Awaken

by Bryan, Michelle

“Stop it! All of you! I will be the one to go and that’s that. Ain’t no use in arguing. Jax, you take Finn and go back to Gray Valley...I thank you but I don’t need your help no more.” My tone is firm. This conversation was done and my decision was final.

  “Tara,” Lily’s voice is composed and calm, like she was talking to an irate young’un. “Think about what you are saying. My people, they can’t be worried about protecting you from the army. If you wish Ben to be free then you have to let them do their part. Jax is right, he can go. He has seen Ben’s face, he knows who to look for. You would just be a liability and endanger them all.”

  Dammit! I know what she’s saying is making sense but I cain’t stand the thought of not going. Of not being there to make sure it all goes right and they get Ben out of there safe.

  “Fine!” I say, consenting angrily ‘cause I don’t like it...not one little bit. But if it meant seeing Ben in front of me safe and sound, then I would do whatever it takes.

  *************************************************************************************************

  Over the course of the evening Lily’s people had begun showing up. Not all at once so as to draw attention but one or two, spaced apart like they were just people coming to seek treatment from the healer. I had to admit it was a real smart setup she had going on to avoid suspicion. I was surprised to see what her little band of rebels consisted of. There were men, women, young’uns not even as old as me, even muties who had arrived faces covered with wrappers so as not to be detected. But whether man woman or mutie, everyone of them greets me warmly. Like they were all so happy to see me. I ask Lily about their strange behaviour but she says it ain’t strange at all. I was a new blood of the light, they were honored to meet me. I don’t like it.

  I am happy to see Po in amongst them though, to see that he was alive and well after having saved us. He greets me with hands on my forearms and I feel that tingling again which Lily had informed me was a common response between our kind. We were blood connected, she says. I would get used to it, she says. She seemed to be forgetting that I ain’t sticking ‘round long enough to get used to anything, but I don’t say nuthin.

  They gather at the huge table we had had breakfast on earlier, so many of them that there ain’t even enough chairs for them all to sit. I watch from off to the side, partially ‘cause I ain’t sure how to be involved in hatching an escape plan but mostly ‘cause I cain’t stand to have them stare at me anymore. After confirming with Zoe that there were indeed guards posted all around Sanctuary to stop any unwelcome guests from walking in, Lily begins talking in earnest. She does most of the talking...well her and one other. He was a tall, sturdily built man with graying hair. He wears a patch on his right eye....covering the eye but not the jagged raised scar that runs from his eyebrow, down his cheek. I find myself wondering who he is and what had happened to him. As if he is suddenly aware of my scrutiny he looks up and catches my gaze. I redden instantly, caught at staring at his wound but he don’t take offence. He merely grins at me and winks his good eye before he turns his attention back to the group. I find myself liking him right away. I hear Lily call him Mack. The name is fitting somehow.

  I listen intently as they plan. The talking goes on for quite some time, long into the night. Finn had been keeping me company but at his stifled yawns I send him off to bed with the promise I would wake him if they came back with Ben. Tater had wandered off too. I figured there had to be an ale room somewhere nearby that needed attending to. So I watch the rebels plan on my own.

  They eventually arrive at a good strategy, a sound proposal, and as I listen to Lily outline it I realize that she is a natural leader. She skirts around the issue of me only agreeing to stay here based on them being able to free Ben. Instead she plays it off as rescuing my kin would free me up to be able to concentrate on their cause, their rebellion. That they would be doing me a great honor. I am amazed to see not one person protest this escape plan. As a matter of fact they are all arguing over who should be in the select few able to go. They finally decide on the chosen eight, Jax and the man Mack being two of the eight. I’m still put out at not being included in the rescue group and watch almost angrily as the chosen group is divvied out the black gear, right down to the black hoods, same as our rescue group from the previous evening. I still cain’t believe that they are going after Ben without me.

  Zoe lays the remaining dark clothes on a smaller table back against the wall and leaves them unattended as she starts refilling drinks. I look at the clothes, just sitting there and all of a sudden an idea starts forming in my head. I’m still listening to Lily but I stroll almost casually to the table trying not to draw any attention to myself. The group is arguing now over who should be the ones to go in and who should be the diversions. I take advantage of their inattention to quickly swipe a hood and black tunic and shove it under my own. Quickly, before anyone can see the tell tale bump, I scurry out of the room up the hall and straight to the room with all the books. I hide the clothes under one of the tall backed chairs and I am back in the kitchen before the argument is even over. I am relieved to see that no one seems to have been aware of my absence. Jax looks up as I enter but I just smile brightly at him and give him a thumbs up gesture. His look turns to puzzlement at my behaviour but he just shakes his head at me and turns his attention back to the tall man.

  “So it is decided then. Jax, Krowell, Riven and myself will be the four to go in. Our inside man assures me he will get himself assigned to the prisoners quarters tonight so he can give us access no problem. You other four will create the diversion we need to get in. It won’t be easy. I have heard the Prezedants men arrived this morning and they were very upset at hearing Naryz had lost the three prisoners. Security is at high alert right now, no one wants to be the next one to screw up.”

  Lily speaks again. “Mack is right. This will not be easy. It will however, be very dangerous. Some of you...may not come back. Are you all willing to take that chance?”

  At hearing those words being spoken aloud the reality of it all hits me like a punch to the gut. It was a dangerous thing they were doing...and they were doing it for me! I had asked them to do this. Why would they do such a thing for a stranger? I look, waiting to see if anyone wanted to change their mind...I wouldn’t blame ‘em if they did, but no one backs down. The one called Riven slams his meaty fist on the table and grins out over the crowd.

  “I’d be willin’ to chop off me own arm if it meant a chance to take out a few of that evil bastards men!”

  This is followed by a round of howling laughter and a few shouts of “Aye!”

  I am...astounded. I cain’t even begin to understand why they were doing this. Then another realization hits me. Shizen! Jax was going too! He was going to put himself in grave danger to help rescue someone he ain’t even met! Just ‘cause he promised me! I cain’t believe that I had been so selfish...so intent on Ben’s rescue that I ain’t even thought about the danger the others and Jax would be in. I look at him with this fresh awareness, only to find those light blue eyes already on me. It was like he knew what I was thinking in my head and he smiles at me. A real full out smile like the night of the dancing, and I can feel my heart doing that same crazy flip flop only this time I ain’t got no excuse that it was dancing causing it. Right then and there I know. I know my anger at not being allowed to go ain’t just ‘cause I’m afraid they were going to mess up rescuing Ben, but also ‘cause I ain’t gonna be there to watch Jax’s back. I had to go...Jax needed me there, and I know I had made the right choice by swiping those clothes. There weren’t no other option. I look up again and see he’s heading straight for me, like he wants to talk to me so I panic and hightail it out of the room. I cain’t talk to him right now. I’m too full of confusion and guilt and fear.

  I head back to the book room. I dress quickly in the black clothes and cover my head and face with the hood. I had heard ‘em say they were going to take the covered wagon that had brought us here las
t evening so I make my way to the smelly stone room off of the white hall, hoping I don’t run into anyone and have to explain what I was doing. Thankfully I don’t meet nobody. The stone room is luckily still empty so I choose a nice big pile of hay at the back of the wagon as my hiding spot. I ain’t got to wait long before they start showing up. I watch as the black clothed rescuers pile into the wagon but Jax lingers behind, looking around. Is he looking for me, I wonder. Was he expecting me to see them off? Finally he shrugs, runs a hand through his hair and joins the others in the back. I ain’t sure but I think I could see....disappointment on his face. Zoe shuts the door behind them. She then opens up the two massive doors leading outside and climbs up into the rider’s seat behind the two horses. I wait for my chance then run swiftly at the wagon and jump onto the back step just as it begins to move. I grab the metal bar at the top of the wagon cover and hang on for dear life, ‘cause if I remember correctly from last night I was in for a bumpy ride.

  Thankfully at this late hour there ain’t nobody traveling the roads but Zoe don’t take any chances...she sticks to all the winding back roads and alleyways. The few stragglers we do come upon are either too drunk or too involved in their own transgressions to care what we were up to. They don’t pay no heed to the wagon or to the fact that I am hanging off the back of it like a bouncing mad woman. We don’t meet no resistance at the back gates leading out of the city either since Po had been sent ahead earlier in the evening to ‘take care of’ the guards. I ain’t quite sure what that entailed, whether it was the same trick he had pulled on the raiders or not. I don’t want to know. Whatever he had done, it had worked, there ain’t a guard to be seen.

  Once through the gates, the light of the city fades and it takes a while for my eyes to adjust to the inky darkness of the outer lands. It surprises me how Zoe can maneuver the wagon so easily through the sand mounds, but she don’t slow her pace at all. It ain’t long before we come to a stop under cover of a high sand dune, concealed from any watching eyes of guards that may be lurking in the area. I can see the iron mines off in the distance. It was hard not to. As dark and shadowed as the rest of the outer lands area was, the Iron mines were lit up like it was the middle of the day. There were blazing fires burning everywhere, surrounding the perimeter. They definitely weren’t taking any chances. Shizen! Those fires would surely make it that much harder to sneak in. Why were they taking so many precautions I wonder? It ain’t like they knew we were coming to break Ben out. I don’t get no time to wonder about it though before I hear Zoe make her way down from the rider seat and start coming round back. I hop from my perch and sneak to the other side of the wagon. Only after she opens the door and the rebels are all standing outside do I casually make my way into the pack, under cover of darkness. They don’t even realize I’m there, they’re all looking at the lit up sky surrounding the mines and wondering the same as me.

  “No matter...we knew they would increase the security...the plan still stands,” Mack whispers loudly and all the murmuring stops at his commanding words. “You four...up the ridge...get ready but wait for my signal.”

  They creep away to disappear into the night without a sound.

  “Let’s go,” he whispers again and we head out. I follow the group’s stealthy ascent, my heart beating wildly, but hang back a bit for fear they will notice their number is five...not four like originally planned. But I ain’t got to hide for long. As we get nearer to the mine we can tell something ain’t right. The fires burning all round the mines were done on purpose like, a light show to enhance what was put on display. At first I ain’t sure...I think my eyes are deceiving me. But at Mack’s “Holy mother of gods!” I know what I’m seeing is real sure enough.

  Bodies! At least fifteen or twenty of them...all hanging by their necks from a long platform built across the entrance to the mine. They were swaying quietly in the night air, a blood curdling sight to behold. My stomach lurches sickeningly and I feel like I’m going to retch but as much as I want to I cain’t tear my eyes away.

  The first I see is Nayrz...his bloated body made even more so by death. The two next to him also soldiers...I can tell by their uniforms. But then I see something that almost brings me to my knees. A ragged yellow tunic! The young girl Ben had helped yesterday! No! It cain’t be her! Why would they do such a thing to her! Not even the Prezedant could be this brutal! This evil! But even as my heart is struggling against my brain telling me it cain’t be her, I see the chains round her ankles linking her to the next body hanging beside her....and the next. The rest of them hanging there...they’re all prisoners!

  “No!” I cry, unable to bear the horror of it any longer. It cain’t be! Ben cain’t be there too!

  My cry is enough to rouse Jax from his shocked stupor and he whirls.

  “Tara?” he says in disbelief.

  “What are you doing here girl!” Mack is whispering at me angrily but I’m way beyond caring at getting caught.

  I want to run...I don’t want to look....please...he cain’t be there! He cain’t be one of the bodies!

  “Jax....they’re prisoners!” I whisper grabbing at his arms, and he understands right away. His eyes do what mine refuse to and they search the faces of the people hanging there.

  “He’s not there Tara!” he says finally and my knees actually wobble in relief.

  “You sure?” I whisper and he grabs my shoulders as if he fears I’m going to fall.

  “He’s not there,” he says again, more firmly this time, and I’m glad for his hands supporting me ‘cause it feels like I’m too weak to stand on my own.

  “Mack!” The urgent whisper comes from behind a large boulder and a brown robed soldier steps into the light. Already rattled by the gruesome sight in front of us the rebels all raise their shooters in alarm at his sudden appearance but then Mack relaxes and puts up his hand.

  “It’s okay....he’s one of us. Stand down. What the hell happened here Stein?”

  The soldier is looking ‘round nervously like he fears at any moment we’re going to be attacked.

  “The Prezedant...he came for the new blood,” he says, and my relief at knowing Ben wasn’t there is quickly replaced by fear again.

  “You mean...he was here? In person?” I say.

  The soldier nods. “He arrived this morning to the news that they had escaped....that they had fled Littlepass. He blamed Naryz. Naryz, he tried to atone...he gave up the boy you were coming to rescue. He said that they knew each other...him and the new blood.”

  “What do you mean gave him up?” I’m glad Mack is asking ‘cause I cain’t form the words right now, I’m too busy trying to swallow the lump in my throat that must surely be my heart.

  “What did he do with him?”

  The soldier shrugs. “He took him...when they left. He took him with them and left this as a message for the new blood.”

  “A message?” I say but it comes out as a croak.

  The young man wipes his face like he’s still in shock at what he had witnessed.

  “He...killed all these people like it was nothing....and then those of us he left alive, we were given a very specific message to pass along.” He closes his eyes like he’s trying to remember...or trying to forget, I ain’t sure.

  “Tell the new blood if she returns, this is on her hands. But she can save the boy if she wishes. Turn herself in and she can save his life.....a life for a life...that’s what he said.”

  I shake my head at his words, like I ain’t hearing right. The Prezedant, he did this...he killed all these people...that innocent young’un, because of me? What have I done? And Ben! Now he had Ben! That was my fault too. We had been so close. Ben was here...I had seen him! I could have went back and helped him but I didn’t ‘cause I had chosen to listen to Jax! And now he was snatched away again! It ain’t fair!

  “Tara...” Jax says still grasping my shoulders but as grateful as I had been earlier for his support, his touch now feels as if it’s making my skin crawl. Ben was gone
again...taken away from me ‘cause I had been stupid enough to believe in Jax’s empty promises! I lay my hands flat against his chest and shove him away from me…hard! He staggers backward but he don’t fall.

  “This is your fault!” I hiss at him, lashing out angrily, needing to take the crippling pain out on someone. I can see his eyes open wide in wounded shock at my words but I don’t stop.

  “We were so close...last night...I wanted to go back! I wanted to go get him! But you talked me out of it...I let you talk me out of it! Now the Prezedant has him and I ain’t ever going to see him again!” I shove him again, wanting so badly to hurt him, but he don’t say nuthin, he just keeps staring at me.

  “This is your fault Jax!” I scream it at him, furiously.

  I turn and run then....I cain’t be around them any more. I ignore the voices calling my name ‘cause I can feel the anger rising, the blood catching fire and I’m scared to be around them. I’m scared for what I would do to Jax. So I run...into the darkness, away from the mine and Littlepass. I run and run ‘til I ain’t got no breath left and I finally fall to my knees in the dirt. I stay there for a bit, on my hands and knees gasping, the soldier’s words bouncing around in my head. A life for a life. A life for a life. I say the words over and over again like a chant ‘til my anger disappears and my blood cools down. A life for a life.

  I take a couple more ragged breaths then release them....give myself a mental shake. I can feel calmness overtake me and my next breath is even...controlled. All the fear and anxiety I feel for Ben, it solidifies ‘round the chant in my head forming one rational thought, and the idea of it...of what I have to do now strikes me with intense clarity. A life for a life. If that’s how it had to be. If it was a life the Prezedant required, then let it be his own ‘cause it sure as hell wasn’t going to be mine.

  I can hear the voices off in the distance still calling for me...Jax and Mack. I know I should answer them. I should go back. I have to go back. Ben was depending on me. His life probably depended on me, and if the only way to get him back meant becoming what so many believed the gods had decreed, then so be it.