Awaken

by Bryan, Michelle

  “Shizen! Ain’t you both a bit young for that?” I say, shocked, and not sure why, but a little put out at what I have just learned.

  He looks at me puzzled. “No. We’ve been promised since we were babes. Isn’t Ben your promised?”

  To hear him speak that name is like a punch to the gut! I wasn’t expecting it...and I certainly wasn’t aware he knew of it.

  “How the hell do you know about Ben?” I say.

  He shrugs and keeps tossing his pebbles.

  “When you were sick with the fever of your shooter wound you called out his name over and over again. It’s all you would say. Drove us crazy. So I asked Finn, he told me all about it. How the Prezedants Army took him and the other young folk and how it was all you could think about was to get him back. I reckoned for you to care so much he must be your promised.”

  I don’t know why but his thinking that about Ben…it adds to my unexplainable irritation.

  “Well he ain’t...I ain’t got no promised. That’s just downright craziness. Ben is my friend, my kin. And I gotta get him back, just because.”

  I don’t come right out and say because it was my fault he was taken in the first place but I ain’t gotta say it. It hangs heavily in the air.

  “You know you don’t stand a chance of getting him back,” he says, finally making eye contact with me. To hear him say those words aloud, it awakens all my own deep rooted fears. I don’t like it.

  “You best not say another word about it Jax,” I warn but he don’t give up.

  “What you’re thinking about doing, it’s not going to work. Nobody gets away from the Prezedant.”

  “This really ain’t none of your concern Jax,” I warn again but he still don’t heed me.

  “You’re going to end up getting yourself killed...maybe Finn and Tater too. Is that what you want?”

  He’s made me angry now. Why’s he gotta be saying stuff like that?

  I snort harshly at him. “Why do you care what’s gonna happen to me? I’m just a stinkin’ new blood remember? A carrier of death...just like Jenna. You shouldn’t give a damn what happens to me.”

  I didn’t intend to say her name, to throw it in his face but it just pops out of me and from the look in his eyes I regret it immediately. I had gone too far. The kinder nicer Jax who had smiled at me earlier ain’t nowhere to be seen in the stone cold glare I’m getting from him right now.

  “I’m sorry ...I shouldn’t have said ...”

  He cuts me off. “Ma told you about her?” He don’t give me a chance to answer. “Don’t matter...I’m only gonna tell you this once. You know nothing about Jenna...or me for that matter so you have no right to talk about it!”

  He gets to his feet as if to walk away but I’m not done.

  “Don’t be mad at your ma...she was only trying to make me see reason. She knows what I am...what I’m capable of and she don’t care. The same with Jenna...she don’t blame her ‘cause it weren’t her fault. She couldn’t control what happened no more than you can control the sun setting every day! What happened to the villagers…to your pa it wasn’t her fault!”

  He whirls on me then and the anger ebbing from him is almost tangible it’s so intense. His hard blue eyes bore into mine.

  “You’re right! It wasn’t her fault...it was mine! I knew what she was, what she was becoming...and I didn’t say anything! I had seen the things she was capable of doing, I knew but I didn’t tell ma or pa! I should have said something...anything and maybe we could have run. We could have hid out in the sand lands so nobody would have known...nobody would have found us. But I didn’t. I stayed quiet...let it happen! Pa, Jenna, the villagers...they were all killed that day ‘cause I just didn’t want to admit it! I didn’t want to admit that my little sister was a mutie...a freak!”

  I can tell he regrets his words right away ‘cause he closes his eyes and sighs...runs a hand through his dark hair. I don’t say nuthin, I just watch as he struggles to get himself back under control. I want to tell him I understand how he feels. I understand ‘cause I carry that same kind of guilt around with me every day... but I don’t, I stay quiet. Finally, back in control, he looks at me straight on. The anger, the fire, is gone and his voice is emotionless when he speaks again.

  “So I’m just going to come right out and say what I came here to say in the first place. Thank you for saving my life...as I have said it is a debt I can never repay. But you and Finn and Tater...you have to leave Gray Valley as soon as possible. Every moment you stay here you are putting us all in danger and I can’t...I won’t have anything happen to the people I love again because of some new blood. Ma says you are almost healed, traveling should be no issue. So I want you all gone by the morning, before anyone else finds out what you are. There is no place for you here.”

  Whatever I was expecting him to say it surely wasn’t this! Shocked, hurt I watch his rigidly straight back walk away from me as he disappears into the shadows. I want to yell after him the few choice words floating around in my head right now, but I don’t. I keep quiet. My hands clenching angrily at my sides I take my frustration out on the nearest object I can find...a rock about the size a wild rabbit. I kick at it...wanting to release some of the hurt and anger I am feeling inside but all it does is send shooting pain up my leg and into my gut.

  I don’t hold back with the cuss words this time, I let ‘em fly at the night sky.

  Fine! Good! If that’s how he wants it, so be it! We were wasting time here anyways in this stupid village. Weren’t no big deal...I wanted to leave...so there! As a matter of fact I cain’t wait to leave! What the hell was I doing here anyways in this stupid dress and dancing to that stupid music...I had important things to do. I had to find Ben and the young’uns...I don’t have time for this foolishness. Mind made up I head for Vi’s cabin. I had some things to do first though...like find me some clothes. The least he could do was give me a pair of trousers in exchange for saving his life... the ungrateful bastard! And I had to let Finn and Tater know we were leaving. Good riddance too. The morning cain’t get here fast enough. And if I never ever saw Jax or Gray Valley again as long as I lived it would still be too soon!

  Iron Bones

  I was real surprised at the lack of arguing I got from Finn and Tater at the news of our leaving. I had expected some resistance to my decision but they had just simply nodded and agreed to what I had told them. Tater had even gone as far to say,

  “No worries my dear, our imminent departure is understandable and totally predictable. It was truly fun while it lasted but I never was one to delay when something had to be done. As my dear mother would say... never let the grass grow under your feet.”

  I figured that meant he was okay with it. And as for Finn, well I reckon I could have told him we were going to the moon and he just would have asked how long it was going to take us to get there. The only one who seemed to have any trouble with us leaving was Vi. She truly seemed upset with my telling her. She had questioned my decision. Didn’t I think it was too soon....shouldn’t I take more time to heal completely. Did Jax have anything to do with my decision? As much as that mule turd didn’t deserve any loyalty from me, I didn’t give him up to his ma. She needed him, and to know that I had caused any strife between them was not okay by me. So I had told her the decision was mine and mine alone. She wasn’t happy with it but she did accept it. And being a woman of her word, waiting for me in the morning was a clean pair of trousers and a tunic all fitted for me. She must have worked long into the night to finish this. I am truly touched by her gesture and find myself wishing I could stay longer...get to know this remarkable woman better. Quickly I squash this thought. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, Jax was right. I would never be able to live with myself if any harm came to Vi or anybody in the village ‘cause of me. There truly was no place for me here. I ignore the little voice in my head questioning if there was any place for me anywhere and focus on getting dressed.

  The sun is barely up yet but Vi mus
t have already been up for hours getting everything prepared. She has waiting for us slingbags filled with supplies, food, water, all packed neatly onto Winnie and another horse, one I don’t recognize. I question the gifts and the horse. It is too much...we cain’t take so much from them, but she assures me the trade made for it had been a good one. The villager she had traded with had gladly taken Busher’s hardy beast in exchange for the older nag and the supplies. Hearing that lessens my concern some. She then hands me a hunting knife in a real leather sheath and all! It was her husbands, she tells me and to go ahead and take it. I feel real guilty but since losing all our own stuff to the raiders I know we are going to need it. I secure it to my leg and try to thank her but she ain’t done. Stepping in front of me she folds a soft cloth over my head, covering my hair then loops it loosely round my neck. A neck wrapper. Of all the gifts this one is my undoing. It reminds me of gra’da and I can feel the tears filling up my eyes as her lips gently brush my forehead.

  “Remember what I said child...you have a great gift, do not waste it. And if you ever find yourself in need of a safe haven we will always have shelter for you here.”

  If only that were true, I think...but I know I will never see her again. I could never put her in any danger, this woman I barely know but who has touched my heart so deeply. I hug her real tight and whisper a ‘thank you’ in her ear. The words sound so inadequate for all she has done...I wish I could express to her my gratitude, my thankfulness but, as usual, the words don’t come. I find I don’t have to say anything though ‘cause it’s like she can see straight through me, right into my heart and sees what I’m feeling. She just nods at me and smiles. She says her goodbyes to Finn and Tater and I half listen but my eyes are seeking....looking for him. Jax ain’t nowhere to be seen though ...he ain’t even got the decency to see us off. It don’t surprise me none but I cain’t help but be a little hurt by it. We had been through a lot in our short time together. I had even saved his life but obviously it wasn’t enough for him to even wish us a safe journey. Oh well, it was maybe a good thing he weren’t here. Cain’t rightly say if I would of just said goodbye or told him to go straight to hell, though the way I was feeling right now it probably would have been the latter. Sky was welcome to the jackass.

  Vi keeps waving as she watches us ride off and I keep looking back ‘til she ain’t nuthin but a little speck in the distance. Finally I cain’t see her no more and I stop looking back. He never came...the little nagging voice in the back of my head keeps saying. He don’t care...about any of us. I quell the hurt and push it away. It was done.

  Gray Valley was way off Tater’s usual trading route so the territory we find ourselves traveling in is unfamiliar to all of us. Vi had told us that Littlepass was likely no further than a couple weeks of riding but she had failed to mention anything of the strange lands we would have to pass through. Maybe she was truly unaware or maybe she had simply forgotten but after a day of riding through valleys and slopes we had come across a very unexpected strange sort of track cut through the rocky hills. The path was wide and level...and old. Settler made to be sure. The parts of it not cracked and overgrown with weeds is a strange combination. Weren’t rock nor metal...nuthin I could put a name too. Tater said he believed it had once been called a ‘highway’ and that these highways were how the settler’s veacals had traveled around and that the highways went on for leagues and leagues. I find it amazing that the settlers had been able to build such things. They must have had a lot of time on their hands for sure. The track goes on into the horizon as far as the eye can see. I wonder how far it goes. Will it take us all the way to Littlepass? I reckon we’ll find out soon enough.

  We keep riding, Tater’s occasional singing the only sound in the deserted stretch of open ground other then the clip clop of the animal’s hoofs. We talk some, play a few riddle games to pass the time, but we avoid any mention of new bloods or our run in with the army. It still ain’t something I’m willing to talk about.

  Sometimes a wolfling or some other creature I cain’t put a name too, picks up our scent and they follow along with us on the outskirts....tracking us almost. But all it usually takes is a shot from one of our iron shooters to scare them off. I was real glad Tater had saved the shooters and had been smart enough to barter for some slugs for them. I had a feeling they were going to be well needed out here.

  We stop only long enough to sleep, making camp in the sandy ditches that run along the sides of the ‘highway’. We don’t bother with making campfires. Besides the fact that there ain’t any kindlin’ to be found I get the uneasy feeling it would just draw attention to us. Like we’d just be making ourselves a target. I cain’t say why I feel this way...other then the critters we ain’t seen nuthin else moving out here. We take turns on watch throughout the night, Cat as our companion. Our shooters may scare off the critters during the day but that don’t mean they won’t try and sneak up on us in the dark. Sometimes when I’m sitting, watching over the others, my blanket covering my shoulders to keep the nights chill at bay, I turn my face into the wind and I swear I can all but smell the creatures that occupy this land. It is a blended odor of dirty fur and fresh shite and the clarity of it, of my awareness…it spooks me. It says to me I’m changing.....to what I ain’t sure. But I don’t say nuthin to Tater and Finn. How can I explain it to them when I don’t understand myself?

  Five days we’ve been traveling. Quiet, uneventful days. Days so full of boredom it was almost an effort at times to keep from falling asleep as we ride and falling off our nags. But on this day....mid noon of the sixth day, we pass over the top of a rise and see an astonishing sight. It stands in the distance, a massive shape against the blue mid morning sky. I pull my nag up short and Tater pulls abreast of me on Winnie. Finn, who has been resting quietly against my back, pokes his head round me to see what has stopped our travel.

  “What is that?” he whispers but I don’t got an answer. I ain’t quite sure what it is. I can make out two sets of tall metal towers, one set at each end of the structure. Between them hang a few gigantic ropes, or wires...some sort of material joining them together, though there are mainly just gaps and holes and empty air ‘cause most of it had already crumbled away. The broken fallen pieces were piled high underneath the span in the remains of a dried up riverbed. I understand then what it is...or more so, what it had been at one time. It was on a much bigger scale but it was the same kind of structure the old folks had built in Rivercross for crossing the river. It was a bridge. But it hadn’t been built by anybody in my lifetime or dozens of lifetimes before mine. It was a true settler’s relic... and still standing! Amazing!

  Tater is the first to speak. “This is not good.”

  “What is it Tater...is it dangerous?” Finn says, showing more interest than he has in days.

  “Course it ain’t Finn,” I say. “It’s just an old bridge the settlers used for crossing the river that used to run here. We can just cross the dry riverbed Tater...ain’t no big deal.”

  He raises one of his shaggy brows at me.

  “It’s not the bridge my dear girl that has me worried. It’s what is on the other side.”

  For the first time I see what Tater is seeing. Off in the distance on the horizon the rusted iron skeletons of sky towers. The dead remains of a settler’s city! Just like in the old folk tales. It was vast, bigger than anything I had ever imagined, spread far into the landscape. Would probably take days to go around, days we cain’t afford to lose. As amazed as I am at the sight in front of me, I understand what has Tater so concerned. Out here in the open lands you could at least see the dangers approaching but in there, in the midst of all those ruins, dangers could be hidden anywhere. Critters, raiders anything could be waiting for us. But we ain’t come this far to stop now. And we ain’t wasting any more time. We’re going through.

  “Let’s go,” I say.

  I nudge my horse but don’t get far before Tater stops me.

  “Tara….think about this. Trus
t me I am just as eager to reach Littlepass as you are my dear, maybe even more so, but this is foolhardy. We have no idea what to expect in there. I have avoided areas like this my whole life. These dead cities are aptly named for a reason,” he says.

  “Maybe Tater is right Tara,” Finn joins in hesitantly. “Maybe we should go around…”

  “No Finn, we ain’t going around!” I snap at the boy and I can feel him stiffen behind my back. “I ain’t going around…I’m going through. We have wasted enough time already. The longer I take to get to Littlepass the colder Ben’s trail becomes. You and Tater can do what you want…I won’t stop you. But let me remind you, you both hitched yourself onto me and slowed me down… so now this is my decision! I’m going through….it’s just a bunch of stupid empty ruins. So make your choice. You can go your separate ways or stay with me, but decide now!”

  Finn don’t say nuthin but the scrawny arms that encircle my waist give me his answer. Squashing down the guilt I feel at snapping at him I nudge the horse again and start moving. I don’t look back to see if Tater is following but the incessant muttering and grumbling I hear behind me makes me fully aware of his presence ….and his feelings about the whole idea. So be it.

  We reach the city by late afternoon. It had been a bit of a struggle to get the animals up over the riverbank but the gods had been on our side and we had stumbled onto a slope leading out of the dry riverbed. Whether it had been the wind or other travelers who had made it only the gods knew but it had come in real handy. The road we had been traveling carries on through the city, overgrown and full of deep craters but still passable. We were going to have to be careful with the animals though, cain’t risk having one of them stepping in a hole and breaking its leg. We would have to lead them through.

  The rusted remains of the sky towers line both sides of the road, looming above us like menacing overseers. They are mostly destroyed, just bare bones left really, but it makes me wonder what could have brought down such massive structures. Was it the great war like in the old folks tales or just the passing of time. And what had happened to all the people that had lived here? Sickness? War? Critters? Drought? Were they all lying here, rotted away under our feet or had they been forced to move on? Reckon we will never know but I cain’t help but speculate.