Greyriver Shifters

by Kristina Weaver

  I tried so hard!

  I didn’t want to go over to the Silvertons’ house all the time. I couldn’t stand to see her pain. It pissed me off so much when she came down, smiling but reeking of hurt that I’d lash out just to get her to leave.

  “Oh, Hannah.” She sighs, her face twisting into a mask of regret.

  “I haven’t been good a day in my life, and maybe that’s on me, maybe it’s on circumstances, who the hell knows, but I wanted to be. I wanted to spend summers with you, pretending that I was loved, that I could be more than elite. I wanted you to see, be proud, and accept me. I wanted to be me. You just never wanted me to be anything more than what you expected,” I whisper hoarsely, giving honesty free rein for once in my life. Banner snarls, no doubt the scent of my pain making his bear rise to the surface.

  Ignoring it and all the looks of shock, pity, regret, I lift my chin and look them all in the eye, daring them to say a word.

  “I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to be the add-on everyone has to try to like. I don’t want to be the female you all get used to instead of welcoming. I don’t want to hurt because I know you all see me as inferior and only tolerate me because fate made me a part of the equation. More than that,” I say, turning to look at Logan one last time. “I don’t want to be mated to a male who blames me for the lack of a mate bond when the truth is, you don’t want it and you’re killing it day by day.”

  Logan goes still, the green eyes I love so fiercely it frightens me that I won’t look into them again as he makes love to me.

  “Mella—”

  “One day I want to meet a male who will see that I only learned to be hard because if I hadn’t I’d have broken a long time ago. I want him to see me and love me beyond all thought because I am enough as I am. I want a male who won’t fight against wanting me and one who won’t stop biting me during sex because subconsciously he doesn’t want my young. I want a home where I’m not too afraid to try to learn how to cook because he won’t compare my every move to that of others. One day, maybe a long time from now, I want someone who will want me just as I am because the truth is I have always loved you all just as you are.”

  It’s time to go, I think, silently watching them all struggle to accept my words, the guilt they feel, their own shortcomings, which aren’t as vast and varied as my own but still there.

  Before I leave though…

  “And by the way, it was me who called the resistance in a year ago when the council had Nick in the hot seat for changing a law without following protocol. You think you skated by on that because you’re Alpha, but the truth is, you’ve allowed the pack to dictate who you are. I may have fucked up calling them, I get that now with what I’ve learned but,” I shrug, grasping the doorknob and pulling the door open, “you are all so wrapped up in each other you don’t see what’s going on half the time.”

  Swallowing again, my throat so tight it hurts to breathe, I walk out of the silent gathering and do what I should have done a long time ago.

  Run.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Logan

  The second I hear the door slam and scent Hannah’s shift I know I have just fucked up beyond anything in my life. As I stand there, frozen in place with my heart beating a frantic rhythm of pain, I close my eyes and accept every single word that just lashed me, my pain almost bringing me to my knees when I admit that everything she said was true.

  I rejected her before I even claimed her. I didn’t want the spoiled little elite as my mate because it was shaming to me to look at everyone I know and love and have to accept that they pity me.

  I made that claim years ago, knowing she saw my dislike and reveling in the knowledge that she’d turn her back on me. All this time, all the frustration I felt trying to force her to open up and strengthen our bond, it’s been me killing it because I was afraid to let her in that close.

  Scrubbing at my chest to still the pain blooming there, I don’t make a move to stop the blow Banner throws my way, the pain that smashes into my face sending me sprawling but replacing a little of what is crippling me inside.

  “You…” he doesn’t finish as he snarls and stalks to the door, his anger palpable when he almost rips it from its hinges and slams out of Mom and Dad’s house.

  “Jesus.”

  I hear Jules’s voice, the regret that she carries, just as I feel and see the guilt and regret from everyone around me when Nick curses and helps me up, his shoulders slumping heavily.

  I have no words, no response that could possibly change anything that just happened. All I can do is feel as Mom sniffles against Dad’s chest and Bear hangs his head, his own sense of guilt so strong I smell it.

  “I don’t…who the hell was that?” Jules breathes, staring at the door with pale-faced horror while Prissy walks away, her quiet sobs echoing around us.

  I can’t move. Hell, it fucking hurts to breathe. All I can think is that Hannah is right, I…Jesus God, I just publicly rejected my Fated, humiliated her in a way that is unforgivable and for what? Because I was too afraid to see the scorn in Jules’s eyes when she found out that I am mated to Hannah?

  Spinning on my heel, I walk out, not caring that it’s Christmas. I don’t care that Mom cooked a meal when I was upset that Hannah refused to even try to cook. I don’t care that there’s an entire tree with presents under it and that I spent weeks getting the perfect gifts.

  I don’t care that I’m missing a holiday I love because I get to be with my family. I care about nothing but finding my mate and making things right because I love her. I love her.

  All that snark that makes me laugh. The way I look forward to people riling her because of what will come out of her mouth. The way she smiles softly when she doesn’t think anyone’s watching and the longing I see in her eyes when she looks at Bran.

  I love it all, even her lies, because it’s fucking hilarious that she thinks I don’t know she’s doing it.

  That love, the sense of need I finally let myself feel engulfs me and makes me ache to have what I didn’t see was right in front of me.

  I need to fix this. I need to really try this time, and God help me, I pray that I can.

  Shedding my skin, I let my wolf take the lead and hit the grass at a run, snarling through the pain of shifting mid-run as I take up the scent trail of my female and stalk her.

  # # # #

  Hannah

  Sniffing, I make my way into the house quietly and run upstairs to steal clothes, not at all shamed that I take Prissy’s most prized Gucci or the designer jeans I know she has shipped in from Paris.

  I get dressed fast, spray some perfume around the room to cover my scent, and make my way down to the basement with my heart pounding. I hurt everywhere that it matters but I ignore it as I open the familiar door and make my way to the cell on feet that barely lift as I shuffle them.

  “Pain?”

  I smile at the snarl and stop in front of Lync’s cell, my eyes going soft with tears when he reaches through the bars to touch my cheek, his claws gentle as he swipes at my tears.

  “Hi big guy.”

  “Pain?”

  “Agony,” I admit, my breath stuttering out when he howls and retracts his hand to slam it into the wall. “Hey, hey, don’t do that, Demented. I don’t like you hurting yourself. Shh, it’s okay. You know me. I’m too self-centered to be down for long.”

  Lync chuffs at my poor attempt at humor and turns those electric eyes on me, nodding to the chair. I take a seat while he sits, cross-legged on the floor, and grabs the bars.

  “Freedom.”

  “I tried, buddy. I really did but that didn’t work out with me living to enjoy it,” I admit, my lips twisting when he tilts his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I haven’t been around to see you lately but getting in here is easier when you’re not mated to the lead enforcer. No one wants to arrest his wife, and I’m technically not allowed down here any other way.”

  Lync huffs again, shaking his head,
and whines when I sniffle, my chest pulling tight at the thought that he’s the only person who hasn’t judged me. All my life, all I wanted was acceptance, and I get it from a three-hundred-pound deranged feral.

  Fucking figures.

  “Lonely.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, but hey! I can fix,” I tell him, showing him the key I swiped while stealing clothes. “I can let you out of here, and you can be free.”

  I don’t know if this is a good idea. In fact, it scares the shit out of me to unleash this guy on unsuspecting people, but if there’s one thing I will not do, it is walk out of here and leave him behind.

  I love Lync, as messed up as that may be, and I won’t let my choices be the wrong ones anymore. Okay, okay, so maybe I also want to leave this shithole knowing that they’ll all be scrambling to find him.

  What can I say, I’m still part bad inside, it is what it is.

  Lync looks at the key, the hunger in his eerie blue eyes so stark I feel my heart skip a beat before leaning in to meet his eyes.

  “You know who you are, Lync. Deep inside you, underneath all the pain and anger, you know who you are. I need you to find it, big guy. I need you to stop letting the wolf rule you so your pain doesn’t touch you. I need you to stop hiding and stop running from yourself,” I say, my hand shaking as I rise and push the chair away, the key slotting into the lock with a deafening grate of sound.

  The moment the lock snicks Lync lunges, his body startling me in its size when he pushes through the doorway and into the passage, towering over me with his teeth bared.

  I don’t flinch. I don’t in any way show a sign of fear when he leans down to sniff at me, his teeth still bared and ready to do maximum damage. Holding still, I meet his eyes and smile when I see awareness, almost as if he’s fighting against what he’s known for so long.

  “Come?”

  “No honey, I’m not going with you. I can’t. I have to…you need to run, Lync. Find you and then…come back. You’re my family,” I tell him honestly, crying silently when he strokes my face.

  “Love. Hannah,” he grates, whining when I muffle a sob and nod.

  “Hannah loves Lync. Now go. Go before they come back and lock you in that cell. Hell, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…don’t kill indiscriminately, okay. It would seriously get me into more trouble,” I mutter, eyeing the cell before I step in and relock it, pocketing the key. “Go!”

  “Love Hannah.”

  “I love you too, you big idiot, now go!” I yell, my tears falling when he looks back at me once, nods and takes off towards what I can only assume is a killing spree I will sorely miss not seeing in person.

  Oh well, at least I’ll get to hear about it when Nick charges me with a crime.

  Grinning at that, I lie back on the cot and huff tiredly. I am in so much trouble right now, but hey, I saved them the trouble of having to track me down and throw me behind bars.

  Laughing, I get settled comfortably and close my eyes, locking out everything but the joy of what I just did. Tomorrow I can think about what I’ve done and lost. For now, I win.

  Letting my tension drain slowly I feel myself drifting for a long time, the place between sleep and wakefulness cradling me. I’m just about to let go and slip into sleep when I hear a curse and the banging of the door, followed by a snarl of fury and a growl that makes my lips twitch.

  “I fucking told you she’s not going to be here, you idiot!”

  “Shut up, Banner! She was here. Her scent is fresh here.”

  A sneeze makes my lips twitch as I fight a giggle, thinking of all the rancid perfume I sprayed earlier and the sinus problems Logan will have for at least an hour.

  “She must have come to say goodbye and then left. Dammit Logan, if she leaves before we can find her I won’t ever speak to you again,” Banner says and snarls, his furious rumble letting me know his bear is merging with his wolf.

  “Then don’t, you asshole! But I know her. She’d never leave without coming to see Lync. He’s her best friend.”

  “I’m her best friend!”

  His affront makes me giggle, the thought of anyone getting jealous over me causing mirth to bubble up. And yeah, okay, I want Logan to see what I’ve done and lose his mind.

  Screw sleeping to forget, a good old fight suits me just fine. Much better actually.

  I keep giggling, watching the cell door when I hear a gasp and scuffling only to see Logan skid to a stop, his jaw dropping.

  “You didn’t.”

  “Oh come on now, you know me so well,” I muse, smiling when Banner comes into view and stops dead to stare at me in shock.

  “You…”

  “I did. I so did, so stop gaping and repeating yourselves already because that is so five minutes ago,” I say airily, smiling when Logan’s eyes stretch and he stares at me, as if he never expected to see me again.

  Okay, well, the whole soft eyed thing is totally wishful thinking on my part, the male is likely flabbergasted at my audacity and lack of guilt, but hey, I’m locked in a cell here, likely for a looong, long time. I’ll take anything I want to pretend I can get at this point.

  “I thought you’d left,” Logan says after a long moment of silence, the harsh grate of his voice sending shivers through me.

  Looking at him, I could almost believe that he’s here for me, that he made a mad dash to find me because he regrets what he’s done and said and felt and wants to confess his undying love.

  The notion is fantastical, unrealistic, and so freaking stupid I want to kick myself, but you know, after giving myself permission to be me again, well whatever me I know I am, sorta, I deserve the chance to feel hope, no matter how silly or pathetic it makes me feel.

  “Left? Me? And where was I going to go, smart ass? I have no money, no family, and absolutely no options other than a life of crime. I’m not cut out for crime, no matter how entertaining it sounds. It’s far too much work for me. Nuhuh, I’m staying right here where I get three meals a day, good company in the form of me talking to myself, and if I’m really good maybe in thirty years or so I can get a TV,” I muse, tapping my chin dramatically.

  Logan doesn’t so much as twitch a lip, but he does surprise the heck out of me by dropping to his knees and clutching the cell bars.

  The move makes my eyes wing to his, and for the first time ever, I see something in his eyes that I’ve wanted to see for a long time. Understanding.

  “Hannah—”

  “Well, if they manage to convict me for this. Otherwise I am so fighting this and getting a divorce. Just think, Logan. I’ll be the first shifter female in history to demand a settlement and drain your rich ass dry.”

  “Hannah—”

  “I’ll need a huge house. A Jag to roll into town with. Maybe some diamonds to bling myself out on dates. Hhhmm,” I muse, considering my options and not liking them at all. If I get out of here.

  “Hannah—”

  “I think I could get a lawyer to prove temporary insanity since both my parents are clearly fruitcakes. Or maybe not. I shouldn’t advertise this too much, just in case my father takes me back for freeing a feral and totally throwing a spanner in Nick’s works.”

  This is a total lie. I’d rather die than go back there, but I am so not into hearing whatever loser breath has to say right now. I prefer thinking about the shitstorm that will hit this place and keep me entertained for weeks.

  If I picture it really hard, maybe little Miss Julia will cry, and I can enjoy the sound of her sobs while using a claw to file down the bars some. Just saying, never stop trying, even if I wanted to be here.

  “Hannah—”

  “What’s tomorrow? Tuesday? I think Prissy makes meatloaf and carrots on a Tuesday. I like her meatloaf.” I sigh dramatically, ignoring Banner’s muffled laughter while Logan looks ready to rip the bars apart.

  “Hannah—”

  “I could—”

  “I love you! Christ! Will you just shut up long enough to hear this?” he roa
rs, making me go still and blink at him in shock. “I love you.”

  The soft way he repeats the words makes me want to believe him, as do the tears I see glimmering in his eyes when I shake my head and shudder.

  “No, really you don’t, but I get it, okay. I—”

  “I love you,” he says again, swallowing loudly enough that I hear it.

  My chest is tight, strained with the ache of disappointment, because no matter how great the words sound, they can’t be true. He can’t love me. I’m nothing like what he wants or needs. I’m mean sometimes, and I don’t ever—

  “I love you.”

  “Logan—”

  “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much that it scared the shit out of me to let the bond grow because if you hadn’t felt it back it would kill me. I love you so much that I didn’t want to think of having young with you because I didn’t want you to feel like you’re stuck with me. I love you enough that I know I should let you leave and give you the chance to find someone who will deserve you, but I can’t! I can’t do that, Hannah. You’re awful to people, and yet I like it because you’re strong and funny in your manner. I can’t stand that you can’t cook, and yet I like it too because it forces me to change the gender roles I’ve grown up with all my life. There are so many things about you that I love, or want to love, but the most important one is simply this: you’re mine,” he says, gulping when I gape.

  “I—”

  “Should hate me for being so cowardly. I hurt you, and I know that Hannah but, mella, I need you. I can change—”