Awaken

by Bryan, Michelle

“What do you mean eventually? Why would he need to….ahhhh... you’re leaving him behind aren’t you? You’re deserting him here in Littlepass. So you are going to continue with your foolhardy plan then. You are going to still look for your kin even though it will undoubtedly end in your death. I didn’t think even you would be that stupid. Guess I was wrong.”

  “You think you know it all don’t you?” I snap at him. “Well you don’t! Finn will be better off staying here in Littlepass. Tater will be better off going his own merry way. You would be better off to go back to Gray Valley…and I will be better, much better, once I find Ben. He is all I care about. He is all that matters…him and Jane and Thomas. They are my only family now and I will do anything to get them back. If that’s being stupid then I don’t care!”

  He stares at me silently for a bit, then finally says, “No I guess you don’t care if you don’t give a damn about breaking that poor kids heart,” and throws his remaining tea into the flames before he gets up and walks away from me, adding coldly over his shoulder. “I’ll be back when it’s time for my watch.”

  We had reached Littlepass shortly after sunrise. Jax had roused the others just before dawn like I had asked him to but he hadn’t needed to wake me. I ain’t slept. His words from the night before had been crawling ‘round in my brain all night, my guilt gnawing at my gut like some festering wound. Course I knew how much Finn loved Cat and course I knew it was going to break his heart to leave her....did he truly think I was so cold? But I had to do what I was doing. I had to make a choice. It was in Finn’s best interest. Why cain’t he see that?

  I look over at him now riding beside me, Finn sitting behind him and yammering his ear off. The boy had chosen to ride with Jax this morning. Don’t know why. It had miffed me some at first, but then I figured it was maybe for the best. At least I wouldn’t have to try to keep my feelings and guilt hidden from Finn and pretend everything was going to be okay. Jax looks up suddenly and catches me staring and the light blue eyes regard me with such accusation that I look away. To hell with him, I think angrily. I don’t need his approval! I snap the reins and the nag bolts forward leaving the others trailing behind. We ride this way, me way ahead of the others and fuming the whole time, ‘til we reach our destination.

  The city lays below us, overwhelming in its entirety. I ain’t ever seen so many buildings all squished together, like they were fighting for room. They are so pressed together it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Never in my wildest imagination could I have ever dreamed of something like this! They cover every bit of open ground and even half ways up the sides of the mountains surrounding the city. Not as vastly spread as the dead city we had just passed through but made more imposing by the number of people I can see occupying the roads and pathways cut through the buildings. They swarm the city like the maskeetos in the woods and I can feel my heart drop as I view the sight from atop the hill we are sitting on. So many people...however was I supposed to find Lily?

  I squat low, hands on my knees, studying the wall surrounding the city and trying to ignore the nagging little voices in the back of my head. As mad as I am at Jax, the thought of what I was about to do today still almost makes me wanna retch and it’s with relief I hear Tater’s approach. He joins me at the top of the rise and quietly studies the sight below us.

  “Tater, are those guard towers?” I say, shutting off my thoughts and referring to the wooden structures flanking the open gate of the stone barrier.

  “They are indeed but no worries child. They are usually manned by drunkards, too tired or intoxicated to care who passes through. The best of the Army in Littlepass is used to guard the iron mines there to the left of the city.”

  I look to where he is pointing and I can see structures on the horizon past the city, and a flurry of activity. My heart beats a little faster with a faint hope that maybe I would find some of my kin there. I was definitely going to have to check it out....somehow. If it was guarded as heavily as Tater said though, it was going to be a challenge.

  I rise from my squatting position and turn towards the others. Finn and Cat are playing some sort of fetching game with a dried out twig but Jax, he is leaning against a boulder watching me intently. There is no expression on his face this time but his eyes are as sharp as always. I find myself wondering what he is thinking? Would he tell Finn of my plan or would he keep my confidence?

  “You sure there ain’t nuthin I can say to make you head back to Gray Valley?” I say rudely as I walk past him towards the nags, and he kind of grins at me.

  “No, when I make a promise I don’t go back on it,” he says and I can hear the accusation back in his voice.

  A retort pops into my head but I don’t say what I’m thinking ‘cause outta the corner of my eye I can see Finn watching us, listening to our conversation. He comes sauntering up to us then, his face all red from his running ‘round with Cat.

  “Jax ain’t leaving us yet Tara. He told me he wouldn’t leave us ‘til we found Lily...ain’t that right Jax?”

  “Right you are,” he says to Finn but his eyes don’t leave my face. Is he waiting for my reaction to that? I don’t fall for his bait.

  “Whatever. We’ve put up with you for this long...a few more days ain’t gonna make much difference. Just don’t expect any more thanks when you finally do leave...I’ve said my piece.”

  I turn away from him so as to hide my confusion. As angry as I am at him for being such a mule turd, there’s this tiny part of me that is actually pleased that he ain’t leaving us yet. What the hell is wrong with me? Angry at him and at myself I focus my attention on Tater, who’s smiling at me like something is amusing him greatly.

  “What?” I say crossly but he just shrugs.

  “Nothing my dear. I was just thinking we should get a move on. It’s early morning, the guards are probably still snoring from their nights partaking, there is no better time to enter the city.”

  “Fine...let’s go then,” I say, grabbing the horse’s reins. “Finn, say your goodbyes.”

  He looks at me, then back at Cat, and his whole face drops like he’s about to cry. I sigh loudly and rub the back of my neck, dreading the next few minutes.

  “Finn we talked ‘bout this. You know Cat cain’t go. She will be fine...she’s a wild animal for crying out loud.”

  “But I ain’t ever left her on purpose like before...” he says trying to be strong but his quivering lip gives him away. I can feel the little patience I have left slipping away but before I can say anything else Jax walks over to the boy and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder.

  “She’ll be fine Finn. This whole area is covered in caves and wildlife. She’ll have a place to sleep, plenty to eat...and it’ll only be for a little while. And if it makes you feel any better, until we find Lily we’ll come out and check on her every day. It’s safer for her that way...she can’t be in the city, you know that.”

  He looks up up Jax and nods. “I know,” he says. “You’re right Jax. Will you come out with me to check on her...truly?”

  Jax nods and the boy wraps his skinny arms round his waist causing me to feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. What was I doing to him! He was leaving his beast who he loved more than anything in the world and instead of comforting him I had lost patience with him! Irritated at the whole situation, I watch wordlessly as Finn goes to his beast, hugs her and whispers in her ear. He then straightens up and says quietly,

  “Now you know what to do…so go on…get outta here.”

  She yowls a couple of times and licks his face but as if she understands she shuffles slowly off as we ride away from her. Finn keeps looking back and I can hear him stifle a couple of sobs but he don’t cry. Finally he says “I cain’t see her no more...she must be gone to find a cave like Jax said to wait for us. You think so Tara? She’s gonna wait for us ‘til we’re ready to leave the city.”

  “Aye,” I say, agreeing with the boy but I don’t dare turn around to face him. I’
m scared he would see the deceit written all over my face. That he would know I was lying to him and that when I did leave the city it would be without him. Instead I stare straight ahead at the growing city wall and push Cat and the thought of never seeing her again from my mind. I had more important things to worry about than the animal. Ben and Jane and young Thomas...they were my main focus now, as it should be.

  We pass through the arched stone gate in silence, past the guard towers and I let out my pent up breath in relief that no one tries to stop us. I almost feel safe when, suddenly, we hear a loud “Oi! Halt! Who goes there?”

  My heart pounds frantically in my chest and I pull my wrapper further down over my hair as a brown robed soldier approaches us. We do as he asks and stop, not wanting to draw any attention to ourselves. He is dressed a little different then the army that had chased us from the raiders but the long shooter hanging at his side is the same. I’m glad we had taken Taters advice and hidden our own shooters in one of the saddle bags on Jax’s nag. I don’t think the soldier would have taken too kindly to seeing them.

  “Hello Doyle...and how goes it my friend?”

  I am surprised to hear Tater call him by name...he knows him? He smiles down at the soldier and removes his hat in a friendly gesture. The soldier peers up at him for a bit then breaks into a toothless grin.

  “Tater! Is that you? By the gods...I thought you had been killed out in the sand lands long ago!”

  He gives a hearty laugh like the thought of that was truly amusing to him, causing his gigantic stomach to jiggle up and down. Tater don’t take no offense, he merely laughs along with the man like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

  “Ah no such luck old chap...I’m afraid those two bits of iron you owe me will indeed have to be repaid.”

  The soldier laughs again showing his toothless gums and starts scratching himself in several undignified places.

  “That’s damn bad luck... for me. I’ll have to buy you an ale at the Two Heads as payback. You here on trading business?”

  “Unfortunately not...met with some rather nasty business in the mountains. Got robbed by a bunch of raiders and lost all my wares. Have nothing to trade at the moment. Was rather hoping to pick up some coin in town, maybe do a bit of storytelling at the Two Heads, earn some iron.”

  “Raiders!’ the man says in disgust and spits on the ground. “Bunch of worthless shite heads. Don’t know why The Prezedant don’t just order for them all to be killed. I’d gladly go on that hunt.”

  Tater nods as if agreeing wholeheartedly but I can feel the sweat beading my upper lip. Why don’t he cut this conversation short and get moving? Why is he talking to this soldier like they were long lost friends? We don’t need him paying any attention to the rest of us.

  As if suddenly reading my thoughts the man in question turns and peers at me and Finn and Jax.

  “And who you have with you then eh? Didn’t think you had this many friends half man.”

  Tater laughs again like he ain’t got a care in the world.

  “Not friends...apprentices. Orphans whose parents died out in the sand lands. Had no one else to look after them so I took them under my wing, thought I’d train them in the way of the entertainments. Why do all the work myself when I can get paid thrice over.”

  The soldier almost bends over with his laughter and points a dirt encrusted finger at Tater.

  “Hahaha...you ain’t changed a bit old man, always looking to make the most iron in the quickest time possible,” he says taking his gaze off of us. I can feel myself breathe again.

  “It has been a pleasure my friend but it was a long journey indeed and I am very thirsty. The Two Heads awaits,” Tater says and nods a farewell to the soldier and with relief we start to ride away. I don’t look back but I can feel the soldier’s eyes following us. Did he suspect anything? I don’t think so...it seemed like normal conversation. We follow Tater slowly through the crowded streets....don’t seem like anyone is paying any attention to us. We’re just another group of dirty tired travelers as far as they were concerned.

  The sharp fear at being stopped by the soldier is quickly replaced by the wonder at our surroundings. I ain’t ever seen this many people all crowded together, all in one place! The noise was ear splitting. There were people yelling back and forth, gesturing wildly with their arms, and I finally realize they were bartering...trying to sell or buy the many wares that hang all around us. The whole road is awash with stalls of goods. I see bolts of hanging cloths, every color of the rainbow. Animal carcasses picked and clean just waiting to be cooked. Baskets of taters and corn and things I don’t recognize. Trinkets and beads and bangles and objects of trade.... there is so much! Where did they get all this stuff? I am baffled at the abundance of it all. A young boy, probably no older than Finn runs right up to Tater and starts yelling at him, thrusting a basket of round orange colored balls up at him. I don’t know what they are but Tater shakes his head at the boy and I realize that he is trying to sell his wares to Tater. At Tater’s refusal he turns to me but Tater kicks at him like he was a rabid dog and he scampers off, cussin’ at the half man over his shoulder.

  The smell of freshly baked bread suddenly hits my nose and my stomach lurches violently. Oh gods...my mouth is watering. Where is that coming from? Finn squirms behind me and I know the smell is affecting him too.

  The crowd is becoming almost impassable now the further in we go and the nag is getting skittish. Just like me she is unnerved by the throng of people. The noise of it all, it vibrates in my ears and a pain starts blossoming in the middle of my forehead. How can people live like this? So crowded and on top of each other? I find myself longing for the openness of the sand lands and I’m very relieved when Tater finally turns out of the crowd and down a narrow alley way carved out between two stone buildings. Away from the crowded street now, the noise level drops as we go deeper in. But the noise is the least of our worries in here seems like. An overpowering, sickening stench hits us and I gag reflexively before I get a chance to cover my nose with my wrapper. Finns “ugh!” hits my ears a second before he buries his nose in my back. And at Jax’s cussin’ I know the smell has hit him too. Shizen! What is that? Then I see the piles of half rotted debris ...and other things. Things that out in the sand lands would have been buried if you had any decency. Ugh! Disgusting! This is what Tater called civilized? The half man don’t seem to be the least affected by any of it though, he keeps ambling on ahead of us on Winnie and I swear I can hear him singing to himself!

  Seems like forever but we finally emerge out of the narrow pathway, into an open courtyard. The buildings surrounding us are worn and old, their exteriors mostly crumbling away, but at least the stench is gone. Or maybe my nose was by now so burnt by it I couldn’t smell it anymore. Either way I was glad to be out of that disgusting tunnel of filth.

  Tater dismounts and we quickly follow suit. I stretch my tense back and look around, wondering where Tater has brought us. Jax is the first to ask.

  “What is this place?”

  “This, my dears, is my home away from home, my utopia, my oasis, my shining beacon in the darkness. This will be our haven,” he says, smiling from ear to ear.

  Loud rowdy laughter reaches our ears at that moment and the door closest to us in the courtyard flies open with a bang. A man falls out into the road at our feet. He is quickly followed by a woman, scantily dressed, her face painted with such colors I fear for a split second she must be a raider. She stares at us with bleary eyes then quickly dismisses us to help the man to his feet. They stumble away into the narrow alley, obviously under the influence of the whiskey.

  “You can’t be serious!” Jax says staring at Tater like he had lost his mind. I don’t understand and I look from Jax to Tater as the little man shrugs.

  “A safer place in all of Littlepass you will not find. Trust me many a soul has hidden here and the occupants...they know how to be tight lipped. As my dear mother would say, ‘what happens here sta
ys here!’ Besides, the proprietor is a friend of mine.”

  “Tater we can’t! Finn can’t stay here!”

  I cain’t understand why Jax is protesting so. If it was a friend of Taters then what was the problem? And Tater says it was safe enough. Jax looks over at me and Finn and I can swear he is flushed with embarrassment.

  “What’s the problem Jax?” I say.

  “This place is... it’s....it’s a service den,” he almost whispers the last words but don’t make no matter. He could have yelled them and I still wouldn’t have known what he was talking about. He must see the look of confusion on my face ‘cause he tries again.

  “A service den! A house of ill fame!” I can tell he’s getting frustrated with me but I still don’t understand. An ill house? Did that mean the house was sick? Maybe Jax was right! We shouldn’t be staying in no sickly house! Before I can voice my objections though, Tater jumps in.

  “What our prudish friend is trying to say Tara, very in-eloquently I might add, is that the ladies that reside in this residence....they are visited quite frequently by men. Many men. And that they treat those men as a wife would treat her wedded husband. Sometimes much better.” He smiles at his words, then continues on. “And in return they get paid for their unique...services. Do you understand?”

  I do understand. Somewhat. I mean I ain’t a complete idiot. I’ve seen animals and their breeding acts…and I kinda know that people ain’t much different. But Jax seems to be real put off by the whole idea so of course I, on the other hand, don’t mind it at all.

  “Can we go in? I’d like to meet those women.” I was full of questions about what Tater was telling me. What kinda women were they to do that sort of thing for payment? I wanted to know.

  “Oh for the gods sake Tara!” Jax mutters at me and I just stare back confused.

  “What?” I say, still not getting what his problem was. Ain’t he ever seen animals go at it before?

  “Trust me Jax, Finn will be in no way affected by our little side trip. I grew up in a house like this...and I turned out just fine! But if it troubles you so, you all can stay here with the animals while I procure a room for us. I’m sure my friend can provide us with one that is somewhat out of the way of the main...clientele.”