Gorilla Tactics

by Sheila Grau

  We stood in an awkward silence, which, for me, is just as bad as confrontation.

  “Everyone says things are changing,” I said to the Grand Sirenness. “Bianca told me you’re in a tough spot.”

  “I did not,” Bianca said, scowling at me.

  “It reminds me of something that happened when my foster brother, Pierre, was a student here. One weekend, his friends wanted to go to the Caves of Doom to catch claw-worms—those snakelike creatures with front arms and claws. Before he left, I asked him why he was going, because he hates the Caves of Doom. He told me, ‘If I don’t go, then the next time they do something, they won’t invite me. I need to be the one who decides what we do.’

  “By the time they returned, Pierre was leading the way, carrying the sack of claw-worms, his arms covered with scratches. He was the hero of the trip, and they were all laughing and talking like it had been his idea all along.”

  And then he’d put one in my bed, but I didn’t mention that part.

  “You’re saying my people will make peace with the mermaids, whether I want it or not,” the Grand Sirenness said. “And I shouldn’t fight it, or I’ll be left out.”

  “Runt’s right,” Mistress Moira said. “Bianca could wear the mermaid dress. It’s beautiful, and surprising.”

  “And I could pretend that was my idea all along,” Marissa added, looking thoughtful.

  “You could get out of two difficult situations with one move,” Moira said.

  The Grand Sirenness seemed to be fighting within herself, but eventually she turned to Mistress Moira and nodded.

  “Do it,” she said.

  Pismo was watching from the balcony in disguise. When I told him the plan, and that I needed his help, he laughed in my face. I dragged him back to the wings with me, explaining how important this was for everyone—mermaids, sirens, Dr. Critchlore, the school. Everyone.

  He agreed to go along with the idea, so I left him with Mistress Moira and hustled back to my position backstage, only to find Professor Murphy holding my headset and shaking his head.

  The first dance number had ended and he’d just sent Devany out on her walk. He frowned as I approached.

  “Leaving your post is a very serious offense, Mr. Higgins. That’s another strike for you.”

  “But that would be my third strike,” I said.

  “You will be rejoining the regular minion program. In the meantime, finish what you started.” He handed me the headset and left.

  This was so unfair. What about Rufus? Doesn’t he get a strike for not doing anything? Why should I be punished?

  Devany returned, her dress sparkling as bright as her smile. Next up was Syke, which made me nervous. We hadn’t seen Syke in dress rehearsal, but Mistress Moira told me she’d persuaded her to show up, so we waited.

  “Do you see Syke?” I asked Frankie through the headset.

  “No,” he said. “And her cue is about to come up.”

  “I’m right here, idiot,” she said.

  “Syke!” I said, shocked to see her standing behind me, dressed in a long-sleeved tunic over black leggings. The shirt reminded me of a tree changing color in the fall. It seemed to be made of tiny metallic leaves, gently draping over one another.

  “Wow, cool shirt. You ready?”

  She shook her head. I’ve always loved the way Syke’s hair looked like a hummingbird’s chest. In the right light, it practically glowed with waves of color. Green, then blue, then black. She usually wore it tied in a ponytail, though. Now it was brushed out and flowing.

  She held something in her hand. When she saw me notice it, she hid it behind her back.

  “Syke, hand it over,” I said.

  She scowled at me.

  “Syke, I thought you were brave,” I said. “But look at you. Afraid to walk down a runway and back. So afraid that you’ll cause a catastrophe just to avoid doing it.”

  She dropped her head and handed me the Tornado in a Can™ that she’d stolen from Dr. Frankenhammer’s lab. “I wasn’t really going to do it.”

  “And now, Syke!” Dr. Critchlore said, not reading from the script this time. “A loyal, brave, intelligent girl. A lover of nature, caring to all living things. Anyone would be proud to call her his daughter, and I’m lucky enough to call her my ward.”

  Syke looked stunned at that. She smiled and walked out quickly, like she was eager to get this over with. I wanted her to slow down, because watching the light hit her hair and the shirt was mesmerizing. At the halfway point, the imps jumped up at the end of the stage. Syke stopped walking and then shook one of her sleeves.

  The tiny leaves detached and hovered in the air, like a swarm of insects. Syke swooshed her arm in the direction of the imps. The insect-leaves followed the air current to their target, speeding away from her so fast you’d have thought she’d shot a gun.

  The imps turned and ran, except for one, who fell to the runway and covered his head. The metal leaves seemed to dart around his arms, trying to get at his face.

  Syke walked to the end of the runway, kicked the imp off, which was not in the script, and hit her pose. The crowd laughed and cheered. When she turned around, I could see that she was smiling.

  “That was awesome!” I said, high-fiving her as she passed me in the wings.

  Frieda was next, and she was nervous again. She walked out to the edge of the stage and froze. The lights were in her face, blinding her.

  “C’mon, Frieda, you can do it!” I said in a stage whisper.

  She glared at me but seemed to gather some inner strength. Her expression turned dangerous. She flexed her arms in front of her. “Grr,” she roared, and then she did it. The Frieda flounce.

  The crowd loved that too, and they cheered her on with hoots and yells. Frieda, her confidence restored, strode down the runway.

  We could hear the shouts of the ogre-men, who were watching the show with the other minions of impressive size on the boulderball field’s giant screen.

  Frieda hit the end of the runway, put her hand on her hip and struck a pose, then spun around and came back. Frankie rolled a giant brick wall out from the side. We put on our safety goggles.

  When Frieda hit the halfway mark she held up her hand. She had a ring on each finger, and they were huge (both the fingers and the rings). She put her hand to her mouth and chomped down on what looked like a large gemstone. She swallowed, rubbed her belly, and then walked closer to the wall.

  And burped.

  It was a mighty burp. I don’t think the world has seen a more powerful burp ever in history. The brick wall was reduced to dust. The crowd stood on their feet and clapped. Then they stopped clapping to wave the smell away. It was awful. I yelled in my headset to activate the fans and open the doors. Frieda turned around and bowed.

  Frankie and I quickly swept up the debris, and then it was Bianca’s turn. Heaven help us.

  Two heads are better than one? Ha! I wouldn’t show up anywhere without at least ten heads.

  —ASTRID THE HYDRA

  The lights went down, and the music softened to a melancholy tune. A spotlight hit Bianca, whose silver-swirled dress was as shiny as a polished coin. Her ruined makeup had been cleaned off, and her face looked fresh and sweet. Gone too was her elaborate hairstyle; her long blond hair flowed loose.

  As she walked down the runway, the lights got dimmer and dimmer. By this point, the audience was accustomed to the unexpected, and everyone remained quiet.

  At the midway point, the room was nearly black. Bianca pulled on the neckline of the dress, and when she did, Pismo’s black tunic seemed to cascade down over the silver dress like water. In the darkness of the room, the photophores quickly activated and lit her up with pale blue dots. The crowd gasped.

  The daughter of the Grand Sirenness was wearing mermaid clothes. Nothing that came before shocked the audience more than this. Stunned faces turned from Bianca to her mother, unable to believe the Grand Sirenness would sit still for this outrage.

  At th
e end of the runway, Pismo stood between two imps. Dressed in a matching tunic of lights, he handed Bianca a pair of gloves. She pulled him up onto the runway and hugged him. Together, they walked back to the stage in their shining mermaid clothes, holding hands. Once there, they turned, flashing the finger lights of their gloves onto the Grand Sirenness.

  Mistress Moira patted me on the back and then strode out onto the stage, microphone in hand.

  “It was a very brave thing for Grand Sirenness Marissa to allow her daughter to wear a dress made by mermaids,” Mistress Moira said. “I don’t think I’ve seen a braver thing in a long time. Grand Sirenness?”

  Marissa strode up to the stage and took the offered microphone. Mistress Moira joined Dr. Critchlore, who was watching from the eaves near my post.

  “This feud between sirens and mermaids is old, and it should be put to rest. We are the same, inside.” She tapped her heart. “We want the same things—to be loved, to have a safe place to raise our children, and to make ships crash on rocks. Why can’t we do these things together?

  “It is time to put away our hatred and start fresh. King Aquova and I will be meeting soon to discuss a new era of cooperation between the mermaids and the sirens. And I think we can all agree—it’s the hydras who are the real problem in our coastal zones. How I hate those tentacly beasts! Am I right? As if one big head wasn’t enough.”

  The stunned silence turned into wild applause, and then a standing ovation.

  “Inside the gift bags, you’ll each find your own pair of gloves,” Marissa said, just like I’d told her to.

  Everyone put them on, the lights dimmed again, and they all pointed their fingers at the Grand Sirenness so that she was lit up brighter than anything in the room.

  Mistress Moira turned to Dr. Critchlore. “They did it,” she said. “They wore the mermaid gloves.”

  The Grand Sirenness smiled and then held up her hand for silence.

  “And now let us finish this wonderful event with the real stars, the girls.”

  She returned to her seat as everyone kept clapping.

  “I really hope this doesn’t get out,” Dr. Critchlore said, shaking his head. “The last thing I need is a reputation as a peacemaker.”

  The crowd stayed on their feet as all the girls made one last appearance onstage. Dr. Critchlore strode out from the side, smiling.

  “Thank you, thank you!” he said, hushing the crowd. “I’m so pleased you enjoyed the dresses that I designed for this show. Another hand for our assistant seamstress, Mistress Moira.”

  Did he really just say that? I looked at Frankie, whose eyes were wide with shock.

  “We have a reception waiting in the courtyard. I hope you will all enjoy a little after-show treat. Evil overlord wives, please refrain from any physical attacks upon your sworn enemies. As Grand Sirenness Marissa has shown us, this is a time to put aside our differences and enjoy a day of fashion.”

  ‡‡‡

  Everyone seemed happy at the reception, but Mistress Moira was nowhere to be seen. The Grand Sirenness flitted through the crowd, telling everyone that she’d had this announcement planned for months and was waiting for a big event like this to make it. After a while, Dr. Critchlore came out to announce the winner, as the ballots had been counted. He stood on the steps and called for attention.

  “I really hate to declare a winner, because clearly all the girls were amazing. At any rate, we’ve tabulated the results and our winner is . . . Frieda!”

  “Frieda!” the girls squealed, covering the lower half of her body with hugs. Frieda looked genuinely pleased and shocked.

  “What happened?” I whispered to Frankie.

  “The sirens were told they couldn’t vote for their own child. They voted for Frieda, thinking that she couldn’t possibly win. They all thought that.”

  “That’s great!”

  “Syke should have won,” Frankie said.

  “You should tell her that.”

  Frankie, Syke, and I snuck out of the reception and headed for Uncle Ludwig’s secret library. We needed a quiet place to plan our trip to the Kobold Retraining Center. We had no time to waste. We had to find the headmaster there and give him the antidote so he could pass it on to Professor Zaida. If we couldn’t find him, then we had to figure out the Lady of Wisdom riddle and get to the Great Library ourselves.

  Darthin was already there, sitting at a table covered with papers. He was illuminated by a small pool of light shining from a desk lamp. The rest of the library was dark and quiet.

  “The Kobold Retraining Center is north of here,” he said when we sat down. He picked out a map of Stull and pointed to a remote region of the Neutral Territory. “Way north. At the border of Burkeve. It can be reached by road, but there was an explosion outside Stull City yesterday, and the main road heading north was destroyed.

  “Here’s what I know about the KRC. Kobolds are small creatures, usually helpful, but they go bad if they aren’t thanked for their work. And by bad I mean completely malicious. The KRC captures bad kobolds and takes them to the retraining center, where they are turned back to good. Here’s a map so you can find the headmaster’s office.” He spread out more pictures on the table. “Here’s an aerial photo, and a photo of the main building. Here’s a photo from their brochure.”

  “Looks pretty,” Frankie said. “All those trees and the mountain range.”

  “That’s Mount Izta,” Darthin said. “It’s an active volcano.”

  I picked up the picture of the mountain. There was something about it . . .

  “I also researched statues of women with memorial flames.” He plopped down another set of papers. “And I’ve come up with seventeen possibilities, but none are in Stull.”

  “That can’t be right,” I said. “Tankotto’s henchman said it’s close.” I pointed at the picture of Mount Izta. “Is that a waterfall?”

  “Yes,” Darthin said.

  “We need an excuse to go there,” Syke interrupted. “We can’t just decide to leave the school for some random outing. Someone will report us as absent without leave.”

  “Even if we could,” Frankie said, “how would we get there? The road is out.”

  “I could get you there.” A voice from the shadows startled us.

  “Pismo!” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  “I saw you guys slink down here and decided to follow.” He sat down at the table with us. “This room is fantastic! Much better than the library upstairs.”

  “It’s a secret,” I said. “If word of this room got out, it could destroy the school. You have to keep it quiet.”

  “Believe me, I can keep a secret.” He leaned forward. “Now, why do you want to go north?”

  “We have to find the headmaster of the Kobold Retraining Center,” I said. “Professor Zaida has been poisoned, and he can take the antidote to her. How can you get us there?”

  “The Wallippi River comes down the mountains near there, eventually winding its way to our very lake. Swimming upriver is tough, but I need a good swim. My fin is atrophying something terrible. The lake just isn’t much of a challenge, because the water just sits there. It doesn’t fight you, like tides.”

  “You could take me, but what about everyone else?”

  “I’ll get some of the other mermaids to help.”

  “Other mermaids?” I asked.

  “Yeah, you didn’t think I was the only one, did you? There are a few more here. They’re just hiding, on account of the sirens and the mean jokes and stuff.

  “Boynton will love this,” Pismo said, clapping his hands together. “He’s anadromous.”

  “Does that mean he can use both hands?” Frankie asked.

  “Not ambidextrous, you dolt. Anadromous means his family migrates from freshwater to the ocean. He’s also got great magnetoception.”

  “Which is?” I asked.

  “He can always find his way back. Did you ever wonder how homing pigeons find their way home? They sense the ea
rth’s magnetic field and use those cues to orient themselves. Same with anadromous people.”

  “I can’t believe Boynton’s a mermaid,” I said. “What about the sirens? Won’t they stop us from using the river without authorization?”

  “Grand Sirenness Marissa gave me an official river pass at the reception,” Pismo said. “She told me to use it to go home and arrange a meeting between her and my father. But I can use it to go upstream.”

  I thumbed through more pictures of the school and surroundings, focusing on that mountain again. The shape was almost the perfect silhouette of a woman lying on her back.

  “Darthin, did I tell you that Uncle Ludwig believes the Great Library is in a mountain fortress?”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “I probably forgot about it, because Yipps was so sure it’s underground. But look at this.” I showed him the picture again, pointing at the mountain.

  “What was the riddle again?” he asked, frowning at the picture.

  “The Great Lady of Wisdom was angry—” I began.

  “Like a volcano erupting,” Darthin said, pointing to the mountain.

  “She threw her body on top of her children to protect them—”

  “Her children, the books.”

  “Then she lay down and cried herself to sleep—”

  “The waterfall comes out right from the mountain’s head.”

  “A fire burns beneath her tears, lighting the way to her children.”

  “The Great Lady of Wisdom isn’t a statue,” Darthin said. “She’s a mountain. This mountain. Runt, the area is rich in natural gas. One leak could be lit and stay lit forever, even beneath a waterfall. An eternal flame.”

  I looked up at everyone. “If we can find that flame beneath the falls, we’ll find the entrance to the Great Library. We can find Professor Zaida ourselves. We don’t have to waste time looking for the headmaster.

  “Guys, we have to go tomorrow, right after breakfast,” I said, looking up from the picture. “Pismo, can you be ready?”

  “Sure,” Pismo said. “Let’s go find that library.”

  “And save Professor Zaida,” Syke added.