by Chloe Thomas
“Hey, come in,” she smiles at me as she gestures inside. Maybe it’s my imagination but she seems a little nervous. It’s then I remember why I’m here in the first place. This is her first night alone since everything happened. She’s probably terrified.
“Hey,“ I step through the threshold taking in the inside of her house. There’s a modern kitchen off to the right, a lounge to the left and a hallway that presumably leads to bedrooms at the back of the house. It’s well decorated in mostly pastel colours and the rooms look nicely furnished. You can tell a woman lives here, the place feels warm and inviting, homely I guess.
“You look really well. How’re you feeling being back?” I ask as Belle closes the door behind me and leads us into the kitchen.
“Thanks. Okay I guess. Just need to take baby steps like you said.”
“Things will start to feel normal again, just give it time.” I say, wanting to comfort her somehow. She nods.
“What do you want to drink?” She asks, obviously wanting to change the topic. I ask for a beer and, as the pizza place around here usually takes an hour to deliver, we decide what we want and phone the order through.
“So, what do you want to do?” I ask trying to break the awkwardness.
“Erm, I don’t mind. We can put a film on if you like?”
“Sounds good.” I hop off of the barstool I’d seated myself at and follow her to the couch. We both sit at opposite ends and Belle hands me the remote.
“You pick,” she smiles, seemingly a little more comfortable in here. I avoid any genre that might have violence in it, not knowing how raw it is in Belles mind, and eventually settle on a comedy.
“So you said you’ve been staying at your friends house,” I prompt trying to give us something to talk about.
“Yeah. Me and Naomi have been best friends ever since we were little. She only lives 10 minutes down the road and it was either that or go to my parents.” She rolls her eyes at that which makes me chuckle before she continues going over the past few days. We slip into an easy conversation and the awkwardness of earlier trickles away. Before I know it, the pizza guy is at the door with our dinner.
I get my wallet out and settle up much to Belles protests.
“Seriously you should have let me pay! You’ve already saved me once and now you’re here looking out for me again, making sure I can cope. It’s not fair you have to get dinner as well.” Belle tuts.
“No gentleman would let you pay for dinner, and anyway, maybe I want to be here.” The words tumble out before I realise but I just about stop myself from adding on that I’ve missed her.
“You really want to be here? Not just because you feel you have to.. look after me?” She asks, with genuine hope I’m her voice. Ah fuck it. Might as well put all my cards on the table.
“Yes. I missed you.”
“Oh.” She has the most adorable small smile on her face and her cheeks flush red. “Me too,” she says quietly. I can’t help but smile back while an unfamiliar warm feeling blossoms in my chest.
“Come on, pizzas getting cold.” I announce and lead us back to the couch.
We both tuck in, Belle eating some veggie shit that she chose for her topping and me with good old fashioned pepperoni. I finish first and when Belle’s done she has a bit of tomato sauce just above her lip. I instinctively lift my thumb up to her face and gently swipe it off but the connection when I touch her feels too good to let go. It felt the same the entire time I carried her but I ignored it knowing protecting her and getting her home was my priority. I hear Belles sharp intake of breath as I let my thumb linger on her lip for a moment, tracing its edge. Her tongue juts out moistening her lips and as I look at her I see lust and desire pooling in her eyes. That one act has made me instantly hard and I slowly edge closer, now desperately wanting to kiss her. I make eye contact with her again in silent question and when she leans further in I have all the answers I need.
I delicately touch my lips to hers and allow my hands to cradle her face. This kiss feels different to any I’ve had in the past. It’s more gentle yet somehow it’s like it holds much more significance behind it than any before. I gently suck and nibble at her lower lip before she parts them allowing my tongue entrance into her mouth. Belle groans and it makes my already straining cock painfully hard. She starts off kissing me back softly, but as our tongues meet and flick against each other I can feel the intensity of the kiss growing.
I pull back, knowing that if this goes on any longer I won’t be able to control what happens next. For some reason, and this has got to be the first time I’ve ever said this about a girl, I don’t want to rush things with Belle. I want to go nice and slow and build up to anything more. My cock does not agree and is weeping in protest. I’m half surprised that precum hasn’t leaked through the front of my jeans.
“Jesus Belle,” I pant, “how can a kiss be that fucking good.” I can still taste her on my tongue and it’s incredible.
“Wh...why did you stop then?” Belle asks nervously, as if she’s embarrassed or something. I cover her hand with mine and give a chaste kiss on her forehead in reassurance.
“Because if that had carried on I wouldn’t have been able to control it. You’re still recovering and honestly, I get the feeling that one night with you wouldn’t be enough. I don’t think a one night stand is the way whatever this is is going to play out.”
Belle opens her mouth to respond and then closes it again, obviously not knowing what to say. Honestly I’m not sure if I even understand what I’ve just said. It sounded dangerously close to something like a relationship, but I don’t do those. Could I just fuck her without it being anything more? It really doesn’t feel right saying that. She’s toying with her lip, probably a nervous habit, but one that is doing nothing to control the man downstairs.
“Stop that, it’s very distracting,”
“Stop what?” she asks looking confused.
“Biting your lip.” I can’t help but brush my thumb against her lips again, feeling how they’ve swelled from our kiss. I pull myself away and stand to take the empty pizza boxes out. It’ll give me a minute to readjust myself if nothing else.
Chapter 5
Falling for him
Belle
————————————
What just happened? I don’t know what I did expect from tonight but it wasn’t that kiss. It was amazing though, I think it’s the best kiss I’ve had. It was sweet and tender and just.. well, perfect. A bit like the man it came from. I’m really starting to fall for Chase now but I’m scared it’s going to lead to heartbreak. He doesn’t seem like a long term or commitment type and honestly I’m not sure I could handle that even if he was. I still haven’t told anyone the full extent of what happened in Columbia and as soon as any potential man finds out he won’t be able to get away quick enough. I’m damaged goods and who would want that. Weak and pathetic.
I shouldn’t have let the kiss happen really but I can’t say I’m sorry it did. I probably ought to send Chase home, I don’t want to give mixed signals, but I’m not going to. I don’t know how much longer he plans to stay tonight but it makes me feel safe having him here and I’m so terrified I’ll get taken again if I’m left alone. God my head’s a mess.
“I can see your mind running at a million miles an hour from here.” Chase comments as he walks towards the couch and sits back down. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Oh it’s nothing really, just need to start applying for jobs.” It’s a white lie. I do need to start applying for jobs but that’s not exactly what I was thinking about.
“Yeah? What sort of thing are you looking for?”
“Not too sure. I guess something that makes use of my college degree. I’d like to be an architect but to design modern and unique buildings not just end up drawing standard 3 beds.”
“Sounds cool. You might have to work your way up to that though.”
“I know. I don’t want to have to move house again thou
gh, so whatever it is needs to be close to here.” Chase is quiet for a moment.
“Arabella, was that the only thing you were thinking about?”
“What do you mean?” I ask trying to act nonchalant.
“Well this is your fist night back in your own house. That can’t be easy given everything that’s happened and you looked pretty stressed when I walked back in.” It’s like I’m an open book. I shrug my shoulders and look away from Chase.
“Hey, I came round tonight to be here for you remember. Don’t shy away from me,” Chase softly pleads.
“I’m scared okay. I... I don’t even want to be on my own anymore.” Chase takes my hand and gently squeezes.
“Baby steps remember. Why don’t I stay tonight, I can sleep on the sofa?” I like the sound of that way more than I should.
“Do you want to stay here. It doesn’t seem fair. I mean you probably have a life to get back to.”
“If I went home I’d spend the night worrying about you anyway Belle. Honestly, it’s fine.” It’s a relief not to have to be alone, but at the same time I can’t help feeling this is a bad idea. At some point I have to take the plunge and putting it off won’t help.
We watch another film, I think chase is trying to play it safe putting on comedy’s which is probably not a bad thing. By the time half ten hits I can feel myself getting sleepy. I think Chase must notice because he shuts the film off.
“Mind if I do a check of your house before we go to sleep?” Chase asks.
“A check?” I’m not really sure what he means.
“Security. A check of the windows and doors.”
“Oh. Yeah sure, want me to show you round?” I give Chase a quick tour of my house allowing him to check all the windows and doors. When we get into my room I grab a pillow off of my bed and pass it to him.
“Are you sure you’re alright on the sofa? You could take my bed if you wanted.”
“It’s fine Belle.” Chase smiles at me. “Thanks for the concern though.” He grabs my hand and gives me a quick kiss of the forehead before saying goodnight and walking out of my bedroom door. I wasn’t expecting that. I don’t know wether to be happy at the gesture or disappointed that it wasn’t another kiss like earlier. I settle for just being confused at everything.
***
The next morning I get up and head towards my kitchen. I desperately need coffee. Chase is already sat on one of the barstools with a cup in hand.
“Morning, did you sleep okay on the sofa?”
“Yeah fine thanks. There’s a fresh pot there if you wanted coffee.”
“Thanks, do you want anything for breakfast?” I ask as I help myself to the coffee pot
“No, I need to head into the office today. We’ve got some more intelligence on a new job and I need to go through it with the guys.”
“Oh okay. When are you leaving.” I know I need to be alone, I mean Chase can’t stay here for forever, but it terrifies me.
“As soon as I’ve finished this,” Chase states gesturing to his coffee. “Are you going to be okay on your own today?”
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me,” I say. It’s a lie though.
“Somehow I think worrying about you is exactly what I’ll be doing,” Chase mutters quietly, more to himself than me. “I’ve written down some of the other boys numbers, if you need help call me or anyone of them and we’ll be straight round okay?”
“Sure.” I take the piece of paper and start programming the numbers into my phone.
“Why don’t you try going for a walk today, or just going out to the shops or something in your car?”
“Maybe.” I say somewhat unsure. I guess I could try going somewhere public in my car. I don’t think I can deal with walking home alone again. It’s too soon for that.
“I’ll come back round tonight okay?”
“You don’t have too. Seriously Chase, I appreciate you being here last night, but I can’t keep putting it off. I have to deal with sleeping alone, it’ll get easier eventually.”
“I know but you don’t have to rush everything at once. Start by going out today and see how you get on.” Chase is looking at me with sympathy in his eyes. “And Belle, maybe I want to come round tonight.”
With that Chase stands, says his goodbyes and leaves. I’m left a little confused, not sure how to take his comment. I can’t tell if he’s just feeling sorry for me or what. My fridge is empty so if nothing else I need to buy some groceries today. I jump in the shower and get ready to head out.
***
It takes me much longer than usual to get ready. There’s no real reason behind that so I can only assume I’m subconsciously dragging it out. Putting things off seems to be the way my mind is working at the moment. When there’s no other excuses left that would keep me at home, I grab my car keys and head out the front door. Apparently Naomi turned my car on and ran it around the block a couple of times whilst I was missing so I’m hoping it will start. Or maybe part of me is hoping it won’t start and then I could legitimately lock myself inside all day. It takes a couple of turns on the key but she eventually splutters into life. The engine doesn’t sound all that good so I drive the long way into town and park up near the grocery store.
I get out of the car slowly and find myself inspecting everything around me. It’s 10am on a Wednesday, hardly the time for sinister goings on. But then I thought that as I walked home that night. There’s a few people milling around carrying shopping or pushing along a pram. The car lot is visible by most places in town so surely no one would take me here. After 5 minutes I decide I can’t see anything suspicious and gingerly head across the lot and towards the grocery store. My senses seem in hyperdrive, listening for sounds of footsteps behind me. Just to reassure myself I look over my shoulder a few times and check there’s no one following me.
I relax slightly once I make it to the store. There’s CCTV here so at least if someone took me they’d be easier to identify. I’d be rescued quicker. I grab a trolley and start pushing it down the various isles picking up everything I need. I wouldn’t normally buy this much stuff but as I’ve been gone so long virtually all the food I had has been chucked out.
Given I don’t have a job yet I’m going to have to dip into my savings account to afford all of this. I’m lucky to have inherited some money from my grandmother when she died. Of course I’d much rather she was alive but since she isn’t it was nice of her to leave money to me. It’s how I bought my house and there’s enough left over to keep me going for a few months without a job. I reach the end of the last isle and head towards the checkout.
I make polite conversation with the young girl on the till whilst I load my stuff into bags. When I reach the store door I can’t help but stop and check everything that’s going on outside. Once satisfied that there’s nothing suspicious happening, I step out and head back towards my car. I check over my shoulder and there’s a man behind me. I know it’s irrational to assume he’s following me, it’s more than likely just a coincidence but I speed up anyway. My heart feels like it’s pounding in my chest and I feel sweat beading on my forehead. As I get further away from the store I can still hear footsteps behind me. I check over my shoulder and it’s the same man. My hands start to go numb and my breathing becomes difficult. I end up virtually jogging, feeling like I’m loosing control of my own thoughts. I reach my car but I’m not really with it. I crumble down to the floor consumed with panic. I can’t think or do anything and my surroundings are becoming hazy. I’m not sure how long I’m like that but when reality starts to come back to me there’s a woman crouched in front of me.
“You’re okay, you’re perfectly safe. You’ve had a panic attack but I promise you’re safe.” She’s calmly speaking, trying to reassure me.
“The man, there was a man following me.” I say, panic spiking again as I remember what led to this.
“Honey I saw you walk across the lot and there was no one following you. There was a gentleman some distance
behind but he got into his car and drove off. He wasn’t here for you. Try to calm your breathing.”
***
Some time later and the woman has successfully managed to calm me down. I find out she’s a nurse called Katie and after she helps me load my shopping into the car she insists on getting me a drink at the nearby coffee shop. Apparently it would be irresponsible to let me drive straight after a panic attack. She’s probably right.
“So how’re you feeling now?” Katie asks once we’re sat down with drinks.
“A little embarrassed but much better thanks.” I respond.
“Don’t be embarrassed. Trust me, I’m a nurse I’ve seen much worse!” She laughs. “I take it you’ve not had a panic attack before?”
“Once I think. But the circumstances were very different.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Something about Katie makes me feel I can trust her. She seems kind and genuinely interested. I recount the past few months of my life, skipping over any of the detail but giving her enough to understand it wasn’t a good experience. We talk for half an hour or so before the conversation comes to a natural end.
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive? Perhaps you could call someone you trust to take you home?”
I can’t call Naomi, she’d be at work and I know Chase said I could call him or one of the other guys but I don’t think he’d want me doing that unless it was an emergency. I suspect he only said it out of obligation rather than anything else. In any case, I feel fine now.
“Honestly I’m much better now, but thank you for your help.” We exchange numbers and promise to keep in touch before I set off back to my car. I’m still checking over my shoulder but I do feel a little calmer this time.
***
Its been a few days since the incident in town but other than that blip I’ve been doing well. Chase has come round each night and slept on the sofa which makes me feel safe but at the same time guilty. He shouldn’t be disrupting his life to babysit me. I know we kissed that first night but nothing’s happened since which is adding to my confusion. He hasn’t tried to kiss me, or hug me, or even hold my hand. I guess he regrets what happened. He’s definitely here out of guilt rather than anything else which is upsetting given the longer I spend around him the more I know I’m falling for him. I’ve been trying to keep busy going somewhere at least once day. It helps me get used to normality and distracts me from thinking about Chase or getting flashbacks of the nights in Columbia.
