Gorilla Tactics

by Sheila Grau

  “But when the evil overlords gave permission to me instead, Pravus panicked. He decided to risk an all-out assault on the mountain. He was desperate to get to all that knowledge, and now it’s lost to him. Ha!”

  “Except for the book his henchman took with him when he left.”

  “Yes, that concerns me. The librarians told me he took The Top Secret Book of Minions—Translated Edition. Hopefully he’ll be banished to Skelterdam before he can use it.”

  This was great news. I knew I shouldn’t be afraid of Dr. Pravus, because he couldn’t hurt me. The librarians had kept him prisoner until Dr. Frankenhammer arrived and erased his memory, so he wouldn’t remember our confrontation. But he still scared me.

  “If only I could have kept those beasts of his,” Dr. Critchlore said, turning to gaze out his window. “Fearsome!”

  Sara and the rest of the vaskor stayed at the Kobold center to protect the Great Library. It was a win-win—the librarians finally got some warriors to protect them, and the vaskor got to live in a forest. I’d been charged with assigning their new glamour, and after discussing it with them, we went back to the original wolflike creature on my medallion.

  Rufus entered behind Professor Murphy, taking the seat next to me. He held my backpack in one hand.

  “Hey,” I said. “What are you doing with my backpack?”

  “You left it in the classroom. Thought you could hide the evidence, did you?” He leaned over to whisper, “You’re gone, loser. And nobody will miss you. Especially not Janet.”

  Mistress Moira was the last to arrive. When everyone was seated, Dr. Critchlore nodded at Professor Murphy to begin. He looked so serious that I began to doubt my chances.

  “What we have with Mr. Higgins is an escalating pattern of misbehavior,” Professor Murphy said. “In the first two weeks of school, he received three detentions, he started a food fight in the cafeteria, and he showed blatant disregard for authority, barging into your office whenever he wanted.

  “We are now a month into the term, and he’s been thrown out of the junior henchman program after receiving three strikes. He’s in possession of a banned book, which could get this whole school shut down.” Professor Murphy pointed to Rufus, who opened my backpack and pulled out the book I’d been hiding there. “And Rufus is willing to testify under oath that Runt Higgins snuck out during Friday movies to free Dr. Pravus’s minion in the dungeon. A blatant act of insubordination.

  “In addition, he was absent without an excuse for the last two days. This sort of flagrant violation of rules and standards of behavior should be more than enough to expel him from this school for good.”

  Yikes. I was a terrible, terrible person. I had no idea.

  Dr. Critchlore sat behind his desk with his fingertips tapping against each other.

  “Cook?” he said. “You wanted to say something?”

  “Dr. Critchlore,” Cook said, standing. I could tell she was trying to control her temper, but her anger was visible in the scowl she directed at Professor Murphy. “Runt Higgins is no more the delinquent painted by Professor Murphy than I am the master chef at Le Petit Chateau.” Then she sat down.

  “Thanks, Cook,” I said.

  “Mistress Moira?” Dr. Critchlore asked.

  “As you know, Derek, I have a way of knowing what goes on in this school.” She paused until Dr. Critchlore nodded his agreement. “The fashion show would not have been the success it was without the help of Mr. Higgins, who filled in for Mr. Spaniel here”—she pointed to Rufus—“when Mr. Spaniel deemed the task beneath him. In addition, his keen observations led to a major design breakthrough with the dresses, helped you find a solution to the giant gorilla problem, and led directly to the return of your precious book.” She nodded to his new copy of The Top Secret Book of Minions, which the librarians had given me in thanks.

  “A book that he allowed to be stolen,” Professor Murphy said.

  “As if any student here could stand up to Dr. Pravus,” she said. “Not many adults can either.” Professor Murphy looked startled, and then his gaze fell to the floor.

  Dr. Critchlore stood up and turned his back to us. He gazed out his expansive window, and then came around from behind his desk to address us.

  “Professor Murphy, what are the three traits every junior henchman must have? The traits you are teaching our third-year students this term?”

  “They are going to learn how to problem solve for their EOs, how to get a disparate group of minions to work together, and how to take on their EO’s enemies. I’ve only gotten as far as the first one, though, because of the fashion show. They’ll—”

  Dr. Critchlore held up his hand. “Runt Higgins solved Mistress Moira’s problem with the dresses. He helped me figure out how to defeat Pravus’s gorillas, although I would have gotten there myself, eventually. So he has already accomplished the first trait—problem solving.

  “Then he single-handedly got the sirens and mermaids to work together—and I can think of no two groups that are more disparate. That’s trait number two.

  “And finally, trait three—he stood up to my worst enemy at the Kobold center and saved the life of our most beloved teacher, two accomplishments I deem worthy of an unexcused absence, don’t you?”

  “Well . . . ‘most beloved’ is a bit subjective . . .”

  “Professor Murphy,” Dr. Critchlore admonished.

  “All right, yes, those are worthy accomplishments.”

  “Runt Higgins is staying, and I’m reinstating him into the junior henchman program.”

  Rufus fumed. Thick hairs erupted from his arms as he clenched his fists in anger.

  “But the illegal book!” Professor Murphy shouted. “How can you overlook a transgression that serious?”

  “It’s not Runt’s book.” We turned and saw Syke standing in the doorway. “I hid it in his backpack so I wouldn’t get caught with it,” she said. “It’s my book. And you don’t have to have a stupid hearing about it, because I’m expelling myself. Good-bye.”

  She turned and left, swinging a backpack over her shoulder.

  “Syke, no!” I followed her down the curving stairs to the castle foyer.

  She stopped but didn’t turn around. “Runt, I’m leaving anyway.”

  “Syke . . . please. Stay.”

  “I can’t. You should know how I feel. You’ve been looking for your family for years. What if you found out that Dr. Critchlore had killed them? What would you do?”

  “I did find my parents. In the Great Library. I found out who they are, but they’re dead.”

  “What?”

  “Professor Zaida figured it out. Syke, I’m the lost Prince of Andirat.”

  She stared at me for a second and then burst out laughing. “Termites, Runt. You really think you’re a missing prince?”

  “My medallion, the Girl Explorers, the timing of when I arrived here, my resemblance to the missing prince. Look—”

  I showed her the picture I had of the royal family.

  She took it from me and looked at it closely. “That’s not you,” she said. “I’ve known you since you got here, and never in my life have I seen you make an expression like that. That kid looks evil.”

  “Professor Zaida thinks it’s me.”

  “Runt, don’t go pretending you’re something you’re not. It’s dangerous.” She handed the photo back to me. “Good-bye.”

  “Syke, just listen to his side first.”

  A dark fury seemed to overtake her, and she balled her hands into fists like she was going to punch me. “Are you kidding me? He killed my mother, and you’re standing here defending him? Damn it, Runt! You still love him!”

  “Syke . . . it’s just—”

  “No, don’t say anything else.” She held up a hand. “You’d still do anything for him, for this stupid school. I need you to hate him, like I do, and you can’t. And that’s so disloyal and weak. I hate that you need him to love you, when he doesn’t love anyone but himself.”


  She stared at me, like she was waiting for me to say something. I wanted to beg her to stay, but she’d just called me weak. If I begged, I’d just prove her right.

  She turned and stomped out of the castle.

  I sat down on the steps and slumped by the wall. I felt squashed, like something on the bottom of a giant’s shoe. It all poured down on me—all the stuff I’d miss if she left. We did everything together. How was I going to find out who cursed me without her help? How would I fend off Rufus? Who would make me laugh with her impersonations of professors when I complained about them?

  I didn’t notice Mistress Moira until she spoke.

  “What are those marks on your wrist?” she asked, sitting down next to me.

  I looked at them again. “I don’t know. They just showed up while I was in the Great Library. They won’t wash off.”

  She held my arms as she examined the marks, each about an inch and a half thick. “Interesting.”

  “Do you know what it is?” I asked.

  “I think it’s your curse.”

  “Really?” I brightened. “I’m cursed to have wristbands? That’s much better than being cursed to die.”

  “No, Runt. This is not good,” she said. “It’s a tether, to prevent you from going outside the range of the curse’s power. You traveled to the northern edge of Stull, and these marks showed up as a warning. If you hadn’t returned, they would have turned black, and then tightened. This means that your curse is not only powerful, but also inescapable. And the person who cast it is quite talented.”

  “You’re right. That’s not good.”

  “On the other hand, there are very few people who can successfully cast a tethering curse on top of another curse. This just might make it easier for us to find out who did it. And Runt”—she took my face in her hands so I had to meet her eyes—“I will not rest until I find out who cursed you.”

  “I know,” I said. “Thank you, Mistress Moira.”

  She got up to leave. “You did good, Runt Higgins. Real good.”

  “Thanks,” I said to her back as she flitted off to her quarters.

  Kids streamed into the foyer, heading to the cafeteria for lunch. Janet entered, surrounded by admirers. She’d returned from her mission a hero, because everyone at school knew she’d tamed the giant gorilla in the video. She saw me sitting on the stairs and winked at me. My heart fluttered like a million bats lifting off in happiness, and I felt like I could do anything.

  I’d found the Great Library, after all. If I could do that, then I could find out why Dr. Critchlore had burned down Syke’s forest. I could get her to come back. And together, we could find out who’d cursed me, and why.

  I’m so grateful to my family for the inspiration and support they give me every day. Thank you, Juan, Rachel, Ricky, Alex, and Daniel! Thanks also to my parents, Joan and Bob Jack, and my siblings, Lisa and Gordy Jack. And a huge thanks to the whole extended Grau, Jack, and Smith clans—you all make my life so rich.

  A very special thank-you to my editor, Erica Finkel, and my agent, Molly Ker Hawn, who make everything they touch better. Thanks to the talented Joe Sutphin for his gorgeous covers and interior art. Thanks to my early readers, Ashley Shouse and Gordon Jack. And thanks to all the fantastic people at Abrams who brought this book to life and continue to get it into the hands of readers everywhere: Chad W. Beckerman, Jessie Gang, Jason Wells, Jim Armstrong, Christine Ma, Zachary Greenwald, Elizabeth Peskin, Jess Brigman, Elisa Gonzalez, Mary Wowk, Susan Van Metre, and Michael Jacobs.

  Ever since she saw The Wizard of Oz, Sheila Grau has been curious about one of life’s great mysteries: Where do evil overlords get their minions? Also: Who trains them? Unable to find the answers, she thought it would be fun to make them up.

  Sheila currently lives in Northern California with her husband and four children and, sadly, still no minions.