That makes her laugh too, and it’s while we’re still giggling that Nick and Prissy walk in, their faces breaking into smiles when they see us.
“Hello girls! Did you have a good day?”
“Dad, come on, who wouldn’t have a blast with me? I am awesome!” Jules trills, leaping up to give him a smooch and a hug before going to her mom.
Nick smiles lovingly at her before turning to me and giving me a soft smile. I am super-uncomfortable though because I have the strangest urge to do the same, just for a little moment of paternal comfort, but hell, I don’t even know—
“Come here, little Meek! Give your dad a hug and tell me what you did today that made you so happy.” He growls, lifting me for a bear hug and a loud kiss to the cheek.
Yeah, okay Mika, step back and don’t start blubbering while clinging to the practical stranger, my inner voice snarls before I smile and put a little space between us.
“Shopping. Drinking. And I met the aunts, who I really like, even if Grace is indecent and Denise almost made me kill her,” I admit, following slowly when they all go to the kitchen.
This family is so…warm.
It’s hard for me to see because no matter how cool they are, I don’t think I will ever really forget that I am not one of them. Oh, the way Nick shoves me into a chair before sitting himself and smiling at Prissy while she bustles around the kitchen is warm and fatherly, but he isn’t my father, and I need to remember that.
It would be easy to just relax and pretend, and yeah, I want to do that so badly it hurts, but I can’t love these people. These people belong to Bear, not me, and no matter how much I want to despise the man I would never try to drive a wedge between a family.
I know what’s it is like to lose everyone you love in one foul swoop; I could never be okay with them choosing sides and leaving him out in the cold.
As for where that leaves me, well, I guess right where I have always been since Mom dived down the rabbit hole. Alone. Only now I don’t get to have Bess at my back daily, bringing her shotgun out from beneath the counter to threaten people—God, I love her violent soul.
I don’t have Holly and Jo to laugh at me and tease me but love me. Right now, I have me, which is fine, just fine. I guess. If I can get my life together here and not be some burden to these people because they feel guilty about what their son has done.
It is so not gonna be easy, but I totally can do it.
As for Mom and the other stuff…
I don’t have it in me to deal with that right now, and the truth is, maybe I never will.
We’ll have to see.
For now, I’ll just have to take my chances and see what happens.
Jules and Nick try to include me in their conversation while Prissy waves away my help and listens to them with an indulgent expression on her face.
The next while is spent with me hearing about the history of the Greyriver pack, how Nick has changed a lot of laws since he became Alpha after his father and mother died and how they are now a liberated society, at least by shifter standards.
“Oh, come on! You can’t tell me that finally allowing a woman to choose who she wants to be with is liberated!”
“Oh, come now. Remember that before I changed some of the laws it was an accepted fact that matings were a sacred ritual that could not be argued. I think I made a huge difference considering that we have to think about biology, not just emotions,” he argues, his grey eyes twinkling when I snort.
“A little lust does not mean a guy can just take what he wants.”
“Mika, a little lust is not exactly how I would describe what a male feels when he finds his mate.” He snorts, making me blush when Prissy giggles and fans herself. “Imagine you had to watch porn for a week straight, no breaks, and what it would feel like if you got to the end with your hands and legs tied down.”
I blush harder, blinking because I do know. If I had the strength, I’d have rubbed my clit right off to stop the arousal I felt.
“Er, like the heat.”
“Times ten. Males have a higher sex drive than females and consider that if you form even the start of a mating bond that doesn’t stop until you complete it.”
I go to say something when it hits me that Bear has the beginnings of that bond, just like me, and that even right this minute he could be relieving what is supposed to be mine with another woman.
The thought has my mood plummeting, and in an effort not to see three faces looking at me with pity again, I shrug and throw out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Do shifter females get their period?”
Chapter Nine
Bear
My dick is so hard I groan and shift the thing in my pants, putting some pressure on the root to stop the insistent throb that is like a pulse originating from my balls.
The need is so much worse than it was before, only now I can’t get rid of it no matter how many times I jerk off in the shower or try to sate myself with Hannah.
It’s so intense that Hannah finally snuck out sometime this morning and hasn’t answered her phone. Possibly because if she comes anywhere near me again I might kill the poor female trying to make myself come.
“Christ, it smells like a distillery in here.”
I grunt, ignoring Logan, and wince when he slams the door and pulls the curtains open, letting in the blaring midday sun. My eyeballs throb with a hangover, something I feel is an achievement since it took me four bottles to get drunk in the first place and another one to maintain the buzz before I passed out around dawn.
“What are you doing here, man?” I ask, falling back to the couch with a groan when my balls throb again and I feel a stream of pre-cum gather at the tip of my shaft.
If I don’t get some sort of relief soon, I am likely to go into a feral state, and that scares the shit out of me. I have only seen one male accomplish that, and the guy is still locked away in Dad’s cells under the house where he has been for the last five years.
Not that I blame him. His mate ran off with his brother and then got herself and the brother killed by asking for asylum in another pack. A pack we’ve been raiding against since the early seventeen hundreds.
In our race, feuds last for centuries, especially when it turns out that the opposing pack is led by a line of Alphas who refuse to change the old laws.
I once asked Dad why he didn’t just release Lync and let him decimate the entire pack, but after hearing about what a feral male is capable of and knowing that I’d probably have to hunt him down and kill him myself, I vetoed the idea too.
It sucks though, thinking of that male down there for so long, out of his mind and living like an animal because the rejection of a true mating broke his mind.
I do not want to end up like that, but to ensure that I don’t, I’d have to mate Mika, and hell no am I ever putting myself in that situation. I don’t know what would be worse, losing my mind or losing my independence, so for now, I just have to hope that when Hannah comes back and I make love to her, I can release this time.
Fuck, I may not even go feral at this rate because my balls are so fucking full they may explode and kill me. Problem solved.
The longer I feel this way, the angrier I get at Mika, hating her for being so weak her mind couldn’t handle the scrub. Part of me knows it’s not fair, but goddammit, I don’t want her and I won’t succumb to her just because my biology dictates it.
All we need is time to get through this period, and then I can go back to my life with Hannah and…I don’t know what Mika will do, but at least she has my parents and Jules to look out for her.
Christ, it’s not like I just abandoned her! I am responsible for her, and I will make sure she’s taken care of in every way. Maybe one day we can be friends and look back on this stupid mating stuff with laughter.
“Christ man, you look like shit,” Logan says, interrupting my thoughts when he falls onto the end of the couch and yanks the cushion from my face. “This bonding stuff is rough, h
uh?”
“It’s not bonding stuff. I didn’t bond with her. I just have to wait for it to pass!” I snarl, levering myself up to stumble to the kitchen and the jug of orange juice in the fridge.
Logan follows, grinning when I down the entire thing and go back for water, my body demanding hydration after the bender I had last night.
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just that you’re the most reasonable guy I know, and yet your level of self-denial is making my dad’s mating look like a walk in the park.”
I snarl, recalling just how hard my uncle fought his Fated when he found her after Marty died. At the time, I was the only one on his side, helping him argue with Dad, who was almost violent when the male wouldn’t give in and officially mate Banner’s mother.
Granted, at the time, my uncle had hang-ups about her being a bear, and he wasn’t very happy about the thought of replacing a female who he’d loved, but in the end, it worked out for them.
Not that I am not happy for them, but come on! Giving in just to satisfy biology is weak. I also do not appreciate that Logan is comparing this situation with that one because it suggests that I won’t succeed in breaking what little bond I have with Mika.
“Your dad loves your mom, asshole. I do not love Mika, and no offense, but she’s not my type!” I snarl, slamming my hand against the counter when he grins.
“Not your type? Motherfucker, that female is every male’s walking wet dream. Her hair is a wall of golden silk, her tits are huge, and her ass is something to sink teeth into. Hell, I wouldn’t mind having her breathe on me. Rapidly and for a long time.” He laughs.
I clench my teeth, snarling at his inference, and have to restrain myself from shoving my fist through his smirking face.
“Leave her alone, Logan. She isn’t in a good place right now.” I growl, hating that my reasoning is not completely true.
“Dude, you put her in that place, and from the bragging Hannah is doing around town, you have no intention of getting her out of it either. You don’t want her, I get that even if I think you’re fucking insane not to, so just leave her alone and let her get on with her life,” he says, his eyes going hard when my face tenses.
“I am leaving her alone.”
“Yeah? Then why have you set up accounts for her all over town and talked to your dad about making sure she’s looked after?” he asks softly.
“She’s my…responsibility,” I say, hesitating over the last word because it was on the tip of my tongue to say mate.
Sonofabitch.
Logan’s eyes gleam before he shakes his head and sits at the table, watching me intently.
“What do you mean Hannah is bragging around town?”
“You know her, Bear. She’s not happy until everyone else around her is miserable. She’s been walking around telling anyone who will listen that you’ve rejected Mika and she’s an inferior human,” he says.
My anger rises swiftly, and I tell myself it’s not because it will hurt Mika but because Hannah is better than this and shouldn’t have to stoop to this level to feel secure with me.
I don’t want this drama involved in something that should be simple. Mika and I don’t know each other, we don’t love each other, so we shouldn’t be forced to deal with gossip and the conclusion that we belong together, or that she’s not good enough, or that I’m a dick.
Dammit, it shouldn’t be this way. I didn’t ask for it. I just hope Mika understands that, I think, not liking the thought of her hating me for walking away.
“I’ll talk to her,” I say on a sigh, grabbing some leftovers Mom sent over for me last night and nuking it for us both.
Logan moans when he sees it’s Mom’s tomato pasta and digs in with relish, his eyes going half lidded as we eat in silence before I bring out the big guns, chocolate fudge cookies that are more like mini-cakes than actual cookies.
The minute I ate one last night, I felt myself melt, they were that delicious. Mom must have found a recipe because she hasn’t ever made this kind of stuff. Cooking is more her speed than baking.
“God, these are good,” he groans, making me grin when he finishes his off and starts sniffing around for more.
“There aren’t any more.” I chuckle, shoving mine in my mouth to avoid a swipe from his greedy mitts.
“You’re a bastard. Anyway, we were talking, and while I appreciate whatever you’re going to say to Hannah, the truth is that both you and I know she won’t stop her shit. It will likely just make her nastier.”
“Maybe not.”
“Come on, Bear, you know Hannah. The minute word got around that Mika was staying with your parents she would have immediately started going nuts. Hell, it’s been what, a week now, and thus far I have heard my own mother gossiping about Mika and wondering if she’s defective and that’s coming from a female who doesn’t harbor any sort of prejudice. That all came from a coffee lunch some females had, including Hannah. You know that unless you do something that female is going to go guns blazing for Mika eventually,” he warns.
I don’t like hearing it, and while I adore Han, I know he’s right. That female can be vindictive when she feels threatened. Which only makes me feel worse because I don’t know what more to do to prove to her that she has nothing to worry about?
“What do you want me to do, Logan?” I ask, sounding like a sulky brat.
My fucking balls and cock are aching, I am hungover like a bitch, and my girlfriend has left in a snit because she knows the constant hard on I have is a result of the heat Mika went through.
I’d also be peeved if I had to service the female I love while her heat for another guy raged through her. In fact, I think I’d go a little nuts if Hannah ever came to me to get her through the heat she experiences twice a year since Logan Fated her.
“I want you to get your head out of your ass and realize that Mika is a worthy female.”
“I know that! Dammit, I don’t think she’s unworthy, or that I am too good for her. I just don’t want her because I love Hannah.”
“Really? Are you sure about that, brother, or is it just what Hannah wants you to believe?” he asks, rising and clapping me on the back. “Whatever you decide about that female, just do me a favor; don’t do anything to give Hannah more ammunition against Mika. She’s a good person, Bear. She doesn’t deserve what happened to her any more than she deserves having to give up her whole life to move out here just so she can live.”
He leaves before I can say anything else, and I am left feeling like shit because he’s right. Mika is blameless in all of this, and the anger that Han and I both feel right now is not her doing.
I did this shit because…I don’t know how I could be stupid enough to have touched her, but for whatever reason, I got that woman in this situation and it’s up to me to at least give her something to start a new life.
Why I don’t like that thought, or the knowledge that she will find a male to care for her, is not something I want to think about right now.
Sighing, I rise and fill the dishwasher, tidying up the hovel as best I can before running upstairs for a shower. I need to get myself cleaned up, stop hiding out in my house, and male up.
I just hope that the next few hours go okay.
# # # #
Meek
I’m laughing so hard I feel my stomach cramp and double over as Jules and Logan chuckle, their twinkling eyes sparkling so fiercely I would hate to know for sure whether they’re laughing at me or the story they just told me.
Apparently Bear, the great and wondrous dickbag who left me for dead and hasn’t once been around in the last week to see me, was once as normal as you or I.
At least compared to shifter standards.
I clutch my stomach harder. Giggling out a huff of air because thinking of that strapping man, walking around in nothing but tighty-whiteys and mud all over himself is adorable.
The funny part comes in when they explain that he was doing that because he was so
convinced he would be a bear shifter that he’d run around doing ‘bear things’ in preparation.
Like keeping clothes to a minimum because bears don’t get cold. Or eating raw fish. Gross. My personal favorite was when Prissy found him in the bathroom with a cork because according to the little scamp, he had to make sure he was ready for winter.
I snort, seeing a tiny Bear, trying to shove a cork up his butt, his grey eyes blinking somberly at a screaming Prissy. Yeah, that’s where the name came from apparently because Mr. Bear Silverton is actually Brandon Ignacious Silverton—according to his birth certificate.
The name comes from a combination of him wanting to be a bear and demanding his parents and family call him that. It stuck—apparently—because even his aunts didn’t know that until a few years ago when he was inducted as an enforcer at some ceremony they do every decade.
“It was not a cork; it was a tampon.” I hear and almost swallow my spit when I turn to see Bear lounging against the archway into the living room.
Oh hell, I could really, really do without this right now, I think, my emotions going haywire when I take in the blue jeans cradling his muscular thighs and the tight white t-shirt that stretches over his chest and big arms.
The man is so hot, I have to swallow my tongue when he saunters into the room and brings his scent with him, that familiar stink making me breathe through my mouth to still the immediate response of my body.
My boobs, dormant till now, swell and get heavy while a tingle starts low in my belly, spreading outward to the cradle of my thighs where I know my clit is just begging to start its usual thump of recognition.
I hate that I can look at him, smell him, and react this way, knowing that he doesn’t want me and never will. It’s humiliating and embarrassing, and I still hate him a lot for the way things have gone the last few weeks.
I have a right though, and no, it’s not just my emotions running the show here but the fact that I have had to endure so much since I finally decided to stay.
Greyriver Shifters Page 10
