Lost Wolf (A New Dawn Novel Book 4)

by Rachel M Raithby

  “I don’t know a Richard,” Katalina said quietly. Relief momentarily easing the turmoil rolling through her.

  “As far as I know, he left with Castor and the others the day Bass took over. If he ever crosses onto my land again, he won’t leave alive a second time, that’s for sure.”

  “God, poor Regan. No wonder she doesn’t talk about it.”

  “She blames herself, and no matter how many times I tell her that’s not true, she won’t believe me. Regan was on track to becoming a powerful wolf. Instead, she hasn’t even finished her training, refuses to fight.”

  “Yeah, I’d thought she was a maternal.” Her heart hurt for Regan and how lost she was.

  “She’s not though. At her core, she’s a dominant wolf, meant to lead not follow. With time, I thought she’d get back on the right track, begin her training, find who she should be, but it’s been three years.”

  “Aren’t her parents concerned?” Katalina asked.

  “I think they’re part of the reason Regan is the way she is. Her parents haven’t recovered either. They became overprotective, worried every second Regan isn’t with them. It eats at me that I not only failed Megan but her family too.”

  Katalina paused and, turning toward Jackson, she closed the space between them, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly. He stiffened for a second before relaxing and returning the hug. Katalina wondered if he let anyone comfort him, or if he too held all his pain inside like so many others. The wolf inside of her pushed forward, sensing her father’s distress and wanting to soothe it with the touch of pack, of family.

  “The only person to blame for any of this is Richard. You’ve done all you can, and you’ll be there if or when Regan is ready to remember who she was.”

  Jackson let out a deep sigh. “You are so much like your mother,” he murmured. “Sometimes it’s like I can almost touch her.”

  Katalina pulled back, swallowing the sudden grief lodged in her throat. She didn’t often mourn the loss of her birth mother; it was hard to miss a person she’d never met, but there were moments like these that she longed to. That she wished she had more than a just a picture.

  “Am I?”

  Jackson smiled, his gaze taking on a dreamy look she’d not seen before. “You have her heart.”

  “Bass says I have a human heart,” she answered, beginning to walk again.

  “You have her heart, which was made bigger by your human parents.”

  “Sometimes I think it’s my biggest weakness,” Katalina admitted quietly, staring at the ground.

  Jackson stopped her with a touch of his hand, tilting her chin up so she had no choice but to see the conviction in his eyes as he spoke his next words.

  “Never. You are all I hoped for and more. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel as if you are less, Katalina. It is us who are less, us who must adapt.”

  She had no words to respond with, only a swirl of emotions awoken inside of her. Katalina often struggled to see Jackson as her father, to connect with him as such, but then he’d say something or look at her a certain way, and it would hit her deep in her soul. Almost painful in the realization she wasn’t parentless. She had, in fact, been lucky enough to have four, and one of them was still alive, while the other three she’d carry within her, in memories and heritage.

  Katalina took his hand, pulling it down from her chin and squeezing it. “We should get back. I didn’t tell Bass where I was going.”

  He nodded, before squeezing her hand in return and turning on his heel.

  “How is that mate of yours? He’s not been to bother me in a few days.”

  “He’s busy helping Nico.”

  “How is the he?”

  “His wounds have healed. Though I worry he’s going to have wounds of the heart to contend with soon.”

  “Lady troubles.” Jackson chuckled. “Nothing worse.”

  They reached the house, and Arne clambered up onto the porch, slumping himself down with a huge sigh.

  Katalina laughed. “Have I worn you out, boy?”

  He gave her a half-hearted tail wag in answer.

  “Could you give us a ride?” she asked Jackson.

  “Sure,” he answered, rolling his eyes. “I swear you love that dog more than Bass.”

  Katalina nudged him in the side. “Shush, don’t tell him.”

  Laughing in answer, Jackson looked at Arne, then his truck. “Come on then,” he huffed, as if the short trip was a hassle.

  Katalina hid her smile as she climbed into the truck after her dog. Heart to hearts with Jackson were good, but she much preferred it when they went back to their usual banter. Bickering and teasing were much less emotionally draining.

  She’d found the information Tyler had asked for, information that weighed heavy on her heart, yet something inside of her said now wasn’t the right time to tell Tyler what she’d learned. That maybe it wouldn’t ever be the right time because Regan’s past was only hers to tell.

  Chapter 10

  Each night Regan forced herself not to leave her room. She’d gaze out of her window, eyes scanning the darkness and wondering if Tyler was out there waiting for her, and secretly hoping he was. But she never went to find out, never gave in to the burning desire to track him down, to kiss him again.

  It was as if her very soul called for him. As if he had a direct link to the core of herself that she’d tried so hard to bury.

  Days merged into weeks and though she knew she had to make a change, she’d not yet figured out how. Mia’s words haunted her as much as the echo of Tyler’s touch. Regan knew a lot of what she’d said had been the truth: she was living a lie. But was Tyler part of that lie or a small link to who she used to be?

  “Regan?”

  Regan jumped at the sound of her name been called loudly.

  “Sorry, honey, but I called your name three times before you heard me. What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, I’m fine,” Regan lied. It fell so easily from her lips; she’d told it that many times.

  Her mother sighed. “Regan, you are not fine. What’s so interesting out of that window?”

  Regan turned her gaze back to the dark night. A blue-eyed wolf. But instead of mentioning him, Regan asked about another subject she was sure her mom wouldn’t be happy about. “Do you ever think I made a mistake giving up on my training?” Regan looked back at her mom as she took so long in answering.

  “No.”

  “That wasn’t all that convincing, Mom.”

  “What’s brought this up? Has Jackson said anything to you?”

  “No, of course not. He’d never make me train if I didn’t want to.”

  “Do you want to?” her mom asked, so quietly Regan knew she was afraid of the answer.

  “I’m not sure. Sometimes, yes, I think I do.” I’m just afraid of what you’ll think.

  “You’re safer doing what you’re doing.”

  Regan looked back out the window, unable to say her next words to her mother’s face. “Yes, but is what I’m doing actually living?” Her frustration grew. It was hard trying to move forward when the people she needed to talk to were as stuck as she was.

  “You look very much alive to me, Regan, which is far more than I can say for Megan. I’ve already lost one daughter. I don’t want to lose another.”

  “The war’s over now,” Regan whispered. Hurting for her mom’s pain, but at the same time angry that she couldn’t see what she was doing to the one daughter that was still alive.

  “The alliance won’t hold,” she spat. “Dark Shadow are nothing but a bunch of savages. They’ll show their true colors eventually.”

  Regan’s door slammed shut, signaling her mother’s departure. She looked at the space her mother had vacated, felt the residue of her hatred and grief, fueling Regan’s anger further. Deep down, Regan didn’t think her mom truly believed all Dark Shadow were bad; instead, her mom had held onto the hatred like an anchor. She’d used it as a tool to survive, to keep goi
ng, and Regan had done the same in a way, but Mia had been right. Megan would never have approved of the way any of them were living. It saddened Regan how lost she and her parents were. Yet she couldn’t allow grief to hold her back anymore. Even if that meant leaving her parents behind, stuck in their sorrow and hatred.

  Decision made, Regan pulled up her window and leaped to the ground. As she took off into the darkness, time, at last, began to tick forward. It had taken years, and she still had no idea where she was heading, but the important thing was she’d changed course. She’d taken that first small step forward.

  Chapter 11

  Tyler had literally just collapsed onto his bed after a long day and an extra shift on the late afternoon patrol when there was a faint knock at his door. Too tired to even bother moving or scent who it was, Tyler mumbled, “Yeah?”

  I’m not doing another shift, he thought as the door opened and closed as quietly as the knock sounded. Tyler forced himself to lift his head and see who’d entered; he’d expected whomever it was to open the door and speak, not silently sneak in.

  He did a double take. Sitting up, Tyler rubbed at his eyes just to be sure he wasn’t imagining her. “Regan?”

  She smiled softly but didn’t speak a word.

  “Wha—”

  “Shush.” Regan brought her finger to her lips as she spoke, stepping toward him and climbing onto his bed.

  “Bu—”

  Tyler’s words were cut off as Regan’s mouth connected with his. Her body pinned him to the bed, her hips straddling him as her hands pushed him backward. Suddenly fueled with energy as his blood pounded through his veins, hunger stirring in his soul. He’d stopped waiting by the stream, but never once had he given up his hopes of having her again, of seeing her smile, of feeling her soft body on his.

  Questions needed to be answered, feelings discussed, but all of it could wait. The whole world could wait for all Tyler cared because she’d come to him. She was here, and in that moment, his.

  It was the middle of the night when Tyler woke. For a second, he thought he was dreaming; Regan was asleep, her head on his chest, face peaceful and relaxed. Slowly, he ran his fingers through her hair, brushing it softly from her face. She was so beautiful. He’d never met a woman who took his breath away as much as she did. Her skin was pale, like milk, a complete contrast to her midnight-black hair, yet her lips and cheeks had a permanent dusting of rose.

  Her nose twitched, and her lips lifted at the corners a faction. “You’re tickling me,” she whispered.

  “Sorry,” he whispered back, almost frightened that speaking louder would shatter the illusion.

  “What time is it?” she asked quietly.

  “3:00 a.m.”

  She sighed. “I should go before my parents find me missing. That’s if they haven’t already.”

  “What will you tell them if they did find you missing?”

  Regan was silent for a good few breaths. “If I were brave… the truth.”

  “And what’s the truth, Regan?” Tyler murmured, holding his breath as he waited for the answer.

  Her hand found his. “That I like a blue-eyed wolf… a lot, and that I don’t care he’s from Dark Shadow.”

  “Don’t you?” he asked nervously, holding his breath.

  Her eyes opened and found his. Tyler searched her dark-blue eyes for the truth he was afraid of, looking for some shred of hatred she must feel for the pack he belonged to. It had to be there; he hated himself for the death of her sister.

  “I thought I did, but I think the truth was, I was using it as an excuse because the way you made me feel scared me. You make me remember the person I used to be, the person I was before I lost my sister.”

  “I’m so sorry that the pack I belong to did that to you, to her.”

  She shook her head gently, eyes filling with such sadness it hurt Tyler’s heart to see. “It wasn’t your fault, Ty. Bass is different. Things are different.”

  Silence hung between them, their eyes locked, unsaid emotions passing between them before Tyler asked the question he’d needed to know from the beginning, yet feared. If she said a name he recognized, he knew without a doubt, he’d be killing a member of his own pack. Tyler wasn’t sure he understood the knowledge, or where it came from, only that it was there. That this fierce protection came from the deepest depths of his wolf.

  “He’s not in the pack anymore,” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter who he is.”

  A he then….

  “I need to know.”

  “Plenty of wolves died in the war between our packs, Ty. Why does Megan’s death matter so much?”

  “Because you matter.”

  “Richard. His name is Richard,” she whispered.

  Relief washed through him and Tyler expelled a breath. He recognized the name. He’d been an enforcer and had left with Castor.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” Tyler whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek.

  A single tear slipped from her eye as she squeezed them closed and sucked in a deep breath. “I will but not now. I can’t now.”

  Reaching forward, Tyler kissed the tear away. “Whenever you’re ready,” he breathed.

  “I really need to go,” she whispered some time later. She’d been quiet for so long Tyler had thought she’d fallen back to sleep.

  It was four o’clock in the morning, he had to be up for work in two hours and had only had a few hours sleep. Not that he regretted the missed sleep.

  “What happens from here, Regan?”

  Pushing up, she shuffled until she was sat up one hand rested on his chest, the other brushing her hair from her face.

  “I can’t tell my parents, not yet. They’d never understand, and for all we know you’ll be bored of me in a few weeks.”

  “Not going to happen,” Tyler answered, running his hand up her thigh and squeezing. He wished Regan could see the woman he did. Could see just how beautiful and strong she was. It bothered him that she couldn’t. Made him determined to show her just what he saw.

  “I’m quite boring,” she said, trying not to smile.

  “Me too.” He grinned, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

  “I really need to go.”

  Please don’t. “So, you’ve said.” Searching his gaze, Regan closed the space between them and kissed him softly. “Bye, Ty,” she murmured.

  Tyler watched her climb from his bed, not bothering at all to hide the fact he was watching her as she searched his room for her clothes.

  “I’ll sneak you home,” he said, about to get out of bed.

  “Stay,” she instructed, holding up a hand. “I used to be quite good at sneaking about.”

  “Did you?” He lifted a brow, intrigued to know what other secrets she held.

  She raised an eyebrow in return. “Let’s hope sneaking in here wasn’t a fluke.”

  Her hand landed on the door handle.

  “Wait!” Tyler gasped, afraid the entire night had been some incredible dream and he’d never see her again. “When will I see you again?”

  She shrugged. “Not sure.” With a wink and a wicked grin, Regan slipped from his cabin, leaving Tyler in bed. He was hooked. She was his new favorite drug, and tonight had not nearly been enough. He didn’t care when she planned on seeing him again because he’d hunt her down himself. Rolling over, Tyler smiled, sighing happily. Let the games begin. He closed his eyes, settling deeper into the sheets that now held her scent. The fun has just begun. Tomorrow, Regan, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.

  PART TWO

  Set after the events of Wolf Sight

  Chapter 12

  “This is lovely. We should do this more often,” Olivia said, before taking a sip of her latte.

  “I agree.” Katalina sighed. “I’ve missed human things.”

  “Wolves drink coffee,” Anna stated.

  Olivia giggled, and it was such an unexpected sound Katalina couldn’t help staring.

  “What?” Olivia asked, bl
ushing from the attention.

  “New York suits you,” Katalina said.

  “I left.”

  “But it’s stayed with you.”

  “I’ve changed,” Olivia agreed.

  “For the better,” Katalina assured her, squeezing her shoulder.

  “I’ve never visited New York. I’d love to,” Anna added, popping a piece of her muffin into her mouth.

  “We should all go. Girls’ weekend,” Katalina suggested.

  “Stop rocking the boat, Kat,” Olivia warned.

  Katalina’s smile turned wicked. “Why? It’s my favorite hobby. Do you miss New York?”

  Olivia’s face turned dreamy, her gaze far away. “Yes, I do. At first, the hustle and bustle frightened me, but after a while, I loved to walk the crowded streets, watching people. Plus, I wasn’t the weirdest person there. That’s always a bonus. Oh, and the shops! I seriously miss the clothes.”

  “We should go then,” Anna said.

  Katalina smiled. Anna hadn’t yet fully grasped what she’d let herself in for. Mating a wolf meant a simple girls’ trip turned into a total meltdown for all men involved. A few months ago, she’d have probably been able to convince Bass… most likely. But not anymore. Not with the constant attacks and never-ending threats. They’d been lucky to make it out to coffee, and that hadn’t been allowed without secret protection.