“Oh, but I thought we were having dessert—”
“No, no dessert. Ros uh, burned the cake,” she mutters, hustling us all to the front door with Logan following behind, his shoulders shaking with laughter.
I don’t get it, but then I am not focused on anything other than the need to twist my head around to keep sight of Banner.
I bet if I rode him he’d slide right into—
“Clarke! You’ll pick her up tomorrow night at eight!” Hannah snarls, snapping me out of it long enough to pin on a smile for the grinning Clarke.
I don’t really want to date him, not when I want to hump Banner’s—
“You are so not drinking wine again,” Hannah mutters after everyone sees us off, and Logan, still laughing, hoists us into the truck before pulling out.
“What? Why?”
I can’t hear what she says, but I definitely hear the words “ruin”, “plans”, and “mind scrub”.
Chapter Six
Cass
“I can’t live here,” I mumble, looking around the small cabin with a longing I haven’t felt in a long time.
Bullshit. You belong.
Do not.
If you completely remove the sex feelings I have for Banner Kilter, a man who pushes my every button with nothing more than a look. God, that man is dreamy, I think, forcing myself to ignore the pain in my gut that has persistently plagued me since I got here just four days ago.
After our dinner at the Kilter place, I picked up a bug or something because I was so sick and weak the morning after when I woke up sweaty, in pain, and unable to move properly.
Poor Hannah was beside herself and spent the next few hours nursing me herself until I was strong enough to drag myself out of bed and try to function.
Not that I feel any better right now. I don’t. I keep having these wonderful dreams about Banner and sex and all manner of things that just don’t seem normal to me but sure do feel good in the moment.
I wake up feeling exhausted though and so out of sorts I even take the weird vitamins Hannah got me. They make me feel a little better, even if I hate the coppery taste and have to force them down every morning and evening.
“Of course, you can live here. It’s perfect for you,” Hannah argues, stalking towards the back door to throw it open.
“I know! But I can’t afford it. Look Hannah, I really appreciate what you’ve done for me thus far and what you’re trying to do, but I can’t just stay here without a means of income and not pay for anything. You bought me clothes,” I say, trying not to feel anger over the stuff she burnt to a crisp. “And you’ve let me stay in your home and even took care of me when I was sick. This is too much. Even if I stay, I’ll have to leave eventually.”
Not that I want to. Just thinking of leaving these people behind makes me want to break out in a cold sweat. I think I must have lost it somewhere along the way to getting here because I have totally turned into a mental stalker where Banner is concerned, and I am now naming babies I know we won’t have together.
Hannah smirks, her blue eyes twinkling, and comes over to take me by the shoulders.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, sweetie, but it’s not like you have much of a choice. You’re out of liquid money; you’re terrified of using your cards; and you can’t drive forever. Your car is way too shitty for that—even if you could do it. Face the facts. This is the end of the line for you. Now stop worrying! I told you I have a job lined up for you, though God knows if you’ll be able to handle it. As for the cabin, it belongs to Denny, and that male won’t hear of taking money from you for something that is just sitting here already.”
“But—”
“No buts. I don’t mean to be a bitch, mostly because I’ve been trying to hide that side of me until you’re too comfortable to want to run, but it’s pretty clear you need help. There’s no shame in that. In fact, I think I need to teach you about the waste of time that shame really is. It’s far easier to be happy if you’re an opportunist with no guilt to speak of.”
I laugh at the easy, matter of fact way she says this, as if she really believes I should just take what I can while the going’s good. The problem is that I want to. I want to stay here and let them help me until I can help myself. It’s a part of me I haven’t ever let out before because Mom taught me that doing things yourself ensures you don’t fall flat on your face when people abandon you.
I got the impression when she said it and looked at me so deeply that she was talking about whoever fathered me, but I took it as a life lesson, not the insult it sounded like.
“I’ll stay for like…a month. If I manage to sort things out, then I’ll reconsider,” I bargain.
“Great! Now, I do not like this décor at all—”
“The décor is fine. You’re not spending more money on stuff,” I cut in, looking around.
The cabin is small with furnishings that are a little on the old side. There is one couch in the living room, a floral pattern monstrosity that even I can’t silver line. It’s so ugly that I find myself unable to look away. I think I like it.
The living room has a fireplace and is joined to a small kitchen with honey-colored cabinets and a center island that is a shocking shade of orange. I like that, too.
Off the living room to the right is a bedroom with a small en-suite bathroom with a tub, no shower, and yet again, it’s ugly as hell and all purple. I like it.
“You cannot seriously like this place. It’s hideous.”
God, I have got to stop speaking out loud, I think, making a note to stop talking to myself at all in case I have a bad thought that just pops out when I’m not aware of it.
“Of course, I like it. Whoever decorated it—”
“Was blind as a bat.”
“—likes color. It’s fine, Hannah. I’m just grateful I have a warm, safe place to call my own for the next while. Anyway, I sort of want to have something I can fix up later. If I stay,” I say, making sure to qualify and receiving a grin for my efforts.
“Fine but you are so visiting me. I can’t stand to be here anymore—never mind come over here willingly. Okay, now that this is sorted, let’s go into town and eat lunch at the diner. I looove their hot chocolate, and Logan won’t let me drink it at home.”
“Why?”
I follow her out of the cabin and watch her lock up before handing me the key and walking towards her car. How she walks in those heels with her belly seeming to grow by the day is beyond me.
Once we’re in the car and moaning when the heat comes on, I look at her and I am almost sure her belly was smaller just yesterday. She let it slip that she’s no more than three months along, so either she’s going to have a really big baby, or she’s got more than one in there.
“He’s a classic worried father. He watches everything I eat and drink because apparently chocolate and coffee and happiness isn’t good for unborn young. I mean, babies! I don’t really care though because I know chocolate makes me happy, and that should be good for the…er… baby,” she mumbles.
I totally agree and say so, shaking my head when we reach the center of town less than ten minutes later. What’s the use in driving when the walk is so short?
Hannah mutters something about Logan under her breath, and we leave the car and enter the diner. As is expected, when I walk in, every head turns my way. Some people go so far as to scowl and get up to leave when Hannah directs me to a seat.
“Don’t mind them. They’re just bigots. Get your mangy asses out then if you don’t like it. Fucking losers. Beth, I hope you’re not standing there thinking I’m going to take your out-of-town prejudice because I will claw your throat out if me and Cass don’t get hot chocolate and cake right fucking now!” she yells, her eyes flashing.
I kinda sink down in the booth, not knowing what I should think when the middle-aged waitress with legs as long as my entire body sniffs and walks to the back.
Everyone else just turns, not reacting in any way but to give me hard looks before ign
oring me altogether.
“Wow, you said this place was…big on not accepting strangers, but this is just…”
“Ignore them!” Hannah barks when Beth sets down two cups and two slices of cake.
I don’t acknowledge her smile as I smell the chocolate and pick up my cup, breathing in the delicious sugary smell. I have the thing halfway to my mouth when Hannah suddenly swipes out, hitting it out of my hand.
The cup sails through the air, hot chocolate arcing out in a long line before it hits the back of the long counter and explodes, scattering ceramic and brown liquid everywhere.
I blink, my hands still frozen near my face and blink again when a real honest to God snarl leaves her lips.
“Er—”
“It was overly sweetened! Trust me. Beth? If you wanna live long enough to see your grandyoung you will make sure this next slice and cup aren’t filled with sugar. You get me bitch?” she asks sweetly, her tone sending shivers all the way down my spine.
“Oh! I mean, I like sugar. It’s no big deal. I—”
“You don’t like this sugar. This sugar is the fake kind that will not enter a single drop or crumb ever again. Capice?” she snarls again, her eyes going a dark electric blue that makes Beth take a wary step back before she swallows and nods. “That’s real good, Beth, or I’d have to feel sad and call Prissy to come down here and test your health and safety standards, and wouldn’t it be a real shame if the ma—wife of the…mayor was to find you lacking and revoke that license of yours?”
I swallow, feeling awful for the woman and try to throw her a smile to lessen the blow of Hannah’s threat. She doesn’t so much as look my way though, and when she walks away, I feel so bad I get a little angry.
“That wasn’t nice. I don’t mind a little extra sugar in my—”
“Well, you should. What have I told you about not taking shit from people?”
“I hadn’t even tasted it yet!” I argue.
“Well, I smelled it.”
“You smelled it?” I snort disbelievingly, rolling my eyes.
“I smell…er…much better with the pregnancy. Sensitive nose. Now stop trying to chew me out; you’re way too nice to get it even half way right. Oh! That is much better, Beth. Good bitch. This is perfect now, Cass. Try it.”
I obey, moaning at the flavor of milky chocolate and smile at Beth—or try to. The woman practically flies she leaves us alone so fast.
“About your date with Clarke. It was terrible luck, you getting sick, but now that you’re taking your…er…vitamins and feeling better I think you should reschedule.”
“I don’t know, Hannah. You know I have like a monumental and completely weird crush on—”
“Don’t say it! Er…I mean, you know people here eavesdrop on conversations all the time. Uh. Let’s take this to go and go sit in the park.”
“I don’t think we can take the crockery and—” I try when she gets up with her stuff, cutting me off when she walks away totally ignoring me.
I get up and take my own plate and cup and shuffle out of there with a nervous smile. No one says a thing. They all just keep looking at me silently, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief when I get out the door and no longer feel their dislike.
Following my very unrepentant friend, I take a seat on a picnic bench in the little park right in the town center, my place across from Hannah giving me a view of the diner and whoever goes in and out.
I almost choke on a bite of cake when I see a certain giant blonde walk up to the door, pause, turn, and look right at me. From here I can see the way his face goes hard before he rips the door open and stomps out of view.
I cannot believe I have a crush on that bozo.
“You should know that uh…gossip spread fast here. It’s a small town, and people tend to just…hear stuff. So, if you don’t want them knowing everything in your head, you should try not to speak your every thought. Or try whispering,” she says, watching my eyes while I watch the diner.
It’s awful that I’m incapable of dragging my eyes away from it, that I would give up the cake and hot chocolate for one more look at the man. A man who obviously took great offense to me sniffing him the night we met and can’t stand the sight of me.
Shoot. That hurts.
“Okay. I guess you’re right since everyone here seems to have a problem with newcomers,” I concede, promising myself I’ll try harder and eventually they’ll love me.
It’s just the way I am, okay? My mom used to tell me I haven’t ever met a stranger, and as much of a problem as that posed with Gregor, I can’t just change who I am. I don’t want to. I like being nice and trying and eventually cracking that tough nut and making them love me.
I refuse to believe that someone isn’t redeemable because if everyone just tried a little harder the world would be a better place. So I try, all the time, and hope that it rubs off on others.
“God, you are so idealistic and naïve. Some people are bad, Cass. Some people will always just be bastards.” Hannah sighs, smiling when I shake my head.
“I kinda like that you’re oddly peppy. Logan says you’re going to be a good influence and teach my heart how to beat.”
I giggle, pouting for her, and finish off my hot chocolate with a satisfied sigh that turns into a whine when Banner leaves the diner and doesn’t bother to look my way.
One day. I’ll wear him down until he just can’t live without me.
Hannah mumbles something that I know must be “good fucking luck, he doesn’t deserve you” and rises to stalk to the car.
“Hey, shouldn’t we pay for the food?” I ask, running to keep up with her.
We get to the car, and she looks over at me, her mouth twisting.
“That’ll teach the idiot to over-sweeten your stuff. Come on, little innocent. Let’s go pack you up and get you ready for that date. Nope! You’re going. Clarke likes you, you like him, and besides, Banner may not like seeing competition.”
Somehow, I doubt that Banner will give much of a shit about anything I’m doing but a girl can dream.
“Can we take my stuff over to the cabin and get ready there? I sort of want to settle in as soon as possible and talk about the job you say is lined up. I’ll need to go for an interview and maybe know exactly what it is I’ll be doing. Not that I care what it is. Beggars can’t be choosy in these situations, but I have to have an idea if I’m going to nail the interview and—”
“Trust me, you’ll get it. This has been on the post board at the grocery store for months. No one wants this job. I just hope you have a strong stomach and a boatload of patience because even Ros won’t do it, and that female will do anything for…er…her community. I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s talk about your date,” she says, waving off my protests. “Nope, not listening unless it’s about what you’re wearing and if you go to first base or not. Personally, I think you should consider it. Clarke is a ladies’ man around here, and from what Beeber tells me, he’s great in the sack. Don’t frown, Cass. You’ll get wrinkles before the bloo—I mean, before you’re old.”
I don’t understand half the stuff that comes out of this woman’s mouth sometimes, but short of offending her I just go with the flow and pretend that it’s all good. As for first base…
“Who’s Beeber?” I ask, frowning when Hannah chuckles.
“She’s my buddy. She got married the day you rolled into town and has been holed up in her cabin with her husband ever since. I’ve tried calling, but the bitch keeps singing a song I cannot stand. You’ll like her though; she’s nuts.”
“And she slept with Clarke?”
“Oh, years ago. Don’t sweat it too much. In this town, it’s sort of a given that you’ll have friends who have done the nasty and moved on. Small town. Anyway, she told me, secretly because her husband would kill Clarke, but she said he’s got serious game. Now Banner on the other hand has this ladies’ man rep that I just do not believe. Actually, I’ll tell you a secret, most females are afr
aid of him since he’s so big and…grumpy. He can be a real bear sometimes.” She cackles, pulling into the driveway with a snort.
I don’t get it, but I manage a smile and not one whimper of hurt when she exits the car.
“But he’s so handsome and he smells—”
“Yeah, I know. But I think he’s…shy. Yeah. I think he’s shy, and he won’t come easily. Christ that sounded bad, but you know what I mean. God, it skeeves me out, thinking about Banner and a female doing the good thing together. I don’t even know why I think…never mind. Let’s go get your stuff and go air out that eyesore of a cabin.”
“You realize I can’t understand half the stuff you say, right?” I ask, following her into the house where the smell of blueberries makes us both groan.
I don’t protest when instead of heading upstairs we both bolt for the kitchen. I am going to be a three-hundred-pound ball if I don’t move out of here, I think, diving for a muffin while Tina giggles and Hannah moans her approval.
“We’ll pack later,” she mumbles around a mouthful.
“Hhmmhmm.”
“Much later. You got any chocolate?”
I’m still gigging when Tina rolls her eyes and gives in, walking over to the stove to start a pot of Hannah’s new addiction. It’s while I’m sipping a fresh cup of pure heaven and trying not to reach for muffin number four that I feel something sharp pierce through my abdomen and fall off the chair when every single muscle I own just turns to jelly.
Oh God, it hurts, I think, panting as Hannah screams and dives for me, her sharp reflexes making me blink before I curl into a ball of agony and gag.
“Tina!”
“Already calling Althea! Oh Lord, her scent,” she says on a breath, while I blink in and out of consciousness and try not to puke on the clean floor.
Everything inside me feels as if it’s turned to liquid. Fiery, lava-hot liquid that seems to pour through my belly in white hot streams of the worst agony I have ever felt.
It’s almost the same feeling I had in the hours after I hit the road and fled from Gregor. Only this is so much worse than it was before. Oh God, what if he gave me rabies!
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