep when I hear him say something.

  “I don’t want anyone else,” he whispers. “I hope I deserve you.”

  I can’t answer him. I don’t know how.

  I fall asleep instead.

  “So. You and Dustin.”

  I shuffle to the kitchen counter and plop down on one of the stools, propping my elbows on the counter. “What are you talking about,” I mumble.

  “You told me you were on your period.”

  No need to explain my lie. I shrug instead. “It was nothing.” I don’t want her to make a big deal about last night. How does she even know?

  “Uh huh.” The knowing smile on Em’s face tells me she doesn’t believe me at all. “He was naked in my bed, Liv. And you were snuggled up next to him.”

  Crap. She saw us. But when? “I wasn’t naked,” I point out.

  Em goes to the fridge and pulls out a jug of orange juice. “Right, but he was.”

  “What did you do? Peel back the covers and check him out?” I’m grumpy. She’s hitting me with stuff I don’t want to deal with first thing in the morning.

  “No. I saw his shorts on the floor and he’d kicked the comforter off partway. I saw his naked butt.” She grinned. “That tells me plenty. So what happened? Did you two have carnal knowledge of each other? You know, s-e-x?”

  “Em! Jesus! Don’t say things like that.” I glare at her, then lower my head to stare at the counter. I have a pounding headache from too much booze.

  “Well? Did you?” Em shuts the fridge and turns to face me, the orange juice still clutched in her hand. “How was it? Dustin has nice hands. Long fingers.”

  I lift my head and gape at her. “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t notice things like that? You should. Boys with good hands…mmm.” She shivers, like that’s the only thing she wants in this world. “Does he know what to do with them?”

  I say nothing. How can I? To deny it would be a lie.

  “Your silence is confirmation. You two got busy in my bed.” She slaps the edge of the counter. There’s a vicious gleam in her eyes and I almost worry she’s mad at me. “Dirty girl.”

  “Shut up. Where were you last night?”

  The grin on her face is a tell-all. “With Ryan,” she says slowly, then sighs. “It was…magical.”

  I’m tempted to tell her all the things he said to me yesterday, but I keep my mouth shut. “Is he still here?”

  “No, he had to get home.” She uncaps the orange juice and pours a cup for herself, and then a cup for me. “I was going to sleep in my bed but saw it was otherwise occupied.”

  “I’m sorry.” I take the orange juice she offers me and sip from it, wishing I had coffee. I’ll go to Starbucks in a bit and grab myself something. I need to feel like a functioning human being first before I leave, though. “I think Dustin is still sleeping.”

  “Aw, isn’t that adorable?” There’s an edge to her tone, one that says maybe she doesn’t find his crashing out in her bed that adorable after all.

  “I don’t know what to think about us. About me and Dustin,” I clarify when Em looks at me strangely. “Since I’ve come home, it’s been weird between us.”

  “Uh huh.” Em nods. “Want me to talk to him? Ask how he feels about you and report back?”

  “Oh, I don’t know…” My voice drifts. I love that she’s offering but I’m scared that she might mess it up? That’s mean of me to think, but I can’t help it.

  “I want to help.” She smiles. “So let me help.”

  Dustin chooses that particular moment to shuffle into the kitchen, his bedhead at epic levels, clad in only those maddening swim trunks. Dustin has a nice body. He’s lean, with broad shoulders and a long torso.

  My gaze drops to his hands. His long fingers, the wide palms. He reaches for me and I watch as he clamps my shoulder and drops a kiss to my cheek before sitting on the stool next to mine.

  “Mornin’.” His voice is extra deep and scratchy, and he clears his throat. “No coffee?”r />
  “If you want coffee, I suggest you head to Starbucks,” Em says snidely.

  Dustin’s brows rise “Well, excuse me. What crawled up your butt this morning?”

  “God, you’re so gross. And if you really want to know, you did.” Em doesn’t bother offering him a glass of orange juice. She storms out of the kitchen instead, calling over her shoulder, “I’m taking a shower,” as she leaves.

  We look at each other the moment she’s gone, our eyes wide. “What’s her problem?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure her and Ryan had sex last night.” I hate that’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth. It’s like I can’t help it. Why is she in such a snit if that did really happen? She planned on wearing special undies and everything. Now she’s all crabby.

  It makes no sense.

  Dustin’s dark brows rise even higher. “Really? I didn’t think he was trying to tap that.”

  “Guys are such pigs,” I mutter, shoving his shoulder. I grab my glass, but he snatches it out of my hand, taking a long drink. “Hey!”

  “That’s what you get for lumping me in with all the rest of them.” He hands me back the glass, his gaze warm. “You okay?”

  I know what he’s asking. And I appreciate that he’s so thoughtful.

  “I’m fine,” I tell him, offering a reassuring smile. “How about you?”

  “Freaking awesome.” He leans in and delivers a smacking kiss to my lips. “Wanna go grab breakfast?”

  “And leave Em alone? We should wait for her to finish her shower first.” She’ll be mad. I know she will. But shit, breakfast does sound good. There’s nothing here but a bowl of stale potato chips and orange juice. I don’t even think there’s any cereal. The house is pretty much empty of everything.

  “Screw that. I’ve been with her all summer. I need an Emily break.” He reaches out and touches my hair, tucking a loose strand behind my ear. “I want to have some time with you alone so we can really catch up.”

  “I don’t have much to tell you. Just the usual. Christine’s lame. My dad was never around. Dakota and Sierra were even more annoying than usual.” I shrug, noticing the way he’s looking at me. Like he really cares. Like he wishes he could take all of my problems and conquer them.