Freeing You Freeing Me

by Kailin Gow

Derek got up with me and handed his in, and as we were walking out the lecture room, he turned to me and said, “I heard him on a phone call recently. His own phone, not Sawyer House.”

  “Was Vincent nearby?” I asked.

  “No, it was when Vincent went to the restroom, and Tate thought he was by himself.”

  “So, why all this secrecy?”

  “Tate was acting nervous and was glancing around as though he didn’t want anyone to hear. I caught a little of his conversation, though because the walls can be thin around Sawyer House…”

  I looked down. Thin walls? In that case, could anyone have heard anything said between Daggers and me, Gail and me, etc.? I knew I was being paranoid, but this conversation about Tate was making me nervous.

  “Tate was telling someone that he would get the money soon to pay him back and then he wanted out.”

  “Did you get the name of who he was talking to?” I asked.

  “No…I thought at first it was that asshole you just put behind bars, but it couldn’t be. He’s behind bars. But it’s someone, and I think that someone is up to no good.”

  I bit my lips. I felt responsible for Tate being out of Juvie. I felt responsible for him suddenly living with Collins. For the first time since I had asked Collins to give Tate a chance being free from Juvie and trying to resume a normal life outside, I felt apprehension about my decision. What if Tate really wasn’t reformed and was putting on this act so he can carry out some scheme, which might end up hurting Collins or me? Tate was obviously smarter than he seemed…also charismatic and a smooth talker…

  “Miss Sullivan,” the T.A. called. “You will be having your field study at the OC Juvenile Center.”

  I smiled happily at Derek. “I got my number one choice. What about you?”

  Derek said, “Don’t know yet. They haven’t called my name.”

  “Go check then,” I said, getting my backpack from my seat and turning to go.

  Derek went up to the blonde T.A. graduate student and smiled. She smiled back, noticing Derek’s obvious good looks.

  I would have felt a tinge of jealousy because Derek and I always had that something that if it wasn’t for me being so madly in love with Collins, we would probably be together. But I didn’t. I wanted Derek to find someone he can be with finally, and to move on. I was his friend foremost, and I wanted the best for him, even if it meant that I would no longer be the object of his affections.

  Derek came back to me to pick up his backpack. “Looks like we’re going to be co-conspirators,” he said. “I got Juvie, just like you.”

  “Yay!” I said, reaching up to hug him happily.

  He smiled. “I like how the little things in life just make you so happy.”

  “Yeah?” I said. “It beats getting depressed or feeling sorry for yourself, you know.” I took his hand and swung it back and forth.

  He looked surprised at first but went with it. “What are you doing?”

  “Just doing a little celebratory gesture with you, to show how happy I am with all this.”

  “Boy, whatever it is Collins is doing…as much as I’m still jealous of him…if he can make you this happy, I’m beginning to be fine with it.”

  “Good,” I said, walking hand in hand with him outside the lecture hall. “Because we’re going to be partners at Juvie, and I want you at my back, and I’ll be at yours. Agreed?”

  “Agreed,” Derek said. “Sounds like we’re about to go into territory we’re going to need some support from each other for.”

  I nodded. Juvie and also, if what Derek heard was right about Tate, then I’m going to need all the support I could get.

  Chapter 8

  Collins had promised to be there with me when I attend my Dad’s church with Nydia and my mother for the first time since my parents’ divorce.

  Going back to my father, well, actually my ex-stepfather’s church was going to be as awkward as anything, especially since my parents were no longer together.

  But they had joint custody over Nydia, who I learned recently was my half-sister. Although the divorce was almost finalized, my mother still pretended to be wife of a pastor, still leading the ladies at church with her book club meetings, while Nydia attended youth class.

  Because it was much more awkward without me there for support, Mom pulled me with her to church, where once again, as though I never left, I would be playing the piano.

  I looked forward to having Collins with me during the entire time, but he had to take the jet out last night to go to Europe on an important deal for his subsidiary. He apologized profusely when he came over to my apartment last night to tell me he couldn’t be there with me when I returned back to my ex-stepfather’s church in perhaps the most awkward meeting that could ever happen.

  “Take Tate instead,” Collins said. “I think he’s free, and it will probably do him some good.”

  “Tate? I don’t think he would want to go.”

  “Did you ask him? Maybe he would,” Collins said.

  “Alright,” I said.

  “Here,” Collins said, on the phone, “I have Tate on the phone.” He handed me his phone.

  “Hi Tate,” I said cheerily.

  “Hi Sam,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “How are you doing?”

  “Good, Tate,” I said. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

  “Well, I was going to go surfing in the morning and then meet up with Jennifer and her friends for burgers, but do you have something in mind, Sam? I can cancel out on all if you need me to. I mean, I heard a little of what Collins said, and sure, I’ll accompany you anywhere.”

  I smiled. Tate was not the smooth talking Tate he usually portrayed at Sawyer House. He was just Tate…Collins’ younger brother. Tate was street smart, but around me, there were moments of awkwardness around him that made me realize he still had a bit of innocence to him.

  “Would you like to escort me to church tomorrow morning?” I said.

  “Church?” Tate’s voice was surprised and even incredulous.

  “Yes, church,” I said, looking at Collins. “I’ll be going there to help out with some things tomorrow morning. Collins was supposed to go with me, but…”

  Collins held out his hand, with a look of annoyance. “Little brother, I need you to step in for me tomorrow. I made a promise to Sam that I’ll be there for her at church, but I have to be in Rome tomorrow.”

  Collins looked over at me and gave a thumbs up, which would have been comical coming from Collins. I didn’t expect him to let down his guard even with Tate enough to be so playful.

  “He’ll go,” Collins said, ending the call, and pulling me to him to kiss me soundly on my mouth. “I wished I could be the one going with you, but this deal will fall apart if I don’t go. I have to, Sam.”

  “So you finally trust Tate alone with me?” I said.

  Collins shrugged. “Why shouldn’t I?”

  “I just thought last time…”

  Collins began undressing me. “I can’t be jealous of every man who finds you attractive or would try to get into your pants, Sam. If I do, I would spend all my time fighting men off. You are a beautiful amazing young woman, and I’ll have to accept that you will get that kind of attention from men. Including from Tate, but…I want this to all work out, Sam. I want you in my life, and I want a new start with my brother.”

  The following morning after we spent the night together, he left for Rome for a few days, and I waken by the constant buzzing of my doorbell.

  I was dressed only in my underwear when I got up and wrapped my black silk robe around me. My hair was tousled and I ran my fingers through it once to tame it a little before opening the door.

  Tate was standing in front, an odd expression on his face, when he saw me. He stood frozen for a second as he took me in with his icy blue eyes from head to toe. They were eyeing me like a piece of candy when I realized what he was looking at… my robe was short and thin, and he could clearly see the outline of my entire nak
ed body underneath, including my erect high-beaming nipples, thanks to the cold morning air. I pulled the robe tighter around me.

  “Oh, excuse me,” I said. “I just got up and threw this on, not expecting anyone this early except the cleaning lady…Tate, come in, though.” I opened the door wide open and gestured for him to step in.

  He did slowly, looking around, as though he was being cautious, as though he was remembering some memory. “This is kind of awkward,” Tate said. “Maybe I should wait outside?”

  “Why?” I said, closing the door. “I’ll just go get dressed. You look good by the way. I like that sports coat on you, and those jeans look clean.”

  Tate smiled as though he was relieved. “I’ve never been to church before, Sam. I thought I’d dress nicer, not the usual.”

  “You looked good either way, Tate,” I said, eyeing his perfect body clad in clothing straight out of a Ralph Lauren catalogue. With his pierced lips and nose, his muscular build, he looked…. Not that I was noticing, but he looked good.

  Stop thinking that way, Sam! Susan reminded me. He’s still a kid.

  I hurriedly changed into a cream lace sheath dress, silver sandals, and silver jewelry. I ran my fingers through my hair again into elegant waves that flowed down my shoulders and back. I walked out and found Tate looking at the kitchen counter and the wall…the wall where he and Billy had the fight. Tate was fighting Billy off of me, and Billy had crushed him against that wall, knocking him out cold.

  “Hey, Tate,” I said coming up behind him and startling him.

  “Oh Sam, whoa, I didn’t expect you to come up behind me.”

  “Is everything alright?”

  Tate turned around and stopped breathing. After a second, he said softly, “You look like an angel dressed that way.”

  “It’s church, and I just want to look nice,” I said echoing what he’d just said. “Now that we’re ready, let’s get going.”

  He still had a frustrated and torn look on his face as he took in the scene at my apartment. “I can’t believe what I’ve done just a month ago. To you, to Collins.” His face crumbled. “I can’t believe what I was planning on doing.” He fell down on his knees and grabbed my legs. “I’m so sorry, Sam. God forgive me, I am so so very sorry for what Billy and I did to you.”

  “Tate, get up,” I bent down to his level, on my knees to face him. “Tate, look me,” I reached out and held his shoulders so he can look at me. His icy blue eyes met mine shyly.

  I took his hands in mine and said, “Tate, I know what you did was wrong, but I forgave you already.”

  Tate’s head bent down and looked up again. “You have? How could you?”

  I stood up and held my hand to him to help him up. “I have to in order to move on, Tate. I don’t want to wallow in the past. It’s held me captive for so long…it’s like Billy held me in captive for so long.”

  Upon hearing Billy’s name, surprisingly I didn’t have the paralyzing reaction I used to have. My entire body no longer tremble in fear and dread just from the mere mention of my tormentor’s name.

  The effect was different on Tate, though. His eyes blinked, and a strange expression fleeted across his beautiful face. Was it fear, hate, loathing? It was one of those or all of them. One thing was clear, however, Tate had some unfinished business with Billy still.

  *****

  We were running late after I fixed Tate breakfast in my kitchen. Scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. He gobbled it up, and said, “Delicious. Another reason to be half in love with you.”

  “Tate,” I joked, picking up his dishes and tossing it in the sink. “You’ll find someone special someday soon, and then you’ll forget all about me.”

  Tate stood up and came over. He touched my shoulders slightly before he pulled me to him. His lips was on my temples when he said, “I will never forget you, Sam.”

  I pulled out of his embrace quickly, and took a step back. “Tate, um, we better go.”

  *****

  When we arrived at church, Mom and Nydia were already seated in the pew up front where our family usually sat, with my father. I drew a small sigh of relief seeing how things appeared to be the same. Of course, despite my parents getting divorce, they were still trying to maintain appearances.

  Like clockwork, we went through the entire motions of being in church with me playing the piano during songs, and mother heading off to conduct her book club meetings with the other ladies in church. Nydia was about to go to youth class when she turned to me and said, “Why isn’t Collins here? I missed him. I like seeing him with you, Sam.”

  I bent down to talk to her. “He had to be at a meeting for his company today. He’ll see you when he gets back.”

  “Who is that man who looks a little like him?” Nydia asked.

  “Come see for yourself,” I said. Next, I walked her over to Tate, and although they were very briefly introduced right when Tate and I arrived and sat in the pew with them, I said, “Nydia wanted to know who you are, Tate.”

  “I’m whatever and whoever you want me to be,” Tate raised his eyebrows and glanced at me with a smirk on his face.

  “In that case,” Nydia said in her precocious way, “You’re going to be Collins, and help my sister a little but play with me a lot today.”

  Tate gave me a knowing nod before saying, “Smart, aren’t you? You don’t know how much I want to be Collins, Nydia. Thank you, I’ll be just like Collins today and take very good care of you and Sam.”

  Nydia shot me a wide smile and said, “Can we keep him, Sam? I like him already.”

  If I was not head over heels in love and lust with Collins, I would have fallen for Tate and the way he instantly won over Nydia. But as I said, I was head over heels in love with Collins, and seeing Tate trying hard to be like Collins only made me love Collins even more.

  Chapter 9

  Things in my life always manage to work in mysterious ways. Without me even knowing it, I thought I was helping out my mother and Nydia by going to church to be with them today, but I ended up being the one who needed the most help.

  After introducing Tate to Nydia and everyone I knew, he quickly and seamlessly integrated himself into the congregation, much to my surprise. Tate had been the fresh air and the distraction everyone needed at the church to take away the attention from Mom and Dad’s divorce. Everyone seemed interested in him, including Pastor Michael, who thought Tate would be great to have at the Youth Center. Tate certainly was the center of attention for all the young women at church, especially the ones who were relentlessly flirting with Pastor Michael.

  “Help me find someone his own age to date,” I told Pastor Michael when he asked me to his office to talk.

  “Why?” he asked, looking at me curiously. “He seemed to have no problem attracting anyone. Why would he need help, and why the urgency?”

  “Oh, nothing,” I said to my old friend the young handsome pastor whom I had helped start the Youth Group at my father’s church with, which he now ran.

  “I know you’re with Collins McGregor. It’s all over the tabloids and magazines. You are his new hot conquest,” Michael blanched.

  I covered my mouth in surprise. “It’s not like that at all, Michael.”

  “Well, from what the media says, and the way everyone sees Collins McGregor, you are merely arm candy.”

  “I went to New York to one of his film premieres and the press was all there. I behaved appropriately, like a lady. There is no reason why the press or anyone would think I’m just after Collins McGregor’s billions and fame.”

  “No one has to have a reason. They just assume that because he’s who he is, Sam,” Michael said gently. “You know, anyone he dates, especially someone as young and beautiful as you, will be thought of in the worst way.”

  “Well,” I huffed. “I’m with him for the right reasons. You know me, Michael. I’m not some floozy. I’ve never dated anyone before until Collins.”

  “I know,” Michael smiled. “It’s one of
the things that made you very attractive, Sam. I bet especially to someone like Collins, who will find that a challenge. Forbidden fruit.”

  “Michael!” I scolded him. “I can’t believe you would say such a thing.”

  “I’m only saying this as a friend, and as your pastor,” Collins said. “You are young, inexperienced, and very sheltered. I know what it’s like to be a pastor’s kid. I was one.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t know that, Michael. I thought you were a world traveler, a vagabond who traveled from place to place, roughing it.”

  “I was before I became a pastor, Sam,” Michael said. “I used to be an investigative journalist, a photojournalist, and an environmental activist. I traveled all over the world helping villages with water and food issues, photographing women and children, photographing disaster areas, and the most impoverished conditions.”

  “What made you become a pastor?” I asked.

  “I was a pastor’s kid from a very strict family, and I always felt I wasn’t good enough for my father. I never felt I could live up to the perfect older brother I had who went to Harvard and ended up becoming the founder of a successful non-profit. So I rebelled in college. Took off after my senior year to Africa and then Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand, and everywhere I got an assignment to go. I finally ended up being caught up in a rebellion in the Philippines, that nearly cost me my life. God has a funny way of putting you back on the right path, Sam, and I knew with clarity what all that was leading me to…back to church, Sam. So I went to seminary, and found my way to your father’s church.” He smiled. “I never looked back.”

  “So you feel you’re at the right place now?” I asked.

  “I do, Sam.” Michael sat down and gestured for me to sit in his office across from his desk.

  I sat and placed my hands in my lap. I had always been friends with Michael since moving to Newport Beach years ago, but never talked to him on the level of a peer. He was always my father’s young pastor associate, and I was his helper at church.