Sincerely, Carter

by Whitney G.

  I couldn’t answer. He was circling his thumb around my clit and sucking my nipple even harder.

  “Should I take your silence as a yes?” He slipped a finger inside of me and I barely managed a nod.

  His eyes met mine and he smiled, not asking anything else.

  He took a pillow from his side of the bed and positioned it underneath my lower thigh. Pressing his lips against my forehead first, he slowly kissed his way down my body—teasingly darting his tongue against every inch of my skin.

  When he made it to my stomach, he spread my legs apart and blew warmer kisses against me. Then he suddenly pulled me forward and buried his face into my pussy.

  My hands immediately grabbed his head, trying to push him away, to fight it, but he paid me no attention. He sucked my clit into his mouth—flicking his tongue against it repeatedly.

  In utter bliss, I writhed against his mouth, and he held me still—not letting me get away.

  “Carter…” I murmured. “Carter…”

  He didn’t answer. He released my swollen clit from his lips and slipped two fingers in and out of me—pushing them deeper each time I said his name.

  “Come on my face, Ari…” he whispered and I leaned back against the pillows—shutting my eyes and letting another orgasm rip through my body.

  I kept my eyes shut until I could feel my legs again.

  When I finally did open them, I saw Carter looking at me with an “Are you okay?” expression on his face.

  I nodded and a slight smile crossed his face. He got another washcloth and wiped between my legs. Then he stared at me for several minutes, not saying anything for a while.

  “I’ll be right back,” he finally spoke, disappearing into my bathroom.

  I heard the water turn on, heard him brushing his teeth, and I rolled over before he came back.

  Fully sated, I smiled—still in utter disbelief about

  1) How good that fucking felt and

  2) That I’d just slept with my best friend.

  “Goodnight, Ari,” Carter whispered into my ear, rolling me over to face him.

  Or, so I thought.

  He rolled me on top of him and then to the other side of the bed. “You hate sleeping on the right side, remember?” he whispered, and then, with one arm wrapped around my waist, he told me to go to sleep.

  It was much easier that time…

  Track 11. I Knew You Were Trouble (1:55)

  Shit…

  Tenth Grade

  Subject: Basketball tryouts.

  I think I’m going to try out for the practice squad next week. If I get selected, they say I won’t be eligible to play varsity until my junior year. You think I’ll make the cut?

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  Subject: Re: Basketball tryouts.

  Yeah. From what I recall, you’re pretty good, although I think your ego is already big enough. Do you really need any more attention from the girls at our school? … You may also have to explain those two tattoos you have on your arm when you get your uniform. (Still can’t believe your mom took you, a minor, to get them…)

  Wait a minute…Isn’t the reading of your dad’s will today? (It’s rude to email during stuff like that…)

  Hoping you’re okay,

  Arizona

  Subject: Re: Re: Basketball tryouts.

  I already told the coach I have tattoos. He said that if I’m any good, most people won’t care, and that I wouldn’t be the first high school basketball player to have tattoos. (I still can’t believe that she acknowledges she’s a “mom.”)

  My dad’s will reading is over. (It’s rude to leave your only son and cheat on your wife…)

  I’m more than okay.

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Basketball tryouts.

  Where are you?

  Still hoping you’re okay,

  Arizona

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Basketball Tryouts

  In my room.

  I told you I was okay already. (Trust me.)

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  I put my phone on silent and leaned back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Today had been one of the worst days of my life, so I was lining up things to make tomorrow better: I was going to have sex after school with my girlfriend if she wasn’t still upset with me for not telling her why I hadn’t been to school for the past three days. (I refused to talk about my family with anyone.) I was also going to go back to my favorite sketchy tattoo parlor and get another tattoo on the inside of my arm—some type of tree so I could add onto it for years to come. Then, I’d probably need to spend some time with Arizona at the end of the day. Being around her always made things better for some reason.

  I grabbed my white earbuds from the nightstand and placed them into my ears, shutting my eyes and drifting to sleep.

  Or, so I thought.

  Just as my favorite album began to play, one of the earbuds was ripped from my ear, and a blur of pink and purple crawled over me and took over the left side of my bed.

  Arizona.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Did my mom let you in?”

  “You really think that?” She dangled a silver bracelet in front of my face. “I told you I made a copy of your house key in shop class months ago. Your mom is passed out on the couch…”

  “Of course she is…” I said. “Well, I need to be alone so I can think. So, no offense, but I don’t really want your goddamn company right now, and since you had to literally break into my house to even see me, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

  “Okay.” She stared at me, blinking. Then she put my left earbud into her ear and reclined against my pillows.

  “Did you hear what I said, Arizona? Do I need to repeat it?”

  “I heard you perfectly,” she said, motioning for me to lie back down next to her. “You said you were going to ask me to leave because you don’t want my company. So, when you actually ask me to leave, I will…”

  Her eyes met mine and I knew she could tell that I was far from okay, that I was an emotional wreck today, and that I did really want her to stay.

  Instead of fighting the facts, I lay next to her and put the other earbud in my right ear. “You being here today and seeing me like this didn’t happen.”

  “It never does…”

  Track 12. The Moment I Knew (4:09)

  I stood in Arizona’s kitchen the morning after we’d had sex, brewing a fresh cup of coffee. Two of her roommates, Jenny and Heather, were standing across from me—waiting for the timer to sound.

  “You know you can technically get coffee as it’s brewing right?” I asked, noticing that they were staring at my chest.

  “I’m aware.” Jenny blushed. “Just waiting like you are…”

  “I actually did not know that…” Heather stepped forward and held her mug under the coffee machine. “Learn something new every day. Just in case I don’t see her today, will you tell Arizona to pick up some dish soap when she wakes up? It’s her turn.”

  “I will.” I nodded.

  The timer went off and Jenny stepped forward, deliberately rubbing her mug against my chest before holding it under the coffee machine. “Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” She laughed.

  “Anyway,” Heather said, ignoring Jenny. “In addition to the dish soap, could you also tell her to get us some more coffee? It’s her turn for that, too.”

  “Noted.” I noticed Jenny was still touching me. “Don’t you need to get to work?”

  She blushed again and stepped back. “Whenever you want me to leave my boyfriend for you, just say the word. Say the word…”

  “I won’t.” I laughed.

  “You will.” She sipped her coffee and headed toward the door, laughing back. “I’ll be awaiting that phone call!”

  I waited for them to leave, made sure the car had revved up and pulled out of the driveway before I sat down.

  My mind im
mediately attempted to process what the hell had happened last night in a series of frames: Movie. Laughter. Uninterrupted Kiss. Sex. Sex with Arizona. Sex again with Arizona. Sex with my best friend for as long as I could fucking remember, Arizona…

  “Morning.” She walked into the kitchen wearing a plush white robe, avoiding my eyes.

  “Morning.”

  “Did you or one of my roommates make the coffee?”

  “I did.”

  “So, there’s no hazelnut?”

  “No.” I stood up and made her a cup, adding the hazelnut shots that I always left out whenever I made the coffee. While I was adding her usual three packets of artificial sweetener, she took a seat on the barstool across from me, still avoiding my gaze.

  “What do you have planned for this weekend?” I slid her mug across the counter.

  “My usual summer weekend routine: Gayle’s with you at some point, stealing a class from the culinary school and hoping I won’t get kicked out. Oh, and late night drinks with Nicole on Sunday.”

  “If she doesn’t stand you up.”

  “Yes. If she doesn’t stand me up.” She took a long sip of her coffee—finally letting her eyes meet mine. “What about you?”

  “Gayle’s with you at some point…I have some errands I need to run and I need to pick up a few books on the law school’s summer reading list. I’ll probably do something with Josh as well.”

  Silence.

  She brought her mug to her lips and tilted it higher, nearly downing the entire cup.

  “Your roommates want you to know that they need you to buy more coffee and dish soap,” I said. “They claim it’s your turn so whenever you get a chance—”

  “We’re really not going to talk about last night?” She cut me off. “We’re just going to act like that shit didn’t happen?”

  “No.” I smiled. “What part do you want to talk about, Ari?”

  “How about the part where my best friend since fourth grade fucked me? Or maybe we should discuss the part where he took my silence and utter shock to mean that I wanted him to perform cunnilingus on me? Yeah, you know what? Let’s start there. Shall we?”

  “First of all, I’ve been your best friend since fifth grade. I hated you in fourth grade, and we didn’t start speaking cordially until the end of the year. Long after you got me in trouble for like the fiftieth time.”

  “Out of all the things I just said, that’s what you want to discuss first?”

  “No.” I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. “So, we had sex last night. It happened, and from what I recall, you weren’t very ‘silent’ about anything…”

  Her jaw dropped and I laughed, shutting her lips with my fingers.

  “I’m kidding,” I said. “I don’t think we have to have an intervention-type discussion about it, though. Last night doesn’t change anything between us.”

  “You promise?”

  “I do.”

  “Do you also promise to never talk about it, or let it happen again because we don’t want to lose each other as friends, and we both know that sex ruins friendships? Undeniably and inevitably ruins them?”

  “Is that a question or a statement?”

  “It’s both…”

  “In that case, yes.” I cupped her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. “We won’t let it happen again because we both value our friendship too much.”

  “Good…” She exhaled. “So, just to be clear, last night never happened.”

  “Correct.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and stepped back. “I was never here.”

  “Great.” She slid off the barstool. “Well, I’m going to get ready for a class and then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Gayle’s...Can you pick me up around eleven thirty?”

  “I can.”

  We stared at each other in silence, not saying anything else.

  “Okay, well…” She stepped back. “It’s only nine so…You go home, I’ll stay here, and, um…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  I averted my gaze away from her lips. “Sounds about right.”

  “Oh, and Carter?” She looked at me.

  “Yeah?”

  “It was definitely fourth grade. We became best friends in fourth grade.”

  “You need to let that go.” I laughed and headed for the door. “It was definitely fifth.”

  I couldn’t make the shower water hot enough. I needed it to tear at my skin harder, faster. Regardless of what I’d said to Arizona at her place, it was going to take a hell of a lot for me to forget last night for a number of reasons: One, it was hands down the best sex I’d ever had in my life. Two: Her soft pleas and moans were still playing through my mind on repeat. And three: I’d actually felt something while we were looking into each other’s eyes at one point, something that had never happened to me during sex before.

  Shit…

  Frustrated by the water, I turned it off and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked into my kitchen.

  “Long night?” Josh set his newspaper down and looked up at me.

  “Not really. Just stayed over at Ari’s.”

  “Let me guess, she made you watch another one of those boring ass cooking shows and ‘allowed’ you to sleep on her couch?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Ridiculous.” He stood up and followed me over to the fridge. “I need you to explain something important to me.”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” I said. “It’s very true what your last ex-girlfriend said: You really can’t dress for shit.”

  “Forget you, man.” He laughed. “I want to know how you continue to do it.”

  “How I continue to do what?”

  “How are you still ‘just friends’ with a girl?”

  “Do you realize that you and I have this same exact conversation every six months?”

  “I know, and I’m not knocking you and Arizona. I know you two are strictly platonic, I’m just wondering about this in general. Like, how do you never consider crossing the line?” He leaned back against the counter. “I’m only asking because since we’ll both be going to law school in the fall, and I think that’s what I need to pick up—a girl who’s just a friend.”

  “They don’t sell friends in stores…”

  “Come on, tell me. How do you do it?”

  A memory from last night, one of Ari whispering my name as she came against my mouth suddenly crossed my mind. “You just go in having that in mind, and you should probably learn how to be a friend to her, too. Don’t make things sexual like you tend to do.”

  “Right…Well, what if the girl looks like Ari, though? How does someone like me, someone with balls—unlike you, not act upon that?”

  Ari’s face post-orgasm crossed my mind again. “You just…Don’t. I guess.”

  “Okay, okay, okay.” He tapped the counter. “You. Me. The Bakery Bar. Tonight. Instead of a one night stand, we’re going to find me a platonic friend. The uglier, the better.”

  “I’m honestly ashamed to call you my friend sometimes.”

  “The feeling is mutual, buddy.” He grabbed a bottle of water and returned to the couch.

  When I was sure he was deeply engrossed in his reading again, I poured myself an early shot of vodka and tossed it back. I was definitely going to need to be buzzed to keep my mind off Ari’s lips for the next few hours…

  Or days.

  Or…shit.

  Again…

  Track 13. The Last Time (4:56)

  The sex was a mistake…Just a one-time mistake…

  I repeated those words all morning long until I halfway believed them, until I made my way into the class I was currently stealing: Pastry Design.

  I took an apron off the rack and found a seat in the back, waiting to see if there would be a no-show today so I would have a station to use, but to my surprise, there was one with my name on it.

  In utter disbelief, I slowly stepped forward—running my fingers across the
lettering to make sure it was real. Then I noticed that there was a note next to my name, so I opened it and read:

  How ironic is it that the best person in the class isn’t really in the class at all?

  This is only for the summer…

  —Chef Brandt

  PS—I want to talk to you about some other culinary programs that may be good for your future career…

  I looked up and saw him nodding at me from the front of the room, a quick sign of approval.

  Grateful, I took today’s assignment card out of the pocket, hoping it would be something intricate enough to keep my mind off of Carter.

  Today’s assignment:

  You are to make a soufflé using only the ingredients in your fridge.

  Today’s theme is “Unrelenting Passion: Just One Night.”

  I dropped the card to the ground.

  Hours later, after my “professor” made me fill out a few applications for four of the top culinary programs in the world, I found myself walking along the shore barefoot—letting the warm winds knock at me left and right.

  No matter how badly I’d tried to think about something else today, anything else, Carter’s rough touches, kisses, and caresses kept coming to mind. I guessed the dirty sex part about him was true, but a part of me couldn’t help but want to believe that last night was about a little something more than just sex.

  No, stop it…Just sex…Just friends…

  I pulled out my phone and called Nicole.

  “Hey there!” She answered on the first ring. “How are you today?”

  “Good. How are you?”

  “Great! I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night. I’m going to drop off some drinks and snacks at your place on my way to work tomorrow, so we can drink before and after the club. I even got us some DVDs.”

  “You were serious about having a slumber party after we go out?”

  “Totally. I am determined to make Josh’s party up to you.”

  “It’s not that big of a deal, I swear. The thought is appreciated, though.”