To Win a Wallflower

by Liz Tyner

  ‘Not until I dance a few more times,’ Annie said. ‘Please introduce me to people I don’t know, that’s healthiest.’

  ‘I would prefer to get you home,’ her mother said. ‘The air in here has soured a bit and I’m getting a headache. I will get your father.’ Her mother flounced away, moving between them with her elbows extended as she went in search of her husband.

  Barrett dodged, then closed the space she’d left behind. ‘I wanted to return this to you.’ He reached into his waistcoat pocket and held out the pin, keeping the fingers of his gloves cupped around it so no one else could see it.

  She frowned, recognising it. She didn’t move.

  ‘You have to take it. It’s yours,’ he said.

  The one her grandmother had given her.

  She raised her chin. ‘No, thank you.’ It would not do her future dance prospects any good for anyone to see her accepting something from him.

  ‘It was your grandmother’s.’

  She looked at the jewellery. ‘That doesn’t look familiar.’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t imagine where you received this, Mr Barrett. I lost mine on a walk in the countryside.’

  ‘I must have been mistaken.’

  ‘Happens,’ Annie said. ‘None of us is perfect. I want to beg your pardon for shouting out the window. I was upset that your horse may have left manure behind.’

  ‘That is truly unforgivable if my horse did such a thing, but perhaps not as much as what I said to you.’

  The words swirled into her and erased all the memories of the things he’d said. That and his eyes. The man had eyes she could drown in. Lashes to tangle herself in. And she couldn’t think what his lips looked like except they’d felt better than any silk in the world.

  ‘We had a peaceful walk and were merely two people who decided that their paths should not cross.’ She looked around the room. ‘Particularly as there are so many other ventures in this town to consider.’

  ‘And are you determined to consider those ventures, Annie?’

  ‘I could not say.’ She raised her brow, telling him with her eyes that she would not say. ‘Did you not teach me to strike back?’ She kept her voice innocent.

  ‘Against physical harm.’

  She put two fingers to her chin. ‘I suppose I might have confused that and not realised there were limitations.’

  ‘Do you not understand that I considered your best interests?’

  ‘Yes. I do. And I agree with you.’ She looked around the room, realised Lord Richard was watching her, and smiled at him. ‘I’m considering the same.’ She moved her head so no one else could see her lips. ‘Lord Richard is a dear and Charles blushes so easily.’

  ‘Richard isn’t any sort of dear and Charles’ blushes are possibly why he spends so much time in the darker haunts of London.’ Barrett’s face lost its softness, but it didn’t lose its appeal. ‘So he doesn’t embarrass himself by what he does.’

  Charles hadn’t made her toes curl and he’d not stepped on them, but still, they felt rather flat when he was around. And Lord Richard, the fourth son of a duke, was pleasant to dance with when he spoke in a language she could understand. But she didn’t want to spend her life asking him to translate—she feared the translation would lose a considerable amount in the telling.

  Barrett didn’t even need to speak. Even the way he snored was soothing. A quiet rasp with a bit of a rumble at the end.

  Barrett watched her and it didn’t feel as though he was actually looking at her, but seeing her spirit and her heart in a way no one else had ever done before. As if he could see a part of who she was that even she couldn’t understand.

  ‘Well,’ she spoke, then sighed, but she looked straight into Barrett’s glare when she said, ‘I’ll be sure and tell anyone I might find interesting that I’m so very innocent. That way I will not be taken advantage of.’

  ‘When butterflies pull carriages full of that horse manure through the air.’

  Her chin went higher. ‘Could happen.’ She took a step back. ‘You and I have been talking far too long and I don’t want to discourage any future prospects. Besides, I feel that blasted epidemeosis.’

  He lifted the pin and turned it into the lamplight before putting it back into his pocket. ‘I’m shocked to find out your affliction returned.’

  ‘Me as well.’ She stared at him. ‘If I remember correctly, the physician decided the quiet night hours will help me regain my health.’

  She took a step and then looked back. Her mistake—looking back—but she’d known she would have to take one last look and it wouldn’t be enough.

  And then beyond that, beyond anything she saw in his eyes, she remembered the little boy he’d mentioned. The one who’d been used to clear the table and grown so used to it that he expected it. The child who had a grandmother who might scar him with a poker.

  And she remembered the kiss.

  ‘I might unlock the side door for a breath of fresh air tonight. And I suppose, in the dim light, the pin might look more familiar if I were to see it again.’ She paused, then spoke, almost to herself. ‘I really must get over this affliction,’ she said, turning away.

  ‘You’re not choosing the easiest way.’

  ‘I’m not perfect, Mr Barrett.’ She inclined her head.

  ‘Neither am I, Miss Carson.’

  Her stomach jumbled a thousand different ways, but she turned to leave as if the world had parted just for her.

  Another man walked up to speak with Barrett. Barrett and the man discussed a new waterwheel he wanted to purchase for a country venture.

  At the edge of the room, she paused and turned a bit so she could take one last glance. Again, she couldn’t keep herself from looking back. Whenever he was in a room, no one else mattered.

  The man handed Barrett a filled glass and spoke. Barrett nodded. He truly didn’t look as if he had a care in the world, or as if he had a thought of anything but business.

  But she knew that even though he was looking forward, his eyes saw her, just as he had schooled her to do when she struck out.

  He brushed his hand over his waistcoat pocket.

  She straightened her shoulders and walked by him, and looked at him from behind the other man’s back, her chin at an angle definitely not recommended for fighting. His face changed, a flicker of a smile flashed in his eyes.

  And her heart did a thousand little warm jabs and she wondered she could still stand, but she managed to leave with her head held high and the memory of a smile that had only been for her.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Annie touched the key in the lock and paused. She turned it, warnings exploding into her mind, but none of them strong enough to stop the turn of her wrist because they all seemed to warn her of how Barrett’s arms would feel around her.

  She knew she wasn’t letting Barrett in as much as letting herself out.

  She opened the door and Barrett leaned on the side of the house. He pushed himself from the wood. ‘I thought it was four a.m. that you waited for the epidemeosis cure.’

  ‘Isn’t that what time it is now?’

  ‘Probably a quarter to a half past.’

  There was no way she would have opened the door early. She’d been standing on the other side, counting slowly to a thousand so she wouldn’t appear impatient. ‘I’m sorry to have disturbed your night’s rest.’

  He walked through the doorway and put a hand at her side, pressing the dressing gown close. ‘Annie, you’ve been quite proficient at that.’ He took the key, touching her fingers, and turned back, locking the door. He put the key on the hook beside the door.

  She turned to him. ‘Did you realise you glared at Lord Richard and Charles?’

  ‘I did not,’ he said. ‘I hardly noticed them.’

  He stepped closer and lowered his voice. ‘I only remember seeing you a
t the dance. I meant to return the pin that you had that apparently was never yours when you had it in your satchel.’

  She stopped. ‘Do not pretend you didn’t know what you were doing when you stood by me in the corner. Everyone there was watching us.’

  ‘Were they?’

  ‘And you knew it.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to stop the others from dancing with you. I just couldn’t bear that you might do something foolish.’

  ‘Unless it is with you.’ She crossed her arms.

  He nodded. ‘If you’re determined.’

  They stood, duelling with their stares, and she didn’t know who was winning.

  ‘I can’t stop thinking of you. Even when I look at the ledgers,’ he said.

  ‘I wouldn’t consider that a bad thing.’

  He looked into the distance. ‘It isn’t. Just odd. The ledgers and business have always brushed away everything else.’

  ‘I understand. It’s a little bit of the same with me. I wanted to escape my room, and my world, and see what is on the other side of my walls. When I think of you, it seems the walls have disappeared.’

  ‘There are no walls around me.’ His gaze caught hers again.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘It is the truth of me you’re seeing.’

  ‘It could be,’ she said. ‘I think you judged me much like a property you were interested in buying. And after one close look, you backed away. One look and you were pulling a different direction. Because I was such a very different kind of investment.’

  ‘You were. Before I’d ever seen you, Gavin kept insisting you were a perfect wife for me. Gavin swore that I should consider marriage, and that you were a woman who did exactly as your parents requested, but then he had no idea you were planning an escape.’

  ‘A journey. A life.’

  ‘He talked about your sister Honour, but he kept saying that I should see you. That you’d been kept secluded and were someone that I should court. I didn’t want to court anyone, but I gave in. And he was right. But it doesn’t change anything.’

  She took a step closer, trying to read his features in the dim light. ‘The physician sent you to me?’

  Barrett nodded. ‘He meddles.’

  ‘And he selected me?’

  ‘He’s a physician. He gauged you healthy and knows all the families about. He claimed you to be the pick of the crop.’

  ‘You were willing to let someone else choose a wife...or tell you which crop to harvest?’ How cold. ‘And you consented?’ A little squeak had sneaked into her voice.

  ‘No, I wouldn’t let him choose my wife.’ He touched her arm. ‘But he mentioned you so many times I could not help but go see you. And he said you were a planner. You didn’t have the vapours, but tried to keep the others from flittering too much.’

  She closed the distance. She’d suspected something else, particularly since he’d just said the physician had claimed her healthy. ‘The epidemeosis, a total lie?’

  His lips parted and his head tilted to the side. He straightened the hem of his coat sleeve. ‘I requested a meeting with you alone. I’d seen you by then and wanted to see you again. I wanted to talk with you. The people I hire arrange things for me. It’s their job.’

  She was an innocent. At least, much more of one than she’d realised. How could she have been so friendly with a spy and the man who set him upon their family?

  She moved closer, understanding why he’d taken the time to show her how to defend herself. They’d let two predators into the house. One, Gavin, and the other, Barrett. And she’d never suspected a thing. Nor had her father or mother, she was certain.

  She had been more innocent than she’d ever expected. She couldn’t believe the world worked in such a way. No wonder her father didn’t do well in business. The man was honest.

  ‘Where did you see me at first?’ she asked. ‘After Gavin mentioned me. I don’t travel about much, have only attended a few balls, and I was mostly under lock and key for the past five years.’

  He studied her face. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  She jutted her chin. ‘It does to me. I am a merchant’s daughter. Not of the peerage. Where did you see me?’

  ‘At your house.’ He shook his head. ‘I didn’t plan your illness, but after I heard your laughter, Gavin did. I thought it clever of him to get me a chance to talk with you.’

  ‘The physician—’

  ‘You may believe him if you want. And he is honest, but not with that diagnosis. It’s a family tradition. The meddling. The manipulation.’

  ‘I knew you looked like the physician. Sound like him.’

  He nodded. ‘My half-brother assists me in business. Learned to speak properly as a child, when one of his mother’s lovers who didn’t have children thought him close to a son. But then the man lost interest in the mother and Gavin as well.’

  ‘You’ve had a spy in my house to spy on me? Or my father’s business? Which is it?’

  He stepped back and put a hand over his waistcoat pocket. ‘Both. At least, after he noticed you. It was your father’s business at first. I wanted to know the truth of it before I purchased it. People tend not to tell the truth when money is concerned.’

  ‘I would agree.’

  ‘Your father has no sense of finances. Nor of family. He kept you locked away, then allowed a stranger to move into your world.’

  ‘I would agree that his financial decisions can be questionable, but he does try hard with the family. He cares for us.’

  ‘But he put you away in the attic.’

  Raising her chin, she said, ‘Considering who was in the house, I wouldn’t say it was a bad decision.’ She stepped in front of him. ‘But, you said to trust my instincts. My instincts don’t tell me to fear you.’ She reached out, her fingertips grazing the lapel of his coat before she lowered her hand. ‘But they also tell me that you have a stone wall behind your eyes. I cannot think why you are even standing here.’

  ‘I apologise for Gavin being in your house. And for the spying. I should never have done that to you. But I didn’t know you then. You weren’t Annie to me. You were Carson’s daughter.’

  ‘You also spied on my father.’

  ‘That, I don’t regret.’ He frowned and gave a half shrug. ‘Business and all.’

  He leaned against the door, pulling her closer, his voice softening. ‘And I don’t regret you, Annie. Without Gavin alerting me to you, I wouldn’t have noticed you. I couldn’t have. You were hidden away.’

  ‘For good reason. I don’t know who to trust.’

  ‘Don’t trust anyone. Ever. One bit more than you have to.’ He ran his hands up her arms, the warmth of his touch blazing into her. ‘But I would lay down my life for you, Annie. Just not my heart.’

  ‘It feels like I have your heart when your arms are around me.’

  She curled herself against him, resting her head against his shoulder and clasping him around the waist. After a few moments, he enclosed her in his arms. They stood together, her face buried against his chest.

  But he didn’t respond when she’d told him she felt like she had his heart.

  She raised her chin and his lips closed over hers, sending a moist kiss into the recesses of her soul.

  The kiss lingered, lengthened and blocked out everything, filling her with light and the warmth of sunshine.

  Finally, she stepped away. She knew why he didn’t wish to court her. She had to tell him and make him realise that it didn’t matter. ‘You must understand,’ she said. ‘I am completely fine with the fact that you will never have children.’

  ‘It’s not—that simple.’ He took in a breath.

  ‘I understand.’

  ‘Based on the look in your eyes, I don’t think you do.’ He shook his head, and tipped up her chin and kissed her. ‘Gavin lied about t
hat as well. He thought your father would not be so careful about us being together if there was no risk of childbirth to you.’

  ‘Then why do you not want to hold me? After you hug me, it is as if you put as much distance as possible between us. I see it in your face. You act as if it hurts you to touch me.’ She put her hand over her mouth. ‘Not that, I mean, I’m a tart. Or care about such things. When I invited you here tonight, I thought it would be impossible to—be close.’

  ‘Annie, I would very much like to spend a long, slow night in a warm, wide bed with you.’

  ‘I did enjoy sleeping beside you, too.’

  He shook his head from side to side, choosing his next words. ‘I think you’re the purest thing I’ve ever seen.’ He put his hands on her shoulders, then he gently put a finger on her chin and lifted her face to look into his eyes. ‘When I warn you to take care, it’s because there are men who are like me in the world.’ He spoke in a whisper. ‘A lot of them, and I don’t want one of them to take advantage of your unsophistication for a place in your arms. I don’t want one of them to touch you who doesn’t care about you.’ He frowned. ‘I don’t want anyone to touch you.’

  ‘Then why do you not want to court me?’

  ‘Because I don’t want you hurt.’

  ‘Then don’t hurt me.’

  ‘The only way I can be certain of that is to step out of your life.’

  ‘Nonsense.’

  He took a step to the side and stared into her eyes. ‘I think the marriage your parents share is insipid. It almost turns my stomach. And I suspect you would expect some of the same in a marriage.’ He shook his head. ‘Your father trots in circles to please your mother.’

  Annie nodded. Her mother appeared to be the fluff in the marriage and the family had always treated her as such. But she’d been an heiress and the one her sisters had avoided when they decided to leave home. Her mother seemed not to have thoughts at all, but when she did think, it was with an iron will and the directness of an arrow going straight to the centre of a target.

  ‘I don’t want to have a marriage like my parents... I mean, I do, but...only similar.’ Laughter bubbled in her throat, a blend of humour, irritation and confusion. ‘I cannot imagine you asking me three times if I would prefer a carriage ride to the park, or an evening at home, or if am I sure what I would wish to have brought to me.’