A lot of shifters around here, males and females alike—as Jules keeps reminding me—do not like humans. Not that they’re racists. I mean, can I even use that word? But they see me as weaker and untrustworthy, and just yesterday I had a superstitious old lady spit on me because she believes that a human mate in the pack brings bad luck.
Every single time I step outside the door of this house, I have to deal with whispers, insults, and more-often-than-not females giggling behind their hands because of something that’s been said about me. At last count, I think I am said to be a sexually desperate female, who tried to hump a guy in the street, a rumor that someone started three days ago because I tripped and fell face first into Logan when he took me and Jules out for lunch.
I also apparently have three nipples, something that all wolves know is a human flaw—don’t ask because I just do not even wanna know—oh, and apparently, I am barren, which explains why a big, strapping guy like Bear would reject me.
It got so bad I stopped midstride through the diner and yelled at one woman that I have a very fertile womb and I will have at least six babies to prove it.
Fuck me, six. Who the hell wants six children? I am finally crazy, if I wasn’t before.
The fact is, I am not universally liked, something Logan told me not to sweat since he is convinced Bear’s concubine whore is behind all the nasty rumors.
I tried, I really did, but having people tell me that I am lucky the blood cured my chlamydia is not something you get over.
Like a virgin could have it anyway! I haven’t let anyone so much as breathe near my junk, so what the hell?!
Anyway, yeah, it’s all just been shits and giggles for me, and to make it worse, I have been told in no uncertain terms that I can’t find a place in town because I am expected to live here.
I pointed out to Nick that I can’t be here forever, that I do not want to stay and risk seeing Bear regularly, and he told me to stop being a coward and not give up before the race is won.
I say that I wasn’t running. I didn’t even make it through the heats—my attempt at dark humor—but no one laughed, and then I got a lecture about my staying power and character.
It boils down to me being stuck here unless I just leave, which I can’t because even if I have a nest egg it wouldn’t last too long anyway, and I can’t get a job. Talk about a hard case of prejudice.
No one will hire me. I’ve tried the diner, the little café down the road, and even begged Denise to give me a shot, all to no avail. It’s either a case of no humans on staff, or I get a lecture about sucking Bear dry and making him suffer financially for the next century.
I would rather die, painfully, than let this turd spend anything on me. I am not his problem and besides, a girl has pride. At least I am trying to have some, but lately it’s been hard.
Especially when I had to let Nick give me blood last night at eleven thirty when poor Banner found me delirious and wandering in the woods in my panties and tank top.
Yeah, I need blood to keep my marbles and stay breathing.
I get that now.
Nooot fun, having your almost-father-in-law see you in your panties while you sing the theme song from Annie.
Why that song…beats me? It just is what it is.
Now I know, unequivocally, that I can’t leave unless I want to eat mashed bananas and pills in some funny farm for the rest of my life. Although, yeah, it would be so cool to see what those humans would do if I lived to be a hundred and fifty—if, okay, I mean it’s not impossible that I could live without blood—and still looked slamming hot.
“Mika?”
I start, looking at Jules and realize I’ve been caught up in my own head again and blush, doing my utmost to ignore Bear and the fact that he still exists.
Keeping my eyes firmly on her and a firm hold on my body, I attempt to act like a casual stranger and not acknowledge the man at all.
“Uh, sorry, I just kinda spaced for a second. What’s up?” I ask, my voice only slightly trembling because that…person I acquired since the blooding thing is ruining my game and whimpering as if she’s dying without Bear.
Jules frowns, and I see the discomfort she feels before Logan stands and offers his hand.
“Uh, Bear would like a word with you honey, if you’re okay with that. I mean, I can so totally stay,” she offers, proving once again that she truly is a friend to me.
I called Holly last night, and she wasn’t much interested in anything I had to say because she was running late for a date. It’s really funny how someone I have known for years has less love for me than a woman I just met recently.
I want her to stay.
I don’t want to be trapped alone with her brother, knowing I have to talk to him and look at him and somehow pretend that my chest doesn’t hurt as much as the ache in my heart and soul.
I want to have time to get over whatever I feel and just move on before I have to even admit that he’s a real person.
To do that I’d have to show weakness though, and if there is something I swore to myself a few days ago when I saw Hannah Seers for the first time, my middle name is “no one’s doormat.”
It’s a long one—and I like it.
Looking up and meeting her eyes, I do my best to inject a strength I don’t feel and shrug casually, needing them to believe that I’m all good and it doesn’t hurt me.
Jules sighs, leans over to kiss me, and then makes room for Logan to do the same.
“Don’t let anything he says hurt you, baby, okay? If he’s a dick, call me and I’ll kick his ass,” he whispers, laying it on thick, as he lets his lips touch my cheek before pulling away and walking out.
Once we’re alone, I make myself look up at Bear, my eyes taking in every little detail, as he comes forward slowly, almost hesitantly, and sits on the other end of the couch.
God, he smells good enough to eat, and he is so glorious to look. How am I ever going to stop wanting him, even if I hate him too?
“I’m sorry to barge in—”
“Um, okay, but this is your parents’ house, so I don’t think it’s logical to see it that way,” I point out, really meaning it, even if I want to shove a fork in his eye.
He looks down at his hands where they’re clasped and hanging between his knees, as if searching for words before looking back at me with an expression of regret.
“I hear you’re doing better.”
I snort and roll my eyes, pulling my feet up so my knees are against my chest as I stare at him. I feel exposed, even in a pair of black tights and a t-shirt that belongs to Nick that covers me from head to toe. Comfort clothes.
“Yeah, well I think that’s what Prissy wants everyone to think, so she’s been real sure to tell them that I’m partying until dawn and living the high life,” I mutter, my mouth twitching at that woman’s dogged determination to sway gossip in my favor.
God, I love that sweet liar.
“You’re not okay?” he asks, looking perplexed.
At least I think that’s what he’s going for, but I see the way his eyes go flat, as if he’s disappointed and surprised that I’m not all over him, as he obviously thinks I should be.
I am not okay.
I live with his parents and sister, so more often than not I get to hear all about Bear, and I now know more about the man than I think a year of dating would teach me. Except for the whole no-sex thing of course.
The point is, I know the guy. From Prissy, I know what his favorite foods are, all his quirky childhood antics, and that he still sleeps on cotton sheets even in adulthood because it reminds him of home. I know that he’s considerate and hates bullies and always beat the shit out of the kids who used to tease Jules about her hairy ass when she was little.
That was true, even if I wanted to doubt it. Poor Jules.
From Nick, I know that Bear has bravery, integrity, and all the qualities one would think of when thinking of a man, a real man. I know he loves his job as an enforcer who polices
the pack and gets to go on dangerous missions and kill rogue shifters.
He likes barbecuing everything and would—if not for the fact that his mom goes nuts. The man can’t cook worth shit, so that’s probably why he’s on the barbecue.
From Jules, I know that he was a great big brother, who always protected her and teased her mercilessly. Like a big brother should.
I know a lot, way more than I ever thought I would want to know, and the worst part is that I liked it all. Oh, he’s grumpy and stubborn and in no way perfect, but this week has seen me learning that Bear is in fact my ideal guy.
And that sucks because I can’t have him.
“Mika?”
“Sorry! Uh, sorry, what?” I mumble, licking my lips when he frowns and narrows his eyes.
“Aren’t you okay?” he asks again.
Fifty-million-dollar question that I would give a billion to avoid, but I have to be honest because no matter what, I won’t hide anymore.
“Okay? Be real Silverton! In the last few weeks I have been crazy, unbelievable horny, dirty, crazier, and to top it all off I found out that werewolves—sorry—shifters exist, and that I have to now be one, even if I am just a pesky little human because if I leave and try to go on with my life I’ll die a slow and painful death. After I go nuts and start eating my hair. Okay? No Bear, I don’t think I’m okay, but I am alive, and for that—at least—I will thank you,” I say, ignoring the flinch that makes guilt blast into me.
“Mika, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Oh, I know. That is possibly the only reason I haven’t tried to hurt you yet, because see, I know that it was my fault in that alley, me who kissed you even though you were on the verge of puking just being that close to me,” I say derisively, soldiering on when he tries to deny it.
“Look man, I know I am not your one, or whatever, but you know, this would not have started in the first place if you’d just kept your hands to yourself. Now I have to live in this town, among people who either follow me around out of curiosity or others who laugh at me and insult me. My mom is half dead in the home where she lives, and I can’t see her because the truth is, I will probably have a breakdown if I have to have one more thing go wrong for me. I have no job, no home, and I’m sponging off your parents because no one will hire me. Oh, and I got to see your girlfriend yesterday when she tried to follow me and Jules into the bakery, and you know what, good for you,” I mutter, running out of breath long enough for him to open his mouth as if to speak.
“No, don’t even say anything because I get it, okay. You don’t know me, you don’t want me, blah, blah, blah. I got that all the night I heard your mom tell you to give me blood and you refused. You know…whatever. I don’t even care anymore. This”—I gesture to myself and my chest where my heart is aching and tight—“whatever it is I feel, isn’t going to last forever and I am so fucking glad because it means I can meet someone else around here, maybe, I mean if there’s even a guy who would want a human, then maybe, just maybe I can have a life.”
Yeah. I so do not see that happening, but at least I won’t have to sit here and admit that this heat and blooding and whatever the hell else is at play, will win.
He won’t win, I think. No, I mean, of course him and that black-haired stick insect will win because I’ll be all alone and they’ll still be together and…uhg! I hate thinking.
Calming myself, somehow, I bring my eyes back to him only to see his face blank as he stares at me.
“You kissed me.”
“Yeah? And? So what? Kissing a guy who set off a biological aphrodisiac inside me isn’t a crime buddy,” I say. What do I know? “Anyway, it’s not even important anymore, okay, because trust me, boy, after seeing your girlfriend, you got bigger problems than me.”
That is not just jealousy! It’s true.
I have listened to Jules call that woman every variation of whore there is, and you know what, I can’t disagree. She dresses as if she needs people to see her snatch, or at least be constantly aware that it’s there, and she loves attention.
For Bear’s sake, I hope their “love” can hold her attention and be enough because if not, eventually she’ll drop him like a hot potato. And no, that doesn’t make me feel awful for him. Much.
“Don’t you speak about Hannah as if you know her,” he warns, the grey of his eyes turning a swirling silver that I know signals an emotional shift.
Jules told me that shifters have to be very in control, or they could hair up at any second if they’re pissed, and boy oh boy, Bear looks pissed.
“Well, I won’t! As long as you tell her to stop talking about me!” I yell, getting to my feet stiffly because I may be angry but I ain’t dumb, and being here with him right now may not be safe for me.
“I called her this morning and told her to keep her mouth shut about you, okay. Christ, what is it with you females? Why does everything have to be such an issue? I fucked up, but I saved your life and now suddenly it’s all my fault again. I didn’t ask you to take any of my blood, Mika! You were the one who bit me.”
“You scented me, you jerk! What am I, made of stone?” I rail, shoving my finger into his chest when anger engulfs me. “You put off that stink, and you touched me, and you were the one that came to me again out in that alley.”
“To scrub you!” he yells, pushing closer to glare down at me.
My whole body is on fire right now and so needy I feel my nipples go tight and my clit throb out a warning pulse of arousal. A second later even I can smell the scent of my sex getting wet, and it’s then that I stop and look up to see Bear standing rigid, his jeans straining at the crotch, where his cock is hard and thick.
Oh, heck.
“You think I enjoyed going home to my girlfriend and having her cry because some stranger just happens to be my Fated?” he snarls, though I notice it’s not so much anger that clouds his voice but a husky grate of need.
“I-I cried too,” I whisper, licking my lips when every breath I puff out is like a hot wind of pure need.
God, I want him so bad.
I haven’t had sex before, but I swear I know how good it will feel to have him strip our clothes off, lay me down, and slide himself into my wet channel.
I have dreamed of him every night since I got here, and every dream has been many variations of the same theme. Sex. I’ve had slow, sweet sex that involved kissing and whispers of love. I’ve had hot, hard pounding, where I was on my knees and Bear took me like an animal.
I’ve had him hating me while making me moan, or professing his undying love while looking at me as if I held the moon in my palm. In every variation of that theme, it all ends the same way. I wake unsatisfied and weepy, and I have to face the fact that none of it will ever happen.
“I’m sorry, but you can’t cry for a male you don’t know,” he says after a long breath where I can physically see Bear trying to rein himself in.
“I do know you though! I know you on a level that makes me crazy because my body only recognizes you,” I whisper, laying my hands on his chest and leaning in for as much contact as I can get. “You want me too, Bear, and you know it because you’re hard and the whole time you’ve been here you’ve done nothing but sniff me,” I accuse, closing my eyes when he leans down and does just that.
The whisper of his lips along my neck sends shivers of pure lust through me, as well as the certainty that should he ever do more, I would be his completely.
My body is already hot and ready for him, and right now, all shame and pride aside, I know he is ready for me.
Not Hannah.
Me.
“It’s just biology, a reaction that I would control if I could, Mika. This doesn’t mean anything because while my dick wants you, my heart is already claimed,” he says, stepping away from me and running a hand through his hair.
This rejection is just another one in a line of already scabbed over rejections, so I should take it with some sort of grace, and yet I can’t because it hurt
s!
Why should my male take what is mine and give it to some bag of spite who will never want and love him like I would?
I would be his, irrevocably, if only he’d see me.
Feeling as if he just ripped out another piece of me, I step back too and blink away the burn in my eyes, breathing shallowly to stop from taking in anymore of him. I won’t fight anymore. I just can’t, but I’ll be damned if Bear gets to have everything while I hurt.
“Could you please leave now?” I whisper hoarsely, the need to be alone riding me hard.
He tenses, cursing under his breath and scrubs at his face roughly.
“I came here because I wanted to apologize and tell you that I don’t want to hurt you. I wanted to say that this, thing, will pass, and that maybe one day we can be friends. Logan got over it just fine, and we’re friends.”
“Logan is lucky that his emotions control his body and his dislike of Hannah won’t let him want her. I am not so lucky, but at least I can move on. The one thing I won’t do is lie to myself and be your friend though. You don’t care about me, Bear Silverton, and I don’t need your pity. Leave me alone,” I say, giving up on him leaving and doing it instead.
I feel his eyes on me all the way out of the living room and up the stairs, those grey depths stripping me barer than I have ever felt.
This ride has been a rollercoaster, and while it feels good initially, eventually sickness takes over. I’ve had just about all the dips I can take, and I think it’s time to get off.
Chapter Ten
Meek
I stop the car Nick is borrowing for me behind Jules’s Land Rover and let my head fall against the headrest, my fatigue and the need for a top off on blood is making me feel so drained it’s hard to do anything but just sit here and pretend I’ll leave the car any time soon.
It’s been two months since I became the poster child for shifter prejudice and groupie behavior, and while I’m sliding into the groove of things, I can safely say I am not quite there yet.
Greyriver Shifters Page 11
