Most days I sit in the living room and stare out the window at nothing because I have no purpose. I wake up, eat, pretend I’m not turning into a ghost, and then keep going until I can go to sleep.
I crave sleep now. It’s the only time I get to switch off and not think or feel or pretend. It’s my haven. Where before I was on the go all the time, now I just sit.
Not that Prissy and the others haven’t tried to help me settle in and integrate in this pack, they have. They go out of their way for me, trying to get me out and about and include me, but the truth is the longer I am here, the more removed I feel.
I have a family that isn’t my family since anytime that asshole shows up I make tracks so that I don’t make everyone feel awkward. He visits here a lot though, always trying to say hi, ask me how I am, or just shoot the shit.
It’s as if pretending to care makes Bear feel better about all this, and you know, fuck that. Fuck his guilt and his shame because it’s his, not mine, and I shouldn’t have to spend three nights a week, and sometimes even lunch or breakfast, pretending not to hate his ass.
Oh, and fuck him double for proposing to his girlfriend and putting a rock on her finger. That woman has done nothing but walk around town cooing and showing it off to any and all, even if they don’t want to see.
At first, it hurt. It still does. Then, I just swept it all away, as I have been doing for months and told myself I don’t care. It makes it easier, especially when I force myself to do things like lie and smile and assure Prissy that no, I don’t really care, and sure, I am happy for Bear and that snake, and yeah Prissy, you can be happy for your son and support him because you are his mom, and I don’t mind that he asked you to throw an engagement party at the house where I live.
Where I can’t escape it and where I will be trapped while people laugh smugly because I’ll have to hide. If not, I’ll be forced to go down there and attend as if I don’t feel anything, and honestly, I am no great actress, even with the performances I’ve been putting on lately.
A rap at my window has me jumping and opening my eyes, the sight of Logan’s grinning face making me groan.
“Stop hiding out here and come on now, sweetness,” he drawls, opening my door and helping me out.
“Come on to where?” I ask, grabbing my purse and eyeing him askance when he pulls me to his truck and opens the passenger door. “Lo, I am so not in the right place to be good company.”
“Meek, you’re always good company, even when you’re a pain in the ass and staring sightlessly at nothing. Not. I’ve decided that this depression or whatever it is you’re feeling is no longer welcome, has overstayed its reservation, and needs to get the fuck out,” he quips, grabbing my hips and picking me up as if I weigh nothing.
He puts me in the seat without breaking a sweat—Lord is that hot!—and slams the door before loping around to the driver’s side. Once he’s seated, he starts the truck and pulls away, all before I can so much as protest.
“I am not depressed. Depression is for rich people. I’m poor and a charity case, and I will be until I’m a hundred and fifty and too decrepit to care. Oh, but then I’d either still be leeching off Nick and Prissy or Jules because I have to drink blood from someone who has a connection to Bear and—”
He cuts off my tirade with a snarl that makes me jump and turn wary eyes his way, the anger he’s displaying a clear indication that he doesn’t like what I’m saying.
“Stop. Just stop and listen to yourself. You are not a charity case, Mika. You’re family.”
“No, I’m the woman who would have been family if the son hadn’t rejected me and left me to suck his parents dry,” I correct.
It must seem as if I’m feeling sorry for myself, which is not true. At this moment, I am pissed at me for not finding a solution instead of throwing a two-month-long pity party.
Not that I could have stopped myself all that much. I mean, let’s recap exactly what has happened so far. My mom is now worse than ever, and Bess confessed to me that she won’t last long.
Her immobility has caused sores and infections, and without activity and proper nutrition, she isn’t healing. So yeah, I spend two days a week with Nick going to see Mom, and then I have to witness the pity he feels when looking at her because he knows all about what happened somehow, even though I haven’t said anything.
Then we have the whole unemployed thing, Bear’s little impromptu visits, some of which include Hannah because the Silvertons finally accepted that they’ll lose him if they don’t bend. I told them that, me! Oh and a little kid asked me the other day if it’s true that I’m going to die, alone, waiting for my mate to notice me.
That little girl was eight.
I think I hate kids. No, I don’t. Just her.
“Mika, the Silvertons don’t feel this way about you, honey.” Logan sighs as he drives a few miles down away from the house and then turns onto a road that leads to a big house.
“I feel that way, Logan, and that’s what matters. Where are we?” I ask, looking around the yard.
The town, or what we call a town that is basically part of Whitefish, but sort of not, is more of a woodsy-type place, like a resort with cabins spaced far apart and yet still accessible by foot.
It’s small, yet private for the shifters, and it’s nice. I would enjoy it more if I had less shit going on, but hey, I can deal most days.
“This is my home,” he says proudly, coming around to help me out and lead me up the path and to a porch that is made of thick logs that have been stripped, sanded and stained a soft golden brown.
The house is big, at least as large as the Silverton place, but where theirs is all luxurious and classic money, Logan’s place is just comfortable and obviously a man pad.
I like it, and once again, the open-plan living space abounds.
“Oh wow, this is great.”
Logan grins and shuts the door, preceding me into the living room and into the kitchen where he looks out of the glass doors and into the backyard.
“Thanks, baby, I’m really proud of it. Built it myself two years ago. The guys helped, but every log and board is hand cut, sanded and placed.”
“Heck in a hand basket, man, that must have been a lot of work.” I breathe, taking in the white granite countertops, the cabinets, and the modern utilities.
This is definitely a home that is loved and is used, something that I miss living at Nick and Prissy’s place because everything is always so perfect and in its place. The woman is a neat freak.
“Okay, now for the reason I kidnapped you,” he says, rubbing his hands together and placing me directly in front of the doors.
“How do you like this view, Meek?”
I shrug, about to tell him I like it a lot before my eyes narrow and suspicion takes over.
“Oh no. Logan—”
“Just hear me out, Mika, and then if we can’t agree, I’ll talk some more,” he says, grinning when I roll my eyes and purse my lips.
“I am not living with you.”
“Why not? Look, I get that you don’t want to be a sponge, and I can appreciate that, baby, but that is not the case here,” he argues, guiding me to the table where he seats me before getting us both some coffee and some of the fudge cookies I made—just for him.
Damn, I am so good.
“It is the case. No, don’t argue with me! How is this different from living where I am currently living? I still don’t have a job, no money because the home took up what little I had saved, and yeah, I am still unemployable in this one-horse town,” I point out, sipping coffee and glaring at him.
Logan is so hot, and I mean hot. He’s blonde, green eyed, and he’s sweet, which is a Godsend for me because I only have like three other people who give me sweet and loving.
He’s also my best friend, besides Jules, but that woman is currently studying some course in cosmetology and is hardly around anymore. I hang out with Logan, when I hang out at all, and yeah, I love him.
“Well
for one, it will just be you and I, and I won’t force you to participate in family dinners and television nights since it’s just me you have to be around. You can walk around outside without Nick following you because he worries, and I won’t baby you like Prissy does and try to wipe your ass in the bargain. Just two friends who dig each other sharing space. If the girl who is a friend happens to want to cook and bake for me, well then that is my biggest dream come true, but that’s it, Meek. You won’t have to sit through dinner with Bear and his…you won’t have to hide when you’ve been warned they’re coming over, if anyone even bothers to anymore, or pretend that you’re not feeling well, so you can stay in your room. I want you to come here. Live with me and just be,” he says solemnly, his eyes so kind it’s hard for me not to tear up at all.
“But what about money? Logan, the problem is not that Prissy and Nick aren’t good to me because they are, they all are, it’s that I can’t contribute to anything,” I tell him, my shoulders slumping. “I’ve been independent since I was eighteen years old, and now, having to depend on people for everything I have, it is just so…demoralizing.”
And what about next month when I have to pay Mom’s bills and the four hundred bucks I have doesn’t cover it? What then? Because sure as shit I have no clue.
I tried driving into Whitefish to get a job, but Nick followed me all the way there and hovered over my shoulder at every place I went into. It was so bad I just left and eventually confronted him only to learn that in my “condition” the pack can’t afford for me to need medical care among humans.
Not with my DNA to consider.
So I am stuck, and dammit, I have no wiggle room because I would never endanger anyone in the pack, even if I hate some of them.
“I don’t want your money, Mika. No, don’t start arguing! I know it sucks to have Bear paying for your keep—”
“What! What are you talking about?” I demand, my temper rising when he goes still and his eyes go wide. “Logan, I swear I will not be happy if you try to backtrack right now. What are you talking about?”
“Shit. Dammit. Meek, just don’t freak out.”
“I will too freak out if you sit there and tell me that my no good, ex-Fated is footing the bill for everything I have needed for the last two months.”
My mouth wobbles when he looks away and nods, sighing loudly.
“I wasn’t supposed to say anything, Meek, but yeah, that’s the truth. The clothes, the doctor appointments, the car, hell even the ladies’ night Jules took you on was his idea,” he admits, his mouth twisting when I cover my face and groan.
“No. God no. Why?”
“Because the guy feels like shit and this assuages his conscience. Because you’re not going to get a job around here and he knows it, which means you’d have to leave to get a job, but you’d die for sure if you didn’t come back. Because it’s the right thing to do since he messed up your life.”
All valid reasons I am sure, but not to me.
Not at all.
“I don’t want this,” I say, feeling like ten kinds of fool for not once suspecting.
“I know that, Mika, and that is why I want this. I want you to live here and not think about Bear paying for anything so that you don’t have to feel like a charity case. I really want you to, Meek.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a good female who deserves a break. I love Nick and Prissy, and as my Alpha I would never go against him, but I don’t agree with the way things have been going. You need time to heal, not have the reason for your situation shoved in your face all the time, hoping that somehow you can be friends. I understand their hopes, I can, but expecting that isn’t right. Not now. They love you, but Bear is their son and has their loyalty first. They know it hurts you when he comes over, but they can’t refuse him because they don’t want to drive him further away. Nick already did enough damage when he refused to allow Bear and Hannah an official mating ceremony.”
I snort because they got around that with a real human engagement. Hypocrites.
“This isn’t their fault. I told them not to exclude him.”
“I know. You’re a good person, Meek. And so am I. I want to show them, both of them that Fated or not, rejected or not, you and I are stronger than their bullshit.”
My head whips up, and I wince, hoping like heck he’s not saying what I think he is.
“Logan, we’re friends, and I—”
“Won’t have to think about anything else, I promise you that. I am attracted to you, Mika, but then again I’m only a male and that is a given since you’re a fox. Only friends though, okay? Just until you’re doing better, and maybe, if we feel something more later, we could see,” he says, grinning when I blush.
“I still can’t though because I need blood and—”
“And I am related to them, so I can supply that without a problem. It won’t be as potent as Nick’s, but you can live a plenty healthy life on it. Away from the rest of their bullshit happy family attempts. In fact, I kinda think sitting on the couch with you and transfusing blood will be hot,” he teases, getting a laugh because there is nothing hot about having to sit there with someone literally pumping their life blood into you to keep you alive and sane.
“You realize they aren’t gonna like this. I don’t want Nick pissed at you.”
“And I don’t either, but they pissed me off when they let that bitch sit across a table from you and gloat right in your face. I know you want people to think you’re strong, Meek, and I know you are, but that is just cruel,” he says and snarls, his eyes flashing a lighter green as his wolf comes to the surface.
“I can cook, clean, and yes, I will definitely bake for you. If you give me that, it’s a deal,” I say, making a split-second decision and shoving my hand out at him.
Logan smiles, takes my hand and lays a soft kiss on the palm before nodding.
“Great. Maybe I can drive them all crazy by telling them I have a hot half-blood tending to my every need.”
We both laugh then, me because I would just love to see Bear’s face when he hears about this, and Logan because the man is a mischief maker and he just loves to goad people.
This…I think, this is the answer to all of my prayers. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to make up the money for Mom’s care.
******************************************************************
“Mika no. Sweetheart, we’re your family,” Prissy protests, as I sit in Nick’s office and tell them what I just discussed with Logan while he stands outside and waits with my already-packed bags.
I got home under an hour ago and packed and then waited for them to come home from a council meeting, my heart thundering in my chest as nerves and guilt tried to make me change my mind.
It took a lot for me to not just bolt and leave a note, or tell Logan I was reconsidering. Especially when they walked in and kissed me like they always do, offering me their love and support.
I get that Logan is angry at them. Trust me, I do, but I can’t be. Not when Nick is so nice, and Prissy is so warm, and they make me feel wanted. I just wish it came without sharing them with Bear, as selfish as that sounds.
“Prissy, I love you and Nick and Jules, but I need to do this. I need a break from everything, and I can have that at Logan’s place without everyone watching my every move. I can also maybe calm down and try to understand why you let your son support me when you knew I didn’t want that!” I accuse, watching them both wince and look abashed by that lie.
“We knew he needed to do it and you needed—”
“I didn’t and don’t need your son making me into some charity case, Nick. I understand that you love him, he’s your son, but that was crossing a line that I can’t easily forgive. No wonder that…Hannah kept making comments about the new blouse I got at Denise’s place.”
And once again I am pissed and embarrassed and humiliated, I think, ignoring the hurt look that crosses over Prissy’s face when she tries to t
ake my hand and I move it away. Yeah I love them, but come on, low blow.
“Sweetheart, please try to understand—”
“I really do Nick, and I won’t stay mad. You know how much I love you guys and how much I look upon you as family. I just can’t stay here anymore, and while I don’t enjoy still having to mooch off someone, Logan will at least let me cook and clean and pull my weight. Here I can’t lift a finger without one of you stopping me and fussing about my health.”
All true, but mostly because I refuse to go on taking blood every week because it’s starting to wear on them both. That leaves me a little weaker myself, but I’m stable with every second week’s worth of blood so far, and with Logan helping me out, I should be okay.
And free of the shame I feel for taking so much.
“But, but I’ll change and you can—”
“I don’t want that. You’re a dear woman, Prissy, don’t ever change who you are for anyone. I want some time though, okay? Please. I need to figure some things out, and I can’t do that…with everything that’s happening.”
“But I thought you and Bear were getting along just famously!” Prissy says, exploding to her feet with a force that has me rearing back.
She’s not angry, just so full of energy I can feel it filling the room. I can’t say I enjoy it though since I am bone weary and in need of food, a bed, and some quiet. I need quiet.
“No Prissy, you just hoped we were because he told you he wanted us to be on good terms and you thought it would make things easier. It hasn’t yet, if it ever will. I don’t know if I will ever be okay with what’s gone down, and I don’t want you and Nick to feel as if you need to choose.”
Mostly because I don’t think they’d choose me. Or if they did, I would feel like a piece of crap. I don’t want those outcomes, and I can’t put them in that position, so this offer from Logan is solving a problem I was stressing about.
Prissy sniffles at that, and I see Nick tense before rising to take her in his arms and soothe her.
“There now, baby, hush now. It’s going to be fine, Priss,” he croons, kissing her tear-stained cheeks and trying to smile. “Maybe this is best for, Mika. Things have not been easy for her lately, and you and I both know it. Short of barring Bear from the house, which Meek refuses to allow, we have to let her do what will make her happy.”
Greyriver Shifters Page 12
